Will Wright
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“He never comes through with his lofty promises. ”
“Of course I can! I'm Will Wright, bitch! ”
“Ho ho babidae, ho ho babidae mehmet veema. ”
“Will Wright's will is always right!”
William "The Care Bear" Wright, Jr. (born January 20, 1960 in Atlantis, Georgia) is an American PC game designer and co-founder of the video game development company Maxis, now part of Electronic Arts, as well as a vocal proponent of creating an effective virtual sex apparatus.
He is a widely known sex-symbol, but frustration with him is commonplace because he rarely ships his over-hyped games on time. Additionally, much of his interaction with the public is in Simlish, an unintelligible language of his own invention.
He is best known as the original designer of computer games such as SimCity and The Sims. Currently, he is working on delaying the god-game Spore. Incidentally, his many fans and admirers may not know that he also is the world's most famous Care Bear aficionado, very narrowly beating out Noel Coward.
Biography[edit | edit source]
Early life[edit | edit source]
Wright was born in Atlantis, Georgia; his father being an entrepreneur in the field of plasticpacking materials. Like many other unfortunate kids whose parents value edumacation, Wright was edumacated at a local Montessori school. Surprisingly, he enjoyed the heavy emphasis on creativity, problem solving, and self-motivation. Wright admitted that it was stacking small pieces of bolonga in school that inspired him to make the award-winning game SimCity, simply because focus groups didn't enjoy his dream game, SimSandwich.
Psychologists described the young Wright as "obsessive" in his pursuits. "I would usually get very obsessed with some subject or area of interest for six months or a year, and just totally learn everything I (could) about it." As a child, Wright was an avid builder of models, "ships, cars, planes, reproductive organs — I loved to do that!" At 10, he proved himself a true Trekkie, building a scale model in balsa wood of the USS Enterprise. Wright later found these early experiences to be formative in his vision of game design. "Well, one thing I’ve always really enjoyed is making things. Out of whatever. Cat feces, bologna, discarded hair, you name it!", he later remarked. Friendless, his ambition was to be an astronaut, and form colonies in space to relieve overpopulation. His father was sympathetic to his ambitions, but feared that he might be the kind of kid that would spend his life in a university steam tunnel.
When Will was 9, his father died of Coke overdose. His mother moved the family to her hometown of Djibouti. Wright was enrolled in the local Episcopal High School. The high school girls did not readily warm up to him; he was somewhat of a social outcast.The faculty loved him, however; 3 male teachers were disgraced and forced to resign after carrying on sordid affairs with him. After his harrowing experiences there, he decided that he was an atheist. Overall, he found the methods of the school inferior to the Montessori, and came off with a bad impression of conventional schooling in general. In 1994, he declared that he had always been somewhat disillusioned with the educational system.
Education[edit | edit source]
“Yes... well, I used to have a pilot's license. ”
After graduating at 16 from Episcopal High School, he enrolled in Clown College, transferring two years later to a lesser Community College. Beginning with a start at an Auto Mechanics degree, followed by Welding, he fell into computers and Animal Husbandry. He excelled in subjects he was interested in— domestic economy, sewing, marine biology, and Child And Family Development — but was held back by his impractical goals. Despite repeated efforts to reach out to him, his earlier dream of space colonization remained, and was now joined by a love for teledildonics. After another two years at a Community College, in the fall of 1980, Wright moved on to an art school disguised as a gay bathhouse in Manhattan. He lived in an apartment over Balducci’s, in Greenwich Village, and spent his spare time searching for spare parts in local flea markets and bingo parlors. After 5 years in college, Wright had no degree and his voice had not yet broke.
During a haitus from college, he met his future concubine, an artist who was visiting from California. After visiting a landfill in New Mexico, Wright decided that "games were the way to go".
Wright found that he had more fun creating levels for Raid on Bungeling Bay than he had while actually playing the game (understandable considering how much the game sucked). He created a new game that would later evolve into SimCity, but he had trouble finding a video game publisher.
Game designer[edit | edit source]
“We really want to have most of the failure in a game be based on things that the player did, as opposed to things outside of the player's control. ”
In 1986, he met an investor interested in entering the teledildonics industry at what Wright called "the world's most important pizza party." Together they formed Maxis the next year in Fairview, California. SimCity (1989) was a box office flop and has been credited as one of the most ineffectual computer games ever made. Wright himself has been widely featured in several computer magazines and enjoys a heated rivalry with Fable designer Peter Molyneux.
Trying to recover from the shame of SimCity, Wright quickly designed SimEarth (1990) and SimAnt (1991) on a dinner napkin. He co-designed SimCity 2000 (1993)and in the meantime Maxis produced other "Sim" games - some that Wright himself wasn't even aware of. Although none of these games were as successful as SimCity, they further cemented Wright's reputation as a failed designer of games that cannot be won or lost. Maxis went public in 1995 with a net revenue of USD$39.95. The Great Satan bought out Maxis in June 1997. The team was immediately put to work playtesting Madden, and during that time invented the expansion pack. Ever since childhood, Wright had been thinking about making a virtual dollhouse. It was a difficult idea to sell to Electronic Arts, because already 40% of Maxis's employees had been laid off and sports games were more lucrative amongst boring, unimaginative audiences, in any case.
EA published The Sims in February 2000 and it became Wright's biggest success yet. It eventually surpassed Myst and Zork as the most uneventful computer game of all time. Citing the new opportunity for same-sex whoohoo, Wright was awarded the very first "Oscar Wilde Award For Interactive Buggery". He has been called one of the most important people in gaming, technology, and entertainment by publications such as Maxim, PlumpRumps Monthly, PlayGirl, Guns N' Ammo, and Teen Bride. TIME Magazine is considering him as their Person Of The Year next time they run out of candidates.
In a presentation in his basement on March 11 2005, he announced his latest game Spore. He used the current work on this game to demonstrate methods that can be used to reduce the amount of content that needs to be created by Indians working in call centers. Through his ambitious projects, Wright hopes to inspire others to engage in risky unprotected sex.
Personal interests[edit | edit source]
“I typically go overboard when I research new projects. ”
Since 2003, in his spare time, Wright has collected leftovers from the Soviet space program, "including a 100-pound hatch from a space shuttle, a seat from a Soyuz… control panels from the Mir and other space junk" as well as dolls, dice, and fossils. The pinnacle of his collector spirit is manifested in his collection of Care Bears and Care Bear Cousins(which aren't really Care Bears at all), by far the largest in the world. However, he absolutely refuses to buy My Little Pony merchandise, which he considers to be childish.
| “ | I'm uncollecting. I buy collections on eBay, and I disperse them out to people again. I have to be like an entropic force to collectors, otherwise all of this stuff will get sorted. | ” |
Following his work in teledildonics, he has taken steps into the field of human-robot interactions.
| “ | We build these robots and we take them down to your house and study the interactions that your Mom has with the robots," says Wright. "We built this newer one that has a double-ended haptic vibrator attachment. It will trigger about 10 orgasms per second. So we give people this machine and we say, 'It's set up to play baseball. Do you want to play baseball? It's going to shoot a little ball and you try to hit it.' And all of a sudden it's like da-da-da-da, and it's belting them with balls. | ” |
Portrayals In Popular Media[edit | edit source]
Dr. Wright[edit | edit source]
In the SNES version of SimCity and Simlu No Cityju No Plusku 64 X (released only in Japan), there is a character that is based on Will Wright named "Dr. Wright". He has green hair, wears a burgundyish suit and voyeuristically observes the player. Two characters based on Dr. Wright appeared in The Legend of Zelda series. In The Legend of Zelda: Link Collects Rupees and The Legend of Zelda: Link Plays Music, a character named Mr. Write appears. In comparison with Link and Tingle, Dr. Wright is not the gayest man in the game. He is scheduled for an additional cameo role in The Legend Of Zelda: Link Drinks Milk.
In Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Will appears making skyscrapers appear out of the ground which damage the opponents of the character that summoned him, ostensibly to draw attention to the plight of workers during the Great Depression.
The Simpsons Game[edit | edit source]
In The Simpsons Game, Will Wright is roped into portraying himself as "the nerdiest nerd that nerds". Here he makes some startling revelations about his failures with women, as well as revealing some heartbreaking inadequacies (his lifelong fear of the grue). However, this in-game depiction is startlingly lifelike; he tantalizingly boasts that he is the only one who can play Spore, SimSandwich, and The Sims 3.
Napoleon Dynamite[edit | edit source]
It is well known that the character 'Kip' in the movie Napoleon Dynamite is loosely based of off Will Wright as a troubled youth.
Dr.Willy[edit | edit source]
Dr.Willy is a main character in your friendly neighbourhood Megaman Game. (otherwise known as the Blue Power Ranger). He is an evil genius who creates robots with stupid names like Cutman or Emoman or Gothman or somethinglikethatman. He also invented Megaman and all the other power rangers, like Mercury and Jupiter. Dr.Willy has an evil brother named Dr.Wright which when put together reads Willy Wright which is quite stupid because it shoud read WIll Wright but if it did, the whole game would be messed up. Just like Michael Jackson's face.
Gameography[edit | edit source]
“I'm not saying we purposely introduced bugs or anything, but this is kind of a natural result of any complexities of software... that you can't fully test it. ”
Games Will Wright Has Made That You Can Play, But Will Not[edit | edit source]
- Raid on Bungeling Bay
- SimCity series: SimCity, SimCity 2000, SimCity 3000
- SimEarth
- SimLife
- SimCopter
- SimAnt
- The Sims (Wright is credited for, but did not design most of The Sims 2)
- SimBase
Games Will Wright Has Made That You Want To Play, But Cannot[edit | edit source]
- Spore
- SimSandwich
- Spore 2: Beyond The Universe
Games Will Wright Will Likely Make, But Has Not[edit | edit source]
- Windows Vista: Page Fault Edition
- The Sims 5
- The Sims 6
- the sims 6: time for sex.
- SimSouthPark
- Fable
- CivCity IV Rush Hour: The Sims Unleashed Superstar Makin' Magic Livin' Large on A Hot Date on Vacation
- Smis
- SimPsons
- Cities:Skylines
- Cities:Skylines II