The Great Collapsing Hrung Disaster of Galactic Sidereal Year 03758
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“Yellow.”
The Great Collapsing Hrung Disaster of Galactic Sidereal Year 03758 or the Great Collapsing Hrung Disaster of Gal./Sid./Year 03758 (pronounced "throatwarbler mangrove") was a disaster that wiped out all the old Praxibetel communities on Betelgeuse Seven, as well as causing the extinction of an obscure Praxibetel dialect. Only one man on the entire planet was known to have survived, by some extraordinary coincidence which he was never able to satisfactorily explain.
Mystery[edit | edit source]
The whole episode is shrouded in deep mystery: in fact, no one knows what a hrung is, nor why it should choose to collapse on Betelgeuse Seven in particular. As the matter of fact, no one even knows how exactly "hrung" is supposed to be pronounced. Some say the word is only pronounceable in an obscure Praxibetel dialect. Some suggest the "h" is silent, while others suggest the "h" should be capitalized. Some suggest that "hrung" isn't even spelt right in the first place. After this suggestion, it was discovered that no one even knows how "hrung" is spelt, much less why it is spelt "hrung" and not "waffle" or "Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal".
Someone suggested that a hrung is brown and sounds like a bell. Someone remarked "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" in attempt to show that the proper pronunciation of hrung does not matter. Then it was suggested that the tree falls on the bell and rings it to produce a sound similar to that of the pronunciation of "hrung"; this was quickly scrapped, however, because no one knows how the bell got there in the first place.
Cause[edit | edit source]
As the event is shrouded in mystery, no one knows what the cause of this whole mess was. It has been suggested that the residents of Betelgeuse Seven forgot to lodge a formal complaint about being the subject of a collapsing hrung disaster at the local planning department in Alpha Centauri, though many opponents counter that disasters have a tendency to occur randomly and without first filing the proper paperwork. An ancient computer calculated the precise reason the hrung chose to collapse on Betelgeuse Seven was "42". However, "42" is the Answer to many things, including to Life, the Universe, and Everything, so no one can be sure exactly what "42" means, whether it is the worst insult possible that sparked a million-year war or if it even means anything at all. Therefore, the reason remains unknown, though technically, it stands as "42".
The currently accepted explanation of the Great Collapsing Hrung Disaster is written in thirty-foot high letters of fire on top of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains in the land of Sevorbeupstry on the planet Preliumtarn, third out from the sun Zarss in Galactic Sector QQ7 ActiveJ Gamma, guarded by the Lajestic Vantrashell of Lob. Again, it is in thirty-foot high letters of fire on top of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains in the land of Sevorbeupstry on the planet Preliumtarn, third out from the sun Zarss in Galactic Sector QQ7 ActiveJ Gamma, guarded by the Lajestic Vantrashell of Lob. Remember, on top of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains in the land of Sevorbeupstry on the planet Preliumtarn, third out from the sun Zarss in Galactic Sector QQ7 ActiveJ Gamma, guarded by the Lajestic Vantrashell of Lob. It is as follows:
| “ | The currently accepted reason that a hrung should decide to collapse on Betelgeuse Seven is written as follows, on top of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains in the land of Sevorbeupstry on the planet Preliumtarn, third out from the sun Zarss in Galactic Sector QQ7 ActiveJ Gamma, guarded by the Lajestic Vantrashell of Lob: |
” |
Unfortunately, the explanation was destroyed in order to build a bypass, which didn't really matter because the planet was demolished thirty minutes later in order to build a hyperspatial express route, much to the dismay of its inhabitants. No one remembers what was written in those thirty-foot high letters of fire on top of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains in the land of Sevorbeupstry on the planet Preliumtarn, third out from the sun Zarss in Galactic Sector QQ7 ActiveJ Gamma, guarded by the Lajestic Vantrashell of Lob, nor why a bypass had to be built in the middle of nowhere. Estimations provide 42 as the Answer to both.
Disaster[edit | edit source]
It was Galactic Sidereal Year 03758 on Betelgeuse Seven: a clear, bright Thursday with which someone spontaneously associated with "Yellow", as if it were relevant in any way. For some reason which no one has ever been able to satisfactorily explain, a hrung (which was a direct descendent of Genghis Khan) decided that it should collapse on Betelgeuse Seven and kill everyone except one person who, coincidentally, also turned out to be the only survivor of the Great Collapsing Hrung Disaster. Because no one on Betelgeuse Seven had a towel, they were unable to escape the hrung as it collapsed on them without first submitting the proper paperwork, or at least announcing its plans to collapse on Betelgeuse Seven two minutes prior like most decent folks. Then, having fulfilled its purpose, the hrung became depressed that it had nothing more to do in life and conveniently popped out of existence, a rare method of suicide.
Aftermath[edit | edit source]
There was only one survivor of the Great Collapsing Hrung Disaster of Galactic Sidereal Year 03758, by some reason neither he nor anyone else has ever been able to satisfactorily explain. In honor of the disaster, he named his son in the ancient Praxibetel dialect. He died of shame soon afterwards, however, because his son was unable to pronounce his name. His son is now known as "Ix", which roughly translates as "boy who is not able to satisfactorily explain what a hrung is, nor why it should have chosen to collapse on Betelgeuse Seven." This man tried to teach Ix his name in the old dialect. Ix never got to pronounce it correctly, and his father died of shame, something that is still a terminal disease everywhere. He is currently employed as a researcher for the The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
See Also[edit | edit source]
- Something Completely Different
- Spanish Inquisition (which, no doubt, you did not expect)
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