W∑Łcøm∑ tø ∩c¥cŁøp∑∂ia,

the cø∩t∑∩t-fr∑∑ ∑∩c¥cŁøp∑∂ia that ∩ ca∩ ∑∂it.

37,704 articŁ∑∫ i∩ ∑∩gŁi∫h

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Tøda¥'∫ f∑atur∑d articŁ∑

It's another sunny day in Cairo, an idle taxi driver standing by his car is approached by a good looking American female reporter..

Reporter: Hi

Egyptian: wa aleikom es-salam ya otta!

Reporter: Do you speak English?

Egyptian: Berfect!

Reporter: Do you mind if I interview you?

Egyptian: Interfiew?! (narrows eyes in distrust) you mukhabarat? I didn't do anysing! I am good Egybtian! I did not show za photo of za brezident wearing dress!

Reporter: ... Sir, I'm a reporter for--

Egpytian: Oh, you no mukhabarat? Nevar mind. Forget I say anysing about za brezident in dress. He is very man.

Reporter: (looking baffled) Name?

Egyptian: Hamboozoo Lawi Boozoo.

Reporter: Sex?

Egyptian: Yes blease. You want to do in taxi? It's very nice. Nearly has air-condition and za chairs are camel lezar. (Full article...)

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Archi√∑ – √øt∑ før f∑atur∑d articŁ∑∫

Did ¥øu k∩øw...

*... that Godot isn't coming?

... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?

... that Godot isn't coming?
... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?

... that Godot isn't coming?

Archi√∑ – ∫ugg∑∫t ∩∑w ∑∩tri∑∫

I∩ th∑ ∩∑ws

Donald Trump is the first convicted President of the United States

Donald Trump found GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES (Pictured), soon to debut "prison orange" business suit
Antarctica becomes embroiled in upside-down flag controversy
Michael Jackson comes back to life
Justin Bieber gives birth to a baby, baby, baby, oooh
Switzerland wins Eurovision
- Netherlands disqualified in final shocker
YouTube is dead
D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis
Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support
Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge
NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig

Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Drake-Kendrick Lamar feud · Israel-Hamas conflict
Recent deaths: Roger Corman · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman · Kabosu · Richard M. Sherman (Disney musician) · Doug Ingle · Bill Walton
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · Drake's sanity

U∩N∑w∫ – Radiø Fr∑∑ Łu∩ch

Ø∩ thi∫ da¥...

June 4: International Smack-A-Kid Day

1452 - Christopher Columbus outvoted on naming the Santa Maria, "The Shitbag".
1776 - Thomas Jefferson asks for first two-week extension on the Declaration of Independence.
1863 - Rain causes International Celebrate Yesterday day to be put off until next day; mass confusion results.
1900 - John Jefferson of Oak Ridge, Pennsylvania, awakes from forty-year sleep, dies of asphyxiation inside coffin.
1942 - The Battle of Midway begins with a surprise attack on Konami.
1980 - Every child abuse offender is released in Texas due to prison overcrowding and a decline in child abuse.
1989 - Chinese children are put in tanks and forced to run over screaming protesters in Tiananmen Square.

√iew tømørrøw – Mør∑ a∩∩i√∑rsari∑∫...

Tøda¥'∫ f∑atur∑d pictur∑

When Moses finally reached the top of Mount Sinai he was surprised to find God had left him the holy iPad; complete with the ten commandments, the angry birds app, and all!

Image credit: Magic man and his friend.
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R∑c∑∩t ArticŁ∑∫

Writ∑r a∩d ∩øøb øf th∑ Mø∩th

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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