User:Bad Motherfucker/sandbox
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D. B Cooper[edit | edit source]
D. B. Cooper was a badass who hijacked Northwest Orient Airlines Flight 305. Cooper boarded the flight with a suitcase full of nuclear fission, announced to everybody on board that he has a portable nuke, to which nobody cared. Feeling ignored and frustrated, Cooper opened the emergency exit and shoved a flight attendant out of the plane, that got everyone's attention, and Cooper demanded $250,000 (equivalent to one trillion dollars in 2023).
Presidential Football Classic[edit | edit source]
We Weren't Soldiers[edit | edit source]
I'd Like to Make a Withdrawal[edit | edit source]
fake heist movie filled with cliches i want to make - directed by quentin tarantino
DOG:
Mitt Romney vs. Evander Holyfield[edit | edit source]
actual fight that happened
Cassius Clay vs. Muhammad Ali[edit | edit source]
Cassius Clay vs. Muhammad Ali (billed as Double Trouble)
Full Metal Jackin'[edit | edit source]
PARRIS ISLAND[edit | edit source]
PVT. PYLE: Hey Joker, wanna see a magic trick?
PVT. JOKER: Sure. What is it, Leonard?
PVT. JOKER: *laughs* That's a good one, Pyle!
VIET FUCKIN' NAM![edit | edit source]
Pulp-Free Fiction[edit | edit source]
VINCENT VEGA: You know what they call a Royale with Cheese in Europe?
JULES WINNFIELD: Nah, what?
VINCENT VEGA: Quarter pounder with cheese.
JULES WINNFIELD: Quarter pounder with cheese, heh. What do they call a Le Big Mac?
VINCENT VEGA: Le Big Mac's a Le Big Mac, but over there they call it Big Mac.
JULES WINNFIELD: Big Mac, huh. What do they call a Whopper?
VINCENT VEGA: I dunno, I didn't go into a KFC. But, you know what they put on french fries in Holland?
JULES WINNFIELD: What's that?
VINCENT VEGA: Ketchup.
JULES WINNFIELD: Goddamn!
VINCENT VEGA: I seen 'em do it, man! They fuckin' drown it in that shit!
JULES WINNFIELD: That's some nasty shit, man.
VINCENT VEGA: That's what I'm say-
JULES WINNFIELD: Ah man, I hit somebody with the car.
VINCENT VEGA: Why the fuck did you do that?
JULES WINNFIELD: I probably hit a bump, or the brakes failed or something!
VINCENT VEGA: The car didn't hit no motherfuckin' bump! I seen some crazy ass shit in my time, but this...
(They discover that the man they hit is their boss, MARSELLUS WALLACE. JULES and VINCENT run off.)
FLASHBACK[edit | edit source]
MARSELLUS WALLACE: Take a dive in your next fight.
BUTCH COOLIDGE: Are you kidding me? That might derail my career!
MARSELLUS WALLACE: Maybe this will change your mind...
(MARSELLUS opens a briefcase, which is filled with Playboy magazines, and one dollar. BUTCH starts drooling)
BUTCH COOLIDGE: You got yourself a goddamn deal.
(MARSELLUS smiles)
MARSELLUS WALLACE: Here's a little something else, too.
(MARSELLUS hands BUTCH a box of Viagra)
MARSELLUS WALLACE: If boners last for more than four hours, call more ladies!
(BUTCH and MARSELLUS stand up and shake hands, with BUTCH's boner visible. BUTCH immediately pops a Viagra and sprints off with the briefcase)
BUTCH'S FIGHT[edit | edit source]
BUTCH COOLIDGE: Coach, I don't think I can go out there...
BUTCH's COACH: What? Why the hell not? What's the matter?
(BUTCH stands up to reveal what might possibly be the world's biggest boner. Ever.)
BUTCH's COACH: Is that a boner in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
BUTCH COOLIDGE: What?
BUTCH's COACH: What?
BUTCH COOLIDGE: What the fuck am I gonna do?
BUTCH's COACH: There's only one option... we have to cut it off..
Louisiana Hacksaw Bloodbath[edit | edit source]
texas chainsaw massacre rewrite
Operation Payback[edit | edit source]
Operation Payback was a United States led operation during the War on Terror, which took place on November 9, 2001 (11/9). The main purpose of the operation was to kill as many Osama bin Laden lookalikes as possible. It involved flying Boeing 767s into buildings everywhere in the Middle East.
Colonel Sanders[edit | edit source]
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 Colonel Sanders after bombing a small Vietnamese village. | |
| Nickname(s) | Fat Boy, Lard Ass, Fat Cunt, Wide Load, Ham Butt |
| Born | |
| Died | |
| Allegiance | Kentucky |
| Service | Kentucky Fried Chicken |
| Years of service | Possibly infinite |
| Rank | Colonel |
| Unit | 69th Chicken Division |
| Battles / wars | All of them |
| Awards | Medal of Honor (19x) |
Colonel Harland David Sanders (???? - ????) was an officer in the United States Army who served in World War I, World War II, World War III, Korean War, Vietnam War, Gulf War, War in Afghanistan, War on Christmas, War on Humour, War on Tourism, War on Drugs, War on Microsoft, and the War on some drugs.
Debejiah[edit | edit source]
(meth manufacturer, gambler, criminal, race car driver, drug dealer, bank robber|remove when article is done) Debejiah (1942 - 1974) was an Amish man who was a pioneer of extreme horse and buggy racing, as well as a part-time criminal who committed many violent acts. Debejiah was also one of the founding members of NASCAR. At fourteen years old, he started illegally racing horse and buggies with other mischievous youth. Eventually, Debejiah and others began gambling on the races.
Early life[edit | edit source]
When Debejiah was seven years old, he made his first
Waco (video game)[edit | edit source]
Waco is a first person shooter RPG game, developed by David Branch. It was originally released on October 17, 2012 for the Xbox 360, and eventually ported to the PC. However, due to high demand and popularity, it was also remastered for the Xbox One and PlayStation 5 on the 28th anniversary of the Waco siege. The game has received critical acclaim for its realism and gameplay, and was nominated and won several gaming awards. It has since been regarded as a cult classic. No pun intended.
The game is obviously set at Mount Carmel Center in Waco, Texas. Gamers can choose single-player, co-op, multiplayer, or survival mode.
Single-player[edit | edit source]
If the player chooses to play single-player, they will play the campaign mode. It starts out on the first day of the siege, and players can choose to play as David Koresh or an ATF agent. The game is split into 51 chapters, each representing the amount of days the siege lasted for. However, for a successful completion of the campaign, the player can not die a single time, or else all of their progress will reset and a death scene will play. A newspaper and news story will show on the screen, with multiple possibilities regarding the content, depending on which day the player died, and how they died.
Co-op[edit | edit source]
Players can create a team of up to four people and either play as the Branch Davidians, or as the ATF.
Multiplayer[edit | edit source]
Survival mode[edit | edit source]
Survival mode can either be played by one person or up to a group of ten people. You will always play as the Branch Davidians and gain points for completing certain objectives and surviving days. Once a player dies, they will not be brought back until the game has ended and it restarts. If the player gets past day 51 the difficulty will increase by each day after 51.
Waco Siege Chatlogs[edit | edit source]
david1959 has joined the game
Koreshfan110: holy shit! is that actually david?
david1959: yeah it's me. where's our base at?
Koreshfan100 teleports david1959 to Mount Carmel
david1959: sick.
carmelenjoyer334: oh my god is that david
david1959: ya heard?
Koreshfan110 has given david1959 Automatic Weapons!
sammy: seriously? yah i'm telling cause you can't have those
sammy has left the game
david1959: fuck.
alphabetagency has joined the game
alphabetagency: ok so we've heard about people having banned weapons in the gam. you can't use those until you're level 25
david1959: fuck off
alphabetagency: yeah so me and my friends have administrator power, i wouldn't use that type of language
david1959: fuck off
alphabetagency has left the game
Koreshfan110: fucking admins bro.
alphabetagency has joined the game
alphabetagency uses Search Warrant!
david1959: can you just like leave us alone dude
alphabetagency uses Request Backup!
DaFeds have joined the game
david1959: bro?
davidian22: fuck this
davidian22 has left the game
david1959 shoots alphabetagency!
alphabetagency: haha
alphabetagency shoots Koreshfan110!
david1959: hell no!
Johnny B. Goode[edit | edit source]
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Johnny B. Goode was born deep down in Louisiana, close to New Orleans. Way back up in the woods among the evergreens, in a log cabin made of earth and wood. Johnny was known as a country boy who could never read or write so well, many say he could play a guitar just like ringing a bell.
Early life[edit | edit source]
When Johnny was a young child, the locals would frequently see him carrying around his guitar in a gunny sack, where he would go sit beneath a tree by a railroad track. The train engineers would see him sitting in the shade, where they noticed he'd strum with the rhythm that the drivers made. The people passing by would stop and say, "Oh my what that little country boy could play."
Red Ryder BB Gun[edit | edit source]
The Red Ryder BB Gun is a firearm developed in the United States
Could Abraham Lincoln say the n-word?[edit | edit source]
Legendary Football Game at Eric's Birthday Party in '04[edit | edit source]
Way back in '04, at Eric's backyard, the greatest football game to ever be played occurred.
My team[edit | edit source]
| Position | Name |
|---|---|
| QB | Me |
| RB | Sam |
| WR1 | Chad |
| WR2 | Aaron |
| TE | Johnny |
| OL/DL | Louis |
| OL/DL | Fat Ass Kid I Didn't Know |
| OL/DL | Tommy |
| C | Jack |
Eric's team[edit | edit source]
| Position | Name |
|---|---|
| QB | Eric |
| RB | Michael |
| WR1 | Jacob |
| WR2 | Ricky |
| TE | Brian |
| OL/DL | Oscar |
| OL/DL | Carlos |
| OL/DL | Donald |
| C | Gary |
1st Quarter[edit | edit source]
Coin toss. I called heads. The quarter lands on heads. I elect to receive.
Saw[edit | edit source]
story rewrite
Big League Baseball[edit | edit source]
User:Bad Motherfucker/Big League Baseball
Jimi Hendrix[edit | edit source]
James Marshall "Jimi" Hendrix (born Fender Stratocaster Master; November 27, 1942 - September 18, 1970) was an American guitarist, songwriter, singer, and LSD user. Hendrix is considered by many to be the best guitarist of all time.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Hendrix was born on November 27, 1942 in Seattle. While his mother was giving birth, instead of a newborn popping out, a Fender Stratocaster appeared instead. About 30 seconds later a newborn Hendrix arrived. He grabbed the guitar and proceeded to play his famous song, "Purple Haze".
Flint Tropics[edit | edit source]
The JFK Love Files[edit | edit source]
The Walking Dead: Season 54[edit | edit source]
Bering Strait War[edit | edit source]
My Time in the Wild West[edit | edit source]
various goofy stories set in the wild west, expand
The name's Jimmy James. I've been wandering the deserts of the west for quite some time now.
A man came up to me while i was on the trail, he told me to not let the demon clowns take me alive
Dick Willie Johnson discography[edit | edit source]
Elvis Kidnapped My Son[edit | edit source]
Jesus' Adventures in Hell[edit | edit source]
article about jesus going to hell and kicking some demon ass, as well as satan's ass
Sergeant Jangles[edit | edit source]
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| Birth name | Jangles |
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| Buried | Arlington National Cemetery |
| Allegiance |  United States |
| Service |  United States Army |
| Years of service | 1968–1975 |
| Rank |  Sergeant |
| Unit |
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| Battles / wars | Vietnam War
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Sergeant Jangles was a monkey in the United States Army during the Vietnam War.
jangles wrote on his own helmet, "I came here on monkey business"
Awards and decorations[edit | edit source]
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President Bush's Journey to White Castle in Fallujah, Iraq on November 10, 2004[edit | edit source]
Presidential Wrestling Classic[edit | edit source]
Dick Willie Johnson: Hey there folks! Thank you for tuning in to the Presidential Wrestling Classic! As always I'm your host, Dick Willie Johnson, joined by my good friend and colleague Bud "Lite" Bigmeat.
Bud "Lite" Bigmeat: Yes, let me be the first to tell everyone that we have one hell of a show for y'all tonight. This is something truly special.
Dick Willie Johnson: Folks, grab a cold beer and just enjoy the show tonight. No matter how old you are, grab a goddamn beer, crack that sumbitch open and get a little buzz going.
Bud: Goddamn right, Dick. I got me some Jack Daniels! My absolute favorite, as I'm sure you all know!
Dick: I'll be having some of that later, Bud. Let's run through the matches we have going on tonight for y'all. First up, we have a Handicap Ladder match between Franklin D. Roosevelt and the newly formed team named "America's Asskickers," which is made up of William Howard Taft, Theodore Roosevelt, Andrew Jackson, and Gerald Ford.
Bud: Damn, what a team! How the hell is FDR going to even defend himself? He's in a goddamn wheelchair!
Dick: Well, Bud, I don't think he really can. It's just attempted murder I'm pretty sure. Soon after that folks, we have a Hell in a Cell match between George Washington and George III. Now that's one I'm really looking forward to, I gotta say.
Bud: I'm right there with ya, Dick. After that one folks, we have a Hardcore match between Abraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis. You can already tell that one is going to be full of action.
Dick: Oh, absolutely. Then, for our last match, we have a modified casket match called Last Rites. John F. Kennedy, William McKinley, James A. Garfield, and Abraham Lincoln. Damn! Looks like Lincoln is wrestling twice in one night, that's brutal especially right after a hardcore match.
Bud: Oof, that's going to be tough for good ol' Lincoln. Let's see how he handles it. I mean, look back at how he handled the Presidential Bar Brawl Classic, he came out on top after all of that carnage. He can more than handle himself.
Dick: I mean, I agree with you, but this might be too mu-.... WHAT?!!!? We've just received word that Joe Biden and Donald Trump are having an altercation backstage!
Bud: I'll be damned! Look at your screens, people! We have a camera crew rushing to the scene now!
Donald Trump: How you like me now? You sleepy bastard!
Dick: BY GOD! Trump just slammed a steel chair right into Biden's cranium! He's on the ground in pain! ELBOW DROP!
Bud: Somebody needs to get back there before they kill each other! This is going to get ugly!
Dick: Looks like it's getting ugly right now! Biden's forehead is bleeding profusely! Here comes another chair sla- BIDEN ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY AND GRABS HOLD OF THE CHAIR!
Bud: They're fighting for that damn thing! OOF! Biden keeps driving it forward into Trump's stomach! Trump is down on one knee! STEEL CHAIR RIGHT TO THE HEAD OF TRUMP, FOLLOWED UP BY A NASTY MOONSAULT RIGHT ON TOP OF HIM!
Dick: Trump looks like he's out! Look at that! Biden's wiping his feet on him!
Joe Biden: That's right, clean my shoes you orange fuck!
Dick: Looks like Trump and Biden are keeping it classy with each other.
Bud: Biden turns around now and seems to be... taunting a crowd that isn't there? He's not even looking at the camera, Dick.
Dick: He better watch out because Trump is back up on his feet! No, he's not gonna do it is he?!
Bud: Looks like he might be, he's getting in the stance. About to pull the trigger on what he calls the ".45 Caliber," Biden is in huge trouble!
Dick: Don't do it, Biden! Don't turn aro- MY GO- WHAAATT?! BIDEN REVERSED IT! HE PILEDRIVES TRUMP INTO THE GROUND!
CRUNCH
Bud: Good Lord! That was the sound of his skull slamming on the floor! I think he's actually out now! Hell, he might be dead!
Dick: With these backstage brawls, there is always the possibility of injury, or even death. Which is why it's fucking awesome.
Bud: Couldn't have said it myself, Dick. Whiskey?
Dick: Absolutely.
Bud: Biden is again working a crowd that is not there... Oh, he's looking into the camera this time! I think he figured it out.
Joe Biden: I am so deeply sorry.
Dick: ...
Bud: ...
Dick: What?
Bud: Look at that, tears are in his eyes! Now he's shuffling towards the doors? I-... Did Biden just walk out?
Dick: Did he win or lose? Trump's trying to get back up, but look at that dent in his skull, Bud. That's some elite levels of brain damage and blood.
Bud: What the fuck? Who is he even apologizing to?
Dick: Judging by the music, I think Trump has been declared the victor. That was an absolute cluster fuck!
Bud: Yeah, looks like he's a winner with that goddamn dent in his skull. I don't know how the hell he's even standing up. He's trying to speak into the camera.
Donald Trump: *loud grunting and drooling*
Dick: Beautiful statement from the prez.
Bud: I'll tell you what, this next match is going to be a clusterfuck, but in a good way. You know?
Dick: Oh, one hundred percent. I'm really looking forward to it.
Bud: Folks at home, grab another beer, maybe two. Don't go anywhere, because the action is only getting started and we have plenty of it tonight for you on the Presidential Wrestling Classic. We're gonna take a quick commercial break and rejoin you back before the ladder match.
Dick: Welcome back folks. The next match is about to start here shortly, definitely going to be an interesting one. Wouldn't you say, Bud?
Bud: Absolutely.
Dick: Here come America's Asskickers. Ready to kick ass. For America.
Bud: Look at them, how the hell is FDR going to handle this?
Dick: No clue, Bud. The Asskickers climb into the ring and each of them start saluting the crowd.
Bud: Uh oh, I think FDR has lost control of his wheelchair! He's speeding towards the ring, holy shit he's going real fast!
CRASH!
Dick: MY GOD! He just slammed into the side of the ring and got catapulted into the middle of it! The Asskickers are beating the shit out of him! Good Lord!
Bud: Teddy picks FDR up using his raw strength and powerbombs FDR! This is awesome!
Dick: Looks like Taft is getting a ladder from outside. Gerald Ford goes on the top rope and gives FDR a brutal leg drop to the face! Jackson gets on top of him and starts delivering some palm strikes! This is brutal!
Bud: I don't know how he's gonna do it, Dick! FDR would have to pull off a goddamn miracle to reach that briefcase!
Dick: Looks like Taft is putting that ladder up in the middle of the ring, he's climbing up! I think he's gonna get the briefca- WAIT WHAT?!
Bud: He's not gonna jump on FDR is he? Not from up there, don't do it! Taft is 350 pounds! He's gonna kill him! DON'T DO IT, GODDAMNIT!
CRUNCH!
Dick: HE'S GOTTA BE DEAD! HE'S GOTTA BE DEAD! THEY'VE KILLED HIM!
Bud: WAIT NO! LOOK AT HIM, HE'S MOVING AROUND! WHAAAT?!
Dick: The crowd is going fucking wild!
Bud: I think FDR is bleeding internally! Shit fire! You know, I wouldn't be surprised if he got crushed so hard that he started to walk again!
Dick: Oh good God, what are they going to do to him now? Oh Christ almighty, this is just sadistic! Each of them have grabbed a hold of FDR's limbs and they're just pulling as hard as they can! FDR is screaming in pain!
Bud: They're gonna rip him apart! STOP!
Dick: They've dropped him, and now Teddy grabs the ladder and starts slamming it in FDR's face! Looks like FDR catches the legs with his hands, and pushed it up into Teddy's face! He's fighting back, yes!
Bud: OOH! Gerald Ford with a brutal soccer kick to the head of FDR. He shut that shit down quick! Oh no, Jackson is on top of FDR, and he's slamming his head into the mat like a goddamn gorilla! FDR pokes Jackson in his eyes and headbutts him!
Dick: Looks like Teddy is ready to hit his signature move, the Bullmoose Backbreaker! Here he goes!
Bud: Teddy picks FDR up into a gorilla press, oh this is gonna be ugly! HE TAKES FDR AND SLAMS HIS BACK ON HIS KNEE, BY GOD!
Dick: That was fucking awesome! Ford takes the ladder and stands it back up in the middle of the ring, I think he's gonna show some mercy and unhook that damn briefcase!
Bud: Oh! Look at that! FDR is crawling to the ladder, he's using all of his strength to topple it over! No wa- OH MY GOD! HE DID IT! FORD GOES FLYING OUT OF THE RING!
Dick: Jackson sics onto FDR like a pitbull and looks to be trying to break his goddamn neck! Ford is already back in the ring, and he means business! Oh no, what do Taft and Roosevelt have planned? Looks like they're gonna sla- OH THEY LAUNCH HIM ABOUT 20 FEET INTO THE AIR! HOLY SHIT, HE'S GONNA CRA- WHAAAAAATTTT?!
Bud: HE SNATCHED THE BRIEFCASE ON THE WAY DOWN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! WHAT DID I JUST SEE?! HE'S WON! FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT HAS WON THE LADDER MATCH!
Dick: Holy fuck, pour me some of that Jack Daniels, Bud.
Bud: Yeah, of course. Can somebody get us some double glasses?
Dick: Let's go to commercial break and I'm gonna try to believe what I saw, because WHAT THE FUCK! That was amazing!
George Washington vs. George III in a Hell in a Cell match
Abraham Lincoln vs. Jefferson Davis
Lincoln, McKinley, Garfield, and JFK go at it in a modified casket match
Bud: Who the hell are these people running into the ring? The fans are stormi-
Dick: OH MY GOD! GARFIELD HAS BEEN SHOT!
Bud: Two more shots ring out! MCKINLEY AND LINCOLN ARE HIT!
Dick: Get the hell out of there, Kennedy!
Bud: Yes! Kennedy is hauling ass out of there! RUN GODDAMNIT!
Dick: SOMEONE IS FIRING FROM THE STANDS! THAT ONE MISSED KENNEDY!
POW!
Bud: NOT THAT ONE THOUGH! THAT DEFINITELY HIT HIM IN THE THROAT! HE'S STILL RUNNING! GO YOU SUMBITCH!
POW!
Dick: WHAT A SHOT! KENNEDY HAS BEEN SHOT IN THE HEAD! HE'S DEAD! HE'S DEAD!
Bud: That's some damn good shooting! Hot damn!
Spongebob, Patrick, and Squidward go ghost hunting[edit | edit source]
My Brawl with Jason Voorhees on Halloween 1983[edit | edit source]
I was sitting in my living room very late at night, watching the Friday the 13th franchise. Something felt off, though. I don't mean in the way some horror movies might make you uneasy; something felt really, really wrong. That's when I heard it.
KI KI KI MA MA MA
I immediately got up and looked out the window. That's when I saw the bastard.
Jason Voorhees. Standing underneath a streetlight. No weapon. No credit card. No signup. No bullshit. He's not here to kill me; he's here to lay a goddamn beatdown, no two ways about it. I'll be damned if I let that happen. Me and him were staring at each other for about ten seconds before he started walking towards my house. Time to face the music. I opened the front door and decided to meet him in the front yard. As soon as he stepped foot in my front yard, I sprinted towards him and shoulder charged him into the ground. I jumped on top of him and started punching him in the face. He drove his palm right into my chin, and I got sent flying back onto the ground. I got back up on my feet, ran inside my house, and locked the front door. It didn't take him long to break the door down. He walked in, and I hit him in the stomach with a few punches before he grabbed me by the throat and lifted me up. I kicked him in the dick and balls, which made him drop me. He was hunched over grabbing his private parts, so I hit him with an uppercut that sent him stumbling backwards. I ran up and dropkicked the fucker right in the chest, which sent him flying into a coatrack. I ran upstairs while he was getting back up; I turned around, and he was closer than I expected. At this point I'm at the top of the stairs, and Jason is about halfwayup the stairs. I lunge as hard as I can at him, leading with my shoulder. We both went tumbling down the stairs. When we landed at the bottom, I wasted no time, and I scrambled on top of him and started slamming the back of his head into the ground like a gorilla. He grabbed the back of my head and headbutted the hell out of me. I fell backwards and went on my hands and knees. He was behind me while I was bent over, and I thought I was about to say goodbye to my anal virginity, but instead he wrapped his arms around my stomach and fuckin' German suplexed me into the ground. I was seeing stars, and I still don't know how I didn't get killed or knocked out because of that.
He started dragging me towards the living room, and I grabbed onto the wall and held on for dear life while kicking and squirming around. Somehow I managed to escape his grasp, and I grabbed a nearby vase and threw it at him. Hit him square in the face with that sucker. He stumbled backwards and fell over the side of the couch. I quickly ripped a lamp out of the wall, jumped on him, slammed it in his face, and started wrapping the wire around his neck and pulled as hard as I could. Jason did not concern himself with that and grabbed me by the throat with both hands and threw me off and onto a table. He got the lamp off of his neck and swung it by the wire and into my face, which launched my head backwards on the table. He jumped on the couch and performed a moonsault on me. The table immediately broke. Goddamn, that shit hurt. Jason got up, grabbed me by the throat with one hand, and lifted me off of the ground. He raised me up into the air and chokeslammed the fuck out of me onto the broken table. It knocked the breath out of me. I grabbed a table leg, which had snapped off, and threw it at his face; it hit him, and he stumbled back into my TV. Goddamnit, there goes my TV. I decided to go upstairs to catch my breath for a bit.
I went into my bathroom to take a quick piss. Shortly after I started draining the snake, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and saw Jason standing behind me, looking down at me. I reacted quickly and turned around to start pissing on him. He started squirming around, flinging his arms wildly. I ran out of juice, so I pushed him down and slammed the bathroom door behind me, quickly zipping up on the way out. I ran to my bedroom to grab my trusty Louisville Slugger, signed by Pete Rose. I stood against the wall next to the bathroom door and waited for him to open it. I heard it open, so I swung the bat as hard as I could at where his head would be at. I felt an impact, so I turned the corner and saw him laid out on the ground, with his mask next to him. He stood back up, and I saw the ugliest sumbitch I've ever seen in my life.
Good god. That is the ugliest motherfucker this side of the Mississippi.