Soy

Although resembling soy, the moon is where soy is now harvested.

“I wish I could say that.”

~ Microsoft Sam on soy

Soy is a protein from the soybean plant. As a food additive, it is often added to foods to replace ingredients such as milk, meat (in the form of tofu), fat, wheat, monkeys, Jane Fonda and I Can't Believe It's Not Soy. It is so commonly used that this article is actually made of soy.

History of Soy

Only the choicest rocks that John West would reject.

The discovery of Soy is credited to Martha Stewart at the height of the Stone Age. Dragons, Dinosaurs and Paris Hilton would huff only special rocks which would take 14 years to digest and be evacuated. Martha, lacking any condiments, crushed up these rocks for her Axis of Evil dinner party, which which was a great success. Especially enjoyed was the Mao Zedong cutlets with soy filling. Due to the death of Paris Hilton, the dragons and dinosaurs could not keep up the production of 'Soy rock' to satisfy Martha's addiction. Therefore the New Age Soy Agency (NASA) was formed to find new sources of 'ready-digested' Soy rock, to which the Earth's moon was a very lucky find.

The whole history of Soy was painstakingly recreated in the epic movie 101 Dalmatians. Starring Martha Stewart as herself, Paris Hilton as the 57th Dalmatian and Captain Picard as the Paris Hilton.

Controversy

Recently, soy has come under fire by PETA and related groups for the alleged cruelty of its production. This has become especially prominent after the publication of their three-part operetta Il Nazioni Fastfutti, detailing the unsanitary conditions and assembly-line treatment which soy babies must undergo. In spite of recent highly controversial campaigns-- one in particular, drew fire from the ADL after comparing the slaughter of human babies for soy to the Holocaust-- the soy industry has continued largely unabated.

It is also proved that the presence of phytoestrogens in soy turns men into women and frogs into homosexuals. Researchers have injected pure soy sauce into very hairy, muscular, patriotic men with deep voices and manly interests like eating meat, and found they immediately begin to believe in conspiracy theories such as global warming and gender equality, and instantly acquire a deep knowledge of continental philosophy, legally making them women. Along with believing in bizarre conspiracy theories, the subjects also rejected reality, such as the weaponization of soy by the global cabal of Jewish communists who run everything to lower birth rates in the West so they can be replaced by immigrants. Subjects also reported "feeling emotions" such as empathy and happiness, an unmanly and degenerate set of mental states associated with being a gay woman.

Foods/Items containing Soy

Soy milk

Soy milk (also known as soy sauce) is extracted from the nipples of the soy bean plant. After processing, the milk is placed in industrial refidgerators to chill, often with reggae music and a fat spliff. Vitamins and nutrients such as calcium, vitamin D, and growth hormones are added to give it the same nutritional value and taste as normal milk.

...and SOYlent Green?

Soylent Green also has nothing to do with Soy. In fact, it does not even have any real instances of soy at all (unless someone's last meal was soy). Please NEVER confuse Soy with Soylent Green, you might just wind up eating your grandma. I mean, after all, it IS people.

For Disambiguation

• Welsh Rarebit
• Antipasta
• Toad in a Hole
• Happy Meal

Known ingredients replaced by Soy

• Grains such as: wheat, barley, sugar, sand and wood.
• Meats such as: beef, pork, ham, Spam and Meatloaf.
• Dairy such as: milk, cheese, butter, Two Cows and nipples.
• Vegetables such as: carrot, lettuce, Vegemite, couch potato and Terri Schiavo.

(side note: however most of these products in the USA now contain ridiculous levels of soy)

See Also

• Tofu
• Vegetarian