Midway on High

Written by a Drunk This article is written in the perspective of a intoxicated alcoholic. Due to this, this article is prone to contain excessive profanity, random sentences, acts of agression, toilet humor, and facts that are not true to anyone except to another alcoholic. If you don't feel comfortable reading this, perhaps having a few sips of alcohol may help.

A buzzed drunk guy in front of some drunk sorority girls at Midway

Midway on High, affectionately known as "Midway" or "That Place Where I Lost My Dignity," is a quintessential "Mid" bar – you know, the kind where you go to forget your worries, your phone number, your social security card, and sometimes your name. Nestled in the heart of THEEEE™ Ohio State University's campus, Midway is a pilgrimage site for Buckeyes looking get fucking blacked out. Or maybe that's just the beer talking. Pukes

Midway's charm lies in its unapologetic embrace of chaos. Where else can you find a bar where the bartenders are also therapists, relationship counselors, and amateur paramedics? The decor is straight out of a bad 90s time capsule who had sex with too many white sorority slut-faces, and also got so drunk that the time capsule itself started fucking neon signs and enough beer pong tables to make you question your life choices. And yet, despite (or because of) its rough-around-the-edges vibe, Midway has become an institution, attracting everyone from wide-eyed freshmen to grizzled alumni looking to get raped.

History (i think)

Midway on High has been around since 2014, where a terrorist named Ali Al-Chahal closed an anime shop called Bento GoGo (true story look it up) and made it as attractive as it possibly can be to white young bitches ready to get roofied. Over the years, Midway has hosted some of the "most epic ragers in OSU history" (aka ChatGPT promotional speak for just another night with $1 wells and $1 bombs), including that one time someone tried to drink a whole pitcher of Long Island iced tea and ended up singing "I Will Survive" on top of the bar. and it is ThE bEsT bAr aT oHiO sTaTe (GO BUCKIYES)

Drinks (aka why the fuck you came here)

Midway's drink menu is an exercise in creativity, featuring classics like the "Bomb Shot" (a shot of who-knows-what dropped into a beer), the "Fishbowl" (a 100-oz behemoth of a drink that guarantees a good time), and the "Irish Car Bomb" (because nothing says "classy" like dropping whiskey into Guinness). If you're feeling fancy, you can opt for the "Midway Milk," which is 20% vodka, 20% Crapamigos, 35% Bacardi rum, 10% radioactive waste imported directly from Chernobyl, 5% cringe from James Charles, 5% laughing gas from Kamala Harris, 6.9% of Diddy's lubricant stolen directly from his freak-off parties, and the rest of it seawater directly from Jeffrey Epstein's island.

But let's be real – you're not here for the craft cocktails. You're here for the BOMBS. Glorious, wonderful, terrible bombs. might as well call them NUKES they bomb you so hard. Midway's bartenders are trained professionals in the art of bomb-making, able to churn out round after round of these tiny, tasty disasters. AND GET ABSOLUTELY FUCKED UP (barfffffff)

Midway Madness: Because Wednesday (and Friday afternoons) Isn't Too Early for a Liver Transplant

Whoops! Look like some drunk idiot decided to fuck with my camera during madness.

Midway Madness is happy hour. like REALLY happy hour. SO HAPPY YOU WILL RAPE MY WIFE (no i didnt say that) - during madness bombs are $1, wells are $1, and sanity is optional. Every Wednesday, all night, and Friday from 2-6 PM, Midway transforms into a scene from "The Hunger Games," where students and professionals alike gather to indulge in a reckless abandon of cheap liquor and poor decision-making.

Wednesday Midway Madness is a sacred tradition, a mid-week reprieve from the drudgery of classes and responsibility. It's not uncommon to see entire sororities, fraternities, and sports teams descending upon Midway, ready to take on the night (and the consequences). The line for bombs stretches around the block, a sea of eager patrons clamoring for their turn to sacrifice their liver on the altar of cheap thrills. Jeffrey Epstein just said "OMG SO MANY NEW HOUSEGUESTS FOR MY ISLAND!"

Fridays, on the other hand, also have $1 Wells and $1 Bombs. The after-work crowd mingles with students kicking off the weekend, creating a delightful mix of button-down shirts and tank tops. The $1 wells are a particular favorite among the more "adventurous" patrons, who delight in guessing which mystery liquor will end up in their cup. It's like a box of chocolates, but with more risk of alcohol poisoning.

Ethyl & Tank

Ethyl & Tank, also known as Ethyl & Wank, Ethyl & Bank, Ethyl & Drank, Ethyl & Spank, and affectionately Ethyl & Gofuckyourself, is a restaurant adjacent to Midbar. (and SHUT UP MARVEL FANS I DID NOT SAY MIDGAR I DID NOT) Ethyl & Tank serves the following menu items for lunch

• Hamburgers ($3 between 4 and 8pm on fridays)
• Cheeseburgers
• Smashburgers
• Pasta
• Spaghetti
• Rape
• Blood
• Massacre
• Alcohol
• More Alcohol
• Even More Alcohol
• Uhhh, Alcohol!
• The lifeblood of my system, aka Alcohol
• Hot chicks
• Copyright Infringement Barstool Sports
• Bad DJs
• Did I say Alcohol?

Mention this article and get ur first shot of Don Julio 1942 for free! Totally not a scam!

References

[1] Uh, yeah... I think I got this from... Wikipedia... or was it Wikihow to Drink Yourself into Oblivion? Anyway, it says here that Midway on High is "totally a bar, dude." Source: My buddy Steve's cousin's blog.

[2] I'm pretty sure this is from the Columbus Dispatch... or maybe it was the Onion? Does it matter? Midway on High has "best burgers in town," says guy at bar who looked like he hadn't showered in weeks.

[3] Did you know the Midwest is like, totally underrated? I mean, have you tried Skyline Chili? Anyway, this source says Midway on High has "over 50 beers on tap." Or was it 500? Source: Beer Advocate... or my beer advocate, Larry.

[4] What's the deal with Ohio State fans, anyway? Can't they just, like, root for the Bengals or something? Oh right, this reference. It says Midway on High is "a staple of the OSU bar scene." Source: Some blog I found.

[5] You know what's crazy? The plot of Inception. Like, think about it. Anyway, this thing I read says Midway on High has "karaoke nights" and "is a great place to meet people." Unless you're me, because I'm already married... to my couch.

[6] Did I mention I once drank an entire pitcher of margaritas by myself at Midway on High? Good times. This "source" says they have "daily specials." Source: My liver.

[7] Wait, where was I going with this? Oh right. This article from... uh... The Lantern? Yeah, that's it. Says Midway on High is "within stumbling distance of campus." Which is important.

[8] You know what's not important? The Cincinnati Bengals' playoff chances. Ha! Anyway, this thing says Midway on High has "a patio area." Because who needs a patio when you have a bar?

[9] Is it just me or does anyone else think the Big Ten Conference is, like, ridiculously competitive? I mean, have you seen Michigan's football stadium? Anyway... Source: My buddy Dave's fantasy football league.