User:MsuCarencro/Archives1

Welcome!=

Hello, MsuCarencro, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there and there is a window over here if you don't fancy walking down the stairs. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

• Beginner's Guide
• Help Pages
• Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends
• How to be funny and not just stupid

Chief welcomes you!

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box.

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but most people enjoy writing something while they are here. If you are critical and think the world would be infinitely better if everyone listened to you, then you should become a teacher, but check out Pee Review while they make sure you aren't a sex offender.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. You can also look into the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program.

OK, I know you may have seen this message on lots of other people's pages, but I still had to come to your page to leave it here. If you have absolutely any questions, no matter how trivial, feel free to ask me here.

Here are a couple of important things that you should bear in mind as a brand new user, especially if you can't be bothered reading the beginner's guide.

• Read HTBFANJS I guarantee it will be a huge help to you and will stop your early efforts being deleted on sight by these guys.
• If you want to create an article, then simply follow this link: User:MsuCarencro/My sandbox (obviously you can change the "My sandbox" part to say anything you like). Please don't create articles on this page as this is where other users can contact you.
• Always remember rule 2 and be constructive and civil at all times. It works (mostly) and it won't get you banned.
• Have fun, that is after all why we are all here.

Again, welcome!  ChiefjusticeXBox360 22:49, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

Welcome party

And welcome. You actually seem to have some school learnin', probably in a real country. Well, please come to a party and enjoy your hopefully long and fun stay at Uncy.Aleister in Chains 3:10 11 3 mmx

Thanks for the invitation! M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 04:50, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

Hey

You're turning out to be a great noob. Keep up the good work! —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 00:56, 20 March 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for 'd compliment!M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 01:20, March 20, 2010 (UTC)

A real Uncyclopedia welcome

All your messages here so far have been nice. That's not going to give you a feel for what Uncyclopedia is all about. People here accuse each other of being stupid, of committing sex crimes, and threaten each other with phoney lawsuits, etc. I'm usually a nice guy, too, but I'll try to muster up something really, really insulting so you'll get a feel for what this place is really like. Here goes. Ahem.

"You are a poopy face!" There, I said it. Welcome. (Seriously, you've obviously had wiki experience. Just curious where you've edited before). Also your welcome message didn't tell you aboutImperial Colonization. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 20:42, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Why, if you slander him again, I'll sue you you stupid rapist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 21:24, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Don't mind Why and HelpMe, they are gay lovers and rumored to be duo serial rapists, so they are just having fun with you and trying to get your real name, address, and where you keep the key to the front door. That's what they did to me, and I'm just now recovering from their visit. Al in chains 21:29 22 3 mmx

That wasn't Why, that was Puppy. But I readily admit my involvement!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 22:53, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Don't mind any of them. They're all just fucking noobs. Oh wait... —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 23:15, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

I'm not the non-commander here, flower boy.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:03, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Noob of the Month is a stupid award anyway. Why, when I was your age, we didn't get little cub scout badges for being "good noobs!" We got real awards! For being real men! ~ Sir Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap /00:09, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

Well, you got many awards for sucking penis, but I digress. Let's just say "real men" is not something you wanna be.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:17, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

[insert witty rebuttal here] ~ Sir Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap / 00:22, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

You cannot counter a SIR's remarks. Admit it.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:24, March 23, 2010 (UTC) (I'm not really this much of a dick, by the way. Pelargonium and I are really loversbuddies.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:24, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

WHAT?! What do you mean, "just friends?!" Were all those times we kissed and caressed...all those times you told me you loved me...all lies?!?! No, don't talk to me, you fucking liar!...I need to be alone...... ~ Sir Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap / 00:29, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

Stop it, you're making a scene in front of our friends!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:30, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry, Msu, we seem to be taking over your talkpage for our own sick purposes. I'll lead Sir HELPME back outside. ~ Sir Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap / 00:32, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

You'll lead me nowhere! I go where I want, so stop acting like I started this!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:33, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

C'mon, man...back to the insane-asylum... ~ Sir Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap / 00:40, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

The only reason it's an insane asylum is because you're there.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:45, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Okay. Okay. Now you look here, ass-dick. You are dragging this fucking conversation out waaaay longer than it needs to be, and I will NOT be assed with explaining everything to this poor noob when he/she wakes up from that coma we put them in. You are to apologize to this man, and then march right up to your room, young man. And pick up your pants! I know you kids think, "Ooh, look at me. I'm too cool to wear my pants right." Bullshit. You will pick up you fucking pants and then you are grounded, you hear me?! Grounded!! ~ Sir Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap / 00:52, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

And what if I don't? What are you going to do about it? You aren't even my real dad! The slut is!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:01, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Then, God help me, I will come over there and make you...!! ~ Sir Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap / 01:02, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

Wait, if you're not my father, what are you doing here?! Weirdo!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:04, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

I'm mowing your lawn. Obviously. ~ Sir Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap / 01:08, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

Get out of here, amigo! I do what I want, when I want!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:09, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

I believe that's up to MsuCarencro here. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find goatse and porn to spam your talkpage with. Just another day... ~ Sir Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap / 01:13, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

Get out, Pelargonium. M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag

Someone other than me used my signature! What injustice! M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 01:39, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Hah! Anyway, I guess this can be a little lesson for you. Conversations around here can get off-topic really fast. Not that that's necessarily a life-saving bit of information, but it's a tip nonetheless. ~ Sir Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap / 01:41, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

I thought I told you to get out. M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag

And I thought I told you to pick up your pants. Go on. ~ Sir Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap / 01:45, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

No, you told me that.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 01:46, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

You know what's scary? Anyone can use someone else's signature! some unregistered user could pretend to be an admin and enforce their own laws! It's frightening. M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag02:27, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Scary, huh? ~ Sir Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap /

Good thing sockpuppeting is illegal, and the edit history can tell you who said what. ~ of DEATH! Don't mess with it. That includes you, <insert name here>.

Yeah, life would be shorts without that. MrM 

If you don't vote for Msu Carencro's article on VFH, I will bam ban you forever! AdminWhoBansUsersWhoDontVoteForMsuCarencrosArticleOnVFH

Umm...

You should probably wait until that's actually on the front page, noob ;p (Don't worry, I jumped the gun with my NOTM badge too)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 20:59, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Actually Mordillo added the 'Commander Of The Order' template. Not me.--M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 21:03, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, OK. I just didn't want to mess up like me. Carry on.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 21:05, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

MY ARTICLE GOT FEATURED!

I FEEL THE NEED TO CAPITALIZE EVERYTHING I TYPE! AND DUE TO THE FACT THAT I PRESSED THE CAPS LOCK KEY TOO HARD, ITS STUCK THERE FOREVER! I SHALL NOW CAPITALIZE EVERYTHING I SAY FOR THE REMAINDER OF MY STAY IN UNCYCLOPEDIA! YAY! GOD PLEASE KILL ME RIGHT NOW M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 00:52, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

God v Zeus article

Here are my initial impressions and suggestions. I like your formatting, but the colors are very, well, loud. I would encourage you to find some softer and more complimentary colors,this is a wonderful website for html color codes, if you scroll down you can create html colors. Secondly, the section titles bleed into the text below, a minor formatting issue. The initial content is great, but I would encourage you to elaborate and expand the piece, I feel that people will feel this is too short and therefore not funny enough for a VFH bid if that is your aim with the piece. best of luck with the article! --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 23:58 EST 24 Mar, 2010

Thanks

Thank you for your vote on In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida. Since three of us get credit (PF4Eva and Funnybony too) I won't go all ha-ha on the thank you. Appreciated. And congrats on your fine feature, one of many to come until you realize you don't get paid here, then you will be gone but we will have very good memories. Al in chains 18:38 25 3 mmx

Your Article...

...has been pee reviewed by moi. Enjoy. Nameable • mumble? 21:51, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 25th March 2010 (hand delivered for added flavour)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

Mar 25th, 2010 • Issue 81 • So full of news, our news-gut hangs over our news-jeans

VFS reaches third and final round, Uncyclopedians bored to tears By UU And so the bloated process that is VFS stumbles drunkenly into its third and final stage. All the chaff - that is, those polling low numbers of votes - has been mercilessly pruned, and the wheat - Chief, Rabbi and Socky - is now being sifted carefully by the admins. And the UnSignpost once more devotes precious space to covering it, even though most Uncyclopedians, with their reduced attention spans, got bored of it weeks ago. Once again, the Rabbi appears to be in pole position, and there are rumours that Mordillo is already preparing him a traditional Jewish banstick, such is his current lead. Meanwhile, Sock and Chief are neck-and-neck for the second slot, polling three votes each currently. When he interviewed himself for this article, lazy journalist UU exclusively told us: "this reflects well on the site - we have three great, very strong candidates, any and all of whom would do a great job if opped. And a number of those who didn't make it to round 3 will probably make a much stronger showing next time. If there is a next time." All that remains now is to see how the final few days affect the vote, and who finally gets the supreme honour of being able to go delete every single page of shitloads of crappy games that have been nommed on VFD, and the like. Joins us next week for the "From Our Logs" new admin special, when we analyse their first bans, and watch as these new admins mercilessly ban the unlucky loser and abuse their new powers flagrantly. Hopefully. Top 5 Of-The-Months Become 90% Cheesier By CheddarBBQ Well known and completely badass user CheddarBBQ, known for his increasing his own self-image, and for being one of the coolest guys ever, has now set a record by being nommed for all four "big" nominations in the same month. Even more impressive, he has been nommed for these four without doing much of anything deserving of awards (besides the aforementioned alleged coolness and/or badassedness). The always tasty Eyetallyan snackfood has been able to hold tightly to last place in each one of these all month. When asked about his newfound record, the great man/food had this to say: "I always knew I was special. The bag of cheese curls that I referred to as "Mommy" for 15 years would tell me so on a regular basis. Also, suck it bitchez." Of course the amazing record-breaker would think well of himself, so we went elsewhere, to question his adopted son, Momo. When asked about the excitement over the record, Momo claimed, "Papa De La Rosa is, like, the greatest dad ever, I used to have so much fun with him when I was little. Ya know, he once left me inside an oven when I was a baby, went for a beer and got me out the following morning. That was fun, I'm tellin' ya. And when I was 4, he left me in an amusement park, went for a beer and came to pick me up a whole week later. I spent that week with that nice guy who kept touching my ass.. Good times.. When I was 7, he took me for a beer. And by the age of 14, we were running our small liquor-smuggling business.. Oh yeah, he's a great guy." Curiously, his comment did not much relate to the matter at hand, yet it was deemed necessary to include it anyway. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. In other news, it appears that Don Chedds is about to set another record by being the first Uncyclopedian to drastically lose all five major awards in one month. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. Here's to you, CheddarBBQ. Oh yeah, and some other people had something to do with it as well. Note: The writer of this article has decided that a fact check as to whether or not either of these are true records would be unnecessary.

Check out these pages! Screw you, smartasses Something to do with politics, I think We have a history, but is that anything worth celebrating? From our logs: 23:47, 23 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Dakotah0 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Being a Dick: Fucking n00bs, editing the UnNews Main Page.... what do you think this is, rimjob? Wikipedia?) 09:16, 23 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.162.71.154 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (stop being so full of fail. seriously, did you have a fail transplant or something? that's a serious fail supply you carry round with you.) 05:14, 22 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird blocked TheUnUncyclopedian with an expiry time of infinite (Have you ever tried to cum in your mouth? I did. I couldn't go through with it though. No way was I going to eat my cum. What the fuck was I thinking? True story.) Biopic of the Week Tell you what, let's do a bio of someone who's won the WotM award this year - how's that sound? Splendid, knew you'd like it. And you'll like the guy we've chosen too: Nameable. How can you not? He's friendly, cuddly (we're told), and capable of writing a funny article about Corn Flakes. That's pretty much as good as it gets, right there. Unless you have some kind of Corn Flake aversion, but then, if you do, you're beyond help. Probably. Day of the Week A glut of Sasquatch-related UnNews stories led the very Reverend Zim to declare March 24th Sasquatch Appreciation Day. He celebrated by spamming a template around a few talk pages. Do those sasquatches appreciators know how to party or what? Old school featured article of the Week Sexual innuendo is a hard topic to stay abreast of. As a humor tool, it stands erect in the English language. While there are no hard and fast rules as to what constitutes sexual innuendo, many people have mass-debated over the topic, and now the general principles at the root of the topic are firm and well-rounded. However, full penetration of the subject requires that the reader take a long, hard look at the target and be a cunning linguist in order to avoid limp phrases and imbibe the phrase with a large handful of meanings. The topic can become hot by attempting to grasp it, and the more one experiments with it, the more interested they become. Also, as the language changes innuendos must change in order to fill the newly created holes and satisfy listeners.

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--ChiefjusticeXBox360 22:47, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

Pee of West Timor

Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/West Timor (resubmit) I almost forgot to let you know that I'm done with your pee, looking forward to nomming this for VFH! btw, the formatting for your talk page is all screwed up in my browser (firefox) on my screen size (16:9) --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 01:01 EST 31 Mar, 2010

UnSignpost 1th April 2010 - Always on time

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

Apr 1st, 2010 • Issue 82 • You'd better watch out, you'd better beware: if any news happens, the Signpost will be there

For some reason the sig didn't work right... nevermind - Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 00:07, Apr 6 2010 UTC

Cracker Barrel review

Hey, just wondering if you were still interested in reviewing cracker barrel at some point. Take all the time you need in order to give a good review, but if you don't intend to do it please let me know so I can open it up to others. Gracias! -- Sir SF13 (Talk) GUN WotM RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 11:50 EST 5 April, 2010

Thought you might like

This.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  09 Apr 2010 ~ 05:05 (UTC)

Australia's history (Later, I looked and this note was my 5,000th edit. Crikey!)

Hi, nice work on the page left by an IP. It's best to leave alone the stuff the IP writes and then build onto it. See my (A Most Urgent Notice For The Fair Citizens Of Uncyclopedia), an example of this I had fun with. I also left you a note earlier but it got caught under the line you made, so you have to look at the edits to find it. Won't retype it, so please read it. Thanks, Al sans chains and sig, 1:23 13 4 mmx

UnSignpost 4/8/10 - Oh hi Signpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

Apr 8th, 2010 • Issue 83 • News even an Uncyclopedian can understand!

We deliver on our promises By PuppyOnTheRadio As stated in last weeks edition of the USP, VFS is over, and we've run out of material to be able to fill this particular edition. Discussion about what to include in here has been vast and varied. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user suggested we write an article about how it's his birthday today, but how are we going to be able to write an entire article about his birthday? Especially when the bastard hasn't invited us to his party or shared any of his cake with us. Other suggestions included writing the value of π to the first 1,000 digits, or planting drugs on an admin. As none of the regular writers are able to do anything mathematical, and we attempted to plant drugs on an admin, but they mysteriously disappeared before we could discover them, those options were excluded. So instead we have gone back to suggestions for what we were going to do for the April Fool's day issue, where EMC suggested we have an article which simply showed someone being hit in the face with a pie. Working on the assumption that a picture is worth one thousand words, this seems to incorporate elements from most of the ideas we have had so far. If you are interested in helping to pad out contribute fine quality writing to the UnSignpost, or just wanting to bring up items of interest for our intrepid team of editors to report on, drop us a line at the press room and we promise we'll be polite when we ignore it. Spinning some new yarns By UU Another week, another new Uncyclopedia project, it seems. The latest to be launched is the Summit of Spin, which purports to be "an "office" that makes it easier and more organized to collaborate on article serials". It seemingly has no rules, but claims to provide "a series of tools to facilitate writing", which sounds dangerously close to helpful, if you ask us. Intrigued, your ever-alert UnSignpost asked the project's founder, Multiliteralist, for some quotes, preferably lengthy ones for the sake of padding. He responded: "You like the truth, don't you? But you don't like it the way it is now? Join us." Which is all well and good, but doesn't exactly fill this article out anything like enough. Fortunately, he added: "Our door is open for anyone with - in the words of Sir Humphrey Appleby - some moral flexibility." That was slightly more helpful for our purposes. Fortunately, however, he followed that up with: "Early this year, I felt something was missing in the world. That something was money truth - and it was specifically missing in my pockets the world of organised news reporting. Whatever is true in the world - like how wooden wheels are far better than tyres made of rubber and wheels made of metal alloys, or how fluffy bunnies are infinitely useful for all kinds of things - I felt I had to bring these things out for people to see. And you, if you are as greedy as I am love truth as much I do, can join forces with me by working for Summit of Spin for a ridiculously low salary, considering how much you have to lie love of truth! I cannot promise you anything else but prolonged court battles blood, sweat and tears in our constant fight for better-paying clients a more honest world!" And we think that just about sums it up without us having to do too much actual reporting, so we'll leave it here. Why not have a look at the Summit of Spin and get involved?

Check out these pages! Someone wants to be banned Oh dear God, is it still going? World Cup fever starts here From our logs: 14:26, 6 April 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 167.206.233.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) ‎ (ooh, is this a game of "state the bleedin' obvious"? OK: you're a twat. I win!) 15:53, 4 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Starsky133 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds ‎ (I have no life and nothing bothers me more than people who don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." :-)) 01:22, 3 April 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.243.77.178 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Because I said so: Random insertion of the phrase "Monstrous testicles" into an UnNews article is not funny unless you're extrodinarily lucky, and you, my fine douche bag of a fellow human, are not lucky.) Biopic of the Week You'd think that, him having been on the wiki for over 4 years, having written a bunch of featured articles, and recently become an admin, we'd have done a bio on RabbiTechno by now, wouldn't you? Arguably Uncyc's second most notorious Jew (because no-one ever remembers TKF is Jewish), and UotM wayyy back in January '08, the good Rabbi now polices the wiki with his kosher banstick as part of the increasingly Semitic but non-existent Cabal. Old-School Featured Article of the Week I'm a dick. A private dick. That's like a private dancer but with a gun and dances cost extra. That's how we do it in the detective game. It's a game like Clue, but without the cards or the board. Just the dice. And they always come up snake eyes. The name is Gwendolyne. Last name's not important. All you need to know is my friends call me Gwendolyne. My friends are bourbon and ice and I haven't spoken to ice in years. It was a stormy and dark night. Not a dark and stormy night. That's an unrelated story, one that’s got little to do with this narrative. That somber tale has got something to do with Paul Clifford and I'd tell you about it, but the library revoked my card. Something about expositioning too loud last time I was there. Sorta-Comeback of the Week A wild Gerrycheevers appeared! Gerry used April Fool - it's pretty effective! Necropaxx, RabbiTechno, Mordillo and UU used gullibility - it's not very effective! Gerry wins!

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M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 02:26, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

Hi

Yo, and salutations. As appointed temp. head of the frat I certainly don't want to leave you out of the discussions going on on the talk page of Tim Burton. Some nice work happening on the article itself, and I haven't sifted through the contributions but am sure you have put in a good amount of nice edits. On your diabetic page, I really don't know much about it, so can't advice on being funny. All I knows is a good line by Robert Anton Wilson which I read recently which may benefit us all: to paraphrase, "All good satire mimes insanity". So how would an insane person approach advising about diabetes? Al sans chains 22:11 12 4 mmx

UnSignpost 15/4/10 - Yet another on time delivery.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

Apr 15th, 2010 • Issue 84 • News? Where we're going, we don't need... News...

Something Scary This Way "Comes" By Skinfan13 A recent infestation of glowing dildos has taken over the front page of Uncyclopedia. Many users were shocked on April 11th when they opened up their web browsers and were treated to bright green replicas of EugeneKay's penis. Everywhere. Even poor anti-Semite Mel Gibson couldn't escape the wrath of the glowing dick. And the reason for the Scream in Edvard Munch's famous painting was revealed - turns out to have been caused by a hoard of giant glowing EugeneKay penises - an understandable reaction. When asked to comment on the matter, users simply refused to acknowledge that they had seen the penises at all. "Well, I for one didn't notice anything. Glowing penii are so common around here that these particular examples of illuminated manhood really didn't make an impression..." said Aleister in Chains. HELPME had a different outlook on the whole matter: "of course I noticed, how couldn't I? They were everywhere!" he exclusively told our intrepid reporter. Random internet traffic took notice of the infestation as well, with 127.0.0.1 commenting" "Ballsack!!!11 alolololololololooll pasfsdkjfhaelkfjds PENIS PENIS PENIS." He was promptly banned. The infestation passed almost as quickly as it came and a sense of normalcy returned to the main page when the penises retreated into the dark and abysmal graveyard of unused image files. By April 13th, all traces of the Great Penis Invasion of April 11-13 2010 (as it is now being called) were gone. There are, however, unconfirmed reports that the menace still lingers close to the main page, just waiting to strike again soon. I See IC All At Sea By UU It has come to the attention of our ever-vigilant reporters (largely because Why? has been bugging us to write a story about it) that Why? has decided to stand down as Admiral of Imperial Colonization, the organisation that somewhat amusingly styles itself after British Imperialism, but uses American spelling. We didn't need to ask the outgoing Admiral for a comment, as he was falling over himself to give us plenty, so we randomly selected the following: "I'm anal for accuracy", he told us. Among other things. Anyway, if you want to follow in Why?'s footsteps, and those of his illustrious predecessors in charge of the Colonization project, you can sign up to be considered for the post here. If it helps, you may wear a nice hat (please provide your own hat).

Check out these pages! The seed of a good idea It's a surprise, it says so in the name... Tell Uncle Dex everything. Everything... From our logs: 17:54, 14 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.185.215.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (On the charge of flagrant asshattery while in posession of an internet connection, I find you incredibly guilty) 20:05, 13 April 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I never gave you an inaugural joke ban? I blame you.) 23:03, 12 April 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.55.13.71 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (And the LORD said unto me: "Go ye, and smite the page blankers; they are as shit upon My heavenly sandal") 14:44, 11 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 79.73.5.86 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (You sound clever, and therefore I am blocking you to ensure that your talents are not wasted on us.) 21:19, 11 April 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a random ban time ‎ (chose your own adventure) Biopic of the Week Continuing our glorious occasional tradition of bio-ing people who haven't contributed for months and half the newer members of the wiki will never have heard of, let's have a look at Andorin Kato. An Uncyc stalwart since 2006, Andorin was voting on VFD, QVFDing stuff and writing good articles when most of today's active users were in short trousers (they're still in short trousers, of course, but it's been a while). In true on-the-ball Uncyc fashion, this hard work was recognised when Andorin was made UotM in November 2009. He was less than thrilled. The nostalgic return of Cajek Ban of the Week 11:39, 14 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (About time I did this. It's been a good two weeks and I haven't done yet.)

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Noob

Were you trying to fall on your sword? Only about a half inch fall from what I've heard. With many awards the best of all worlds is if two people win at the same time, so I really hope that you and English Patient or whatever he calls himself tie, but who knows, the faiths may declare differently. But you both deserve it, so there. Al sans chains 19:11 28 4

UnSignpost 1 May

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost: Special Weekend edition

Just like Grandma used to make!

April 22nd 1st May, 2010 • Issue 85 • Insert penis joke here

The launch of a new and exciting weekend edition. Maybe. By PuppyOnTheRadio "Where is my signpost?" was the cry heard from the world wide masses this week. "There should have been an issue on the 22nd and on the 29th, and nothing seems to have been done about it." Fear not, gentle reader, for the signpost will not go gentle into the good night. We have instead taken a brief hiatus for no reason that we could conceivably come up with, and now we are back in a blaze of glory. For those who are unaware of our proud history, the next issue, coming out this Thursday, will mark the (roughly) 2 year anniversary of the creation of the UnSignpost, the unperiodic periodical started by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek. The good doctor, at the time of the first issue, was asked what his feelings were towards creating the first formalised forum for spam within Uncyclopedia. It was from this that we now have the immortal words "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER." Now, two years on from those words of wit and wisdom, the UnSignpost is still struggling going strong. There have been varied reports as to why the USP has not been released. One suggestion is that regular contributors just "couldn't be bothered writing." Others have suggested that it comes down to the unwillingness of the head editor, who was recently heard to say "I'm so against... this... again... (E)xistence is far more than (it) deserves." One of the more probable reasons for the lack of issues may be that the news has now gone viral, and is available more readily through facebook then it has been previously. One facebook semi-regular, who bears a remarkable resemblance to a Silent Bob inaction figure, has said of this development "Excuse me, but I think your geek is showing." Dexter111344 supported the move to the social networking site by saying "I won't be joining as I don't intend to ever make a Facebook." Another possibility is the number of users now communicating via UnSkypelopedia. When asked for a comment, EMC said "OH FUCKING CHRIST I'VE CUM" Dr.Skullthumper, however, said "I started both of them.", and then wished to make reference to some forum or something. Ethine, however, was somewhat more constructive, informing this reporter that "Since it's getting close to summer, we'll likely have more calls, as most people's schedules are slowing down. As well as calls, we have the neat little chat thing at the bottom, where everyone sexually harasses each other when calls aren't going." Despite several attempts, I still haven't been sexually harassed. One reason why users have not been as distracted recently is due to the enormous amount of work going on at PEE review. At present there are articles waiting for review which have been there for over three weeks. For all those who are looking to get the review process back and alive, please pick up an article for review today. Your time and investment into this proud tradition can create the next great article, like the recently featured A wizard did it or the recently nominated UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out, hailed by some as "the most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years" Another reason why many users may be distracted is the number of collaborations that are currently in progress. Of those there is Tim Burton, being cleaned up by the team at ΥΣΣ, lead by the fantastic Skinfan13. Also starting to make some ground in the spread of reliable information is the team at Multiliteralist/Summit of Spin, lead by the wonderful Multiliteralist. And of course, coming out blinking from seeing the light of Discordianism is the ever faithful Imperial colonization, lead by everyone's favourite canine, RDB PuppyOnTheRadio. And of course, another reason might simply be that the team here at USP are all running around arranging bake sales to assist with Poo Lit Surprise, the bi-annual competition that actually gives prizes to the winners. The most likely explanation, however, is that nothing newsworthy ever happens on Uncyclopedia

Check out these pages! UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out Looks who's out of the closet. The most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years From our logs: Flammable blocked 86.171.18.85 with an expiry time of infinite ‎(YOU ARE SO COOL SO COOL AWESOME LOL) ChiefjusticeDS blocked 91.195.183.211 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Ah, that may be true, but you are a wanker, so it evens out) Olipro blocked 92.4.117.223 with an expiry time of infinite (YOU EVER BEEN FUCKED IN THE ARSE WHILE WATCHING A YANKEES GAME?) Mordillo blocked 217.28.207.226 with an expiry time of 1 week (time's up! you need to go to the toilet to do some poopy!) RabbiTechno blocked 91.195.183.213 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎(Cyberbullying. Matthew R. would like to point out that while he may be gay, you are banned) Olipro blocked YOUR TOO SLOW! with an expiry time of infinite ‎(your spelling is shit, it's spelt "YOU'RE" ... so that means you're a fucking retard) ChiefjusticeDS blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 days ‎(Blessed be the Uncyclopedia admins for they shall lead us to the promised land, also bye bye!) Mordillo blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 years (It took them 40 years not 40 days you bloody heathen) Biopic of the Week What can anyone say about Maniac1075. There are rumours that he is not an individual, but rather a multinational conglomerate of authors who do nothing but write quality articles on an extremely high rate. Or at least on an extreme high. However you look at it his contributions to date have been fast and furious. There is definitely something odd with him at least. If nothing else, he has a scarily in-depth knowledge of the world of professional wrestling. In fact he has been nominated as both Writer of the month and Potatochopper of the month. There is a particular school of though that says that these fields here should be filled in with any old garbage in order to ensure that both the left and the right hand sides of the USP are of the same length. While we appreciate this sentiment, the truth is that the USP is known to be constantly at bursting point with information that we can't fit into one column, and so this right hand column is essential for the stuff that we can't fit elsewhere. SCROTUM The above section is not a prime example of the statement in the section above. Please feel free to ignore it.

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Brought to you by fucking magic. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:54, 1 May 2010

Upsilon Sigma Sigma April Collab

ΥΣΣ Collaboration: Tim Burton

This person was a principal contributor to the April, 2010 ΥΣΣ Collaboration, helping Upsilon Sigma Sigma create Top 50 Requested content.

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Thanks for all the hard work last month! -- Sir SF13 (Talk) GUN WotM RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 22:05 EST 1 May, 2010