Harry Pothead
 |
Faulknerized!
For the sake of satire, comedy, wit, The Ha! Ha! Quaker, Kitten Huffers, and Sophia, this piece of Uncyclopedian literature, has undergone substantial and pertinent Faulknerization in the first sentence, with the intention to cultivate a more apropos and salient reading experience for all Uncyclopedians who might be entreated to endeavor a viewing upon this entry when the fancy strikes and such an uncontrollable lust for content-free misinformation overwhelms the reader that only Sir Oscar Wilde himself, through his abundent and comprehensive acumen, and his quotings can satisfy the demon urge. |
“In Soviet Russia, Pot smokes you.”
“Harry Pothead, yes a very good friend of mine; especially the pot part.”
“Some writers don't have to curse, but I do, so fuck you.”
An insanely motherfucking popular series in the 1960s, Harry Pothead turned a generation of promising youth into apathetic and immoral adults. Harry Pothead gained a cult following in the 1960s, which caused concern among parents and church leaders, some of whom claimed that Harry Pothead was the antichrist. This is despite the fact that Harry Pothead is fictional. Harry Pothead caused much controversy in the 1960s and is now revered as a great work of British literature. Youth of today shun the Potthead series as a classic.
History[edit | edit source]
The Harry Pothead was conceived by William Shakespeare when he was writing MacBeth. He envisioned it as a light dramady that would chronicle a young schoolboy's quest for drugs. However, Queen Amadalla Episode III showed no interest in the project and Shakespeare modified it into what we now call MacBeth (actually if you say "MacBeth, you will die when the ghosts of all dead people rape you simultaneosly, so I wouldn't advise this).
The beginnings of the Harry Pothead Series remained untouched until the late 1800's when Oscar Wilde discovered Shakespeare's notes. Wilde took the story and modified it to make the young schoolboy homosexual. Many renowned critics argue if Wilde did this to vicariously experience the schoolboy's close (uncomfortably close) relationships with his attractive Potions teacher. Wilde was himself, homosexual.
Until the 20th century, Harry Pothead remained simply a collection of notes and dimebags. This was until the now famous Caimbridge student, J.R.R. Tolkien discovered the notes of Shakespeare and Wilde while completing his dissertation on "British Homosexual Authors and Their Sexuality's Effect on Their Work." Seeing potetial in this story, Tolkien stopped his doctoral research and further developed it. It was at this point the schoolboy became known as Harry Pothead. Tolkien claims the name came from witnessing an extremely stoned Prince Harry, who was dressed as a Nazi at the time.
“Dude, there was like this crazy party in Amsterdam, man and Prince Harry was there. He was so stoned man. And we were drunk [you] know. So we started calling him Harry Pothead. It stuck.”
Tolkien published the Harry Pothead series in 7 volumes. These volumes were ridiculously long, some being up to 1 Billion pages in length. For a year after a release date of a new book, children would shut themselves in their rooms and read. They refused to go to school, play outside, and some refused to eat and died of hunger.
Plot[edit | edit source]
This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that the Planet of the Apes was Earth all along, Buffy dies twice, Prufrock isn't Prince Hamlet, Fry goes back in time and becomes his own grandfather, the Lord of the Flies is inside us all, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!
The Harry Pothead series is divided into several fucking huge volumes.
Harry Pothead and the Stoned Sorcerer[edit | edit source]
In the first Harry Pothead, Harry Pothead is rescued from a home of Christian conservatives and taken to a school for "magic." Critic Hellen Vermicelli argues that the magic spoken of is actually magic mushrooms. Harry arrives at the school, Heroin School for "Magic!!!" and everything is dandy until he runs out of marajuana. He sneaks into the sexy Potions masters office to steal some pot, but gets caught. The Potions Master, David Hasselhoff, who has an attraction for Harry, decides to take a hit with Harry. They are so fucking high that they imagine that they fight a giant cat with two faces and it's freaking cool.
Harry Pothead and the Chamber of Crack[edit | edit source]
During the summer before Harry Pothead's second year at "Heroin," the Smurfs, the family he lives with, do not allow him to smoke pot. Resorting to creative measures, Harry Pothead begins to use crack and LSD. While tripping on acid, Harry sees an ancient fairy from the land of Oompa Loompas.
The fairy tells Potthead "Dude, you must go back to Heroin, there is like a Chamber of Crack that you are destined to find." Harry returns to Heroin, and spends all of his time searching for the Chamber of Crack. Leads begin to surface when students start dropping dead of overdoses. A common thread between the victims is a low tolerance for crack. With the help of a mortal enemy, Satan, Harry discovers the chamber of Crack. Unfortunately, the chamber is guarded by a huge lizard called "Gecko." The gecko is not actually giant, but only two inches long and causes insanity to one who looks it in the eye.
Harry Pothead and Satan, defeat the Gecko and discover a cave constructed of solid crack, accumulated from the shedding of the gecko.
Harry Pothead and the Prisoner of Addiction[edit | edit source]
In the third volume of the Harry Pothead series, Harry realizes that he is addicted to drugs. He also meets his long lost uncle, Sirius Black, who has been in rehab for 12 billion years. We find out later that Siriu is not really addicted to drugs, but is stayiing at rehab for the food. Harry spends the next year getting married to gay Jewish guy called George w. Bush and they get married and had adopted a kid although this happened he became a kkk member and raped gorilla smelling savage niggers. His uncle gets pissed about this. Quite frankly, this volume is boring as hell and could be skipped. If you feel bad for skipping a book in a series then read the Sparknotes. In this volume, Harry experiences flashbacks form his heavy use of acid and sees "huge fucking eagles with wings." My advice: don't read this book.
Harry Pothead and the Goblet of Scotch[edit | edit source]
After a long lenghthy and pretty damn boring rehab from drugs, Harry Pothead decides he is missing something in his life. He turns from illegal drugs to alcohol. Harry uses his new found talent at drinking to enter a drinking tournament between the two other "magic" schools. Even though he is underage, Harry gives the judges pot and they are so high that they let him participate anyway. Despite several attempts to give Harry alcohol poisoning, he wins anyway. The main reason for this is that he killed his opponents while drunk.
Harry Pothead and the Order of the Drug Traffickers[edit | edit source]
In the fifth volume of Harry Pothead begins selling drugs and not just using them. Like all drug sales, violence occurs and Potthead encounters a rival drug lord, Lord Moldyshorts. Violent wizard duels break out and, in the end the Order of the Drug Traffickers, Potthead's gang, prevails. Unforunately, Potthead's uncle Sirius Black is murdered by Lord Moldyshorts.
Harry Pothead and the Druglord Jew[edit | edit source]
In this volume of the Potthead saga, Harry becomes a Jewish drug lord and gets some Nazis weed. He is inspired by the book mein kamfp written by the best man in the world also known as adolf hitler. Potthead finds out that the Playboy writing was written by none other than David Hasselhoff. Potthead feels betrayed, and starts cutting himself (emo). Then his drug supply, Jeffery dahmer, is shot by one of his hoes.
Harry Pothead and the Marijuana Stone[edit | edit source]
Harry returns to Hogwarts this year, "in search of a stone" claiming it will help him defeat Lord Voldy. Ronny Weasel and Hermy Danger agree to help Harry, under the assumption the stone will defeat Voldy. Secretly, Harry wants weed more than ever. They find a mirror which when looked into, will produce whatever one wants the most. Harry looks into it and finds the Marijuana Stone in his pocket. Harry soon breaks the news to Hermy and Ronny that he over the past year he had become addicted to weed. Now in possession of the stone, he can smoke as much pot as he wants... A sequel to this novel awaits!
Religious Views and Controversy[edit | edit source]
Because it was so well loved, Harry Pothead was and still is shunned by the Catholic Church, The Church of Satan and Buddhism for various reasons.
The Catholic Church disapproves of Harry Pothead even though none of its officials have actually read the books to make judgment. Pope Eggs Benedict claims that Harry Pothead "corrupts the minds of young people," but he looks like a rat, so his opinion doesn't count. In short Harry Pothead is on the Church's list of banned books because the congregation members are too stupid to read the books and decide whether they are immoral or not. But anyway.. Harry Pothead was worshipped by many, that's why many people today smoke pot.. more than there used to be anyway.