Whitewater kayaker

One form of life lower than Hippies. Known to habitate nearly anywhere on the planet, a Whitewater Kayaker can typically be found hanging around trash dumpsters with their pit bull, competeing for the Darwin Award and begging for change in front of local Starbucks stores all whilst plotting the most efficient way to convert the American society to socialism. While liberal, multicultural, racially acceptable and democratic on the surface a recent FOX News poll has found that over 79% of all Whitewater Kayakers are rigid, conservative cracker-ass-white republicans. Typically found in the Southeastern United States and the filthiest parts of Europe Whitewater Kayakers have recently been on the move throughout the world much like the dreaded avian flu, your mom and the Dixie Chicks.

What in the name of Slim Pickens is a Whitewater Kayaker

"Hey!!! What's that smell?" (aka "Who farted?")

Simple Stupid. It's a Whitewater Kayaker.

A Whitewater Kayakers biggest fear? Soap

Are Whitewater Kayakers "really" athletes?

The Answer. No.

Top 10 things to give a Whitewater Paddler to make him STFU

1. 1 Box of Moon Pie

2. Mork from Ork Suspenders

33. MORE F-ing! Cowbell

41. Atomic wedgie

57. Farmyard pornography (may substitute Wild Kingdom)

69. "yeah!", "That's it baby!"

7.0 Hong Kong Phooey Lunchbox

ate. The frozen head of Gilbert Gottfried

nein. Christian rock and Ku Klux Klan Reggae 8-track tapes

little piggies. Waffle House gift card

Racist History

Ever heard of Blackwater Kayakers? I didn't think so! That's just another fine example of whitey keepin' you all down. A lawsuit is expected to be filed in Federal Kangaroo Court in 2007 by the ACLU and NAACP cowritten by Jimmy Swaggart and the Fonz.

Simple "keywords" to piss off (aka "kneejerk") a Whitewater Kayaker

Two words. Air America Two More? Global Warming. How about these bitches? Al Gore, Nancy Pelosi, Inside Joke, Kofi Annan, L. Ron Hubbard, Hillary Clinton, Jesus Christ, God, Bible, Bill Clinton, George Bush,