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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

The Internal Revenue $ervice (IRS, also known as the Infernal Robbery $ervice, Insignificant Rhethoric of Shits, or The reason I hate the US government) isn't a service at all but a side arm of the judiciary that strikes terror in those who get a dreaded audit letter. Actually, it's a bureau of the U.S. Department of the Treasury but it may as well be situated in a waterboarding room in a El Salvadorian super-prison. It is an evil organization whose purpose, according to the law that created, is to "harass, bully, intimidate, threaten, fine, imprison, and dismember American citizens who do not fork over everything they own. This includes their future salary and your vital organs. Why? For no other reason than that the IRS says so. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that playing Dungeons & Dragons has caused many teenagers to loose their grip on reality? (Pictured)

... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
... that Africa's space program has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
...that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?
... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science?

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In the news [edit]

Qatar personally gifts Trump a plane
Austria wins Eurovision (Pictured)
MLB welcomes cheaters and pedophiles into HOF
New cast and plotlines announced for longest running Filipino sitcom
BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!!
Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big."
Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank
PBS and NPR to lose funding
Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout
Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide
Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him
Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo
Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian
World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!)
- Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church

Ongoing: Eurovision • The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, and Deltarune • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers

Recent deaths: Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule • Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run • Night Court • Lopez vs Lopez • Jayson Tatum's Achilles and Boston Celtics' repeat hopes • George Wendt

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen

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On this day [edit]

May 24: Collective Bra Burning Day

1431 - Joan of Arc's sitcom, "That's My Arc", officially cancelled. Riots ensue.
1830 - Mary's Lamb (of nursery rhyme fame) is the perfect ingredient for my Great-Grandmother's pot roast.
1917 - Protesting suffragette accidentally burns her brassiere trying to light up some citronella torches.
1937 - Fred Astaire declares himself to be "bigger than Jesus", angry Christians throw their radio sets in a giant fire.
1980 - After years of searching, archaeologist Baba Ganoush finally finds Elton John's cheese grater.
1998 - The Simpsons is cancelled, replaced by show with identical name, characters, and shitty writing.
2016 - In his final act as President, Barack Obama bans Axe Body Spray, the only bi-partisan bill he's ever managed to pass.

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Quenching the thirst of millions of plumbers across the nation, it's the ultimate soda.

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