Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Kurdish Military Industries
Please notice, this is my first article
Mahm00shA kills you! 10:07, 13 March 2009 (UTC)
Projectmayhem666-has stamped this article for review.
Before UU strikes you down with his lightning, shall I tell you why I don't like this review? Because you said "crap" and "stupid" in it. Reviewing for someone who just mentioned that this is their first article is a delicate job. And you sir, don't practice the finesse needed for this one. Now how about you try to encourage writing and fixing rather than drowning him in crap? Also, for someone who just murdered this article, the least you can do is to put a proper link to HTBFANJS. 16:21, 17 March 2009 (UTC)
that link is called how to be funny and not just stupid and you dig at me for saying stupid. I gave constructive advice I also pointed out what went wrong. Now I honestly didn't think using stupid was a bad thing to use when we encourage people not to be stupid but whatever. --—The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 16:50, 17 March 2009 (UTC)
This - Its got something there, but its buried so deep in crap. is not a constructive criticism.17:36, 17 March 2009 (UTC)
Edit conflict, I did just write loads explaining that, meant it as a metaphor but I'm tired and its not really clear, I went for the light shining under deep shadow deal. As in it has alot of potential because its something that would be great to make fun of, anyways changed it. --—The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 17:53, 17 March 2009 (UTC)
There are alot of articles like that Projectmayhem...and I agree with Mordillo here, although I hate to do so. What I usually say, not that anyone should particularly care, is that the concept is good, but your execution is bad or you ramble too much. Saying stupid is taken very strongly by newer people. Believe me, I have been there recently. And since we aren't particularly flooding our VFH with gold right now, it would be better to improve every person we can get than to cut off all of those who don't meet our expectations, and by saying something is stupid, you kind of say that they are pathetic. Ya that was a huge run on sentence. Sorry for interrupting, is there a ban for interrupting Mordillo in a lecture?01:33, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||2||Oh dear oh dear *shakes head*. The intro is appalling, its incoherent, stupid, and not funny. I'll do each section seperately but my advice is going to be limited due to the fact you should read HTBFANJS. First of all instead of writing also known as whore-house, and striking out "naughty" words, because they don't add humour at all, you should aim to write it like a real article. I'm going to re-write your whole intro here, but I don't want you to copy it, I want you to get the idea and write it again yourself.
Kurdish Military Industries Ltd (KMI) is the
Of course that could be funnier but you get the idea, what you wrote was just stupid and would get a score of 1 from me for effort, harsh I know but there's nothing more I can say on this really.
The first section redeems this article a little, you need to change the intro because it leaves a bad taste in the mouth of the reader. It is still, however, stupid and not really funny, its basically a list of guns with silly names and then things that doesn't make sense. How do you get a compact rifle? You don't its a bloody rifle. Other than totally re-writing this like I did for the intro, all you can do is go at it at a different angle, try to be a little more serious and add some satire to that, don't just be stupid, anyone can write a stupid article and they don't last long on here.
The second section... same as the first however this is completely random and non-sensical, this article should be destroyed... Only advice I can give you is written in the first.
Third section, is a list of products you've already previously mentioned in a list form. As it's a repeat it should be removed, lists are never good, so this section is pointless, just add something new here if you follow my previous advice.
The last section, well same as the rest of the article, sorry about the harsh review but first article or not, I judge all articles as equals.
I understand this is your first article, please read HTBFANJS
|Concept:||3||concept 3/5 implementation 0/5 - Concept is ok, why not laugh at an arms company, you've gone about this badly however|
|Prose and formatting:||6||Not so many mistakes, I'm not going to bother listing them like I normally do as I believe this needs a full re-write anyways. Good job on the prose though.|
|Images:||0||No images, an article this size would need two images.|
|Miscellaneous:||2||Its got something there, but it could be alot better, it needs alot of work, but just keep at it. It's all a learning experience take a look at my first article, (number 1 on my page) it's not good, but then again I wrote it then didnt bother. Keep at this.|
|Final Score:||13||If you want some more advice message me on my talk page. Hope the advice helps|
|Reviewer:||--—The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 16:10, 17 March 2009 (UTC)|
Hey, I worked really hard on this! Ya know, not actually typing it or coming up with the ideas, or choosing the article, but I put in
a lot of hours time.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 23:00, 17 March 2009 (UTC)
- your suggestions huh? thats why, its not this guys fault at all then, why did he listen to you oh why? :p --—The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 23:23, 17 March 2009 (UTC)