UnNews:Trump adds Antonio Brown, Trump Fries to campaign
Sunday, October 20, 2024
A SPECIAL PAID INSTAGRAM INFOMERCIAL FROM ex-PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP
["Hail to the Chief" plays]
Hello Instagram! It's your boy Donnie here once again, checking in from the Great State-uh sorry, Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. They let me post on Instagram, can you believe it? Marky Mark finally un-banned me from his platform, how many platforms he got, he's got all the platforms. And I even know how tah post on Instagram despite me supposedly being a boomer, can you believe that?
"Ain't nothing wrong with being a boomer! Business is BOOMIN'!"
Anyways, I'm here with a very special offer, the best offer you're gonna get. As part of a promotion to make sure you go and vote to get me back in the White House, here you go!
Well, if you love French fries, Freedom fries, whatever you call your fries, you're gonna love what I got tah offer!
Introducing.. TRUMP FRIES!
That's right! Trump fries are the best fries you're ever gonna taste! The crispiest, saltiest, freshest fries you're ever gonna get!
I even brought my very good friend Antonio Brown, Pennsylvania resident and the greatest NFL receiver of his day, here to give a taste test!
"I actually live in Florida but it's all good, I'm just visiting. Gimme some of them Trump Fries baby! [chomping noises] Wait a minute, these are just McDonald's fries! I got CTE and even I can figure this out!"
Well Antonio, you're right! These are McDonalds' fries! I'm here trying out a minimum-wage job just like all the folks watching on Instagram! So Trump Fries are just a promotion! Just like I didn't really have my own steak company when I made Trump Steaks a thing- ooh, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot-
[clanging noises]
Ah, we'll clean it up later.
"Yo Mr. President, the floor catching fire. Imma pour some water on it- shii dude, it just made it higher."
We got it, I got all the money in the world to pay for any damages here at this McDonalds!
"Yeah, Trump got a whooole lotta money! Man it's getting hot in here-"
We interrupt this livestream to give a word from our sponsors:
"I'm Kamala Harris and I approve this message. Vote for me on November 5th because Donald Trump is a threat to our Democrat-sea, and we're the party of Democrats, I mean Democracy, not the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, HUHUHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And, and also I grew up in a middle-class family and also worked at McDonalds... uh.. no need to check the records because I clearly worked at McDonalds-HUHUHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
Yeah, vote for me! Free McDonalds for everyone! Totally! Seriously, PLEASE vote for me, I beg you! I'll even pay you!"
And now back to the live stream. Shoulda purchased Instagram Premium if you didn't wanna see that Kamala ad, you chump!
Anyways, Antonio and I are outside, now, as we got the best firefighters in the world comin' in to put out that fire in that McDonalds. And don't you worry about it, I'll pay for the damages! Or at least my lawyers will keep me Scott free!
"Wait Trump, ain't you got em legal fees to pay?"
Ahh, fuck them legal fees! I got the best lawyers in the world who are gonna get me back a whole lotta money, plus I gotta "flex on them hoes" by spending more money, isn't that what you young folks say?
"Yeah, fuck em legal fees! Fuck child support, man!"
Antonio, it seems like we got a lot more in common than I initially expected! Maybe keep child support though, I'm not that much of a scumbag..
Anyways, once I perfect my fry-making skills, you'll be able to enjoy Trump Fries at participating McDonalds sometime in the future as you vote for me and J. D. Vance this coming election! At least now I can say I worked at a McDonalds! Take that, Kamala!
"Yeah dawg, he gon' make business BOOMIN' again!"
Antonio Brown, everyone! The best!
THIS HAS BEEN A SPECIAL PAID INSTAGRAM INFOMERCIAL FROM ex-PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP.
MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
Also don't try making fries at home or your local McDonald's unless you ABSOLUTELY know what you're doing
Sources[edit | edit source]
- "Donald Trump Says He's Going To Work 'French Fry Job' At McDonald's" Newsweek, September 24, 2024
- "Former NFL star Antonio Brown slams Harris, says 'Tampon Tim' Walz wasn't a real football coach at Trump rally" Fox News, October 19, 2024