Uncyclopedia:Business/Goa Tse Temple and Store

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GOA TSE
Temple
& Store

because there's 
no goatse like
 store goatse

About[edit source]

The Goa Tse Temple was built by two members of the Goa Tse Clan in 1337 AD, based on the teachings of Goa Tse in Q'ake Tu, Giratinaton, . In 1484 AD, the Goa Tse Store was opened, and the Goa Tse Clan sold supplies and food to passers-by, locals and tourists. To request an order, ask on the talk page. Set up a bank account with the Central Bank of Uncyclopedia to buy stuff. Just ask for it on the talk page and it will eventually be delivered. If you want a job, request it on the talk page. After you buy something, you can just put it on your userpage or use it to bribe admins and whatnot. You may also want to check out the Uncyclopedia Stock Exchange to buy shares.

Members of the Goa Tse Clan or Grue Army can receive a 50% discount on purchases. Members of Der Unwehr or Upsilon Sigma Sigma receive a 25% discount on purchases.

Employees[edit source]

Shares are updated every Saturday. Supplies and food are restocked every two weeks.

Joe9320 (Owner) Weekly Salary $90 (that's ☺$900,000)
Zana Dark (Acting Manager) Weekly Salary $50 + commission (tips welcome)

WE SELL EVERYTHING AT RIDICULOUSLY LOW PRICES LIKE CHEAPER THAN Wal✽Mart!

STOCK[edit source]

(PLEASE NOTE: Prices are quoted in Wildes and U.S. dollars. Sorry, Valjuta cannot be accepted.)
Snacks

Snickers Bar: $0.40 (☺$4,000)
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups: $0.20 (☺$2,000)
Mentos: $0.60 (☺$6,000)
Skittles: $0.50 (☺$5,000)
Pay Day Bar: $0.90 (☺$9,000)
Mystery Doughnut: $0.80 (☺$8,000)
Doritos BBQ Cheddar Chips: $1.50 (☺$15,000)
Twinkie pack: $1 (☺$10,000)
Three Musketeers: $0.90 (☺$9,000)
Starburst: $0.90 (☺$9,000)
Pudding: $4 (☺$40,000)
5 Gum (any flavour): $0.25 (☺$2,500)
Soldier Fuel: $1 (☺$10,000)

Fruits, Vegetables and Meat

Apple: $1 per kilogram (that's about $0.10 each) (☺$10,500 per kilogram)
Orange: $1 per kilogram (that's about $0.20 each) (☺$10,000 per kilogram)
Banana: $1 per kilogram (that's $0.15 per banana) (☺$10,000 per kilogram)
Pineapple: $1 per kilogram (that's $0.20 each) (☺$10,000 per kilogram)

Microwavable Food and Fuck Goods

Hot Pockets (in packets of 2): $4 (☺$40,000)
Famine Stamps (in packets of 10): $3 (☺$30,000)
Cigars (32 pack): $20 (☺$200,000)
Tsar Bomba Natural Male Enhancement: $11 (☺$110,000)
Balut: $1 each (☺$10,000 each)
Tali-Ban: $4 (☺$40,000)

Clothes and Books

Underpants (3 pack): $4 (☺$40,000)
Book of Adventures II: $12.50 (☺$125,000)
On the Evolution of Species: $10 (☺$100,000)

Video Games and Appliances

PS3: $75 (☺$750,000)
Xbox360 Elite: $75 (☺$750,000)
Nintendo Entertainment System: $65 (☺$650,000)
Bootlegged copy of The Legend of Zelda for NES: $30 (☺$300,000)
Bootlegged copy of Sonic the Hedgehog for NES: $35 (☺$350,000)
Sonic Riders (15th Anniversary Edition) for Playstation 2: $40 (☺$400,000)
Pokémon Platinum Version: $20 (☺$200,000)
Vii: $100 (☺$1,000,000)
Communist 64: $220 (☺$2,200,000)
Apple iPhone: $100 (☺$1,000,000)
Euroipods: $85 (☺$850,000)
Shitachi 32" TV: $100 (☺$1,000,000)
LG 41" TV: $120 (☺$1,200,000)
Dyson DC24 Vacuum: $12 (☺$120,000)
Swiffer Wet Jet: $3 (☺$30,000)
Guitar AMP: $50 (☺$500,000)
Les Paul Guitar: $150 (☺$1,500,000)

Drinks

AMP: $2 (☺$20,000)
1up: $1 (☺$10,000)
7up: $2 (☺$20,000)
Gatorade: $2 (☺$20,000)
Gatorade Tiger: $1.50 (☺$15,000)
Fanta 6-pack: $10 (☺$100,000)
Starbucks Coffee: $3.50 (☺$35,000)
Rockstar Energy Drink: $1.50 (☺$15,000)
Monster: $1.25 (☺$12,500)
Lo-Carb Monster: $2 (☺$20,000)
Red Bull: $1 (☺$10,000)
Mother (from Australia): $2.40 (☺$24,000)
Coca-Cola (600ml): $2.50 (☺$25,000) (375ml: $1.10/☺$11,000)
Sunkist: $2 (☺$20,000)
New Coke (375ml): $2.80 (☺$28,000)
Krating Daeng (Thai Red Bull- buy it, BITCH!): $1 (☺$10,000)
Aquafina Water: $0.50 (☺$5,000)
Dasani Water: $0.25 (☺$2,500)
Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice: $9 (☺$90,000)