Gay Hitler
“Absolutely FABULOUS!”
“This article is so stereotypical that the author's probably homosexual himself.”
Adolfo "Gay" Hitler was the huge dictator and queen of the fabulous Third Reich during the gay time 1934-1945. Some historians argue that he in fact was bi, since he in his lifetime married both Stalin and Eva Braun. But that is off course just a bunch of total crap. Exactly like this article, according to some wiseguys... But they're right though, the wiseguys, not the historians...
Background[edit | edit source]
Little Adolfo was born 1889 in Braunau-am-Inn, Imperial Austria-Hungary. This is the same as for Adolf Hitler, but they're not the same person or even related. Adolfo Hitler is acctually closer related to that Baltic Jewish family named Hitler. Anyway, due to their outer similarity they often got confused with each other and took each others place. Hard to believe? Well clearly you've never seen "Life of Brian". And with that clear it can finally be relieved that the real Hitler got gased, wearing a pink triangle.
The Drag Queen years[edit | edit source]
Ever since he had been a child he had dreamt about performing as a drag queen in Berlin. So he left Vienna, to wich he had moved to for studies, and went to the German capital.
It is debated if Hitler was gay before becoming a drag queen. During his time in Vienna he had many heterosexual friends, and his father Alois often told him that "to be gay is to lack a lot of culture", and in his own book Adolfo wrote that "no man under 30 should talk about his sexual views".
Rise to power[edit | edit source]
Well, something did rise. There was a hole that had to be filled in Germany after WW1. And Gay Hitler was just the right man for it. He had successful ideas about "Slave & Master" in his politics, and they were highly enjoined. His erotic speeches about "Herrenvolk" got straight to the heart of young German men. And when he had gotten into the Reichtag there was no going back. He came, and he was there to stay. (But the lazy bastard made someone else clean it up.)
Beer Hall Putsch/Hitlerputsch[edit | edit source]
A weekend in 1923 Hitler and his "just friends" were searching for a place to host a Nazi Party in Munich. Unfortunately no gay-bar could be found there, so tired of discriminating they tried to seize power, and failed. Gay Hitler himself was sentenced to prison, a penalty that he happened to appreciate. A lot.
Night of the Long Knives/Nacht der langen Messer[edit | edit source]
The killing of SA-leaders were actually referred to as the Röhm putsch, the headline refers to a completely different matter.
Anyway, soon after the SA got replaced by the SS, a manlier, more brutal organization, with a greater fetish for BDSM. Now Hitler could grab a really tight hold onto the power in Germany.
Kristallnacht[edit | edit source]
One day Adolfo wanted some Jewish jewellery, so he asked the men in SA and SS to get some. It developed into a competition who could bring him the finest jewellery and it got violent and ugly with the result that a high number of Jewish stores went up destroyed. Now that seemed bad, off course, so Hitler ordered his minister of propaganda Goebbels to fix it. What he didn't thought of was that it now looked as it had been done on purpose.
“Who cares, I'm busy watching Sex and the City.”
Famous quotes[edit | edit source]
“He had very sexy legs. I wouldn't mind a piece of that. Mmm, mmm, good. [Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]”
“I like this Hitler better than that other one...”
“I like the concept, but you really need to work with the interior...”
Sight on women[edit | edit source]
In Hitlers opinion, women was only good for giving birth. Yet he tried to copy them in every possible way. So it seems that he held them on pedestal and wanted them to stay down in the mud at the same time. Maybe that was just because his love for clay statues.
Getting out from the closet[edit | edit source]
In 1945 Hitler fell in love with Eva Braun and went into a personal crisis. He no longer knew who he was, but had to admit to the fact that he was straight. So he married her. But the shame was unbearable. He thought that he had let everybody down by living in a lie. He committed suicide, and so did Eva, for she could not live without him. You think that's contradicting? Gay Hitler being straight? Well remember that he was extreme-right and yet called himself a socialist. Remember the fact that he promised the Japanese to fight communism, and then got allied with the Soviet Union. Remember that he could paint but failed to get into art school. Remember that he clearly knew history and yet repeated its mistakes. Remember that he saw blondes as most valuable when himself being black-haired. Remember that he...
See also[edit | edit source]
| Fear their wrath, and beware their contrived names. If you are still confused about which one you want, you were probably much better off with Original Hitler. | |
| Hitler the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Satan Claus' favorite ride. | HONK HONK! Don't be sad with Clown Hitler |
| Darth Hitler: Join the white side, we have baths :) | Watch out, Poland! It's the Attack of the 50ft Hitler |
| Hadolf Itler: The Jews' greatest ally. | You shouldn't drop your soap around Gay Hitler |
| Adolf Hitler, Jr.: He's got the sadism from pappa! | The official nazi indoctrination channel: UK Hitler Channel |
| Everyone is Hitler: Because in this world, anybody can be Hitler... | ...well, anybody except for, of course, I Can't Believe It's Not Hitler |
| Evil Illuminati Adolf Hitler Clone Society: The folks behind this madness | |
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| If you are still unsatisfied with these Hitlers, you can always check out even... | |
| More Hitlers | |