'istan

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Istanbul?

This is an incomplete article. The author may be too lazy to finish it and/or deeply hungover/stoned/dead. The continuation of this article is welcome mandatory.

The Middle East and its 'istans

'istan is a generalization used to describe any Middle Eastern or ex-Russian countries that end in 'istan', such as Pakistan, Kurdistan and Funkistan, as well as some that don't, such as Qataristan and Kazakhistan. The approximate number of countries in the Middle East alone ending in 'istan remain at an estimated 44 million, some so small and pointless that they span only a few meters in diameter, such as the newest country of the 'istan Union, Frankdrebinistan created by madman and police officer Lt. Frank Drebin.

History

Iran "The Madman" Habu Bigbeardi often took on the role as statue.

The first 'istan recorded in history was found in the Bible 470 years before Jesus was born. Eurasistan spanned some 50,000 miles and covered most of the modern European and Asian shelf. They worshiped a great leader named King Stan, who clamed to be a messenger of God who they paid homage to every day by dancing the Charleston, which back than was called the 'Stanlyton', but a harsh cvil war had already begun to split the countery in two, North and South Eurasistan.

40 Years later North Eurasistan elected a new king while the south just became known as "Asia", Charlie, which many of the Stan-worshippers saw as being sent by a false god, and that Stan was the only true leader of their vastly pointless kingdom of sand. They came to denounce these 'Charlies' who renamed their Stanlyton-style of praying the 'Charleston'.

This inevitably led to another conflict between the Charlies and the Stanlies which would again lead to a national divide, though the Charlies clamed that Stan pointed them to a new god to help better the world or some such dribble, hence the Charlies renamed their country "Charlie-Stan" or Charlistan in honor of both kings. However the kings disagreed with this action their subjects had taken, and Stan and Charlie ended up in a drunken fight, late one Arabian night.

Stan, despite his small stature was able to maneuver through Charlie's legs and avoid his large fists, causing Charlie to fall forwards when Stan literally kicked his buttocks, causing him to fall over in to the Dead Sea. In the morning the two made up, but Charlie was too embarrassed to be a king anymore and took to selling vacuum cleaners, Charlistan however kept its name.

Iranistan and Iraqistan

Stan "The Man" in 390 BC

After Charlie Quit in 390 BC, the rambunctious twins Iran and Iraq Habu Bigbeardi applied for a double position in "kingdoming" the Middle East, and although a double reign had never been tested on a live population. Of humans anyway. Stan accepted their applications and welcomed them to their new jobs and countries, Iranistan and Iraqistan, but split the countery in to counteryies of their own many years later after tentions and fractions and bla bla bla...

For a nice round number of years, rounded off to the nearest decimal point, the two kingsruled over their countries with little trouble until the coming of the a false god named Allah Muslimi Islamabad Mohammed Angela Moyra Darling in 60 AD who clamed to be the "one true God, so holy that his face was not to be seen, hence it was always covered by a tea towl.