Portal:Literature

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The Litterature Portalle
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As the generally accepted definition of literature today hugs folktales to its warm bosom, we might well conclude that literature began with one frightened caveman grunting (see language) his fears to his fellows by firelight. This, however, would be wrong. Scurrying, short and bitter academics in dank bare cells have clinically proven that 'literature' is caused by writing down things which never happened and which afflict the reader with acute boredom , in some cases literally boring the victim to death.

Today, the study of literature remains a major academic discipline at nearly every educational institution around the world, often being the most heavily required class for graduation. This is because academics have declared that finding themes (which the author totally intended to put in the work) is far more important than learning first aid, basic home and auto repair, or how to do your taxes. However, there is one major benefit to the study of literature: without it, as many as half of the jokes in your favorite TV shows would fly right over your head. (See more...)

Featur'd Article
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The Picture of Dorian Gray is Oscar Wilde's only novel, published in an American magazine on 20 June, 1890. It was criticized by many as immoral and heavily censored. Wilde later wrote a revised edition of the novel, making several additions and adding new characters to the novel, in an attempt to salvage the situation. However, the explicit sexual references and allusions were still plentiful, and so this novel was banned almost immediately after publication in all English-speaking countries, with no exception.

In 1930, a stolen copy of the book was translated into Arabic, and it began to become exceeding popular again, regaining its notoriety as a decadent and immoral book. The book was then translated into a plethora of languages, due to excitingly sensual individuals wanting to spread the excitingly sensual material. It was not long until the League of Nations convened to put a stop to the book's dissemination, and all countries, with the exception of Saudi Arabia and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, banned publication of the book. The book has been termed as 'poisonous', 'dangerous', and 'potentially threatening to international security' due to its strong sexual motifs. (See more...)

Featur'd Image
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I am a coal-truck / by a broken heart / I have no sound / the sound of my heart / I am not.
Image by Cédric Spatiotemprel
To-dayes Featur'd Poëm
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A hundred meals of oats and grain I ate;
But water I had yet to sip and drink,
Now crowning from my anus as of late:
The largest poop I'd ever done, methinks.
It bellowed as it plopp'd into the bowl,
A wave of water splash'd upon my ass;
So empty was the feeling in my hole,
No chunk of poo, nor vented fetid gas
Almóst a foot it measured toe to tip,
A waxy sheen upon its pimpled face;
Both hands could never hold it in clos'd grip,
Too wide and hard, yet smelled of clove and mace.
A solid, brownish trophy of my strain,
But like all shits, it must go down the drain.

(See more...)
Select'd Biographie
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Ernest Miller Hemingway (July 21, 1899 – July 2, 1961) was an American author. He lived. Primarily in the first half of the twentieth century, then for a while in the last half. He wrote things (such as books), drank things (such as alcohol), and shot things (such as his face). He had a beard. He married more than his fair share of rich women. He once owned a tiny Jewish slave named Windemere.

Let us examine this complex man and his complex works. Without neglecting his complexity.

Hemingway was born in the United States. His father was an Amish magician. His mother was not. He cried a lot when he was a baby. Babies cry a lot. Sometimes it is because their pants are heavy. Sometimes it is because they cannot have fine French wine. Even as a baby Hemingway could tell a good wine from a bad one. (See more...)

To-dayes Featur'd Newes
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LAS VEGAS, Nevada – In a surprising move, acclaimed American author and journalist Hunter S. Thompson has admitted to taking banned drugs at the peak of his career. Thompson, who died in 2005, finally admitted to ingesting a potentially lethal cocktail of banned substances during the late 1960s and "pretty much all of" the 1970s - the period many acknowledge as the peak of his achievements - during a post-mortem interview with our UnNews reporters.

During the period in question, Thompson wrote the series of books that made his name, and most critics agree he "knocked them right out of the park". Thompson himself has stated that he took the drugs "purely for health benefits", and asserts that they "had no effect on my writing - there's no pill in existence that gives you the mind-brain co-ordination required to write a great novel". Prominent critics are lining up to disagree, with one stating "Thompson might assert that the drugs didn't affect his writing, but give me a break - the giant lizard people, the bats, the creeping paranoia, it's amazing no-one suspected this before!" (See more...)

To-dayes Wilde Saying
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