Talk:List of weapons that don't exist, but should

This is the talk page for discussing improvements to List of weapons that don't exist, but should. This is also a forum for spreading libelous rumors about the article's subject. This is not a forum for general discussion about what you did last night. We have the Village Dump for things like that.
Please sign and date your posts by typing four tildes (~~~~). Put new text under old text. Click here to start a new topic. New to Uncyclopedia? Welcome! Ask questions, get answers.	Be Civil Assume Bad Faith Don't Be A Dick No Cyberbullying	Article policies How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid Satirical point of view Verifiability vs. Complete Bollocks

Epic Blackhole Laser Flamethrower Drone

Troops always have balanced short/long range, be a gun and a sword, an Assault rifle, whatever. This gleeful hissing killer has a Flamethrower, a Orbital Lazer, AND IT'S AN EPIC NUKE FACE OF DOOM! and can eat you. --LeonardoLOL (talk) 05:04, December 16, 2012 (UTC)

Question

im wondering why a potato in a sock hasn't been added yet... seems disapointing to me. What, no gun that shoots shurikens and lightening? and bees?

Note: Bombs filled with knives already exist, they're called pineapple bombs.

Wait, so exploding tree makes it over pen-gun and sword-gun? Fuck this. Barcode711 22:58, 15 October 2007 (UTC)

Actually, a lava cannon wouldn't have to be made of lava. If volcanos can hold lava, it seems logical that a cannon made of volcanic rock would be able to function, if designed properly.

The new question would be: How do we get the lava inside of the cannon?

If we keep up with the pictures and do a bit of rewriting and expanding here and there, I do believe this page should become quite feature worthy. --Spintherism 22:00, 9 Aug 2005 (UTC)

The Lance-brick is really cool! --Marcos_Malo S7fc | Talk 05:56, 10 Aug 2005 (UTC)

I wouldn't want to be on the wrong end of the sword-chuck... Or the right end. Ouch--220.238.233.226 17:03, 26 Aug 2005 (UTC)

How to deal with a sword-chuck user. Step one: back up. Step two: If the user is heavily armoured, run! If the user is not heavily armoured, just stay out of range until they chop their arms off. I know how to do basic 'chuck moves and more than a few not-useful-in-fights tricks. I wouldn't want to touch a swordchuck without serious gloves, armpit protection, shoulder guards and a back plate. (/serious) It's a funny weapon, though. I have to admit that I'm curious as how well a swordchuck would work against the nemesis of nunchuck-using-teenageers: the bouncing basketball. I'll let someone else test that idea, though. (Flail weapon + bouncy target + lamer = bounceback to the face.) --Hessef 05:43, 2 Sep 2005 (UTC)

I think those qualifies more as traps than weapons:

• Incendiary Pants
• Poisoned tits
• Radioactive vegetables

--Sir Sunsneezer CUN

Anybody care to rewrite the sword-chucks? It wasn't good when I wrote it in the first place and somebody changed it based on some sort of misunderstanding. I like the picture I made, but... words. No. --Spintherism 00:20, 2 Sep 2005 (UTC)

People, please! Stop deleting one or other of the 'Acid Balloon' sections. It's funnier when they're both there. -- Codeine 10:57, 2 Sep 2005 (UTC)

I think it would probably a decent idea, if this page were to grow, to divide the weapons into broad categories, such as:

Hand-held explosives

Long-range / strategical

Melee

Munitions

Hahaha! I like the new edit for 'F-Bombs'--Vercalos 04:15, 14 Oct 2005 (UTC)

I broke the page into categories. Feel free to move them around, as a lot of them are borderline. Like the giant rock, paper and scissors - hey, I figure you could throw them, right? --—rc (t) 23:36, 16 Oct 2005 (UTC)

OK.. Some random idiot didn't actually read the title of the article and added a weapon that exists. Namely, guns that shoot people. EvilZak already took care of it, but still, how thick can you get?--Vercalos 04:06, 6 Nov 2005 (UTC)

Should the "Gun that Shoots Fence Pickets" be on this list? Isn't that like a ballista?--Vercalos 04:52, 7 Nov 2005 (UTC)

New Weapon

I found a good picture on www.popular-pics.com. They call it "leathal Fart"

"

Can somebody put it into the article?

Deleting all the unfunny ones

Just giving you all fair warning that I am considering going though this article and deleteing all the unfunny sections. If you don't want me too you had better say now or forever hold your peace.--Little Jimmy 08:22, 22 August 2007 (UTC)

Sword-Chucks

I just had an 8-bit flashback. Should this be added to the list?--Vercalos 07:34, 24 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Lightsaber chainsaw gunbladechucks

Maybe fits better here than at the ultimate weapon article? I'm not sure. -User:Invisible Queen

List on list

Technically, the list exists, so it can't be on itself!(24.207.91.40 17:17, 4 February 2006 (UTC))

Going overboard

In all honesty, I think the Weapons that shoot weapons section needs to be toned down just a teeny bit. I mean "Tanks that shoot tanks that shoot tanks that shoot tanks that shoot tanks that shoot tanks..." is getting ridiculous.--Vercalos 00:17, 14 February 2006 (UTC)

Agreed. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 20:04, 22 February 2006 (UTC)

Holy crap, someone split this page!

Like You have two cows. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 20:04, 22 February 2006 (UTC)

Alphabetical Order

It'd be great if someone with a lot of time on their hands could put this lot into alphabetical order. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time on my hands. --Seamus Mahoney 15:49, 31 March 2006 (UTC)

It's already organised by type of weapon, and from there most of the stuff within the section is alphabetized, although most people don't bother to put their contribution in the right spot. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 19:44, 31 March 2006 (UTC)

New Weapon Ideas

I think that ideas for new weapons should be placed on this page, and if approved → put on page, or if disapproved → destroyed. Lock the page if must be done, else the page will become, boring, repetitive and unfunny. If so, then remember the rules:

• Must be able to kick at least 13 varieties of ass (was 12, but standards are higher now).
• Must be not boring (not a sword, gun or bomb unless new, funny, unexpected variant).
• Must be better than any other weapon on the list (optional, prefered).

~ Ghelæ ^talk_contribs 14:19, 9 April 2006 (UTC)

I would like to point out a glaring omission in the opening paragraph. There is a fourth type of weapon, although it is highly underutilized. The boa constrictor. Could someone with edit rights please add this?

Coffee Stirrer Cannon

The CSC is known as a "Tactical Barasitic Weapon" utilized commonly by espresso stand chicks.

It is a relatively easy to use weapon, as it only as one function: To stir massive amounts of coffee, or any variants of which, at long range.

A typical CSC is shaped like a tube that you would commonly mail cylindrical objects in. Ammo is relatively easy to come by. Just look for any containers filled with coffee stirrers, preferably in buildings designated with Golden Arches.

Bill Brasky

How come Bill Brasky isn't on this list? He could kick anyones ass

RPB (Rocket propelled buttplug)

The Rocket propelled buttplug (and its semi automatic launcher) is a very ideal way to cleanse quickly a battlefield full of big muscled heterosexual machos (bah, frustrated homosexuals) because the RPB searches automagically this kind of asses. Machos fear sodomy, and most of all, having an orgasm this way. (insert funny wordplay with anal and stadium, works in french)

This header's title is the same as the previous header's title, except it has "that shoots swords" on the end.

This article was one of my favorites, so it really sucks how shitty it's become. Thus I'm making it my goal to restore the list of weapons to its former glory. First and foremost, there are two obvious improvements which I will be making immediately; consensus can go to hell. (These changes apply to all subpages in case it isn't obvious, which it is.)

1. One liners, more like zero liners. If someone wrote an article called "Gun that shoots swords" and all it said was "It's like a gun, except it shoot swords" it'd get quick-deleted, and if that same person did it twelve times, he'd be banned with a vengeance. Shitting your shit on a Top 10 Article is no longer an acceptable way to get around our anti-shit measures. Any entry that wouldn't survive on its own, won't survive here either.
2. If it's not a weapon, it's not a weapon that doesn't exist but should. This article is for listing awesome weapons, not for verbally fellating MacGyver. If I remove a non-weapon entry that's actually funny, too damn bad. You should have put it in the right place to begin with.

• • Extension of the above: Ranting and/or raving about unrelated shit in any form will be removed; thinly veiling it as a weapon will not save it. Just as "RuneScape - it's a laggy MMORPG that bores people to death" is not allowed because it's completely missing the point of this article, "Gun that shoots RuneScape - it's a gun that shoots a laggy MMORPG that bores people to death" isn't allowed either.

Other improvements that don't exist but should include:

1. LongTOC is looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong. I forgot how to remove subheadings from the TOC, or if you even can remove subheadings from the TOC. When I have a few spare decades I might search Wikipedia's help space for the answer.
2. Deleting shit entries that survive the above two methods.
3. Images on whatever survives. I'm well aware that this article has already used up way more of our imageslaves' time and effort than pretty much any article ever, but images are the difference between "Yeah, I guess that would be cool..." and "HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS THE AWESOMEST THING EVER MADE, EVEN MORE AWESOME THAN THE PREVIOUS TWELVE AWESOMEST THINGS EVER THAT I JUST READ." Crap entries won't be killed if there's a decent image, so if you really want your "X that shoots Y that turns into Z then explodes" to stay, get Photoshop crackin'.

Speaking of images, I'd like to take this moment to thank everyone who's made an image for this page. You guys have taken descriptions of awesomeness and brought them to life. I really appreciate all the effort put into this. --EvilZak 07:28, 17 September 2006 (UTC)

(But to keep my reputation, everyone is a bunch of cocks.)

• For. ~ Ghelæ ^talk_contribs 07:33, 17 September 2006 (UTC)

The Big Brother Noise Cannon.

When this weapon is activated, a footwide speaker launches out on a cable, its first possible use is to knock the enemy unconscious.

If this attempt fails, it automatically goes to the secondary mode.

It will simply fire sound waves or pure rubbish, ie, comments from the big brother series.

"Stun" setting - two people talking inanely about the weather, clothes, etcetera.

"VAPORISE" - The entire cast of all of the previous seeasons of big brother arguing, SIMULTANEOUSLY, leading to the victims head to either exploding or lead them to commit suicide.

Can also be used as a grappling hook and rope, just a rope, and if you get the premium version that comes ins 5.1 surround sound and changeable dvd player, you can also have a large party! leading to...

The Party noise cannon:

A gun that fires out a large surround sound system on a cable. When used in conjunction with the atomic bong, world peace ensues for the time that the music is on, meaning you can walk around and snap your enemys necks as you please.

--SpamJavelin 15:51, 17 September 2006 (UTC)

we need motherfuckin' snakes on a motherfuckin' plane!

^

penguin w/ nade tied on

why not? get a pic from OpFor, hf :>

Shuriken catapult

Okay, don't take me up on this, but I'm pretty sure catapults have occasionally been used to fire pointy things. Now, while most, if not all catapults I've seen in action so far were of the conventiuonal type, I remember reading about shrapnel firing catapults somewhere. Even if I'm wrong, like the article says - it's a pretty obvious idea. Hence, it isn't funny. Definetly not if held up to the same standards as laser-guided polar bears or sniper kittens (which, BTW, actually exist, as the article openly admits). "List of weapons that do not exist, but should". Hint, hint. In any case, I suggest removing the bit about shuriken catapults. --Medvedev ^(scream) 14:54, 28 October 2006 (UTC)

Suggestion

Here is something I find on Wikipedia's page on villain from Sonic. Put the weapon described by humorous typo on this page or I will be execute.- Borat Sagdiyev

---

Mature? he uses a pop gun for heaven's sake! how could that be mature? Diddy Kong uses a pope gun.

Gay Bomb

Someone needs to cobble something together on the Gaybomb. Additionally, the Yo Mamma bomb and the Bukkake Bomb. See http://www.biggercheese.com/index.php?comic=659 for further. All armaments deserving of resplect.

Jesus Gun

Handgun that shoots Jesus....out of the gun, it doesn't actually shoot Jesus.

Mind Bullets

With the power to kill a yak at a hundred and fifty yards. Ineffective against Chuck Norris, of course, a horse, of course a Norrs, indeed.

Bee Bombs

This anti-infantry weapon consists of large shell containing several bee hives filled with angry bees, and is dropped onto the battlefield. Once a bee bomb hits the ground, it cracks open, releasing a massive swarm of bees onto the enemy. Bee bombs would be effective against soldiers in the field as well as with soldiers riding in troop transports, or hiding in bunkers.

Fuck Bees

In the words of dane cook... fuck bees.

Weapon of Maths destruction

Possibly the most underrated weapon of all time. We simply define the target to be decapitated, impaled on a large spike, perforated with bullet holes, vaporized, imploded etc. according to preference. All that is needed is a pencil, an unreasonably large quantity of stationery (the Giant Paper may come in useful here) and an overactive imagination.

A knife that stabs people via the internet.

The title says it all... When we meet jerks, pedophiles, anti-Oscar-Wildes and anything, we use this powerfull long range internet propeld stabber knife which will kill anyone if he has a computer.

Of course, i would have at least 1000 of them

'Dynamite With a Laser Beam' and 'Bear with a Chainsaw'

Me and my friend have had many long and ultimately pointless arguments about which would win. The answer? We have too much time on our hands!! Anyways, Dynamite with a Laser Beam is from the song Killer Queen(Kill yourself if you didn't know that!) And a bear with a chainsaw, and maybe some armour, too, seems pretty destructive to me. The Man Of Led 16:14, 17 April 2007 (UTC)

Steven Seagulls

Created in a lab by Christopher Walken, and Oscar Wilde from the blood of Steven Seagal after an epic battle he had with Chuck Norris. The Steven Seagulls proved to be too powerful, especially in their numbers, and escaped the clutches of their creators. You can find a Steven Seagull on almost any beach, and must bring tribute of 2 slices of bread. You will then talk to the head Steven Seagull of that beach, and if your story is deemed worthy, then that Steven Seagull will round up the entire flock, and give your enemy Hell for a small fee, or just more food. Give the name, description, and general location of the person you want attacked, and they'll do it. It helps to be as specific as possible. The Steven Seagull flock will beat the said person within an inch of their life, then proceed to take a massive dump on said person's vechicle.

Penguin with Ice Cream

We all know penguins are trying to take over the world, but after many experiments with penguin molecules, scientist are starting to take control over a reduced number of Penguins and arm them with Ice Cream. The penguin is hand-held, for the experiments destroyed 666% of it's brain. Apart from the penguin's natural weapons, Ice Cream is a very effective knock-out mechanism, because people will stop from anything to eat Ice Cream. If fired a number of times, it can cause the victim's brain to freeze.

The Zombobomb

This is the Zombobomb. It can do anything. Anything at all. This is the Zombobomb. The only limit is your imagination. It can do anything at all. This is the Zombobomb. This is the Zombobomb.

So so so so funny

fud a duck this article is about as funny as an giraffe with an ear infection--81.157.70.251 08:21, 17 October 2007 (UTC)

cure3 guns

how about guns that don't shoot bullets but a healing salve that cures all wounds?

The Smitegun

If it existed, this gun would grant the power to smite to anyone who could get his/her hands on it. Several people have claimed to have seen a smitegun. However, the Pope, the Council of Cardinals and Chuck Norris have all declared that these alleged sightings are silly myths.

An artist's impression of a smitegun

Gun made of diamods that shoots diamonds that shoots diamonds that shoots laser guided polar bears that shoots diamonds

Two words:

KICK ASS.

This weapon costs US$10,000,000 to fire once. It surpasses the Gun that shoots Diamonds as the most expensive weapon ever. It has also been known to cause explosive diarrhea and large amounts of gas. It was banned from use by a secret session of the Geneva convention, not because of its destructive capabilities, but because every nation that used it collapsed after one use due to the incredible cost.

"List of weapons that don't exist, but should" in norwegian

no:Liste over våpen som ikke eksisterer, men som burde --90.149.118.203 12:19, 24 June 2008 (UTC)

Rocket propelled chainsaw

OK, since this page is "locked", Can someone who has access add this to the page?

Rocket propelled chainsaw- A chainsaw shot out of a rocket launcher that saws as it flies, and when it runs out of fuel, it explodes upon impact.

Whip Made Out of Axes

Chainsaw, expanded

You've got the chainsaw gun, don't forget the nun-chuck chainsaws and the nun-chuck chainsaw launching gun.

Viagra Grenade

Takes chemical warfare to sick new levels.

The Asian Tourist in a Box

The Asian Tourist in a Box is mailed to an enemy, when said enemy opens the box they will be overwhelmed by a tide of photographs, peace signs and white rabbit candies, all accompanied by loud out bursts of GODZILLA!! Eventually your intended target will commit Hari Kiri or run away to Greenland and live in a tree for the rest of their days

shoop da woop in a box

the shoop da woop in the box has been sent to the US army for testing along side the automated cello gun and nipple remover. the shoop da woop in a box is a jack in the box with shoop da woop capabilities. just turn the handle and if the user has not already been driven insane by the music which charges the lazer the jack will come up and SHOOP DA WOOP the lazer fires and there goes the users head.

A Box of hungry Nicks

A Nick clement is usually a scrounger and scavenger, but experiments have shown that these socially inadequate creatures turn savagely carnivorous when starved. Cloning these creatures would provide an excellent weapon against anyone with any sort of food. However they can safely be transported in a box as they are stupid. weaknesses: "Freinds"

Ultimate weapon

Barry Daweson grenade. A hand-thrown (or a launched version in varios calibres is available) explosive device full of pure ownage, awesomeness and Australianess that will eliminate anyone you wish anywere in the universe or anywere else. Barry Daweson is the Australian version of chuck norris which makes him far supperior. Norris' leg would melt if he tried to round-house Barry.

M6D Pistol

Widely regarded as one of the most awesome weapons aver seriously concieved, Master Chief could PWN all with this. its a pistol that kills a Friking super soldier in under a second.

Organic grenade

used by those that lethality without the harm to the environment done by lead and such. fill a blowfish with flakes of an Alkalie metal of your choice (sodium if you want it nice and concetrated to ceasium for maximum blast. potassium makes a nice medium) for a deadly and potentialy tasty weapon.

On Bee guns.

They could be BB guns. With real Bees!! Think about it. Homing ammo, non-reusable. Admittiedly, it makes it hard to reload, but that's half the fun!!

On Anal Annihilators

Should be "aka weapons of ass destruction"

Gun that fires EVERYTHING

Need I say more???

Addition to "Giant Rock"

should have picture of Seto Kaiba (if you don't know how this is relevent you don't deserve to) instead of uluru(i don't actualy know how to spell that)

French uncyclopedia huge translation project

Hello!I'm a member from the désencyclopédie, the french uncyclopedia.I'm here because the french uncyclopédia wants to translate the maximum english posts as possible.I would want you to give me an authorisation to copy all your weapons that should exist in order to put them on the désencyclopédie.Obviously, if you agree, I would like to translate the french weapons that you don't have. Please reply, I'm know there's someone here.And if not, it's huge pain in the ass Scarabix 3d 13:08, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

Combat wombat

Surprised and disappointed that it's not there yet

yo!Yo!YO!

This article is so fucked up(The way images are, the red links and stuff) and it's really a shame cause this used to be one of uncyclopedia's best articles so do you guys want to help me to make it good again? :D --Mimo&maxus 12:55, October 24, 2011 (UTC)

File:Hand_grenade.jpg This is a nice image we can use! :D -Mimo&maxus 13:00, October 24, 2011 (UTC)

Lava Cannons

Already exist. See Greek Fire 24.74.160.198 18:32, January 23, 2012 (UTC)

Giant, Flying, Fire Breathing Lettuce

It's lettuce. And it breathes fire. We already know lettuce kills people, why not make some that can do it even better? Rickle Pick (talk) 16:50, 19 December 2019 (UTC)

Norris L. Jackson (and the Giant Pumpkin Snake)

Not only is it an ultimate being, it's TWO ultimate beings. Imagine the vocabulary of Samuel, and the Power of Chuck, combined into a single body, created to be the arch nemesis of the banana snake's stronger cousin: the Giant Pumpkin Snake. This species can only be grown on Jupiter because of its massive size, but can be found living elsewhere. It has been terrorising the populations of Uranus and Neptune, growing to the size of Mercury and destroying cities everywhere. For once America and Russia attempted to band together to create something to combat this force, as it was eventually going to come to Earth, but since both ultimate beings came from America, Russia refused to participate. America created Norris L Jackson through genetically engineered embryos with the combined DNA of Chuck Norris and Samuel L. Jackson in an attempt to swear and roundhouse kick the snakes to death. There is currently a war going on, but Uranus is no longer involved, as its population has moved to Urmom'sanus. (If no one tells me whether or not to add this within a month, I'm going to add it.) Rickle Pick (talk) 16:50, 19 December 2019 (UTC)