User:Shabidoo/Days of the week friendly competition that shabidoo will win and everyone else will fail/Scoring

Icecream

Article	Aleister	Cat the colourful	Happy Monkey	IFYMB!	RedHot	Shabidoo	TOTAL	Place
Aleister Thank God It's Monday	X	0	0	Tied 3rd (0.5)	0	-	0.5	Honourable mention
Cat Dear president, ban tuesday	0	X	0	Tied 3rd (0.5)	3rd(1)	Tied 3rd (1/2 point)	2	Honourable mention
H Monkey The U.S.A cancels Wednesday... Again	1st (5)	0	X	0	0	2nd (3)	8	3rd
IFYMB UnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore	tie2nd (2)	3rd (1)	1st(5)	X	2nd(3)	1st(5)	16	Tied 1st
RedHot UnBooks:A diary of my Saturday night	tie2nd (2)	2nd (3)	3rd(1)	1st(5)	X	Tied 3rd (1/2 point)	11.5	2nd
Shabidoo UnBooks:Sunday my Sunday	0	1st (5)	2nd(3)	2nd(3)	1st(5)	X	16	Tied 1st

You know, voting was a lot harder than I thought... They were all so funny. Pee reviews would have made it more fair and efficient, but take a lot longer too. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 22:56, 16 September 2013 (UTC)

Feel free to leave a summary of your decisions and recommendations and advice below. I will. --ShabiDOO 01:24, 17 September 2013 (UTC)

Summary Stuff

Alrighty so quick recap...

Aleister: Not your best work... Not one of the 285958720112311231.12413423 features you have anyways... Yet still strangely entertaining. I didn't get it very much, but the word capitalism had me laughing... Because capitalism. For real though, funny at times but a little confusing.

Colourful Cat the: Even though my idea was pretty freaking similar to yours I feel as if you kind of just threw it together just so you can be part of the contest... But you did say you were sick, so that may have been the case. Regardless, it was still funny (had me laughing a lot) but the format took away from the article and it dragged on a bit. Good work though, hope you feel better :)

Happymonkey: Stay gorgeous ;)

IFYMB: You know you have something good when the title makes you laugh hysterically. The picture was a work of flawless art that pleased me aesthetically. Had me laughing from start to finish with some really creative things for such a outrageous topic. Well done.

Redhot: I don't really want to know where you got inspired to make this but good work on it, you clearly put some thought and effort into it... well, at least an effort. I found it almost dragging on in certain areas, and took a little too long until it started getting really funny, but it had a nice payout in the end. Just please tell me its not a real diary.

Shabidabaddodoo: Something is seriously wrong with you. Idk what made you take such a HUGE TWIST on the topic of sundays... or how it went from some beautiful woman to interracial cat dog hooker sex. But it was funny regardless. Sunday is a pretty word. Watch the tenses though.

Thats enough critiquing for one night. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 01:45, 17 September 2013 (UTC)

Criticism accepted. You don't know what's it like to remember in a horrible headache that 'oh shit fucking damnit, I participated on a fucking competition!' then try to write something in 38 celsius-fever :P That article was really just thrown in together from random idea-pieces I got and the format is kinda disgusting. But thanks anyways, and the similarity of our ideas was just gorgeus! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 04:55, 17 September, 2013 (UTC)

Kudos for you for not bailing on the contest because of the flue ;). EAT SOUP... OR DRINK IT... WHATEVER IS MORE GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT! And make a summary will yah! --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 22:26, 17 September 2013 (UTC)

OH! Totally forgot that... Let's see if I can manage anything, I'm feeling really lazy :D ...I'll promise I have a summary done at the end of this week, alrighty? Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 11:38, 18 September, 2013 (UTC)

Shabidoo's summary

Cat the colourful

I like the motif about being anonymous. Id recommend trying to extend that to the extreme. Make the character become so anonymous that he doesn't even know who he is anymore. So obsessed with ending Tuesdays that his entire identity is feeding on the hate people have for tuesdays...and waging a holy Jehad against that day of the week. Thing is...I don't see any convincing explanations as per WHY Tuesdays suck. As of now...I could substitute any day of the week. Think of things about tuesday that sucks...even if its absurd or random (as long as its funny). Why are you addressing the president? Its a good idea...but it doesn't come across as per WHY you are addressing him. Maybe he is the greatest of all haters of Tuesday but hasn't come out of the closet. Or maybe all black people love Tuesdays and you need to convince him. Or maybe you've convinced all 8 leaders of the G8 except him. I'd recommend not asking the president "what he thinks". You should tell him what to think! Don't be nice...demand that Tuesdays are banned forever. Great ideas as you always have...just needs time...as do all of our articles in this competition.

This is why I love your reviews, and why I participate at Happy Monkey-competition every year; because your thinking is so wonderful in creepy ways, you think like the writer of the original article! I love this feedback and all the good ideas you give, because these ideas you gave are fucking great, again! :3 One day I hope I'll be a Shabidoo like you are, ahhh... <3 thanks a ton! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 11:42, 18 September, 2013 (UTC)

Happy monkey

I like the AGAIN at the end of "fuck up everything...again". Good touch...made me laugh. I also like how you parody Obama's logical rational tone when speaking. The grammar nazi vegan thing kind of lost me. The comment "wouldnt that make the first friday seem like a second tuesday" made me laugh out loud. For me...the article doesn't feel like a full unnews. Either theres no story, or understanding as to whats really going on or an overall concept I can grab onto...or just needs to be filled in some more.

I find it funny, because IFYMB said the only part he thought was funny in the third paragraph was the vegan thing... And it's the part you dont. Individuality, tis a beautiful thing my friends :). Regardless, it was my first shot at an unnews story, mainly because I figured it would format better as such, I just was not sure how to properly structure an unnews article... Still am not sure. If you wanna help me out with it a bit I would love to touch it up and put it on the mainspace. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 22:24, 17 September 2013 (UTC)

IFYMB!

"nine year old son playing poker online" made me laugh. Space time continuum...and horroscope lines also made me laugh. I was a little lost on the Hank paragraph...though maybe it refers to something I should know about but dont. The second last paragraph was genius. HELARIOUS how you play with different time periods, the spacetime continum and 1st, 2nd and 3rd person sex...all in one go! Last paragraph was cute. It gave the article an overall feeling of a story with beginning middle and end...though I think with an editing eye and a couple sentences more it would be a fully coherent article. NICE writing in just one week.

Redhot

Can't remember the other Saturday nights made me laugh. The first paragraph seems a little wordy. Its a great intro but the humour/relevant to word ratio seems a little low in my opinion.

On the line "Is it supposed to suggest that the building around it is square or is it supposed to suggest that the people who visit this place are squares; cause we are definitely not squares damnit!" I'd recommend leaving some things up to the imagination of the reader and tightening the prose and using more synonyms. "Do they mean the building around us is square or does it say something about the people who go there ... because listen fools ... theres nothing boring about we three." Why not give a funny example of strange alcohol you've never heard of before? I like how you build up the story in the second paragraph. Though consider tightening up the text and/or using more humerous synonyms. When you talk about the guy dancing...and the girl with the boobs...one thing that can make it funny is adding a strange (but not stupid) thing thats out of place. Like your friend is dancing like he needs to go to the bathroom or switch the two clauses in the last sentence "She had the biggest lips youve ever seen and breast like a sweet two year old's ass". In the scene in the Chevy is it a he or she the character is with? Not sure I get the "trunk wrapped around mine". Why does the guy have a pain in his face? What was the white Abyss? Its great evocative writing with the promise of something funny having happened...but we never find out what it is. The article is written as...many paragraphs of vague narrative and then everything revealed in the last one. What I'd recommend is doing the opposite. Make the first couple paragraphs about having a crazy night with no memory and then go over the pictures on the camera revealing what happened picture by picture and the shock the character has...perhaps with his two friends around making helarious comments or laughing at him.

Great concept...funny moments. It seems a little wordy to me and the narrative could be tightened. Also...for every sentence you should ask yourself ... is this sentence very relevant to the article or funny ... and if it isn't try to make it relevant or funny or cut it out.

Aleister

Another line to this horrendous rhyme was a good one. It made me laugh. Over all...I can't quite figure out what's going on in the article. Is it an evocative poetic rant that a school girl would make...or someone smoking opium and saying random stuff or anything of the like. I think these disconnected and bizzare lines would work better (and be funnier) if there was some kind of narrative or structure behind it all. The cool ideas and uber creativity in your article would be better served that way...IMHO.

IFYMB!'s Summary

Here's a quick rundown...

Aleister: There is no denying that I like crazy humour, which is one of the reasons I'm always reading your work and this streches the bounds of my mind so much that I'm not even sure I understood half the article, which is mainly what made it funny but even I couldn't wrap my head around "Monday still lives in Sunday's shadow." I found the article really creative and imaginative but it lacks the witty satire that you also manage to get into your articles alongside the complete and utter randomness. I agree with Shabidoo when he says it needs structure and some sort of format.

Cat: "More drinking, better working, as an old chinese saying goes. No work without play, you know" I found hilarious as well as "You should have to accuse all the people of my city, Austin, Texas. Now that makes it hard to track me, RIGHT?! If you want to thank me or send me money or something, you can send a response to the address found at the end of the letter." The article as a whole is quite funny but I didn't like the picture and the format could've been better but you did well despite being ill. Also there was no real reason for banning of Tuesday which I think you really need to add.

Happymonkey: Because I live in Britain, I didn't really find the third paragraph funny other than the line about vegans. I did like the "The whole reason everyone loved Friday was because it lead to the weekend, but now there are two Fridays... So wouldn't that just make the first Friday more like a second thursday?" and the hungry congressman parts but other than that the whole thing seemed a little bit... last minute as it lacked structure.

Yah... Football as in American Football. It's big over here in North America. Just pretend it said something about the Olympics or the FIFA world cup instead... Even better, make it the 1966 Fifa world cup to make you feel more at home. It was rather last minute I admit, but thanks for the feedback :) --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 22:19, 17 September 2013 (UTC)

RedHot: I am amazed at the creativity and randomness you packed into this article, you must've been smoking Skittles or something because this was incredibly vivid. Personally, I really liked Chapter 4: Driving our Car and Chapter 5: The White Abyss. I can see you put a lot of effort into this, however, there were a few bits I didn't understand but that's probably because it's written from the view of Cat the Colourful. Good work.

Shabidoo: How you managed to turn a day of the week into sex with cats and dogs is a mystery to me, but you did it and it was pretty fucking funny. I have no idea what this is and you should probably get your brain checked out but I do think it's very original and I'm not sure anyone ever will write anything like it. Unfortunatly, the title doesn't go with the article and you need to make sure all your tenses are correct.

Okay guys, there you go. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 21:23, 17 September 2013 (UTC)

Aleister note

Happy Monkey's page is by far the best. But then again, Shabidoo and IFYMB's great pages cannot be judged one over the other, that would be impossible. So I won't even try. Damn you all for not voting HappyMonkey his just award!!! Aleister 15:59 19-9-'13

You never fail to confuse me Aleister. --ShabiDOO 16:42, 19 September 2013 (UTC)

I performed sexual favours for him to give me first place... How is that confusing? --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 21:37, 19 September 2013 (UTC)

WRAP UP

That was a cool little competition. Thanks a lot guys for participating and voting. I was surprised that we got 6 out of 7 in...which is cool. We should do this again some time. Maybe months of the year or something. But of course...not before Happy Monkey's tournament some time soon when it happens.

Turns out I did win...but its not the case that everyone else failed...as I was joint tied with IMYBFYIMFYMIYB! as well (deservedly so). So I was wrong. But I was also right. I will cry myself to sleep and wake up with mascara all over my silk spiderman sheets. --ShabiDOO 16:42, 19 September 2013 (UTC)

Yeah, this was good fun. We should do it again some time. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 17:04, 19 September 2013 (UTC)

Next time we can do months or numbers instead of weekdays or something. I also should say sine the title of the contest clearly states shabidoo will win, he gets the tiebreak. It's only fair guys. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 21:39, 19 September 2013 (UTC)

I think we might disagree on that point... IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 22:07, 19 September 2013 (UTC)

I was kidding :P We should do this again sometime to settle the odds though. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 22:14, 19 September 2013 (UTC)

:) Do you wanna make a months of the year contest sometime soon? I'm feeling quite creative. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 22:20, 19 September 2013 (UTC)

Months sound cool. Lets do that after the next happy monkey. --ShabiDOO 23:30, 19 September 2013 (UTC)

YES! I'm in :D There aren't enough month-related articles Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 04:50, 20 September, 2013 (UTC)