User:Happymonkey39/UnNews: The U.S.A cancels Wednesday... Again

Obama feeling confident on his the country's second attempt at the decision.

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

15 September 2013

WASHINGTON DC, -- At 12:30 today, president Barack Obama has officially announced the cancellation of Wednesdays in the United States of America... For good this time. In it's replacement, a second friday will be added to each week on the day that proceeds the original friday.

"The nation and I have come to a formal agreement that adding a second Friday is the logical replacement for the recently replaced Wednesday.", stated Obama. "The extra Friday will be added to avoid the confusion of only having a six day week, which would seriously f*ck everything up... Again"

On January 28th 2012, Wednesday was originally cancelled in 27 states in order to bring the soon arriving Superbowl Sunday one day closer. This caused major conflict in the NFL, due to the remaining 25 unsure of what day to watch the game on. The matter was resolved by hosting two super-bowls, and resulting in a duel-victory by Baltimore Ravens over the San Francisco 49ers . The weekday was of course re-established due to the then constant misuse of the term "24/7" (which should have been changed to 24/6), which drove grammar nazi's,mathematicians and vegans alike insane. This time however, Wednesday is not cancelled for a major sporting event, rather the universal lack of interest in the day.

"Everyone knows that Fridays are awesome, so why not have two? That and we never have to mistake the term hump day for a pornographic movie ever again." , moped some lonely member of congress no one cares about.

"The whole reason everyone loved Friday was because it lead to the weekend, but now there are two Fridays... So wouldn't that just make the first Friday more like a second thursday?", questioned a bystander.

"No.'", confirmed the lonely congressman. "I'm hungry, lets go get some sushi."

This additional Friday will be entitled Friday in order to not complicate Americans into having to memorize yet another weekday. Not to be confused by the Rebecca Black hit Friday; one is a day of the week, the other is a result of rich parents and their spoiled children.

Source

4chan