User:Danman5550
“Hee hee...”
“I've got great balls of fire!!”
“Who's that? Is it one of my ex-boyfriends?”
“Hell no!! Holy hell no!!!”
Dan Martin[edit | edit source]
Dan Martin was born in "The Summer of '69" along with Barney, Jesus, and John Lennon, who bears an uncanny resembelance to him. His birthday is 6/9/69 and he was born at 6:90. He is most notably known for his co-work in writing The Bible, Harry Pothead, and The Constitution otherwise known by Jon Stewart as the Prostitution. He was also in the movie Superbad as the fatass who draws dicks all day. His other works include directing The Simpsons Pilot Episode and the Seinfeld movie (yes it exists!) as well as the straight version Brokeback Mountain. His most recent movie role was the smash-hit "Dan and Vijay: Escape from Guantanamo Bay"
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Dan's early life started horribly, with his abusive mom, Paris Hitler, getting jailed for a sex tape that caused the USA government to put a tax on porn, but then he was visited by an amazing angel, Jimi Hendrix, who taught him the ways of guitars, LSD, and Afros. His twin brother, Elvis Presley, died at birth when the doctor, Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicked the wrong baby into a pit of baby-eating Mel Gibsons. But the legend of rock lived on in Dan's awesome mullet, given as a gift from Jeff Foxworthy during a scene of Wayne's World.
Career[edit | edit source]
Dan Martin's career started when he went touring lonely pubs, playing bass for Aerosmith. This was very hard for him, since his bass lines (as most bass lines are) were not able to be heard amongst the two lead guitarists. Yeah, being a bassist sucks doesn't it? After an akward scene involving Steven Tyler and a bedroom closet, he sued the band and O.J. Simpson for "sounding the exact same for 20 freaking years." He won the lawsuit, and with the money, started a new band named "Scrêw Äll Tylerś" with great classics such as Stairway to Heaven (better known as nevaeH ot yawriatS to Satanists) and "I'm so Sad, I'm so Very Very Sad". Unfortunately, the lead guitarist had a heroin addiction, and was murdered by Courtney Hate. The lead singer was killed after he choked on Lady Gaga's "Disco Stick". This murder spree ended when the drummer had an unfortunate accident with a "fluffy" raccoon, crystal meth, and pixy sticks
The Quest For the Meaning of Life[edit | edit source]
Ever since 2006, a year of Brittney Spears bullshit, Dan got sick and tired of "working for the man" and left on a quest to find the meaning of life, after Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 crippled his right eye. He *traveled across the land, searching far and wide. These Pokemon, they understand, the power that's inside...*. FOX has decided to turn this into a late night TV program known as Adventure Time with Stephen Colbert.
This quest led him to the Death Star where he served as the Stormtrooper who was tricked by the Jedi mind trick.
