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Today's Featured Article

Sperm today.jpg

Rounded head, stretched tail, as white as silk, they are alive, yet they hold the most magical history humankind could ever find. Sperm usually come in groups of two or three million sperm cells. They support each other, all the while fighting their way to individualism to reach the so-called egg cell. Sperms are like hippies: they all stink, all of them are the same, but we can't just have enough of them.

Most sperm cells can live up to five days, although this lifespan may vary greatly. Some people, usually aged 15 to 22 have sperm cells aged only a day, sometimes two, and when these sperms die, they need to "ejaculate" them out, literally. Others, however, can hold their sperm up to two weeks, while old people can hold theirs up to a year, possibly two. This data may seem interesting and convincing, but it does not represent the demographics of people who play World Of Warcraft and Second Life.

During the production and delivery, until penetration, a sperm cell will explore many different worlds that no one could ever possibly venture to. Different colours, different atmospheres, different tastes and different pressures; they will feel all of that. A chronicle of a sperm cell. It is so cool that the word "story" was replaced by "chronicle". (Full article...)

Did you know...

*... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
  • ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
  • ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
  • ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?

In the news

Donald Trump mug shot.jpg
Donald Trump is the first convicted President of the United States

On this day...

Nosferatu!

June 5: Vampire Appreciation Day

  • 1879 - Politics invented, price of shit skyrockets due to high demand.
  • 1956 - Walt Disney is frozen and his head incinerated in a series of funny mishaps.
  • 1973 - Henry Kissinger mistakenly orders the CIA to overthrow the government of Chile, Kissinger later says "oops" to media.
  • 1989 - The people of Germany celebrate the fall of the Berlin Wall, are later disappointed to learn the Capitalists won.
  • 2001 - God sues Google over Google Earth due to breaching copyright.
  • 2002 - Nosferatu flickers the lights at a local burger joint, to the relief of the workers therein. (Pictured)
  • 2009 - Twilight movie is released, vampires protest at gross misrepresentation and are subsequently annihilated by the sunlight.

Today's featured picture

Hand Grenade
The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you.

Image credit: Mosquitopsu
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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