User talk:TropasDeHispañata

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Hispañata

Congratulations on your newest Intensive Care tag. I have been watching these pages grow and I think what you are doing is writing a vaguely autobiographical set of articles on a fictional country. Fine; but that should be done somewhere else, because this site is about humor, and these articles are basically not funny, though I don't entirely know what they are. Ideally, don't just insert jokes but have a unifying idea, such as a hoax you intend to flesh out, or a creative retelling of some actual story or mashing together two real-world stories. Use the resources listed in the previous post, and good luck making it funny! Spıke ¬ 08:29 25-May-12

Don't remove the tag again TDH. If you want this saved off main space, let me know. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 23:16, May 25, 2012 (UTC)

Romartus means to say, "To save the text from its obviously imminent deletion." Spıke ¬ 23:19 25-May-12

If you can, delete Comrade Larios and Hispañata immediately. Thank you. (or let them be reviewed by a better Uncyclopedian for expansion and better humor, for I'd like to see the pages grow into a fully developed idea. But if you'd like, delete them.)--TropasDeHispañata

Just send them to QVFD if you want to get rid of them.---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 18:45, May 29, 2012 (UTC)

The first is now listed on Votes for Deletion, where I have mentioned your request (before the parenthetical addition). You were also discussed at User talk:Bizzeebeever#Colorful change histories. I can see your writing ability and I hope you remain and use it in the cause of humor--but we can't figure out what the humor is in your first two articles. For starters, in my opinion, it is best if you start an article with a developed idea, not write it and hope that you stumble over a comedy concept somewhere along the way. Our Style Guide is a discussion of what things are funny in the abstract, and you might read it and discover a direction you want to go in. In general, you get stuff listed by typing a one-line request at UN:QVFD, appending "- Author request". Spıke ¬ 18:53 29-May-12

Is it possible for feedback on the page to make it better so I can keep them? -- TropasDeHispañata

In that case, go to UN:VFD and ask an Admin to move the articles to your userspace--for example, under the name User:TropasDeHispañata/Comrade Larios. Spıke ¬ 18:53 29-May-12

Detailed recommendations

PS--I have made that request (in the comments box relating to your article). You don't need help "making it better." You need to have a comedy theme, and that is mostly in your hands. The only thing close to it seems to be that you are trying to write a caricature of banana-republic dictatorships, or of Latin-American anti-US sentiment. Okay, then, take a moment and explain what is funny about it? Specifically, it is less important that you make Hispañata and its dictator real to us, with lifelike detail, than that you make them entertainingly cartoonish. Spıke ¬ 18:58 29-May-12

PPS--This being a fake encyclopedia, it would be better if you started with a real theme and took it in absurd directions than if you invented your own country. You see, no reader stumbling on Uncyclopedia is going to look for an article on Hispañata. I notice from a template that there is no article on Panama at the moment. Spıke ¬ 19:00 29-May-12

Okay, thanks for the advice: you hit the nail on the head regarding my attempted Comedy theme. Thats exactly what im trying to do. So I will try and work on H and CL, in an effort to make them funny and more "cartoony", and unite them under the common theme.

Good. Keep in mind that, per your/our request, their names may change suddenly as they move inside your userspace. (You could do this yourself, but please don't, now that a deletion vote has opened up and should be closed properly.) Nitpicks: (1) On talk pages, please indent (start paragraph with ":") to make it easier to tell apart contributions from different people. I like to do it so that all my posts line up, but other users with larger screens just add one colon each time. (2) The section headings in all capitals deviate from Uncyclopedia style. You might be trying to imitate shouting, or slogans emitted from speakers mounted on top of a VW bus in-country, but the reader just looks at it and asks, "Where did this come from?" Cheers. Spıke ¬ 19:20 29-May-12

PP-etc.-S: Taking a moment to read the Wikipedia on Panama, I'm reminded that several of those Central American countries were united at various times in the past--mostly because of this-or-that other Charismatic Leader, and Hispañata might be an attempt to recapture this past glory, hindered only a little by the fact that the two pieces are hundreds of miles apart. Read also about the "United Arab Republic" that once comprised the two far-apart Arab tyrannies of Libya and Syria. So my comedy concept is: Real stuff like this has happened in the past. Larios wants it to happen again now. Only--He isn't doing it right.

Also, I know it is fun being on a site where you can create the PENIS weapon system and write about FukAmerica, but this is off-putting if done without a comedy reason. Spıke ¬ 19:29 29-May-12

Thanks! I just might pick up on that. So if the pages are moved to my user space I will set to work rewriting them immediately, under the unified idea of a satirical view point of Dictatorships. Thanks again Spike youve been a big help – Preceding unsigned comment added by TropasDeHispañata (talk • contribs)

Sounds good. (Please sign everything.) On the same note, I am utterly uninterested in the exact wording of the Hispañata constitution; see above under "humor not excessive realism." Spıke ¬ 19:46 29-May-12

what do you mean exactly? TropasDeHispañata (talk) 20:31, May 29, 2012 (UTC) TropasDeHispañata

“I, the Supreme Leader of Hispañata, hereby set up this constitution, in order to maintain peace, tranquility, and liberty within our borders.”

~ The constitution of Hispañata

That's an entire section from Hispañata. Where's the joke? We have all written a constitution. I get the strong impression reading these sections that you have now written yours and want the world to read it. If you have had your narcissistic tyrant write an especially obsessive constitution, you must do more than lay it out in full and expect the reader to nod, "Ooh, that's obsessive." We need ironies! flagrant hypocrisy! fall-down ineptitude! Remember that the reader comes to your page not yet caring at all about this country and its strong-man. Do the work to relate it to us. Spıke ¬ 20:43 29-May-12

Xamralco has userspaced the two articles ("without redirect", meaning that the short names no longer work) and has closed the vote on their deletion. It's all yours now. He also put something generic into your user page, as this seems to be a prerequisite for having files inside it. Spıke ¬ 21:39 29-May-12