The Killer Rabbit
 | NSFW! This article may not be safe for work! Unless you work from home ... Either way, this warning came too late to be useful – just mark it as spam and blame the IT guys. |
The Killer Rabbit, also known as the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog, the Vorpal Bunny, and Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh, is a clever reincarnation of the purple moose that used to live in Oscar Wilde's basement. After having been the subject of being lobbed by the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, the Killer Rabbit is currently classified as a scientifically snuffed species. One of the first Killer Rabbits created had to end Manbearpig's reign of terror, so his reign of terror could begin. That reign of terror came to a sudden end when the total population of Killer Rabbits in the whole world (one Killer Rabbit) was killed by The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
Killer Rabbits are usually located near a faux-Scottish pyromaniac with a goatee.
Repopulation[edit | edit source]
The Catholic Church has recently succeeded in recreating the Killer Rabbit by extracting moose DNA, dipping the nucleotides into jam and then implanting the resulting mushroom into a second moose. These rabbits are chemically unstable and are prone to evaporation, but large quantities have been introduced to Sweden in an attempt to overthrow the local moose population.
The president of IKEA has an ugly face requested that they be removed, because they have recently discovered a new method of using moose hooves to make furniture. This method requires excessive amounts of moose hoof, and with the moose shortage they have had to resort to using cows instead. Ingvar Kamprad, who had a green Jersey cow as a childhood friend, finds this method extremely distasteful and has been spotted shooting the Rabbits in the outskirts of Agunnaryd.
Appearance[edit | edit source]
Killer Rabbits appear to look like innocent little bunnies, which makes them so dangerous. They are most commonly white when they are created, but in a recent experiment done by Swedish scientists, they discovered that it is possible to change their color by simply feeding them paint while they are still in the mushroom state. So far they have been able to create colors such as red, blue, the color that cheese turns when you leave it out for too long, purple and a lightish shade of burgundy-aquamarine.
Habitat[edit | edit source]
Killer Rabbits are usually found in forests and marshlands, but they have been known to invade people's gardens and rabbit hutches, killing the regular rabbits and lying in wait for an unsuspecting human to put their hand into the cage. Few photographs exist of killer rabbits in 'evil' mode, as they have a tendency to kill and eat both photographer and camera. However, with the protection of one of the servants of theFlying Spaghetti Monster, this photograph was taken. Hower, His Noodliness was not pleased that his servant was dead.
Reproduction[edit | edit source]
The Killer Rabbit does not reproduce, but occasionally on the third Wednesday of March it splits through the process of atomic electrolysis, quite similar to single celled organisms such as amoebae or Mongolian beaver-cows. At that time the platypus population rapidly declines due to the abundance of frogs in northern Finland. The Pope declares this a global emergency, and appoints The Teletubbies and Barney to control the Killer Rabbit population each year in order to save the platypi population for the Semi-Annual Yearly Platypus Bouncing Competition held in Dubai annually.
