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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

5:07 PM, Friday-- After a long, hectic day at the office, you shuffle along down the hall, briefcase in hand. You narrowly dodge one of your more annoying coworkers as he skids past in his rolling swivel chair, and with the sound of a collision between him and another person, hopefully his boss, you step into an elevator crowded with various men and women in suits. Among these formally-dressed drones is a young man with long, blonde hair and a multicolored T-shirt emblazoned with a peace sign. The fellow greets you with a friendly "Peace, man," but your mind is too wracked with stress to take any notice.

As the elevator gradually falls to the first floor, your nostrils are filled with the scent of paper, fresh off the copy machine, as well as the strange scent of dry-roasted nuts. "Must be John with his can of cashews again," you think to yourself. "That guy is going to end up in the hospital with some sort of rare nut-related disease." As you step out of the elevator and onto the white-tiled floor of the lobby, you think about all the work you have piled up on your desk at home, and how you would much rather curl up in your chair with a tub of coffee-flavored ice cream and watch reruns of That 70's Show until you pass out. As you cross the room to the glass-paned rotating door, your eye catches a glimpse of some massive brown object just outside the office. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured)

... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?

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In the news [edit]

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Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
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UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler
Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game?

Ongoing: Russian Invasion · ABBA
Recent deaths: Akira Toriyama · M. Emmet Walsh · Louis Gossett Jr. · Hype around the eclipse · O. J. Simpson
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for White Broncos · God's curse on the Buffalo Bills (..maybe)

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On this day [edit]

From the lovin' to the oven yeah you know what I'm bakin'

May 2: Bacon Appreciation Day (U.S.)

4M BC - Bacon first cooked in Sumatra after a sounder of boar, their bellies sliced thin by a pack of cassowaries, fall into an active volcano.
1822 - The English town of Gimbley Gulch is destroyed in an avalanche of discarded maypoles.
1923 - The first test-flight of the Jumbo Jet is aborted when engineers discover that the jet engine hasn't been invented yet.
1936 - God declares linear progression of time boring and introduces imaginary time instead.
1942 - Mick Jaggert is born and immediately finds he can't get no satisfaction, oh no no.
1985 - Leg warmers officially registered "unfashionable" by United Nations, but what do they know.
1986 - Coke debuts its "New Coke", in a convoluted and ultimate successful attempt to increase sales of Pepsi.
2000 - Mexico exhausts its supply of refried beans following a trade embargo imposed by the U.N Council for Fresh Air.

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This is just tasteless. Absolutely juvenile!

Image credit: User:Zana Dark
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