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From today's featured article 

Bill Clinton.jpg

Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.

Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.

Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)
  • ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
  • ... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
  • ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
  • ... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
  • ... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
  • ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
  • ... that the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?

In the news 

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four

Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season • Jesus

Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP

On this day 

Taaaaaaaaaaaax.... cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuts...

April 4: National No Spamming Day (Iraq)

Picture of the day

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 The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

Image credit: Serge Billault
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