Why?:Watergate Does Not Bother Me

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I just don't understand all this damn fuss about "executive privilege" and "breaking and entering"[edit | edit source]

Does this look like a bad man to you?

I am sick and tired of hearing this here liberal media pokin' around in everyone's business and then smackin' it up my TV screen like it's the Lord's Gospel. What the President of the United States, or any man for that matter, chooses to do with his own personal army on his own personal time in the privacy of his own office or that of his nearest opponent shouldn't be any goddamn concern of mine or anyone else's.

I ain't never seen fit to bother old Dick Nixon and he sure as shit ain't stupid enough to come down here to the Great State of Alabama and start botherin' the hell out of me. I stand behind the President and whatever right he has to go about deleting them embarrassing tapes of his, shreddin' them damn financial records what done have a tendency to pile up in a man's mailbox, even his god-given right to shoot them newspaper bastards that gone slandered up his good name.

As to those who say this sets a dangerous precedent for the President to silence those he don't agree with, y'all gots to remember just this one simple thing: them windows his men smashed was pinko windows, and them papers they confiscated was Communist papers.

That's what Pappy always said 'bout when it came to them Democrats. Reporters, too, now you mention it.
That damn "Deepthroat" can go do his namesake to a pack of niggers for all I care.

A "Southern Man" don't need him around, anyhow![edit | edit source]

Why "impeach" Nixon? What does that even mean? Wouldn't that practically be an honor to our friends up in Georgia? And what's a god-fearing Southron got to fear from old Dick Nixon anyway? This is the South! Heritage not Hate and all that! Do all y'all really think The President of the United States has the authority to come down here and impose his campaign of "illegal" break-ins and clandestine meetings south of the Mason-Dixon? It's beyond his jurisdiction! We'll just get South Carolina on the phone and secede like last time!

What's he gonna do, shove integration down our throats? Been there, lynched that.

We'll even support him in his War on Drugs; the Southern States of America, aside from placing its official stance on the supremacy of honest-to-Jesus Christian faith healin' over them lying, well poisoning New York Jew carpetbagger doctors, will have no place for them dirty Columbians and greasy Cubans in our Good Ole' Society. They's just glorified wetbacks, anyways.

Bonus points for depriving those faggots down in Miami from that fairy dust they seem to love so much lately!

Alabamans have as 'bout as much use for that chickenshit Little Richard
hidin in his hole up there as we have for that diaper-wearin' punk Neil Young.

Them Daniels boys is right!
The South's gunna rise agin!
Jus' watch! You'll see!

Muscle Shoals has got the swampers[edit | edit source]

And they've been known to pick a song or two.

Lord, they get me off so much! And you know why? Hell no, you sick Yankee pervert!!!
It's cause they pick me up when I'm feelin' blue. Now, how 'bout you? Do you think you'd be complainin' about some pansy-ass political goin's-on all the way up in Washington if you had yourself such a premiere musical entertainment venue as "The City of Muscle Shoals Rhythm Section" right smack dab in the ass of your own backyard? And some rusty automobiles classin' up the place in the front?

I should hope the hell not.

In Birmingham, we love the Governor![edit | edit source]

Now, we all did what we could do. We went out to the polls and voted time and time again for The Honorable George Wallace, our beloved governor. We stood behind Mr. Wallace as he stood in front of them schools! We stood behind Mr. Wallace as he stood against sitting down on the buses of this fine state. We even stood beside Mr. Wallace as he failed at the ballot box, time and time again, to gain so-called "neutral and legitimate political office". Instead of worrying about some ransacked utility closet in some fancy bigshot hotel, we should be focusing our attention on the issues that matter: like keeping social inferiors out of as many of our public places as is humanly possible, and ignoring Supreme Court decisions, and makin' sure we've making sure the Great State of Alabama got enough S-O-A-P, D-O-G-S, and H-O-S-E-S to teach those hippies the true meaning of W-O-R-K. In the name of the greatest people that have ever trod this earth, I draw the line in the dust and toss the gauntlet before the feet of tyranny, and I ask you: why does nobody seem to care that DARKIES DUN STOLE MY PAGE!?

Does your conscience bother you?[edit | edit source]

Tell the truth.


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