User:Criselnox
 This User is too Damn Sexy!If you saw this user it's possible that you might fall to the ground and worship him/her, or spontaneously combust from a sex drive overload. |
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NOT SAFE FOR WORK!! |
| The article you are looking at may not be work safe! ...Although, since you're already here it's kind of too late for this warning to actually be useful. | |
| If a boss or coworker sees this article, claim that it was spam and blame the IT guys. Otherwise, continue to read it until your lewd urges are satisfied. |
All edits done to this page by other users are to be reverted.
| Crisel Albania-Nox (in her dreams) | |
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| This is how she looks like. | |
| First appearance | The Sims as soon as some poor sap nicknamed 'creator' created her. |
| Last appearance | [1] |
| No. appearances | 3 |
| Created by | some nerd |
| Portrayed by | Criselnox |
| Profile | |
| Nickname(s) | Criselnox |
| Aliases | Criselnox |
| Species | homo sapiens. she has already gotten into the real world. |
| Age | 17 (in human years) or 95 days (in sim days. Creator never allowed her to prune up into an elder by making her drink countless glass urns of elixirs of life to prolong his fapping moments) |
| Gender | female |
| Date of birth | July 17, 1992 (in human years). The real date when she was created as a sim character was September 3, 2008. All those life-prolonging elixirs were worth it as sims can only live for up to about 88 sim days or about 35.2 days in the real world at maximum. Just do the math. (conversions: one sim hour at the slowest speed is equal to one minute in the real world, as one sim minute is equal to one second in the real world. The formula should still be longer, but I know that Uncyclopedians have low attention spans, so instead of going through Wikipedia, they go here.) |
| Date of death | She's shtill alive |
| Starsign | Cancer (or Virgo. it depends.) |
| Occupation | Uncyclopedia editor |
| Family | Nana your business! |
| Spouse(s) | Albel Nox (in her dreams) |
| Children | none. why? |
| Relatives | Scott nuthin' to do with you! |
| Address | William mind your own business? |
| Religion | Dew you mind? |
| Nationality | Al Kelly you if you continue interfering with things that have nothing to do with you, she says. |
| Would Sylvester Stallone exorcise him/her? | it depends |
Criselnox (born Crisel Thania Shannon) is a sim character whose unusual smartness got her into the real world, but unfortunately isn't smart enough to fulfill her dream to get in Star Ocean 3 to marry Albel Nox.
Creation[edit | edit source]
A 17-year old male player of the game who is a nerd created her to fap with during his spare time. Originally, her name is Crisel Thania (pronounced sa-nee-ya) Shannon. He has created her to be his perfect girlfriend as he is someone who just couldn't get a girl to take him to the prom, or even just go near a girl.
His use around his circle of friends (which at least he has) is to drive girls away from their cafeteria tables at lunch, and it always succeeds. SometimesAlways, he talks to his friends about his virtual girlfriend, and actually fapping to her. He also created himself in the game to be her spouse, but then this marriage never lived long as Crisel herself has a mind of her own. Sim Joe (his sim-self) caught her making out with some brown-haired sim dude who goes by the name of Fenrir Cencini, another guy no one cares about who is at least more good-looking than sim Joe. That also led to the downfall of her relationship with both sim Joe and Fenrir, as behind her aspiration for knowledge is also an aspiration for romance, which means she abhors commitment and wants more than one lover. Ooohhhhh! Wait, I thought she wants to marry Albel? Oh well...
Crisel and the Laboratory[edit | edit source]
Crisel is unusually smart, and is actually a computer virus. That means, she still works in the computer and lives her life when all sim time stops. She cannot be killed by turning off the computer, and despite her creator's nerdiness, he never knew about this. He liked the game a tad too much that he never uninstalled it from his computer.
She eventually topped the science career (Mad Scientist) as she allowed sim time to pass by, which is known as "virus duplication" in the real world, as the virus in her that givers her life beyond the computer being on, she distributed to everyone, except sim Joe. She told everyone not to give the virus to sim Joe.
She worked on in the research lab a dimension portal that will lead her to Elicoor II 4000 years later where Albel lives. Talk about taking video gaming to the next dimension. Well, poor creator, as he never knew that when he allowed Crisel to play the custom-made video game he worked hard on (star ocean 3 for the Sims) as he was playing the Sims 2, she instantly fell in love as soon as she saw Albel- that hot guy in a purple crop top to flaunt his well-toned abs, and his slitted skirt which shows off his beautiful thighs. Just like everyone else, she is also curious about as to whether Albel wears something under that skirt or not. So that's why she wanted to go there. She wanted to marry him even though he is 7 years older than her as of now. That's because something happened to Elicoor II about 3999 years later that disabled all aging. (But that would also mean that if Crisel makes it there, she will never age too.)
And now for the moment of truth...
She was finally done with the dimension portal, and she showed Dr. Draklor, the chief scientist there, her invention. He was amazed as he saw the purple vortex when Crisel pressed the on button in the remote control. She said that it will lead to Elicoor II 4000 years from now, which is the era where Albel lived. They tested the invention as they both went in the portal.
On Elicoor II, er, Earth[edit | edit source]
Well, instead of getting sent to Elicoor II, they got zapped off to present-day Earth.
“"You nitwit! This is earth, the world of the ones who control us!"”
“"Well, do you like it?"”
“"You're fired! I will start a new research lab on earth as henceforth humans shall control me no longer, and you will never be accepted for the job. And to think that you were my top worker."”
A total solar eclipse happened several days later, which ruined her invention, strangely. And, a stroke of bad luck. Her creator himself is in the neighborhood where she got zapped off to, and...
“"Hey! She looks just like my virtual girlfriend Crisel! This is just too good to be true. This totally cheered me up after my day has been ruined when my beloved computer broke a while ago. Ohh... Maybe I should hit on her."”
He then tried to hit on her by talking about how much she looked like his virtual girlfriend who coincidentally shares the same name. She says that her former spouse looked like him but she slapped him, rendering his right cheek to bloody pulp, and he's pwned.
“"It's a good thing I keep all my simoleans with me all the time. I'm just hoping that they accept these as payment for every transaction."”
It's a relief that they do, and with over $500,000 in her arsenal as a former mad scientist, she had her own house built, but never did she pursue the path of science anymore after her dream that ended as a fiasco. She then changed her name to Crisel Albania-Nox, as marriage between her mane NAME and Albel's name, as she can never really marry him.
As for Crisel's creator, he's busy in his room illustrating blueprints for his new virtual girlfriend, who is now blonde.
Object of Emophilia[edit | edit source]
As she is also a romance aspirer, Albel isn't the only guy she lusts after. She especially likes HOT emo dudes as soon as she stepped on earth. Oh, right. Fenrir Cencini, if you cared enough to remember him, is an emo sim. Unfortunately, of the many pictures Fenrir takes of himself, none survived after the great apocalypse known in the sim world as Computer Crashing or Uninstall the Sims. Too bad scenario number 1 happened, which is a lot worse as their god (that's the player of the game) did not will it to be that way.~ O.o
What is heaven, according to Crisel?
Crisel in Uncyclopedia[edit | edit source]
She never pursued science anymore, and began studying the art of comedy instead. So, instead of being in Wikipedia where the likes of her are supposed to belong, she now contributes here.
Crisel's Favorite Articles[edit | edit source]
- Her Husband (or wife)... in her freaking dreams
- Looking Back to Her Past
- Worst 100 Sexual Perversions... (She's guilty of Hentaiphilia and Emophilia)
- Heaven
- Hell
- Green Day
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This user does not have a user page at Wikipedia because they think that they take things way too seriously over there. |