User:Aliveoutofhabit/The pendragon adventure
“Bobby Pendragon? Yeah, I'd tap that”
“In Russia, Turning Point guide you!”
Pendragon is the name of a popular series of fantasy novels by Oscar Wilde. They mainly follow the adventures of Bobby Pendragon and the superfriends, but also a continuing sub-plot of Bobby's friends Mark Dimond, Courtney Chetwynde, and Scrappy-Doo. The first book, Harry Potter and the Merchant of Death, was originally published as a cross between erotica and graphic novels in 3000 BC by Aladdin Paperbacks. The series currently has seven books out including Harry Potter and the Merchant of Death, Harry Potter and the Giant Frickin Dome, Harry Potter and The Hot Stripper who's really a due, Harry Potter and the Reality 2.0 Beta Test, Harry Potters and the Ethics of Bestiality, Harry Potter and the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and Return Of The King. The title for the eighth book was recently announced as "Bobby Pendragon's Most Excellent Adventure", after Mr. T said the title printed in Return Of The King (Pendragon The Moderately Succesful), had been bad for his Feng Shui. D.J. (A pen name of Oscar Wilde) posted on his official forums, www.thependragonadventure.com, that the book will come on June 6, 2006; and will be released on May 6, 2007, having had its stress relieved by emitting its seed allover and abstract point in space-time. The series is planned to last for 10 books (70 in dog books), one for each sperm cell in Condredge Holloway's body, which will switch between Bobby's first person perspective, Courtney/Mark/Scrappy's third person perspective, and a second person choose-your-own adventure perspective, to be told by Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi.
Series plot[edit | edit source]
This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that The Princess is in Another Castle®, The kids in Narnia died in a train wreck in the first book, and Narnia is actually Heaven, which is destroyed in the last book, Will stabs Davy Jones's heart, and takes over as captain of the Flying Dutchman, Polly had the lens cap on the whole time, Number Six escapes from The Village, "To Serve Man" is a cookbook, they save Private Ryan, but they all get killed, the Ghostbusters have to cross the streams to destroy Gozer, Sirius Black dies, Tony gets shot by Chino and dies in Maria's arms, Dr. Strangelove can actually walk (and everybody dies), Prufrock isn't Prince Hamlet, Lowrie fulfills the wish list, but dies, the computer simulation was actually the Third Invasion, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!
The story takes a novel leap by beginning in the first book of the series, Harry Potter and the Merchant of Death. Bobby Pendragon is living a normal life in Stony Brook, Connecticut, where he is the star of Stony Brook Middle School's basketball team. But when he turns fourteen, his uncle, Press Tilton, takes him to an abandoned subway station where he and Bobby travel through a portal through space and time called a flume. Bobby soon finds himself in a different territory — presumably a different version of history — Denduron, which is on the brink of a civil war. There Bobby discovers he was chosen to be a Traveler, a defender of the universe from Saint Dane, an evil villain who wishes to tip all of Halla (all territories, all people, and all time that was or ever will be) into chaos so he can remold it however he wishes to. To save it, Bobby must rescue all ten territories from destruction. So far, Bobby has travelled to Denduron, Cloral, First Earth (Earth in the year 1937),Veelox, Eelong, Zadaa, and Quillan, each time trying to keep Saint Dane from destroying the territory. They have been successful in all but Veelox and Quillan. The Earth Bobby is from, "our" current Earth, is called Second Earth. He has also been to Third Earth (Earth in the year 5010) but this was merely for information and not to stop Saint Dane.
Travelers[edit | edit source]
The Travelers are a group of people with incredible wit and talent and are usually unique to their own territory. This group believes in a jew-fueled entrepreneurial theory that gives them the motto "you broke it, you bought it." The travelers are hand picked by Senator Benjamin Nighthorse Campbell; who decided one day that it would be fun to see emo kids get the snot beaten out of them. For example, when Bobby was younger, his uncle took him on expeditions and trips and otherwise to prepare him for some of the things he would have to do as a Traveler, such as being raped by a family member. When a Traveler finds out his destiny, all traces of that person's existence disappear. Upon the departure of a traveler, the family members are taken to an unknown location, presumably to be converted into soylent green When a new traveler takes the mantle on each territory, the previous one soon dies. The purpose of the Travelers is to save the souls of heathen's by bringing them into the light of our lord and savior Jesus "Misdemeanor" Christ.
Every Traveler has special abilities. Many of the Travelers have demonstrated some of the following abilities at some time in the novels. Other than Travel, these are of varying degrees of effectiveness depending on how many times they have leveled up, coupled with a saving throw.
- Automatically have access to the popemobile.
- Influence people's thinking through simple persuasion, such as neck-punching or use of Rohypnol
- Perceive emos; which was found to be extremely useful on ibara
- Hear every-other word (includes speech and writing) as their own, but in limerick form.
- Take half-damage from injuries that would kill any normal person very quickly; provided they make the aforementioned saving roll
- Bring another Traveler back to life, by using 9 mana per second in a 30min-cast spell
- Obtain low retail value on their home
- Be Faster than a bullet traveling exactly the speed limit
- Be more powerful than a Mag-Lev train
- Able to Scale and repel down moderatley sized office-buildings without the proper release-waiver forms
- Access a mystical energy field known as "the heart of the cards"
- Summon the dark atronoch Karl Rove
- Change their toe-nail Color
- Synthesize their own glucose from sunlight, carbon dioxide and water, with oxygen as a waste product.
There are several more abilities that are only available to Saint Dane and Nevva at this time.
- Return from death, after a short stint of necrophilia.
- Shapeshift into any kind of shape or form including animals and other subhuman life-forms (see: men). It is unknown whether or not Saint Dane can transform into lawyers or demigods, such as Abraham Lincoln.
- Know what the turning point is on each Territory, as well as the nearest gas station.
- Make an OBJECTION! automatically be sustained, via manipulation of quantum-probability fields
- Know exactly how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
- The Ability to solve Fermat's Last Theorem
In Return of the king, Pope Dane claims that the Travelers are not physical, corporeal beings, but illusions, and that is how they are able to use their "powers"; or how Saint Dane and Nevva are able to change form and how the Travelers are able to use the flumes. While this does answer many questions raised about the nature of the travelers, it has faced overwhelming opposition by the fanbase, as it's "too logical, not enough imagination", and people who utilize this are considered "stupid meany heads"
The Acolytes[edit | edit source]
Acolytes are Nicaraguan body gaurds assigned to hide old man jenkin's loot; a lost treasure found at the mouth of each flume. The Acolytes use their massive knowledge of all things groovy to don rubber masks and create the image of ghosts with a few balls of yarn, some mirros, and a candlestick. They supply the Travelers with taiwaneese prostitues, charging either one arm or two legs. They can travel between territories and often do, indeed their experience is much more enjoyable and "rocking". However, they each receive a ring (commonly called "hallabling, or HB for short); which they can pawn for the cash needed to fuel their LSD addictions. When there is a new Acolyte, the old Acolyte does not die; for instance, Tom Dorney, the previous acolyte from Second Earth , remained alive when Mark and Courtney became the acolytes of Bobby, and so you know Tom Dorney was Press Tilton's Acolyte. On Cloral, Vo Spader's acolyte is Wu Yenza, his superintendent. On Veelox, Aja's acolyte is Evangeline, her adopted aunt. On Eelong, Kasha's acolyte was her friend Boon. On Zadaa, Loor's acolyte is Saangi, her squire and sister. On Denduron, Alder's acolyte is a Milago woman whose husband died in a Transfer ceremony. No other acolytes are known In order to create a new acolyte, a mommy acolyte and a daddy acolyte must do a special hug called "the convergence"; after they do this hug a stork comes down and gives them a baby acolyte.
Nevva Winter does not have an acolyte and never will; as she prefers to rent taiwaneese slave-children to do her bidding.
Territories[edit | edit source]
A realm of space-time, possibly alternate histories for the same planet or planets who evolved in parallel manner. The territory that Bobby Pendragon comes from is called Second Earth or present day Earth as we know it. Most of the territories are similar to one another; for example, most have the same kinds of plants, animals, and people in them. Most territories have a normal sun in the sky, with the exceptions of Denduron and Eelong, and the possible exceptions of Quillan and Ibara. Territories are interconnected by flumes, tunnels through space and time.
Territories have no official order; however they are usually listed in the order of the book they appear in: Denduron, Cloral, First Earth, Veelox, Eelong, Zadaa, and Quillan.
Traditionally, only Travelers are allowed to use the flumes; however it is revealed in the fifth book that acolytes can use the flumes after Saint Dane won the battle on Veelox, but damage them in doing so, and, as revealed in the seventh book, that anyone can use the flume if they go with a Traveler.
The ten different territories are:
- Second Earth - The territory where Bobby comes from. Represents Earth in modern times. Mark Dimond and Courtney Chetwynde are Bobby's friends and become his acolytes in the fourth book, The Reality Bug. This territory undergoes a chaotic change in its technology and history at the end of the Quillan Games, presumably due to Mark's assumed intervention in the past (First Earth). The quigs or bloodthirsty guardians of the flumes are somehow controlled by Saint Dane and guard the flume when Saint Dane doesn't want you to be near there. Second Earth's quigs are large, black dogs with the quig's recognizable yellow eyes.
- Zadaa - Loor's home territory. Mostly desert, with two civilized tribes: the Rokador and the Batu. The other tribes are uncivilized cannibals. Loor comes from the Batu tribe. Loor's acolyte is her squire and adopted sister, Saangi, also from the Batu tribe. Bobby visits Zadaa in the sixth book, The Rivers of Zadaa. The quigs of this territory are large snakes with the quig's bloodthirsty, yellow eyes.
- First Earth - Earth in the year 1937. A man named Vincent "Gunny" Van Dyke is the Traveler from First Earth. He is called "Gunny" because he cannot bring himself to fire a gun. Gunny's alcolyte is a bell hop named Dewey. Bobby comes to First Earth in the third book, The Never War. The quigs in this territory are also dogs, similar to the quigs on Second Earth but this isn't proven as they don't really have a part in First Earth.
- Third Earth - Earth in the year 5010. Now humanity is at peace, pollution has been abolished, and people are colonizing other planets and moons in our solar system. The Traveler from Third Earth is a man named Patrick. The quigs are most likely similar to Second Earth's as well but this also is not proven.
- Denduron - A territory mostly covered with frozen undiscovered continents, but near the equator are three inhabited continents. One of these continents is where two battling tribes live: the Milago and the Bedoowan. The Milago are forced to hunt for glaze, a type of valuable mineral, and give it to the Bedoowan. The Traveler from Denduron is a Bedoowan knight named Alder. His acolyte is a Milago woman who lost her husband to the Bedoowan through the Transfer ceremony in the first book. Bobby and his Uncle Press visit Denduron in the first book, The Merchant of Death. The quigs of this territory are described by Bobby as being reminiscent of prehistoric bears, with a single yellow spike on their backs, and the typical yellow eyes.
- Cloral - A territory completely covered by water. The inhabitants of Cloral live on huge floating cities called habitats, with the exception of the recently re-discovered city of Faar. Each habitat has a job to do. Some habitats make all the machinery for Cloral, some grow all of the food, and the others have other jobs. An energetic man named Vo Spader is the Traveler from Cloral. Spader's acolyte is his boss, Wu Yenza. Bobby and his Uncle Press come to Cloral in the second book, The Lost City of Faar where Press is killed. The quigs of this territory are gigantic sharks with yellow eyes that catch the light.
- Veelox - A territory with cities similar to those on Earth. Unique to it is Lifelight, a computer program that allows people to live in their own fantasy worlds. Almost ALL of the people in Veelox have abandoned their homes and live in their own fantasies. The Traveler from Veelox is a girl named Aja Killian. Her acolyte is her aunt, Evangeline. Bobby visits Veelox in the fourth book, The Reality Bug. The quigs are unknown for this territory. It was the first territory lost to Saint Dane due to the people's eagerness to reenter Lifelight after having to evacuate it because of the Reality Bug.
- Eelong - This is probably the territory most unlike Earth. Eelong is covered in tropical jungle. The most civilized creatures there are not human. They are beings called "klees". They look like wild cats, but stand on two legs and have no tail. Humans there are called "gars" and are kept as pets and slaves, or are used for entertainment purposes by the klees. They are treated worse than animals but are actually very intelligent. The Traveler from Eelong was Kasha. Bobby visited Eelong in the fifth book, Black Water. The quigs from Eelong are savage gars with yellow eyes that glint with constant hunger. The flume in Eelong has been destroyed killing Kasha along with it, and Gunny and Spader are trapped on Eelong because Mark and Courtney traveled through the flumes too many times trying to do, and doing their part to help.
- Quillan - Quillan is a territory on the verge of DEATH. The people have lost control of their own future. The only chance they have of finding a better life is by playing or betting on games; games in which game masters Veego and LaBerge use the people of Quillan as pawns in competitions that range from physical battles to impossible obstacle courses to computer-driven tests of agility. To triumph in the games is to live the life of a king... to lose is to die. It is controlled by a greedy company named BLOK. The quigs from Quillan are robotic spiders. It was the second territory lost to Saint Dane. Nevva Winter was formerly the traveler to this territory, before she joined Saint Dane and her mother took over.
- Ibara - Ibara was introduced in The Guide to the Territories of Halla in name only. In The Quillan Games, the Traveler from Ibara, Remudi, makes a brief appearance. However, he dies shortly after he appears. Bobby has not visited Ibara yet.
The order of the territories for the final three books is under much speculation, but at the end of The Quillan Games, Bobby and Courtney are going to Third Earth while Saint Dane is headed for Ibara. For this reason, many believe Second Earth will be the final battlefield. Similar suggestions occurred in The Lost City of Faar, whereas Bobby remarks that in the end, the battle will be between Saint Dane... and himself.
Characters[edit | edit source]
Main characters[edit | edit source]
See: The Pendragon Adventure characters
Travelers[edit | edit source]
Since the publication of the seventh Pendragon book, we now know the names of at least one Traveler from all ten territories. This is a list of them:
- Denduron: Alder - A Bedoowan knight. He is very tall and a trained knight. He is quite clumsy but loyal and steadfast, and has large, caring eyes that remind Bobby of a puppy's.
- Cloral: Vo Spader - Lives on the habitat of Grallion and works as an aquaneer — a shepherd for incoming craft. He accompanies Bobby on the mission to First Earth and almost ruins the mission because he was blinded by the hate he has for Saint Dane. Spader is trapped in the territory of Eelong because the flume there collapsed. His acolyte is Wu Yenza, his chief Aquaneer.
- First Earth: Vincent "Gunny" Van Dyke- An old African-American man, formerly a soldier in World War One. He is called Gunny because he can not bring himself to shoot a gun. Bobby first meets Gunny when he visited First Earth in The Never War. Gunny has also helped Bobby on Eelong and is currently stranded there with Spader since the flume collapsed in fifth book.
- Veelox: Aja Killian The lead phader of Lifelight. She lives in a gigantic mansion outside of Lifelight which is owned by Dr. Kree Sever (Saint Dane), who was on a Lifelight jump for over a year. Aja helps Bobby to take on Saint Dane. It is mainly her fault that Veelox was Saint Dane's win because of her invention of the "Reality Bug," a computer program she designed to make Lifelight imperfect. She was unkowingly guided by Saint Dane and so the Bug malfunctioned. Nothing is known from her at the time other than that she stayed on Veelox to fix what has been wronged.
- Eelong: Kasha - Kasha is a klee (a civilized feline biped), and the Traveler from Eelong. She and her acolyte, Boon, find and save Black Water, a civilization that klees usually dismiss as a gar (human) myth. At the end of Black Water, she was killed by falling rocks as a result of the flume on Eelong crumbling, because Mark and Courtney used the flume one too many times. Boon is the acolyte of Eelong after Bobby finds out that Yorn, the original acolyte of Eelong, was Saint Dane in disguise. Seegen is Kasha's father, another klee from Eelong. He was the Traveler from Eelong before his death.
- Zadaa: Loor - Loor is Bobby’s partner in their adventures in Denduron and in Veelox. She’s a very strong warrior, and is very proud. She is a Batu– a member the warrior tribe of Zadaa. Osa is her mother, who died in Denduron protecting Bobby. Loor always saves Bobby’s life, because it was her mother's dying wish for her to help protect him. She is always "there when a warrior is needed." In the middle of the sixth book, Bobby writes in his journal that he has feelings for Loor, but Loor shows him that they cannot be together because they are Travelers; a romance would obstruct their mission. In a desert camp in book six, Alder, Saangi, and Loor help train Bobby to fight so he can better defend himself against Saint Dane after almost being killed by him earlier in the same book. Loor was killed by Saint Dane at the end of the book, but was, somehow, brought back to life by Bobby. Rumor has it that her destiny had yet to be fulfilled, or that Travelers can resurrect one another at need.
- Quillan: Elli Winter - She is the Traveler from Quillan. She is the mother of Nevva Winter, the 'original' Traveler from Quillan. Originally, Press had showed up and appeared to her telling her of the Travelers and their duties to Halla, but she was frightened by these stories, feeling it was all too much, so she ran away. She did not become the offical Traveler from Quillan until Nevva had left Quillan to replace the Traveler from Ibara (Remudi) by Saint Dane's side.
- Ibara: Nevva Winter (unconfirmed)- Nevva was originally the Traveler from Quillan, but after the events of the Quillan Games, she decides to replace the Traveler of Ibara, since Remudi, the original Traveler from Ibara was killed by Challenger Green/Saint Dane in the beginning of the book. Nevva joined Saint Dane on his quest after her parents were supposedly killed by the trustees of BLOK; however, unknown to her was that her mother was alive and a guardian of the library "Mr. Pop". It is unknown whether or not it is possible to "replace" a traveler, or if Remudi was Ibara's traveler for the "Last Generation". If Remudi wasn't the Last traveler from Ibara, his replacement may be the new traveler(though he/she may not know it yet) and not Nevva.
- Third Earth: Patrick - Appeared in The Never War. He is the Traveler from Third Earth, and helped Gunny and Bobby see what would happen to the Earth territories if the Hindenburg didn't crash. He works as a librarian. He is suspected to appear again in the next book, The Pilgrims of Rayne.
- Second Earth: Robert "Bobby" Pendragon - In all of the books. He is the lead Traveler, and the Traveler of Second Earth. He was reluctant at first to fufill his task, but eventually becomes the most dedicated of all. It is usually he who moves on from one territory to another, while other Travelers remain behind– sometimes to come at his beck and call.
- Saint Dane is considered a Traveler, although it is unknown which territory he is from. There is some question to whether he is a full Traveler or not, seeing as each territory can only have one at a time. According to Saint Dane, to reveal his origins would put him at a disadvantage. He did reveal though, that all travelers are illusions. In the seventh book, he mentions something called the "Convergence", which is part of his plan to destroy Halla so he can "pick up the pieces". He is the number one enemy of all Travelers (and Halla itself), and is thus Bobby's archenemy. Saint Daine has the power to shape shift, and uses it, as well as slander, persuasion, and charisma, to divide and conquer the peoples of Halla.
 | Warning: The above text may have contained spoilers What? Oh shit! I should have told you earlier. My bad. |
Books in the series[edit | edit source]
- The Merchant of Death
- Release Date: September 1, 2002, Paperback
- The Lost City of Faar
- The Never War
- The Reality Bug
- Release Date: September 1, 2003, Paperback
- Black Water
- The Rivers of Zadaa
- The Quillan Games
- Release Date: May 16, 2006, Hardcover
- Release Date: November 6 2006, UK
- The Pilgrims of Rayne
There is also The Guide to the Territories of Halla (2005) by Victor Lee, D.J. MacHale, and Peter Ferguson.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- The The Merchant of Death, Black Water, and The Rivers of Zadaa books have class/racial issues as a major theme or the turning point of the territory.
- All of the territories' Turning Points have something to do with many people dying or widespread destruction:
- The first book had an impending Milago use of tak to destroy all of the other tribes on Denduron.
- The second book had an impending plague and subsequent war that would wipe out Cloran civilization.
- The third book had the impending threat of Nazi Germany using the atomic bomb first.
- The fourth book had the impending threat of the Reality Bug killing everyone in Lifelight.
- The fifth book had the impending genocide of all the gars, and the consequent poisoning or starvation of the klee.
- The sixth book had the impending genocide of the Batu, and the consequential destruction of the Rokador by the cannibal tribes of Zadaa.
- The seventh book had the impending destruction of Mr. Pop, a record of the history of Quillan; therefore destroying the hope of the Revival and allowing Blok to continue to control the people of Quillan.
- Gunny is the only Traveler (of his Traveler generation) older than 30.
- Saint Dane always has at least two disguises per book, with the possible exceptions of the fourth and sixth. One of his disguises is always immediately known (either by being told by him, being told by another character, or exposed by Bobby through him noticing Saint Dane's icy blue eyes), while the second or third disguise is a hidden disguise.
- Saint Dane did not immediately transform after winning Quillan like he did with Veelox, though some assume he will be more demonlike in book eight.
- Nevva is the first Traveler (not including Saint Dane) to turn evil. Although Saint Dane asked Bobby and Loor to become evil they refused.
- Both territories that have fallen were dystopian and had more advanced technology than Second Earth, whereas all the territories with equal or less advanced technology as Second Earth have been won. It also interesting to note that in each territory that has been lost, Bobby thinks he has won before he realizes he has lost. It is noted that this is similar to what Press told Bobby would happen to Saint Dane. That is,
"It won't be over until he thinks he's won