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Hey bro, this is part of a competition that ends on the 10th, all articles will be nominated on vfh then! You can take part in the competition [[Forum:Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum|here]] but stay assured we will nom the article for VFH in due time since it is the rule! Glad you liked it, but you were a little fast on the gun there! :P {{User:Mattsnow/sig}} 23:38, April 6, 2012 (UTC) |
Hey bro, this is part of a competition that ends on the 10th, all articles will be nominated on vfh then! You can take part in the competition [[Forum:Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum|here]] but stay assured we will nom the article for VFH in due time since it is the rule! Glad you liked it, but you were a little fast on the gun there! :P {{User:Mattsnow/sig}} 23:38, April 6, 2012 (UTC) |
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| − | :God damn! It seems like every time I Nom a so-called "RECENT ARTICLE" it gets canceled and I get shit for my efforts! What the fuck is it doing in RECENT ARTICLES? It's embarrassing and discouraging. It was "fast on the gun" to be listed in recent articles. It'll never happen again, I assure you!--{{User:Funnybony/sig}} <small><small>02:06, Apr 7</small></small> |
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| − | ::You still [[Forum:Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum|can join in the fun bro!]] No problem there at all. {{User:Mattsnow/sig}} 02:17, April 7, 2012 (UTC) |
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| − | :::What fun? If an article is not ready then don't put in recent articles. I got better things to do than get screwed up.--{{User:Funnybony/sig}} <small><small>02:22, Apr 7</small></small> |
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| − | ::::Every thing is as smooth as a cashmere cod piece. This talk page needs more [[soma]]! You were not to know about the competition dude, and we know it's no ones fault. Maybe the article should not have been listed in the list of recent articles... I just deleted the nomination rather than closed it because it was an cleaner way of handling this unusual situation of having a competition and such with a closing date in the future. You should be able to continue nominating as you were, as this is a very rare occurrence. This kinda stuff goes down sometimes, and it's all good. Well, if anyone is to blame it's probably Aleister. He's usually to blame. {{User:MrN9000/sig}} <small><small>02:27, Apr 7</small></small> |
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| − | ::::Simple! If an article is not ready to Nom then it is not ready to be in recent articles. Make that a friggin rule. I have better things to do than get screwed up!--{{User:Funnybony/sig}} <small><small>02:31, Apr 7</small></small> |
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| − | :::::I took it out. You can do stuff like that yourself also dude. Users are "allowed" to do most things which admins do. Especially if they know what they are doing. Anyway, [http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/index.php?title=Template%3ARecent&diff=cur&last=prev this] is the edit where {{U|Xamralco}} added it. He probably did not know that it was not ready. It's not his, article, it's Matts. It's also not anyone's fault or error. Just an old fashioned miss under standing. ;) {{User:MrN9000/sig}} <small><small>02:37, Apr 7</small></small> <small>(not to be missunderstood)</small> |
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Revision as of 17:15, 7 April 2012
BS
Happy 2012
How is the new year going so far FB? All the best. --
RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 12:00, December 31, 2011 (UTC)
Hey you!
Happy New Year, the bestest New Year and Year you've ever had, that iz my wishes to you. Good to see you walking the halls of uncyclopedia, I think I just saw you go into the tofu lounge. And are you going to get involved in the "Walk into a bar" collab? Aleister 11:47 31-12-'11 but 2012 to you!
UnSignpost - January 5th, 2012
We're delivering it to your door anyways!
January 5th, 2012 • Issue 152 • Stop, drop and roll!
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'Tis the season to be voting
 It's that time of year once again; the time when Uncyclopedians link arms and stride into the glorious light of a new dawn of a new year. It is also when we hold our annual brown-nosing competitions otherwise known as the yearly awards. Now you and all your friends can vote on Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year, RadicalX of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year as well as WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to go and vote on all the userspace awards. We were able to speak to Romartus as he prepared to start all his voting: "I don't know whose dreams to crush first!" he squealed at our correspondent like a child on Christmas morning; assuming that child was also frothing at the mouth and twitching. Thekillerfroggy got the awards off to splendid start on Sunday, by nominating Zombiebaron for both Potatochopper of the year and Uncyclopedian of the year and doubtless picking out a wedding dress for the day he finally plucks up the courage to propose to him. The homicidal amphibian also nominated Black flamingo11 for Writer of the Year and was incredibly sickening in doing that as well. Commenting on this in an off-the-record interview TKF said "It's January, the one month out of the year where we suck each other off for a while." If only we could have spent Christmas at his house. Alas we must now stop reporting on the substance of the nominations and votes as the vomit in the office is beginning to reach knee level.  The scores are far more interesting to report on since the usual practice of seeing who can concede to their valiant opponents in the most heart-warming fashion isn't quite under-way as nobody thinks they are far enough in the lead to risk it. Writer of the Year is being lead by Sog1970 who would doubtless be thrilled by the news were he aware of it, as it is he hasn't edited in ten days and was probably killed seven days ago in a horrendous tram accident. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Zombiebaron, TKF's husband to be. Naturally he had a comment to make and it was to say "Zombiebaron" to all his loyal supporters. Over on Potatochopper of the Year Lyrithya appears to be trouncing the competition already much to the delight of Aleister, we assume, we never understand what he's saying and our interpreter is out of the office until the end of the month. The only person this news will upset is Lyrithya herself who professes to find awards "Upsetting and distracting." This is apparently not compensated for by the unbridled joy of crushing one's opponents and asserting your superiority over your fellow man. The excitement! Who will win? Hold onto your hats folks there's another 26 days of thrilling voting to get through before we find out! From the desk of the Cabal: Resistance unnecessary in 2012
 Another year vanishes into the swirling mists of yesterday and it is once again time for the non-existent Cabal to address you, the filthy under-people. As always the Cabal wishes you a happy new year and is more than happy to execute ten filthy under-people for every filthy under-person who refuses to have a happy new year. It did not escape our attention that once again you have failed us. Last year we recommended complete compliance and abiding at every possible opportunity, yet in 2011 we saw two VFS votes, four new administrators and two new bureaucrats. It seems we must remind you that a secretive cabal isn't much use if everybody on Uncyclopedia is included within it. We also witnessed deletions of important pages in the name of "seeing how things work", namespaces, admin experiments and a skin change. You continued to persecute the weak amongst you and generally behave like the loathsome, occasionally funny[1], group of monkeys we know you to be. Your single saving grace is that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 closed a week before the end of the year, however the page is soiled with bacon, ponies and the unregulated prattling of Roman Dog Bird in no less than 30 of the reflections. Such foolishness does not amuse the cabal. Now our all-seeing eyes must turn to 2012. This year it is recommended that users unquestioningly accept any changes that may or may not be made to the wiki, editing should not be undertaken without obtaining a certificate of normalcy from your divisional sub-prefect, remain indoors, do not attempt to breach the walls. The good ship Uncyclopedia must sail onwards and without all of the filthy galley-slaves we cannot arrive at the distant shores of... well that need not concern you. That is all voters, you may now continue to maintain the complex.
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Greetings
I have gone through my records and it appears as though you may have voted for me for some award, supported one or more of my articles on VFH, or supported one or more of my images on VFP, in the past year or so. If this is not the case, then please ignore this message. Otherwise, thank you for your support. May you have a long and fruitful life, and have many parasites. ~ 
18:57, 6 January 2012
UnSignpost - 12 January 2012
The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!
January 12th, 2012 • Issue 153 • You may fire when ready.
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TAW!
 TAW! TAW! That's the sound the Article Whisperer would make if it was a bird! It isn't, of course, but you understand. This is the news that The Article Whisperer closed for judging on Monday. In MadMax's unending quest to prove himself more efficient than anyone who has ever run the PLS, the competition has already named the victor in the category Best Most Wanted Article, and the winner of the best article that you want the most to be the best was Lyrithya, who took the opportunity to disturb us all with an article on Twilight. In case you're worried you'll catch the gay from reading it, the crux of the matter, according to Lyrithya, is that things are hard, and having a boyfriend is impotent (it's like important but spelled differently). Speaking after posting the competition wrap-up 12 days before the competition wraps up, MadMax denied claims that he was jumping the gun somewhat, calling such suggestions "Preposterous pointless poppycock". Pleasing alliteration aside, preposterous pointless poppycock is very much the remit of the UnSignpost. The competition is accepting judgements from competition judges until the 16th; it remains to be seen how MadMax handles the usual competition finishing problems: everyone, including several people who didn't participate, tying for first place in one of the categories and one of the judges suddenly vanishing two hours before the deadline. Never forget that Aleister cannot be trusted.  A quick update on the yearly awards: Zombiebaron is still triumphantly leading the pack on Uncyclopedian of the Year, Lyrithya still hates awards and Shabidoo thinks the best way to get round this is to ignore everything she says. Satanic messages abound over on Writer of the Year, as all three leading competitors have scored six each; Mhaille is also present, scoring a much more acceptable four in his yearly quest not to be writer of the year. Potty is a much more straightforward affair with Lyrithya destroying all competition. Clearly she only dislikes competing for things when she isn't certain that she will win. That's all for this week; keep those voting fingers voting! Who Cares?
 Looking back at this shitty doggy smelly piece of shit, I cannot help but realise the true beauty of not caring. Through the days of editing, not caring has saved my life more than once. I didn't care about the mince pies. Nor did I care about the French and Indian War. I mean, seriously? A French and Indian War? LOL. Why am I telling you this? Because I want YOU to stop caring about something. Does one not relish the true beauty of not caring? Do you not see what are the results of this beautiful action could be? I told Magic man this and he turned me into a frog. Again. Anyways, if you stop caring about something, you will realise the true result of not caring! I mean, look, some users stopped caring about VFH, and let me tell you, they're having a wonderful time now! Well, except for one of the admins, who said: "Oh, Popsy! If you stop caring about articles, you're in trouble!". Oh, ha ha, nice joke. There appeared to be a problem for a while because after not caring about VFH for a few days, I couldn't edit any pages for a week. Weird. Some weird-ass picture popped out saying some bullcrap - "You can watch Uncyclopedia but you can't shag the shit," or something like that. My aim is to have a certain topic with so little caring, it should be under the Nobody Cares category. Can we do that? I think so! Just stop caring about something! I don't care what you stop caring about and you shouldn't care if I care that you are/aren't caring about what you normally care about! So what are you waiting for? STOP CARING NOW! Important announcement
You all remember the Pee Review? It needs more people reviewing. It also needs more people who say they're going to review things to actually review things, and people who request reviews to review stuff themselves. So this is an announcement announcing that I, Lyrithya, will feed anyone who doesn't review stuff to my cat. Seriously, she's hungry and I'm broke and this was the best thing I could come up with. |
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~ 
I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:00, 12 January 2012
UnSignpost - 19 January 2012
The periodical without any junk in its trunk!
January 19th, 2012 • Issue 154 • Remember to proofread! The red penis your friend!
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We're all going to die!
 Death is coming. What's that noise? Death. Who's that at the door? It's death. Death will come for you, just as it is coming for Uncyclopedia, freedom and the American way. This week sees the UnSignpost tackling two issues, the first of which is SOAP. January 18th this year was in fact something more than simply another day where I contemplated suicide as I trudged to the bus stop in the cold. This year it was the big exciting SOAP protest day. Uncyclopedia won't stand for SOAP, nor will it take it lying down. Wikipedia spent a tremendous amount of time coming up with the idea of blacking out all their articles to protest against SOAPn and while the UnSignpost, as you are well aware, often shies away from making political statements on issues such as this but in this case feels compelled to condemn Wikipedia for racism. We submit to you that blacking out ones articles on a day of protest implies that black is a worse colour than white, which as we all know is racist. Denizens of the internet, rise up - let Uncyclopedia protest by whiting out all of its articles because the only way to protest racism is to be racist but in the opposite direction. This SOAP stuff may seem dangerous, but a quick scrub and it's like you never used it; plus you smell nice. What a massive fuss over some SOAP. Next thing you'll be telling us that some sort of internet censorship programme is passing through the US congress, what an outrage that would be! Uncyclopedia, unfortunately, ignored us completely for that special day. Our suggestion of the slogan "Don't drop the SOPA!" was met with universal disdain; we even swapped a couple of the letters around to make it more passive aggressive. Racism abounded in the SOAP forum, with users suggesting black-outs, black-ins and white-ups. That is, until Matt lobster suggested that we simply make fun of Wikipedia like we normally do, then there was voting and then there were pop tarts. In other news, Uncyclopedia has no users and we are all going to die unloved and unmourned thousands of miles from home. Unless the latest figures are to be believed! Mattsnow has produced compelling evidence that Uncyclopedia is not in fact doomed. Speaking on Tuesday, Mattsnow said: "You can prove anything with statistics, which is why I've compiled this list of statistics to prove the other statistics wrong!". Obviously we attempted to get in touch with Dr. Skullthumper, who usually reminds us all why we're doomed and usually has a plan involving deleting most of our articles to save us from the fiery unpopular-on-the-internet circle of Hell. Unfortunately the good doctor was out, but there was a note reminding us all that Uncyclopedia is doomed and that we shouldn't believe a word of what Mattsnow says. We leave you to reflect on these issues, with Socky's analysis of the situation: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!" Uncyclopedia turns the light switch off to protest Wikipedia's blackout.
All through the wonders of css and js, Uncyclopedia did manage something after all in a last minute attempt to mimic Wikipedia. And, just like on Wikipedia, by doing something as simple as disabling Javascript, users quickly found they could turn the light back on. Or they could have added " In conclusion, OMG, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!! |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 15:05, 19 January 2012
UnSignpost - 26 January 2012
In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!
January 26th, 2012 • Issue 155 • CAKE!
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Phoning it in!
 That is exactly what I'm doing, I'm actually writing the UnSignpost from a phone, my phone, I'm not a thief or anything. As such it is a thoroughly miserable experience mitigated only by the feeling that nobody will be disappointed when, tomorrow morning, the UnSignpost arrives in the manner you have all come to expect. So what's happening on Uncyclopedia? I don't know, I'm still waiting for all the tabs I opened to load! It's Wikia's fault, I mean what the shit is this? I remember when I could use the internet on my phone from a car on a dark hill somewhere in the East Midlands and it wouldn't mean the complete lack of any functionality in the device. We won't see the like of last week again soon! I tell a lie when I say I couldn't start Uncyclopedia, I made it to the main page. Naturally I sobbed for ten minutes because I don't have any messages, much like I do in real life before realising that I wasn't logged in. Then I sobbed for another ten minutes when I realised that didn't make the slightest difference to the number of messages I had. So we have a feature, it looks excellent and I'm sure it is excellent voted on as it was by a Zombie, a dog and a man from Belgium! The forums actually loaded quite quickly on this brick with internet access that the people at HTC had the gall to refer to as "Quietly Brilliant". IMAGINE MY SURPRISE AT THE FIRST TOPIC: Forum:Fix the mobile site. I for one can attest to the truth behind this request; the mobile site is about as easy to navigate as a rave in a hedge maze, and slightly harder to find your way out of. Have a splendid week, I'm off now. As soon as I find the save button.
Found it.
Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 08:27, 26 January 2012
No one is writing you anymore
But even though I don't want to write you, or I may be ostrasized from the cool people "Whadz ya talkin' to 'im fer?" I must say that your false flag UnNews has you once again reaching masterpiece status if only people knew what you were preaching about. But the war will come and go, and people will watch sitcoms and laugh, and if anyone notices they will turn the station to see what else is on. Raise the flag, boys, another one is set to bite the dust! So to get people's minds off such serious business I'll put up a real UnNews story, and not a fake one like yours, about some monster or other. Aleister 10:48 29-1-'12
- Hey bro. This is a talk page, but I can only write here. I can't figure a way to talk. Anyway, good Unnews should actually serve a sarcastic purpose - if we let the globalist pigs know we're on to them - then maybe they will think twice. Otherwise it is standard proceedure. Write your state's comedian and warn them false flags are not funny. Cheers!!!--Funnybony
12:30, Jan 29
- Hey bro. This is a talk page, but I can only write here. I can't figure a way to talk. Anyway, good Unnews should actually serve a sarcastic purpose - if we let the globalist pigs know we're on to them - then maybe they will think twice. Otherwise it is standard proceedure. Write your state's comedian and warn them false flags are not funny. Cheers!!!--Funnybony
- Holy shit that new is horrible. Luckily I don't live there, otherwise I'd kill myself. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 10:57 29 January 2012
- And I meant scary, not horrible. The writer writes AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH- sentences like he'd trained it! OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 10:58 29 January 2012
So I heard you like boxing
I remember reading Mike Tyson and loving it like hell, I love boxing, and Al told me you do too. Did you know about the Oscar de la Hoya cross-dressing pictures taken on cocaine binges and that he recently admitted they were all real? Talk about going from hero to zero lol. So I have written an UnNews that may interest you! UnNews:There's 'gay' and then there's 'Oscar de la Hoya gay' - an editorial by Bill O'Reilly There's a lot more of his "kinky" pics on google images. I have nothing against gayness, but how stupid must one be to take those kinda pics when you're a celebrity??? 
Mattsnow 12:28, January 29, 2012 (UTC)
- I was in the NM state golden gloves at 15. And sparred with world Welterweight champ Emile Griffith ( spell ?). The best boxing article here is Jack Dempsey. Roberto Duran is good too. It seems like Oscar is taking success lessons from Paris Hilton - she was nothing before sucking some dude's dick on YouTube. Nothing besides rich, that was. Go figure! Cheers!!!--Funnybony 12:43, Jan 29
- Awesome! I always wondered how it's like in the ring, gotta try that one day. And I read the Duran article aready, great one too! I'll read the Dempsey one. After that interesting "fait divers" I think writing one on De La Hoya is a great mine of laughs!
Mattsnow 12:47, January 29, 2012 (UTC)
- Because I mentioned it I read Dempsey again, I haven't read it since it was featured a decade ago, and I lol lol lol. Made a few small edits, have a look FB to see if they're okay. I can't imagine reading that one out loud, I'd laugh too much. Excuse me for butting in here, I'm out now. Greepers. Al 12:55 29-1-'12
- I'm so mad. Don't ever do that again. Mattsnow 12:59, January 29, 2012 (0UTC)
- I'm so mad. Don't ever do that again.
- Because I mentioned it I read Dempsey again, I haven't read it since it was featured a decade ago, and I lol lol lol. Made a few small edits, have a look FB to see if they're okay. I can't imagine reading that one out loud, I'd laugh too much. Excuse me for butting in here, I'm out now. Greepers. Al 12:55 29-1-'12
- Awesome! I always wondered how it's like in the ring, gotta try that one day. And I read the Duran article aready, great one too! I'll read the Dempsey one. After that interesting "fait divers" I think writing one on De La Hoya is a great mine of laughs!
- I was in the NM state golden gloves at 15. And sparred with world Welterweight champ Emile Griffith ( spell ?). The best boxing article here is Jack Dempsey. Roberto Duran is good too. It seems like Oscar is taking success lessons from Paris Hilton - she was nothing before sucking some dude's dick on YouTube. Nothing besides rich, that was. Go figure! Cheers!!!--Funnybony
YYYEAAAHHHH
Some people are not desperate enough lol UnNews:Chinese claim Ron Paul unerectable Congrats on the feature, but it means a lot more to us all! Mattsnow 02:48, January 30, 2012 (UTC)
- Your UnNews output is incredible ! Mattsnow 02:53, January 30, 2012 (UTC)
- Thanks, bro! Man, it is scary how few people realize what is going on in the world. I would be ashamed if I had to admit not understanding the Paul story. The ignorance level here is almost as scary as the truth. People don't get it because they are clueless, mainstream-corp-media suckers - gad! Thanks for the successful Nom and kind words. I'll be in touch. Cheers!--Funnybony 13:27, Jan 30
- Thanks, bro! Man, it is scary how few people realize what is going on in the world. I would be ashamed if I had to admit not understanding the Paul story. The ignorance level here is almost as scary as the truth. People don't get it because they are clueless, mainstream-corp-media suckers - gad! Thanks for the successful Nom and kind words. I'll be in touch. Cheers!--Funnybony
Jim Bevel
Congrats on the Paul page, which only one in three people will get, and that one will laugh and laugh and laugh. Yo, I've finally nommed that James Bevel page, and could use a kick-start on the vote. I researched Bevel for months, months I tellz ya, and am still amazed at his story. Ron Paul is unerectable--lollollol. Thanks. Aleister 23:43 30-1-'12
- Thanks for the vlote! It'd be fun to get this featured. Did you have a look at the changes I made on Jack Demsey, tiny tweaks. Back in the day, when men were men and anvils were anvils. Al 14:05 30-1-'12
- Sure, bro. I was going to vote for MLKjr too, but it sounded like Wikipedia, maybe better than Wikipedia. It wasn't even trying to be funny. Yes, the Dempsey edits are fine. I'll be in touch. Cheers!--Funnybony 14:15, Jan 30
- I'm not taking any credit for the MLK page, it was in sad shape when I put a fix tag on it and then TKF nommed it for VFH! So I just softened the sick stuff a bit. Dempsey, I figure that page is one of my favorites here. If Tyson and Dempsey fought in their prime Tyson would have killed him, only because he was crazy and Dempsey was just anvilled. Al 14:18 30-1-'12
- p.s. well, the King page wasn't as bad as I thought, and I've made edits in the places where I was most uncomfortable. Now it reads a little more like a knock on Fox and the right-wingers and not as gross as a few minutes ago.
- I'm not taking any credit for the MLK page, it was in sad shape when I put a fix tag on it and then TKF nommed it for VFH! So I just softened the sick stuff a bit. Dempsey, I figure that page is one of my favorites here. If Tyson and Dempsey fought in their prime Tyson would have killed him, only because he was crazy and Dempsey was just anvilled. Al 14:18 30-1-'12
- Sure, bro. I was going to vote for MLKjr too, but it sounded like Wikipedia, maybe better than Wikipedia. It wasn't even trying to be funny. Yes, the Dempsey edits are fine. I'll be in touch. Cheers!--Funnybony
Everyone jump in!
Hello. I put the following update on the walk into a bar collab. The intent of this was to have uncyclopedia have the best original walk into a bar page on the innernests, and to edit it in some form or other like a collab. Everyone's invited, I just can't spam more than a few pages with invites or an admin will yank my chain (if I'm lucky), so please come and join in. Thanks. Aleister 17:35 2-2-'12
- The update: The call for original Walk into a bar stories continues, as many good writers and others are doing this page justice. It may take weeks or months to get it in shape. Please add your best original 'Walk into a bar' story either here or on the talk page. Please polish the joke or story enough so that you are happy with it. Can we make the best Walk into a bar page on the innernests? Maybe, and that would be fun. So please improve this page with your best and brighest.
- Bro, here is my bar joke HowTo:Tell another bar joke.--Funnybony 06:17, Feb 3
- Bro, here is my bar joke HowTo:Tell another bar joke.--Funnybony
UnSignpost - 3 February 2012
The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!
February 3th, 2012 • Issue 156 • There might be wild hungry cows on the loose!
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On Felonies And Awards
Hello. I was sitting in the study this evening, sipping imported white jasmine tea while reading Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus, Rachmaninoff's Symphony No. 2 in E Minor proudly flowing into the room by way of a full orchestra I had composed of Hungarian slave children I'd purchased on the black market, when it suddenly hit me. I realized that there should be a way to communicate to the Uncyclopedian community (as well as our friends down at the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who hold a free shrimp buffet every second Wednesday) that the yearly awards for 2011 had been recently voted on, tallied, and awarded to their respective award-winners. Then it hit me, again! "Reginald," I said to myself aloud, severely confusing the few English-speaking members of my illegal young orchestra, "Why not personally drive across the world in an old Ford Torino, spreading the excellent news to everyone?" This idea was bound to work. In short, it didn't work. I'd explain the whole sordid tale, but I need to leave room in this thing for the actual news itself, so without further adieu (I do, too), here are your 2011 "...Of The Year" winners.
Congratulations to all winners, formerly prospective winners, nominees who didn't have a shot in hell at becoming winners, and Virgil Gordon of the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who last week correctly guessed the exact number of jelly beans inside of the mason jar that was set out in front of the lodge. Unfortunately, no prize was associated with guessing that there were 592 beans in the jar, as it was not intended as a contest, but as a mere decoration. In the future, the lodge will explicitly state the purpose of all jelly bean-filled mason jars by way of a small cardboard sign propped up against the jar. The Top 10 Articles of 2011 voting is also finished, but all of them haven't been re-featured and listed yet, so we're not going to mention that we know the winners until next week. Thank you for your support
 Good morning, Uncyclopedians (or evening, or possibly afternoon, depending on where you happen to be when you happen to read this). It is with high honour and big words that I announce that I have the utmost appreciation for your fine community here; for all of the squabbles on discussion pages and intractable behavioural issues demonstrated therein, you all have yet again exceeded even the highest expectations. Yes, you had the courage and decency to support me in my quest for wiki-domination, elevating my to the position of sysop, an endeavour for which I am tremendously grateful. As much as it would please me to richly reward you all for this show of faith, however, I must regretfully inform you that as a sockpuppet and general test account of User:Lyrithya, I am not actually authorised to act in any capacity exceeding the plausible scope of productivity and the odd prank or two. My sincerest apologies. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:08, 3 February 2012
Wow
463 articles and unnews. This is getting crazy dude. MrN 
06:52, Feb 3
- Well, bro! I gotta make up for your absence. I'm glad to hear from you. Please send me an email with the latest - like, have you paid your carbon foot print tax lately? Whaaas up? Cheers!--Funnybony 08:56, Feb 3
- I'm sure I have it somewhere... They are trying to put some huge windmills up in the valleys in Wales near where I am staying... On one side of the valley they want to put windmills, on the other they want to put an huge waste incinerator. Make up your mind NWO do you want to burn stuff and make CO2 or not?!? ;) MrN
09:08, Feb 3
- I'm sure I have it somewhere... They are trying to put some huge windmills up in the valleys in Wales near where I am staying... On one side of the valley they want to put windmills, on the other they want to put an huge waste incinerator. Make up your mind NWO do you want to burn stuff and make CO2 or not?!? ;) MrN
- Well, bro! I gotta make up for your absence. I'm glad to hear from you. Please send me an email with the latest - like, have you paid your carbon foot print tax lately? Whaaas up? Cheers!--Funnybony
- 462 of them are really funny. I will never reveal the unfunny one....never. mAttlobster. (hello) 18:41, February 3, 2012 (UTC)
Happy Monkey contest
Do you know about the Happy Monkey contest for this weekend? It'd be fun to see you play in that. There's a place to sign up and everything. Are you surfing Recent changes yet? Sometime we have much to discuss and mull over, and I will bring oranges. Al 00:51 8-2-'12
Once again
Mattsnow 23:47, February 9, 2012 (UTC)
- Just put Dead Dicks on VFH. Good luck! Mattsnow 00:26, February 12, 2012 (UTC)
UnSignpost - 10 February 2012
The periodical without any junk in its trunk!
February 10th, 2012 • Issue 157 • Ack! Ack! Ack!
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Something happened this week.
 In the coming days, the aftershock of these events will come to a screaming peak, as countless forum topics are created, talk-page flamewars are started, and before you know it we're experiencing a virtual Titus Andronicus effect being enacted upon our peaceful wiki. When asked for comment, Modusoperandi will say something unrelated, yet witty, and we'll all step back for a moment and realize what's happening to us. We will then continue on in our back-and-forth for an indeterminate amount of time, probably zombifying the topic several times over before it finally fizzes out later on down the line, then being re-awoken and used to adopt new site policy. This, in turn, will spawn a similarly detailed UnSignpost story, if we're still around by then. Personally I blame this all on the one who was holding the watermelon at the time. You know who you are. You disgust me. Shit Happens Shit Happens all the time. Lets say ... you're drinking some kind of soda and it accidentally spills onto your shirt. Or you are biting on a burger when you accidentally choke to death but nobody cares. Or your penis falls off. Anyway, my point is, there are some negatives in life but you must learn to tolerate them .. especially when you're a fat ass who sits in your room spending your entire life consuming hotdogs and giggling at comedies on television while jacking off to classical fucks and trolling on the Internet which is absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. So always be positive, even when your balls drop off. Or your penis. Or even your cat. Because as you know, the World isn't fair ever since some dick with an ass of a triangle set foot on this Earth. So get used to life, and if you can, get used to the dicks who banned your ass and spammed your page which is also, absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. Oh, and always remember to stay on the bright side even if you are found lying naked with an underwear eight times the size of your penis and you get arrested, get thrown in jail, get beaten up by a kid who apparently isn't a kid and get castrated unintentionally while having a sandwich crammed down your throat trying to squat in a cell and you finally get out after 5 years only to get run down by an ass in a car and you get admitted to hospital but a doctor feeds you the wrong medicine and you rot away and die and you get dumped into the sewers. So remember kids ... always be posi-  |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 10:24, 10 February 2012
UnSignpost - 18 February 2012
Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.
February 18th, 2012 • Issue 158 • This is the place to be for the end of the world show.
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Important competition news As you all are no doubt aware due to paying the utmost attention to that which goes on around you, there was a competition this week, or possibly last week, or at very least, at some point relatively recently. This competition was the 2012 Happy Monkey Competition, in which various contestants competed to do something possibly monkey-related. According to the sitenotice, it is wrapping up around now, waiting only for the judges to show up and do their damn jobs, or, as the case may be, leave already so the janitor can clean up; it's not the competition hosts' fault you're homeless, and it's not their job to provide you with shelter past the allotted judging hours. What the rest of you may be less aware of, however, is certain controversy that has inevitably sprung up about this contest. Allegations of unfairness in proctoring and judging and a general lack of effective organisation and topics have no doubt sprung up, as they invariably do with every competition. Complications have also indubitably arisen from the tendencies of certain individuals to simply do things without asking, and of others to ask first and then ignore the responses. Rest assured, for the cabal is watching, and all who disturb the order of things will be dealt with accordingly.  MOAR PENIS
Penisman has been sorely under-utilized as of late. In fact, he's been sorely under-utilized as of recent, and sorely under-utilized as of the past while as well. I just have one thing to say about this... Prepare for World Domination
After a pro-longed session of drinking high-quality whiskey and smoking imported Cuban cigars, the fate of the world was finally decided between the Oli brothers. The western world, under the dominion of the English Empire and her colonies, would come under the complete control of King Olipro, while the eastern world consisting of the USSR and the powerful nation of Monaco would come under the control of Head Commissioner Oliphaunte. The two leaders would then combine their powerful empires into one global superpower and conquer all the little nations with their armies of pirate robots and Flying undead pilots. After which, a spaceship made completely out of cotton balls and masking tape would be launched to conquer Mars, Saturn, Venus, Uranus, and Neptune. Not Pluto, though, because that's no longer a planet. Instead, the two Olies will construct a replica Star Wars deathstar, which will be painted completely blue to avoid copyright infringement with Lucasarts (George Lucas now owns nuclear devices and becomes unstable when his trademarks are re-created without permission), and will use it to blow up Pluto for the hell of it. The planets will then be under the jurisdiction of the top friends of the two Olies. Saturn will go to Zombiebaron, Mars will go to Lyrithya, Neptune will go to Black flamingo11, Venus will go to Dr. Skullthumper and Uranus will go to Mattsnow simply because he wouldn't stop laughing when we told him Uranus was conquered. Now that the plan and been decided and the gears are in motion, it's only a matter of time before the entire world is conquered by Uncyclopedia, and everyone will be forced to contribute at least one article everyday about how great their overlords, Oliphaunte, Olipro, and friends, truly are! Mwhahahahahahha. Ha? It was then that Oliphaunte woke up in a back alley somewhere in Atlantic City with a dozen empty bottles of whiskey, a bag a hemp, and a calling card for male prostitutes. There was also a note next to him that read, "You got drunk and threw up on my living room rug, so I flew you to Atlantic city, beat you up, and left you with a bunch of male hookers. Also, stole you Hageen-Daaz from the freezer. -Love, Olipro." Oliphaunte then realized that the plan for world domination was just a dream...Oh well, at least he has rollbacks now. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:54, 18 February 2012
Womp rats
Womp rats! Al 12:39 20-2-'12
- Al, bro, offer your eternal gratitude to these saviors of the Degobah System. It's ready for a NOM - especially if you pad it up with your humor. Please "pad-n-nom"THIS, y/bro--Funnybony 16:05, Feb 20
- Whoa, I came by to thank you for all your votes and saw this. Do you still want me to look at Womp Rats or are you totally happy with it? How can you not be, for they are...Womp rats! Aleister 20:28 28-2-'12 p.s. Do you ever check out Above Top Secret?
- I nudged it a little, and is it okay if I do a little more to tweak it in some sections I had a hard time following? And do you know that people are now encouraged to nom their own things if they think the page is a feature. It may be better if you self-nominate, as I have nommed a few things on the board right now and people may just ignore another one. If you nom it, then I can comment on it and praise the page better, for it really is an important topic (vital) and you are maybe the first person to point that out. Womp rat(s)! Al 22:40 28-2-'12
- Not to say I wouldn't nom it if you wanted me to, just that I've nommed four things on the board right now. You've made me appreciate womp rats and their pivotal place in the Star Wars universe. The unsung heroes. The guest of honor. Yay womp rats! Al 10:48 Leap Day 2012
- Bro, if that is allowed then I'll nom it after you give me the all clear that edits are complete. Meanwhile, we have another collab, Dead Dicks, looks to be heading for an FA. Yea Al!!!--Funnybony 10:57, Feb 29
- Collab? No, womp rat(s) is your masterpiece, a tour de force. But thanks, I will look at edits, but not as a collab. Dead Dicks, I appreciate you letting me have credit, it's a great page (seriously) and it has just given me an idea - an Anti-war category if uncy doesn't have one. One of the best antiwar statements I've seen. Did you know James Bevel is being feaured later today? Womp rat(s)! Al leap second
- I nudged it a little, and is it okay if I do a little more to tweak it in some sections I had a hard time following? And do you know that people are now encouraged to nom their own things if they think the page is a feature. It may be better if you self-nominate, as I have nommed a few things on the board right now and people may just ignore another one. If you nom it, then I can comment on it and praise the page better, for it really is an important topic (vital) and you are maybe the first person to point that out. Womp rat(s)! Al 22:40 28-2-'12
- Whoa, I came by to thank you for all your votes and saw this. Do you still want me to look at Womp Rats or are you totally happy with it? How can you not be, for they are...Womp rats! Aleister 20:28 28-2-'12 p.s. Do you ever check out Above Top Secret?
- Al, bro, offer your eternal gratitude to these saviors of the Degobah System. It's ready for a NOM - especially if you pad it up with your humor. Please "pad-n-nom"THIS, y/bro--Funnybony
UnSignpost - 23 February 2012
Just like Grandma used to make!
February 23rd, 2012 • Issue 159 • FUS RO Journalism!
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Softly softly, happy Monkey
Now we here at the UnSignpost would be the first to admit that our coverage of the Happy Monkey Competition has amounted to less than the laser show of words that you were probably expecting. It is a sincere regret of the UnSignpost that it has been unable to provide any sort of meaningful coverage of a competition which describes itself as 'pure awesomeness' on its signup page. The competition successfully concluded this week and Aleister in Chains was declared the overall winner. We were privileged not to catch up with Aleister regarding this, and you shouldn't consider it either. In second and third were ICameHereInACloche and Xamralco, who lost slightly less than everyone else. For those who don't know how the scores for the Happy Monkey competition are calculated, it is by a simple process of getting the judges to rate an article out of ten in a table, much like this one, adding all their scores up, then throwing them in the bin and letting Shabidoo decide who the winner should be. The UnSignpost is very impressed with Shabidoo's ingenuity in overruling the opinions of his peers and stomping on the faces of his enemies. Those who enjoyed the Happy Monkey should take note of Shabidoo's next competition which he calls "Forced labour in a Salt Mine, while I eat grapes and sit on a deck chair". The competition has furnished Uncyclopedia with sixteen new articles. A splendid achievement; asked just how he had done this by Mattsnow, Shabidoo replied: "Raisins! Never underestimate the alure of raisins!". The UnSignpost fervently hopes that Dr. Skullthumper is still reading the UnSignpost so that he can take this knowledge and use it to save us from ourselves, a task he accomplishes at present by lurking on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel and successfully saying the word 'penis' more than anyone else.  For the fans of long unbroken blocks of text among you, this week saw the arrival of this forum in which Thekillerfroggy sets out his agenda to sell Uncyclopedia to "the man" piece by piece. He also thinks that we should bring back cash prizes, introduce a daily editing charge and require that an article can only be featured on the front page if it also attempts to sell the reader discount Viagra. Finally an administrator who isn't afraid to say what we're all thinking: "When am I ever going to get some sort of financial return for editing this humour wiki?". The last word this week goes to Modusoperandi who asks: "Is there code to keep the ads and hide the pages?". The Forum
 TheHappySpaceman just can't wait for April Fools day. He's so desperately excited that he has started a forum in which we can all plot and scheme about just how we will take in the entire world this April 1st. ICameHereInACloche wasted no time in suggesting that we make Uncyclopedia good for April fools day and was, quite rightly, kicked down a flight of steps by Olipro, who pointed out that it's April fools day and not Christmas. The discussion is needless anyway since I have already decided that we should do absolutely nothing for April Fools day. Except, and here's the catch and the really clever bit, we make it look like we have. We'll all sit on IRC going "Lol" at all the plebs who arrive on the website going "OMG WHAT'S CHANGED???". Shabidoo wants to know what your name is! It's not creepy at all! There's a lot of discussion going on regarding huffing! No need to read any of it, just remember that you should FIX IT, DON'T {{FIX}} IT. Administrators take note, or PuppyOnTheRadio will come to your talk page and make you feel very bad indeed. The bad news is that BHOP still exists and TheHappySpaceman is using it to plug his very own award. He could least haven chosen something that Aleister might not win every month. In conclusion: don't go to BHOP. It's not nice there. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:46, 23 February 2012
only one ive ever seen online....
As the subject suggests...you're the only one ive ever seen online. WTF is with the +/- thingy? Noone said there were points! That smacks of some sort of school gym philosophy....so, ad nauseum....WTF? Nice article you're working on BTW...I read a bit while figuring out how to talk to anyone....
--Dorianin 07:45, February 29, 2012 (UTC)
UnSignpost - 1 March 2012
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
March 1, 2012 • Issue 160 • You are all about to die.
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Nothing.
So I got up this morning, ate some breakfast and watched some television, ya know, just normal morning stuff. Then I decided it was time for me to check Uncyclopedia, as I do every day. So I walk over to my computer, turn on the screen and bring up Safari. I go to Uncyclopedia, log in and what do I see? Oh, I'll tell you what I saw. This thing that I saw was so terrible, I almost died. What I saw was... NOTHING. C'mon, guys, can't you do anything? Start a competition, a new exciting forum, even drama! Anything! I mean, I can't be expected to entertain myself, can I? And to any of you smart-asses out there who tell me that nothing is something in and of itself, shut up and go fall in a hole full of pointy objects; you know what that would be helping by telling me that? Take a guess. News? For those with eyes in their brains and mugs in their ale, it should be clear that all manner of very important things have been occurring in the news. Or is this the news? Well, you get the idea. Apparently Uncyclopedians, Shabidoo in particular, think there is something wrong with the site. While this is indoubti-bi-tubby the case, a more pressing concern we must bring up is this: has there ever been anything right with the site? Today the scare involves NotM, a highly prestigious award won by all the people who aren't here right now, and how it creates problems in regards to new editor retention, despite the minor issue that we would have to have new editors in the first place in order to retain any of them. Another scare involves the complete lack of sufficient delete votes on VFD, along with the fact that Sycamore wants to decrease the maximum number of active votes there to 14 when 15 would in fact be a much more round number, and to decrease the score required to delete things from 5 to 4, when 5 is also a much more round number. We suspect Sycamore just has something against round numbers, probably due to some childhood trauma or something, unless it turns out that these are the wrong notes and it was someone else who wanted to do all that. Everything's so blurry.  In other news, Wikia broke the site again, our illustrious admins keep forgetting to update the feature queue, VFP is lacking an appropriate number of votes, containing only the nominations of three images by Zombiebaron, who demands that more people vote for them because pi is awesome, and Uncyclopedia needs more sharons. And I really need to lie down. Profit! Profit! A word that has dogged Uncyclopedia, most especially those pages doomed to huffing, for years. A concept that we, as a community, have overlooked in our time, and need to bring the focus back to.  A user has recently pointed out that as a community, we are forgetting this one fundamental principle. Our growth - nay, our very survival - depends on this principle. We need to become part of the corporate machine to further our plans of world domination. To do this, we may need to advertise, and to pay for quality submissions. Now many of you may be afraid of this. Change can be frightening, and after all, our last venture into the world of capitalism has left us falling short of the desired funds to The point is, ladies and gentleman, that profit, for lack of a better word, is good. Profit is right, profit works. Profit clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Profit, in all of its forms; profit for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And profit, you mark my words, will not only save Uncyclopedia, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you very much. Editor's note: This is most certainly not a veiled attempt by the resident money launderers to give them something to launder. The people want this. They already have a number of ideas relating to the promotion and growth of the site, and want your feedback so they can have feedback! Yes! |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:23, 1 March 2012
Uncyclopedian
I saw the link on Al's page and couldn't resist it. I know surfing almost as well as I know sub-atomic physics, so sorry if I screwed up the metaphors there. Feel free to tell me to butt out.
- Thanks, Puppy. I hope we can all chip in. Please put whatever you like. Welcome.
Side note: What was the song you did the backward masking on again?Pup 02:07 03 Mar '12
- That song is called I'm Not Talking and is actually found on Wikipedia HERE and that part is in the song's intro, recorded in London 1966. Cheers--Funnybony 14:41, Mar 3
- Of course you're not talking, you're singing! I read Uncyclopedian and it's well on the way to a good article. The mood isn't in me at this moment to add or detract, but I will come back to it. Nice work on everything! I looked at my edits on Dead Dicks and I guess I do get a half-credit on that, but you created the concept and wrote the page and polished it to the perfection it is now, so I feel both deeply ashamed (like a Japanese ashamed, not a Charlie Sheen ashamed) and very lucky to be able to share a bit of gook dick of this wonderful anti-war work. A classic, like Catch-22. Oh, and if you like the recordings people do on UnNews some of the users are trying to huff the Goldsteind award on VFD right now, so run fast to help save it. Dead Dicks! Womp Rats! Al 11:49 4-3-'12
- That song is called I'm Not Talking and is actually found on Wikipedia HERE and that part is in the song's intro, recorded in London 1966. Cheers--Funnybony
Deceased Genitals
Thanks! And like I said above, I'm honored to be a part of your great anti-war article. Anyone reading it is going to be lucky, and maybe the page will inspire many new collectors. I wish I were on the battlefields of Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq, so I could beef up my collection of dead dicks (I only have four right now, a good find that I picked up in an antique shop on a trip to Hiroshima, put down again, and then shoplifted). Thanks again!!!! Yay Dead Dicks! Aleister 12:10 7-3-'12
UnSignpost - 8 March 2012
I love it when the news comes together
March 8th, 2012 • Issue 161 • The most recycled periodical on the internet!
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Vote for Change
 There have been rumblings on the wiki this week, and not just because someone in the UnSignpost office insists it is their human right to have three kebabs for breakfast. These are the rumblings of discontent, and they stem from the behaviour of several users on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel. Frosty was decent enough to create a forum in the Ministry of Love explaining his discontent with pretty much everything IRC. Those of you who are fans of long blocks of text with lots of unnecessary swearing will not be disappointed as Frosty delivers Uncyclopedia's first blockbuster of 2012. The crux of the issue is that the Uncyclopedia IRC channel is not unlike my back garden, dangerous to enter alone for fear that Olipro will burst from the undergrowth and verbally assault you before hiding in the shed. There appear to be several views on this issue, besides the obvious; the UnSignpost sat down with Socky to discuss how we could fabricate a quote from him this week and he didn't say "I propose that all who argue should be put to death". Determined not to be outdone when it comes to simmering discontent with our benighted wiki, Lyrithya weighed into the forum to say that she too was disgusted with the present situation and something should be done. It's both worrying and strangely comforting that you can always rely on her for this particular viewpoint. The rebuttal to all these dissenting views has been varied, mostly involving admitting that yes Olipro and Dr. Skullthumper are an acquired taste and that everyone should generally go back to the important task of Speaking of maintaining the wiki, it is with great pride and the greatest pleasure that we bring to you more reforms from the keyboard of Dr. Skullthumper, Uncyclopedia's lead innovator and blue sky thinker. He proposes that in order to make new users feel welcome we should abolish Noob of the Month. Don't look at us like that; it makes complete sense to me: new users plus no awards equals a better Uncyclopedia. That isn't strictly true, as PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that instead of having a system by which we award one user the award per month we stack the new users up and treat them as though they were articles on VFH. This will at least kill two noobs with one stone, as nothing proves quite so heartbreaking as having your first article stomped on and then thrown into the bin because it "Lacks cultural significance". You could then change to the VFN page and watch yourself be stomped on and then thrown into the bin because "His/her articles lack cultural significance". Users interested in this plan should report here and support Thrak Thrak the destroyer of Worlds: May his power endure eternally, praise be, praise be to use the name he uses in his welcome message. Oh and in case you had forgotten, Thekillerfroggy still wants to sell Uncyclopedia to the man, man. Our pessimistic thought for the week goes to Electrified mocha chinchilla, who urges you to look on the bright side by saying: "Uncyclopedia will die if we do not make a conscious effort to expand our presence on the internet, thereby reaching a wider audience and attracting more contributors". So to conclude:
Only you can prevent forest fires, is what we would be saying if it was time for forest fire week again. It's not. Instead it is almost time for another Conservation Week! Unfamiliar with Conservation Week? Want to learn more? Why not head on over to the page and do a spot of reading? Or don't; trust that our summary of the rules is gospel and just start writing. Basically you rewrite articles so that they are no longer suitable for one of Dr. Skullthumper's templates of doom. Having completed your rewrite you gain a point, and you want to have more points than everyone, especially HauntedUndies, who is the Team Rocket of Conservation Week. Honestly, it's true. You can enter the competition for the low low price of ten English pounds, which goes towards oiling the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia. Your article should also contain at least two pictures of a Monkey, regardless of the subject matter. Well? What are you waiting for? HAH! False start; the competition isn't running just yet, and updates could come from anywhere, at literally any time. Check out the forum and await further instructions. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:20, 8 March 2012
Uncyclopedian
I don't understand (please, make me understand, I want to know. ahhhhhhhhhh!) why Uncyclopedian didn't sale through on VFH. It's a very good page and may have gotten lots, or one, people person to become a user here. I will suggest it to newer members, and maybe people didn't get the surfer language or something. Nice page! And what's this about you never having won UofM yet? That's too weird, and should be rectified soon. I know you don't surf recent changes, and if you did you would have seen that Puppy has maybe gone rabid. Someone may have to put him down. Tragic, but what are you gonna do? Aleister 17:07 14-3-'12
Darpa/Google
Sorry to burst in on your vibe dude, but I wondered if you had seen this this or this. I searched Darpa Google on Google news, and there are loads of articles about it. Figured you might be interested. Chill dude. MrN 16:00, Mar 15
The Pea Buddy Awards
WOW! A brand new UnNews competition and we need you! Either prepare yourself mentally for the severity of the trials (don't sign up just yet, you cheat!) or commit your soul as a judge right now. May the Lord shine his blessings upon thee! Mattsnow 00:39, March 20, 2012 (UTC)
ET questions
Back in the 50s the question was do they come from Mars or some other planet?
By the 60s and 70s humans had gotten more sophisticated so the question was do they come from Alpha Centauri or some other star?
Now humans have gotten even more sophisticated so the question is do they come from another planet or another universe or another dimension or are they time travelers?
And the answer is...
*YES!
- Yo, Funnybony, if I ever get video on this thing I'll watch that. Have you ever checked out above top secret (ATS)? If not, you may like it. Here's a thread from yesterday I really liked. It's best to sign in as a member, even if you don't post, because that gets around so many of the intrusive ads and let's you see the avatars of the users. Check it out! Peacz, Al (UTC)
- Wow, they're some smart folks, indeed! Whew!! Thanks, Bro!!!--Funnybony 12:19, Mar 24
- The disclosure project is the "best" info on UFO's out there IMO. It's mostly "us" IMO. Project blue beam/various other shit we have, but don't want people to know about... Bill Cooper finally got it right. Just before he was killed... If "they" are here now... I see no evidence. MrN 15:20, Mar 24
- Mate, recently the UK and France made public their secret ET research which basically equals disclosure if anyone cares to check. And the Pope says, "ET" - WTF!?? The only thing separating belief and ignorance is official disclosure. And what military will admit they lost control of their airspace, or are working on alien technology which could solve the energy issue, and have a superior adversary? I almost believe that the radio scare of War of the Worlds was an intentional "test" to assess public reaction to disclosure, and now UK and France have opened years of secrets. Is disclosure going to be used by the "Man" to scare us into NWO? That is about the only event which could so-called "unite" humanity against a common ET enemy. I saw such a premise on Twilight Zone when I was a kid. BTW: Rod Serling made a great disclosure movie in 1979 which is very entertaining, the ultimate Rod Serling show is disclosure "IT HAS BEGUN" (great show). I watched the disclosure project, so please watch Rod's presentation. Stay well, bro!--Funnybony 17:10, Mar 24
- Dude. I see a lot of evidence that something is going on, but nothing to convince me that it's extraterrestrial in origin. I have probably watched many hundreds of hours of vids on UFOs, and read loads of books about the subject, and I'm still totally open to be persuaded. I just don't buy that shit would be going down the way it is if it was real aliens. I will take a look at your vid, but can't tonight, but will soon, and will get back to ya. :) MrN 17:23, Mar 24
- Dude. I see a lot of evidence that something is going on, but nothing to convince me that it's extraterrestrial in origin. I have probably watched many hundreds of hours of vids on UFOs, and read loads of books about the subject, and I'm still totally open to be persuaded. I just don't buy that shit would be going down the way it is if it was real aliens. I will take a look at your vid, but can't tonight, but will soon, and will get back to ya. :) MrN
- Mate, recently the UK and France made public their secret ET research which basically equals disclosure if anyone cares to check. And the Pope says, "ET" - WTF!?? The only thing separating belief and ignorance is official disclosure. And what military will admit they lost control of their airspace, or are working on alien technology which could solve the energy issue, and have a superior adversary? I almost believe that the radio scare of War of the Worlds was an intentional "test" to assess public reaction to disclosure, and now UK and France have opened years of secrets. Is disclosure going to be used by the "Man" to scare us into NWO? That is about the only event which could so-called "unite" humanity against a common ET enemy. I saw such a premise on Twilight Zone when I was a kid. BTW: Rod Serling made a great disclosure movie in 1979 which is very entertaining, the ultimate Rod Serling show is disclosure "IT HAS BEGUN" (great show). I watched the disclosure project, so please watch Rod's presentation. Stay well, bro!--Funnybony
- Yeah, mate! "IT HAS BEGUN" is like a 1.5 hour long Twilight Zone "The Movie" show on disclosure. We try to think like the aliens, but do they think like us? Are we able to understand them? Are they hostile? Probably, some. Are they friendly? Yes, some. If they wanted us dead they would already have done it! And it seems that they already have done in the past. Have they been seen on the earth? Thousands of times every years. And if one out of 1000 is real, then ETs are real. Especially ancient ETs, every religion and fable is full of ETs flying around, bringing wisdom, and being treated like gods. People say, Oh I believe the Bible and other stories, but NOT ETs. Jeez!--Funnybony 17:47, Mar 24
- Hea dude. Watched your vid. Always good to check out anything you recommend. :-) Yea, it was interesting to watch, but I'm still looking for something to convince me :) On a totally unrelated note... I just noticed that (I think) you are using that automatic voting thing. I think there is a "?" dropdown button on there somewhere which if you click it allows the auto-voting thing to choose between using ~~~ or ~~~~. I think you have it on 4 but ya want 3, because how you have it now causes your date stamp to appear twice when you vote. Or... It could be aliens. Also I'm still trying to figure out Who built the moon. There is a lot of ancient aliens/artefact stuff which is very interesting... Oh... this might amuse you if you have not seen it before. A lot of what this guy says in his various videos has been (IMO) debunked, but the clip from about 2:07 is interesting. MrN 11:57, Mar 27
- Hea dude. Watched your vid. Always good to check out anything you recommend. :-) Yea, it was interesting to watch, but I'm still looking for something to convince me :) On a totally unrelated note... I just noticed that (I think) you are using that automatic voting thing. I think there is a "?" dropdown button on there somewhere which if you click it allows the auto-voting thing to choose between using ~~~ or ~~~~. I think you have it on 4 but ya want 3, because how you have it now causes your date stamp to appear twice when you vote. Or... It could be aliens. Also I'm still trying to figure out Who built the moon. There is a lot of ancient aliens/artefact stuff which is very interesting... Oh... this might amuse you if you have not seen it before. A lot of what this guy says in his various videos has been (IMO) debunked, but the clip from about 2:07 is interesting. MrN
- The disclosure project is the "best" info on UFO's out there IMO. It's mostly "us" IMO. Project blue beam/various other shit we have, but don't want people to know about... Bill Cooper finally got it right. Just before he was killed... If "they" are here now... I see no evidence. MrN
- Yo dude! I figured out the sig deal you were talking about - Thanks for the advice. Back to ET, the British Government released many top secret UFO files, France, Mexico, everyone is waiting for the USA to remove the "embargo on truth" which came into play the day JFK died. His death was the death of truth in America -- the beginning of the United States of Coverup. In particular the events at Bentwater Airbase in UK are impossible to ignore. I think Disclosure is coming up -- although probably for the wrong reasons. In fact, if science could prove there was no life in all the cosmos except here --- that would be astounding. But to prove there IS other, more advanced life out there is the most easy thing I ever believed. I saw three UFOs in India first hand. And when I pointed them out to an Indian co-witness he shrugged and said it was the demigods visiting earth (like, what else is new?). Nothing is easier than to tell an Indian there are ETs. Hindu scriptures are full of ET stories. Now the only thing between truth and reality is official disclosure. But it is hard for the military to admit that they have lost control of the airspace (and even Nukes switched off). ETs that switch off nukes sound a lot better than humans who switch them on. Cheers, mate!--Funnybony 15:54, Mar 30
- Here's a well-starred thread about the Brentwater spookiness from ATS. Yes, I think it was ghosts, ghosts are the UFO's. Casper in particular. Al 20:25 30-3
- I have difficulty accepting the ET visitor theories, because I have seen so much of the evidence debunked. I also have a lot of trouble believing that the US government have been successful at keeping it quiet - or even the world government, assuming there is one. Given how much gets leaked (Wikileaks, Stealth bomber, Watergate, etc) the US government are about as water tight with secrets as a sieve. There is evidence of ET life (the fossilised worm thingies on Mars, for instance). Intelligence is another quantum leap, and superior technology another leap again. (Not to say it's impossible - quantum leaps in science happen all the time.) But all the same could be said for ghosts, and as a skeptic, I have to admit that I believe in ghosts due to first hand experience. Which pisses me off as it completely screws up my skeptic credibility. Bloody ghosts. Nominally Humane! 11:56 30 Mar
- Puppy, you can't just leave Funnybony and his lurkers hanging. What was your personal ghost experience? Was Casper involved? I've cooked the smores. Al 00:49 31=3
- Oh, nothing that exciting. A semi-translucent baby crawling across the floor of a friends place and crying who I could see, others had in the past, but he couldn't. Scared the crap out of me at the time. But in retrospect it's a pretty dull story - I just saw and heard a baby that wasn't there. Nominally Humane! 02:10 31 Mar
- Nice! Nothing to downplay, that's a good story. I've never had a ghost sighting, it's not one of my "things" on the perception path. My Mom, lots of ghosts, including a boyfriend who died coming to her and telling her he had died and kissing her. One of my sisters does ghosts too, quite a few stories. I am dissapointed it wasn't Casper, though. Al few minutes later
- I didn't get a name. Just crying. It may have been a casper. How do you determine the gender of a baby ghost? Nominally Humane! 02:53 31 Mar
- By looking at its genitals. Mattsnow 03:18, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- By looking at its genitals.
- I didn't get a name. Just crying. It may have been a casper. How do you determine the gender of a baby ghost? Nominally Humane! 02:53 31 Mar
- Nice! Nothing to downplay, that's a good story. I've never had a ghost sighting, it's not one of my "things" on the perception path. My Mom, lots of ghosts, including a boyfriend who died coming to her and telling her he had died and kissing her. One of my sisters does ghosts too, quite a few stories. I am dissapointed it wasn't Casper, though. Al few minutes later
- Oh, nothing that exciting. A semi-translucent baby crawling across the floor of a friends place and crying who I could see, others had in the past, but he couldn't. Scared the crap out of me at the time. But in retrospect it's a pretty dull story - I just saw and heard a baby that wasn't there. Nominally Humane! 02:10 31 Mar
- Puppy, you can't just leave Funnybony and his lurkers hanging. What was your personal ghost experience? Was Casper involved? I've cooked the smores. Al 00:49 31=3
- I have difficulty accepting the ET visitor theories, because I have seen so much of the evidence debunked. I also have a lot of trouble believing that the US government have been successful at keeping it quiet - or even the world government, assuming there is one. Given how much gets leaked (Wikileaks, Stealth bomber, Watergate, etc) the US government are about as water tight with secrets as a sieve. There is evidence of ET life (the fossilised worm thingies on Mars, for instance). Intelligence is another quantum leap, and superior technology another leap again. (Not to say it's impossible - quantum leaps in science happen all the time.) But all the same could be said for ghosts, and as a skeptic, I have to admit that I believe in ghosts due to first hand experience. Which pisses me off as it completely screws up my skeptic credibility. Bloody ghosts. Nominally Humane! 11:56 30 Mar
- Hi Puppy, I've never seen a ghost, although I believe they exist. But I have seen three UFOs in India in about 1971. If you really want to get a better idea then please listen to the evidence. HERE is a good starting point. The evidence such as testimony of very reliable people and photographic archives is massive. And so much information is there. It's hardly a secret. --- BUT, the government still refuses to make official disclosure. Which is kinda understandable for national security, blah blah. So it is official US government disclosure that would prove to every one. And it is getting harder for them to hide as many old timers who were involved are speaking out now, more and more. The Disclosure Project has loads of evidence and is making a concerted effort to get the USA to "fess up". Cheers!--Funnybony 15:12, Mar 31
- The problem with UFOs is that they are exactly that, unidentified. I haven't watched the video yet, but I will at some stage soon (I hope). The professional skeptics do bug me in this area. They look at the evidence and say "well, that is obviously abc", when the issue is that it's not obvious. I'm not going to say definite one way or the other. I an scared that the first encounter with intelligent life may be - or have been - handled by the US military. After all, they are known as people who are not the most sensitive towards cultures and peoples that are outside of their own culture. Nominally Humane! 11:30 31 Mar
- Here's lots and lots of UFO links at ATS, to their "best" pages. Always good to view their pages as a member to bypass the ads and see the stars and flags and things. Aleister 12:36 April Foolishness Day
- HERE is UFO story, Two ETs land in New Mexico and approach an abandoned gas station. One ET pulls out his ray gun and speaks to the gas pump, "Earth man, take us to your leader!!" But the pump says nothing. The other ET warns his friend, "Listen, you better not mess with this Earth man - he looks like a bad ass!" But the first Alien gets pissed off and threatens the pump again. Again the pump says nothing. So the enraged ET fires his ray gun and the pump explodes - blowing the two ETs a mile away. Picking themselves up the first ET is amazed, and asks his pal, "Wow! That earth man really was a bad ass - how did you know?" His friend replies, "I just figured any man who can wrap his dick twice around his shoulder and stick it in his ear has GOT to be a bad ass!"--Funnybony 18:59, Apr 2
- THAT made me laugh. Nominally Humane! 09:17 02 Apr
- That's why the UFO people hide from humans, they have no sense of humour! Thanks for the vote on my UnNews that Mattsnow nommed - by doing so he inspired me to flesh it out and work on it further. UFO'o. Al 23:05 2-4-'12
- THAT made me laugh. Nominally Humane! 09:17 02 Apr
- HERE is UFO story, Two ETs land in New Mexico and approach an abandoned gas station. One ET pulls out his ray gun and speaks to the gas pump, "Earth man, take us to your leader!!" But the pump says nothing. The other ET warns his friend, "Listen, you better not mess with this Earth man - he looks like a bad ass!" But the first Alien gets pissed off and threatens the pump again. Again the pump says nothing. So the enraged ET fires his ray gun and the pump explodes - blowing the two ETs a mile away. Picking themselves up the first ET is amazed, and asks his pal, "Wow! That earth man really was a bad ass - how did you know?" His friend replies, "I just figured any man who can wrap his dick twice around his shoulder and stick it in his ear has GOT to be a bad ass!"--Funnybony
- Here's a well-starred thread about the Brentwater spookiness from ATS. Yes, I think it was ghosts, ghosts are the UFO's. Casper in particular. Al 20:25 30-3
- Wow, they're some smart folks, indeed! Whew!! Thanks, Bro!!!--Funnybony
Thanks for voting
Thanks for voting for my article --Uncle J (talk) 23:37, March 24, 2012 (UTC)
The Yardbirds
It's a good article FB but is it a feature? One idea I had was Led Zeppelin were formed as a Yardbirds tribute band - they were 'The New Yardbirds' originally to fill in tour dates booked under their old name and carried over with Peter Grant as the manager. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 11:27, April 1, 2012 (UTC)
UnSignpost 5 April 2012
Now a major monopoly run by Xamralco
April 5th, 2012 • Issue 162 • Xamralco edition
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Xamralco
Hello, fellow Uncyclopedians. It is I, Xamralco, here to tell you that I have temporarily taken over the UnSignpost. However, being as inexperienced as I am, I have no idea how to put an UnSignpost together. Thus, for today, the UnSignpost will be about me, the greatest Uncyclopedian ever! More Xamralco
Look, I know I'm awesome. My mom knows I'm awesome. Even my kindergarten, first grade, and ninth grade teacher, Mrs. Matthews, knows I'm awesome. It's just a fact, but I'm all about being fair, so lets see what the people say:
I guess "alright" is now a synonym for "Soooooooooo freakin' awesome." Who knew? Even More Xamralco
I am super, duper rad. I know no one says that anymore, but I'm bringing it back. It is Xamralco who brings back the rad fads. Xamralco will also bring back talking in the third person. Xamralco loves talking in the third person. I sometimes enjoy talking in the first person, but you find talking in the second person far more fulfilling. Still, Xamralco thinks talking in the third person is quite entertaining. Must fill up blank space
Crap, that wasn't enough
How does ChiefjusticeDS make it look so easy? Oh well. Xamralco out! |
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9001(bot)
20:34, Apr 5
Funny-bony!
Hello, how are things? Did magic happen? Since I've "seen" you last I put up a page on that conspiracy-science-weirdo web site, and some of us fought off an hour long attack interspaced with good edits from one or more vandals/users. I put up a forum about it too, because of a thread I started there. Fun and games. Am watching the Masters Golf Tournament now.Aleister 20:39 6-4-'12
- p.s. A favor. If you have any new UnNews can you hold off mainspacing them? My Supreme Court unnews has been the top main page one for several days, and for the past three days it's been ready for feature too. If it goes up later today it will have two pics of Hilary Duff on either side of the page (it's been reversed, and now she'll look out from the page with hands on her hips, check out the pic). Thanks!!!!!!,,,,,!!!
Rick Santorum
Hey bro, this is part of a competition that ends on the 10th, all articles will be nominated on vfh then! You can take part in the competition here but stay assured we will nom the article for VFH in due time since it is the rule! Glad you liked it, but you were a little fast on the gun there! :P Mattsnow 23:38, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
- I agree that WIP shouldn't be added to {{Recent}}. I would suggest whoever is to blame should be nominated on Ugotm. Nominally Humane! 04:18 07 Apr