UnNews:Oklahoma tornado: Banned songs list unveiled
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
22 May 2013
SAN ANTONIO, Texas -- In light of recent events, radio conglomerate Clear Channel has unveiled a list of songs that will be banned from all of their radio stations.
"We want to be as sensitive as possible to the people of Oklahoma," said Brian Olson, Senior Vice President of Operations.
Many of the song choices are rather unusual, and the ban is causing an uproar with Oklahoma residents.
"This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of in my life!" says Moore resident Seymour Smith, 46.
"Y'all kidding me, right?" says Mindy Lennon, 41.
"Who are all these old bands?" asks Timmy, 10.
"Is this nation really that paranoid and sensitive?" quips Jerry Fowler, 55. "I mean, this is worse than when they did the same thing back when 9/11 happened. They banned every damn song under the sun. This is asinine!"
Olson has responded to the criticism by saying, "We just want to do everything in our power to minimize complaints about the airplay of such songs. We're just trying to do the right -- or rather, politically correct -- thing."
Gov. Mary Fallin went on record immediately after the blacklist made the press.
| “ | Mr. Olson, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul." | ” |
After this heated shade made itself public, Olson responded with, "Okay, a simple 'wrong' would've been just fine."
A two-mile-wide tornado wreaked havoc in the Oklahoma City suburb of Moore, demolishing a school and causing minor damage to the Warren Theater. The popular movie theater is closed and will reportedly re-open Thursday; the IMAX appears to have not been damaged, but the sign and marquee suffered damage. Eerily, the words left on the marquee were "Pain & Gain," "K into Darkness," "Oblivion," "Mud," and "Peeples." 51 people are confirmed dead.
A similar ban occurred after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. Many of the banned songs included those by John Lennon, The Beatles, Rage Against the Machine, and Frank Sinatra.
Below is the incomplete (not fully confirmed) Oklahoma Tornado blacklist, effective immediately. Also included are Olson's reasons and notes for a song's inclusion. Is is unknown when the ban will be lifted.
| Song | Artist(s) | Reason/notes |
|---|---|---|
| "The Twist" | Chubby Checker | "The wind twists and forms a tornado, which continues to twist." |
| "Let's Twist Again" | Chubby Checker | "Let's not twist again." |
| "Twist and Shout" | The Isley Brothers; The Beatles | "Would be in very poor taste. Plus, I can't stand that blood-curdling high note Paul sings at the end of that harmony." |
| "Ridin' the Storm Out" | REO Speedwagon | Pretty straightforward. "Plus, Kevin Cronin had the worst perm in the '80s." |
| "Riders on the Storm" | The Doors | Which is unfortunate for Ray Manzarek, who coincidentally died Monday. |
| "Scream & Shout" | Will.i.am and Britney, bitch! | "We've done enough screaming and shouting for now." |
| "Tangled Up in Blue" | Bob Dylan | "The winds get tangled up and form a blue tornado. Then other things get tangled up in this blue." |
| "Blowin' in the Wind" | Bob Dylan; Peter, Paul, and Mary | Pretty straightforward. |
| "Against the Wind" | Bob Seger | See above. |
| "Time of the Season" | The Zombies | "The last thing we need to hear is a song about seasons." |
| "Eve of Destruction" | Barry McGuire | "This song hasn't been played since the '60s anyway. |
| "(Everyone Knows It's) Windy" | The Association | |
| "Seasons in the Sun" | Terry Jacks | "Seasons; sun. How could this song be any less appropriate?" |
| "Who'll Stop the Rain" | Creedence Clearwater Revival | The line "Seeking shelter from the storm." |
| "Gimme Shelter" | The Rolling Stones | |
| "Into the Great Wide Open" | Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers | "This tornado was great, wide, and open. Last song Oklahoma needs." |
| "Wind of Change" | Scorpions | |
| "Rock You Like a Hurricane" | Scorpions | "We're banning any song that can be even remotely construed as dealing with inclement weather." |
| "In the Air Tonight" | Phil Collins | |
| "The Great Gig in the Sky" | Pink Floyd | "The title, and the Wizard of Oz connection. Also, we think Animals and The Wall are better albums." |
| "Stormy Monday" | T-Bone Walker | Also banned is the similarly-titled "Stormy Monday Blues" by Earl Hines & Billy Eckstine. |
| "Another One Bites the Dust" | Queen | "We've bitten off more dust than we can chew." |
| "More, More, More" | Andrea True Connection | "Because it sounds too much like 'Moore, Moore, Moore.'" |
| "Rebel Yell (More, More, More)" | Billy Idol | |
| "Here Comes the Sun" | The Beatles | |
| "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" | Elton John | "Mostly because of the Wizard of Oz connection." |
| "Mother Nature's Son" | The Beatles | |
| "Texas Flood" | Stevie Ray Vaughan | "Even though OU Sooner fans would take glee at the misfortune of Texas." |
| "The Sky is Crying" | Elmore James; Stevie Ray Vaughan | |
| "Thunderstruck" | AC/DC | "They've got 500 other songs just like it, anyway." |
| "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" | Wizard of Oz; Judy Garland; that Hawaiian guy | The tornado that sends Dorothy to Oz. |
| "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning" | Oklahoma!; Rogers & Hammerstein | "No, it's not a beautiful morning." |
| "Oklahoma!" | Oklahoma!; Rogers & Hammerstein | |
| All songs by Dianne Warren | Dianne Warren | "Out of respect for the Warren Theater." |
| All Roger Moore-era James Bond themes | Paul McCartney; Lulu; Carly Simon; Shirley Bassey; Sheena Easton; Rita Coolidge; Duran Duran | "Sean Connery was better anyway." |
| "Skyfall" | Adele | |
| The entire Pretzel Logic album | Steely Dan | "Tornadoes are winds that are twisted like pretzels." |
| "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" | Dead or Alive | "Tornadoes spin 'round like records." |
| "Right Round" | Flo Rida | "Not only did he sample the Dead or Alive song, but no Oklahoman wants to hear rap at this time." |
| "The Thunder Rolls" | Garth Brooks | "No one likes country music anyway." |
| "Thunder Road" | Bruce Springsteen | |
| "Stayin' Alive" | Bee Gees | "Would be a little cocky and in poor taste." |
| The entire Couldn't Stand the Weather album | Stevie Ray Vaughan | Pretty obvious. |
| "Manic Monday" | The Bangles | |
| "Monday, Monday" | The Mamas & the Papas | |
| "Warning (Tornado)" | Rihanna | |
| All Spin Doctors songs | Spin Doctors | |
| "Cruel Summer" | Bananarama | "We don't need to be reminded that it's a cruel, cruel summer." |
| "Turn, Turn, Turn" | The Byrds | "Tornadoes turn, turn, turn." |
Sources[edit | edit source]
- George Howell, Gary Tuchman, and Dana Ford "Oklahoma tornado tears massive path of death, destruction" CNN, May 20, 2013
- John Q. Doe "Clear Channel memorandum" CNN, May 21, 2013