UnBooks:A diary of my Saturday night
Okay, so it's Saturday night; I like Saturday nights, they always produce that something special. I mean think about it, everybody's out partying, barely anybody stays at home and nowadays the clubs/bars are absolutely packed with people. I decided to do something a little different and write myself a little diary about this Saturday night. I think this is the one, me and my friends Jim, Bobby and Johnson are especially hype today and the weather is just absolutely perfect; everything suggests that it's going to be the perfect Saturday night and I'm not going to waste this Saturday night, especially since I can't remember the other Saturday nights.
So without further to do, my diary.
Chapter 1: Arriving at the Club[edit | edit source]
Usually we'd go to Joe's Bar & Grill in the shopping center but something in them told us that we should do something different so we drove over 30 miles to Downtown where we'd discover a new hot nightspot. "Squares" What an odd name, I mean what is it supposed to suggest? Is it supposed to suggest that the building around it is square or is it supposed to suggest that the people who visit this place are squares; cause we are definitely not squares damnit! Odd name aside, we entered the club; it was a different vibe than we were used to, brightly lit strobe lights everywhere, people dancing on the floor specifically to Kip the Dip's classic song "Dancin' to the Cowbell" and hip top-self alcohol; much of which we've never seen or heard before. I knew we had arrived at a very special place the moment we stepped foot in the door, even though some of us felt uncomfortable.
So we stepped in front to the bar, we asked the bartender "what is your most special drink you have" and the oddest thing happened, he spoke in my ear and told us that "it's something we weren't ready for"; us, being especially adventurous, told him that "we were ready" and he shrugged and proceeded to make our drink. It took a few minutes but the drink arrived on the counter and it's something we were mystified by. When we asked the bartender what it was, he only said that it was "a combination of the most alcoholic drinks out there, designed to make you hammered.". I thought about the consequences a drink like that could have to my physique, especially considering what happens when you're drunk but then I thought; nah, I should be such a pussy so we each took our drink, hammered about 6-7 shots of it and wouldn't you know it, we're buzzed out of our minds. It was a sign, no an omen that things were going to be incredible.
Chapter 2: On the Dance Floor[edit | edit source]
With the alcohol flowing through our system, we head to the dance floor. We were definitely excited by what was going on, the music was bangin' with such hits such as Icona Pop's "I Love It" and Daft Punk's "Get Lucky" and we were dancing like no ones business; in fact I think Johnson spun on the floor than did multiple handstands while simultaneously floating in the air. Many of the woman were impressed by our dancing, they came around for miles just to see us dance; all of the woman were beautiful but one stood out in ways you could never imagine. She had the biggest boobs you've done ever seen, she had a face that was as young as a baby's and she definitely knew how to party.
The two of us did duet and it got the club wildin' for us, even to the point where they took pictures of us; I don't know what moves we did but I did know we spinned around and danced closed to each other all while my crotch touched her vagina. Oddly enough, during the middle of the duet; she whispered in my ear, saying if I'd like to take it up the ass. Naturally I assumed that she was asking if I could take her which I definitely could; after all, I'm a 25 year old male, I'm at the perfect age for gods sake. She then told me that she felt something when my crotch rubbed up against hers; who could she blame, I have a penis made out of steel. I've had sex with various strippers and yet I've never gotten an STD nor AIDS. The moment she saw my crotch she knew she wanted to do things to me, and I knew that I wanted to do things to her as well.
So I whispered in her ear if she'd like to do it back out in the back seat of my Chevy and she whispered back one word; "Yes." and we left the others to their shenanigans while I went to my Chevy and opened the door; I got inside the car first and as I was getting in I felt a feeling I have never felt before. It felt new and unique, almost like I was being pressured but I was being pleasured at the same time. Since I was looking for new & unique experiences, I was open to this new kind of experience and I have to say, I quite liked it. To describe it, it felt like my eyes were being opened by another person, like the juices were suddenly flowing through me for the first time in my life. This happened for a few hours before he stopped and said that he couldn't get pleasure from me anymore; I was disapointed that my experience was ending but then again, I enjoyed every bit of the experience while it lasted. I can't wait to do it again.
Chapter 3: Stumbling to our Car[edit | edit source]
We danced for hours right until the club closed and we were forced out; we would of liked to dance some more but apparently state laws prevent them from being open 24/7. When we walked to our car, we noticed something different; we were stumbling and falling down all the way to our car. This has never happened before, normally we were able to walk to our cars without even falling down but I knew that this night was different. The unfortunate part about it is that we forgot where we parked our car but we didn't worry because this gave us a chance to walk about the town and discover it's offerings even though everything was closed tonight.
While we were walking through town I noticed someone familiar; he had a green suit on and his form was especially wide, in addition his skin was grey. There was no question about it, I knew who that was almost immediately, it was my childhood idol King Babar. I didn't think he'd be walking through this town but here he is, in the fucking flesh and I've been such a big admirer of him that I couldn't help but to run over and say Hi to him. He turned around, he said to me "Yes, what is it?" and then I said "King Babar, I think you are the best king that's ever existed. You've done so much for our schools and for our homes. You're also a good father at that, taking care of Alexander, Flora and Pom like they were your heirs. I don't care that there ain't no poor people, I don't care that there isn't any democratic order, I don't even care about your neglect of Flora. You're the best!"
After that, he praised me for being a kind person and we got to talk about the state of the world as well as the troubles he has to face for being king. After that my friend Jim took out his camera and snapped a few pictures of us. I felt honored to be in his presence as his trunk wrapped around mine, I've always wanted to grow up to be a politician of some sort and now that I've met my childhood idol my dreams have been reaffirmed. Funny, after the meeting I felt a huge pain in my face. It was hard to describe, it was like it was stinging and numb at the same time. I don't remember complaining about it but man did it hurt and man did it bother me; I just wanted it to go away so bad. Luckily I had some painkillers in my pocket so I was able to numb the pain a little bit. After a while Bobby remembered where the car was so we stumbled over the car, got into it and gone on our way. We may have bumped into a few cars here and there but for us, this was normal.
Chapter 4: Driving our Car[edit | edit source]
We were driving our car, normal as always but this time, we weren't just driving our cars at normal speed; we were driving them at hyperspeed! It was amazing, I felt the rush of a thousand souls pass through me as I was in hyperspace. It was hard to describe, it wasn't like the hyperspace you've seen in Star Wars; there weren't thousands of white lights passing through us. No, it was kind of like a thousand multi-color lights passing around us and it didn't stay in one direction, it liked moved. I could totally feel it as we traveled thousands of galaxies away from Earth, to a location no one has ever seen before. I fear that something would of happened that would of left us stranded in space but since I was so into new things I was totally willing to travel through space.
We discovered another unexpected surprise; sitting in the back seat was the infamous slain rapper Big L. We were so amazed as to how he was sitting right next to us. When I asked him how he could be alive, he responded "I've always been alive, I've just fake my death and moved to Cuba in order to avoid certain people who wanted to kill me." When Jim asked him what he was doing in our back seat, he responded "Well I found out you were the dopest guys around and I've decided to get inside of your car in order to hang out with you guys." And we laughed and we talked and Big L turned out to be a very pleasant guy, he was really mellow and laid back and didn't seem to be afraid of anything. He also busted a dope rap for us about how we were so dope and how Big L would kill anybody who messed with him and our posse. Then out of nowhere, Big L told us that we were about to hit a wall but I was having so much fun that I disregarded him; then, everything turned black.
Chapter 5: The White Abyss[edit | edit source]
After everything went black, I woke up to see nothing but white; I walked around, hoping I would find something of subsistence but nothing could be found. Then suddenly, I noticed a guy appearing out of nowhere. I asked him "where am I" and he told me that I was in "The Abyss" a world where nothing seems to exist, a world where everything was white. I asked him why and then he told me that I had been living in a world of my own creation, that the world I was living in was similar to that movie The Matrix starring Keanu Reeves. He then went on about how "the world was nothing more than a mere illusion and that everything I had ever experienced had been created for my own pleasure." I had no idea what he was talking about.
He then went on about how "Friends can provide subsistence and the pleasures in life such as food and entertainment are nothing but our own creation. Everything is designed to create a sort of excitement in my mind and..." Before he could finish however, I yelled out. "I don't understand anything you're saying, speak in my language!" and he oddly enough complied, saying "Grue AAAAAAAA!!! Mr Winkler is Gay go eat shit fuckers huff kittens." and for the first time in my life I could understand him. I gasped at this announcement, never have I've heard such revelating details and it seemed like my entire world was collapsing around me. I asked if there was a way out, if there was a way to get back to the real world. He turned his head, nodded and said "No." I couldn't understand it so I said "What?" and he said "I said no u noob lol."
He then left me to my own accord; I sat there, thinking about the friends I had and the experience I just went through. Was any of this real? Would I ever cope with this situation. I could hear nothing throughout the Abyss and with nothing to do I sat there, thinking until I heard a few faint beeps. Curious, I kept walking around, trying to find the source of the beeps but I couldn't find them, I then heard the sound of machinery and I was further being annoyed by not being able to find the sounds. Then I witness this white abyss collapsing around me, everything turning black. This was turning into more of a nightmare than I could ever imagine; within seconds the sounds overwhelmed me and I fell into a broken down, insane state.
Chapter 6: ?????[edit | edit source]
I woke up in the middle of an alleyway this morning; I have no memory of what happened. I thought my friends Jim, Bobby and Johnson would be there but they're nowhere to be found. I looked around and I saw stitches and bandages all around me. I wonder what I had drinked that night that caused me to get into this situation and I couldn't remember, everything was a mystery. I looked around, then I noticed a camera one of them left behind; I picked it up, turned it on and looked at the pictures that was contained in there. Suddenly everything was coming back to me.
What the fuck was I doing having sex with a man, I mean I must of been drunk but not drunk enough to realize that I had beer goggles on the entire time; I can't believe it, my friends are going to mock me for being gay until the heat death of the universe. And what was I doing with a random guy in a green suit? Sure, I thought he'd be someone else but why would I hang out with him. And why did he punch me? Maybe I deserve it for being so drunk, maybe the guy didn't want to be bothered. I don't know. I wish I had the ability to remember this day that I had. Then someone came to me and said if I was him; I said yeah and he handed me a bill for the insurance I had apparently received.
I looked at it. I CRASHED MY DAD'S CAR! Oh, he is so going to get pissed at me; THAT WAS HIS ONLY CAR, AND IT'S EXPENSIVE TO REPAIR AT THAT! And this much just to go to the hospital, they must of done some expensive ass shit just to fix me up. AND I HAVE NO FUCKING MONEY! Oh I am so going to have to get a second job to pay for this, but who will hire me? A drunk who had sex with a man and got beat up by a random guy? Oh my life sucks, my friends left me, I have to pay an extreme debt and it's all your fault alcohol. If I hadn't drink you than everything would be fine right now. I would still have my friends, I would still have my money and I would still have my dignity. From now on I am so quitting you, you are gone from my life you pathetic piece of shit gobshite. Let's see you survive a direct hit to the wall you asshole! Now what am I going to do?