User:High Gen. Grue/TYATU/88
Episode 88:The Dungeon[edit | edit source]
(In a top-secret Communist base's dungeon, Han is locked up.)
Han: Damn you Engelsfair! The chains are too strong!
(Braycat, Keira, Aquarii, Mhale, and the Peace Corps fall down a chute into the dungeon, and are locked up as well)
Adam: Wheeeee!!!
(Adam is locked up)
Adam: If Engelsfair tells you to get a sandwich, there probably is a trap waiting.
(Indy drops down into a cell of Contents)
Indy: Engelsfair was telling the truth about first-class treatment for me in here! CONTENTS!
(Dizberg falls down the chute, and is locked up)
Dizberg: Damn.
Han: He chose Communism over his friends. He is a coward. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to the Dark side.
(Darth Communism comes out right when Benson drops down, and Benson is locked up.)
Benson: BUT BENSON LIKES COMMUNISM!
Darth Communism: Shut up.
Adam: It's too late. Engelsfair has gone to the dark side.
Darth Communism: Han...I am your father.
Han: Actually, my father was Admiral Humphrey Soson.
Darth Communism: I am Humphrey Soson.
Han: Sure... of course... Besides, my father is dead.
Darth: Not exactly...your Light Side father was killed in a way by the Dark Side...leaving me.
(Shandion and Priest are locked up)
(Minh falls into a cell)
Minh: You are a sad excuse for a communist! Do you even know what the entire concept is about anymore, or are you just blinded by your own ego?
Darth Communist *cough*cough* No... it is your ego that is too big. NO FOOD FOR THE PRISONERS! JUST TORTURE!
Darth: So Han, I AM YOUR FATHER!
Han: Liar. He's been dead since oh I don't know... 1956...
Darth: NOOOOOOOOO!
Han: And his name isn't "Timothy."
Darth: I am not Timothy. He is just an underling of mine.
Han: Yes, you are. <Kicks Darth's hood off, Engelsfair is underneath>
Engelsfair: AHHHHHHH! <puts on hood>
(Darth Communist leaves, and the master of Cruel and Unusual punishment comes in)
Dizberg: Aren't you illegal?
Master of Cruel and Unusual Punishment: No. We are in Russia now. Engelsfair painted the whole world in his image. Call me bob. So... who is first? You? <points to Adam> You? <points to Braycat> You? <points to Shandion> Or You? <points to Indy>
(Aquarii, who is in a seperate room, fidgets with his mouth and spits out a key. He unlocks himself from his cell, and then starts doing what he does best - be Jack Bauer...)
Bob: Guards... SEIZE HIM!
(...and is captured soon after.)
(Bob puts Aquarii on the Rack, and spins the wheel)
Aquarii: BOMB!
Bob: What?
(The rack explodes)
Bob: Ok, I'm going to buy a new rack on cBay. No food. Behave.
Aquarii: I WILL NEVER TELL YOU SCUM!
Bob: I haven't even asked a question yet! Ok, who is the coolest man in the world?
(Aquarii uses his psychic powers to tie up Bob)
Bob: How-
Aquarii: (bad cop voice while ringing off shots from his 9mm) WHO IS THE MAN IN VESELIA!?
Bob: I don't know what you-
Aquarii: YOU KNOW DAMN WELL!
(Bob is slapped)
Bob: I don't know what you-
Aquarii: TELL ME WHERE THE DAMN BOMB IS!
Bob: What bomb!
Aquarii: YOU KNOW DAMN WELL!
(Bob is slapped again, but this time Darth Communist comes out and kicks Aquarii's butt)
Darth: Ok... some lucky Capitalist is going to die...
Aquarii: Jack Bauer rocks!!
Han: Braycat, I thought you and Keira were commies.
Braycat: We lied.
Aquarii: 24!
Indy: You guys might as well sleep chained to the wall! You have no choice! While I swim in CONTENTS!
Darth: CONTENTS SUCKS A LOT!
Indy: No, contents rocks!
Darth: Send him to the Euroipods chamber!
Indy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
(Indy is dragged to the chamber, where he can only struggle to laugh at an overly done poor joke.)
Adam: I agree with Darth Communist there. And Timothy is your father, Han. I even checked the official birth certificate.
Han: Hey wait a second... how could you check it? You're chained to the wall like everybody else.
Darth: COMMIE ORAL SEX IN BED!
Adam: Hey wait, this is MY birth certificate! Oh wait, it is your certificate...
Darth: Because I handed him it just to reveal it to you.
Han: Okay, then cut to Luke Skywalker like NO.
Han: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It's impossible!
Darth: Search your feelings, Han, you know it to be true.
(Llegobi Wan Kellegobi appears, says the word Yes, and disappears)
Han: Okay, I think we've gone too far with the Star Wars.
Everyone else: Keep on going.
Froggy: Ribbit!
Everyone besides Han and Froggy: Shut up, you can only say one word, keep going on with the bloody Star Wars!
Froggy: Why doth thou be so hellbent to disagreeing with a rational voice when all you can spew is an insulting barrage of nonsensical bandwagon? We have clearly gone too far with the Star Wars analogy, and if we not halt this instant I will personally make sure I kill every first born male in the Gaza Strip. AGAIN.
Starnes: Nobody Cares.
Froggy: Ribbitin' A. That does it.
{Froggy hops into his magical sleigh and flies off towards Israel)
(Bob comes back... with a rack)
Bob: Okay... WHO'S FIRST?
Darth: Good. <leaves>
(Bob's shift ends)
Bob: Damnit! You guys are lucky. Go to sleep. <leaves>
(Sleeping gas fills the room, everybody falls asleep, credits roll.)
This script is an episode of
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