User:=G=caboose/The north south divide
 | This article may be Overly British |
“I were down the local pub t'other night. A pint of mild were there in me sights, when up aproached a southern geezer and said "i'll have a bacardi breezer". I said "I hope your joking, son; thats not right"”
“The north and south dont seem to get on”
The north south divide is a large man-made ravine, created in 1802, to seperate the northeners and the southerners, to put an end to a long lasting war. the Welsh and the Scottish couldn't care less.
History[edit | edit source]
The main event that triggered the north-south divide was when a stray whippet was seen accompanying the phantom raspberry blower of old london town. After several years of war, and unconclusive Sarcasm battles, the monarch ordered the country to be split in half. The result has caused the south of england to fill with analists, advisors, consultants, cockneys, and other procrastinators, while the north filled with engineers, doctors, scientists, mathematicians and hard working folk, with blackend faces from working 30 hours a day "down pit", for tup'pence a month.
More recently the north and south have begun talks on re-uniteing, as the south are feeling the strain of going cold trukey on kendal mint cake and bitter, and the north has completely forgotten how god-awfull Ginsters (C) pasties are, and are now craving them again.
Building the divide[edit | edit source]
Initialy the mamoth civil engeneering project was offered to god, but he turned the project down, claiming "the time-scale was un-reasonable". So the project was sent to parlement. It was decided that 10% of all chip shop vinigar should be collected, and used to dissolve its way down britan's limestone base. Despite the divide being only 20 feet wide, the unexpected causticity of the vinigar caused it to go 12 miles down. Few have ventured to the bottom, and none have returned alive, due to the unspeakable terror that now resides in this dark abyss.
Divide Engineering works[edit | edit source]
More recently, the divide, having been neglected by the previous gouvenment. As this great monument to british engeneering could not be lost, A dapper young chap going by the title of Sir Digby Chicken Ceaser, and his good friend Gordon Burns have launched a charity single; a parody of "No regrets" by Dappy (R), called "No egrets" which tells the tale of a bird watcher who's precios wetland twitching getaway has been destroyed by the crumbleing walls of the north-south divide.
The devide requires dredging around once every two years, as it tens to fill up with stolen cars from nearby yorkshire (It's lower-case for a reason). The Fifth Bridge spans the ravine, and is constucted from Chorley cakes and Blackpool rock. The bridge is that great in surface area, that no-sooner have the maintainance crews finished a coat, a fresh coat of gravey must be applied to where they started. This is a constant process, and used 42.7% of the nations OXO cubes.
The current gouvernment is shocked at the divides rapid deteriation, and have used it as an analogy for their "broken britan" campain, to raise awareness of the poor maintainance of landmars across the country.
