Iraq War

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President Bush celebrates after discovering WMDs in Iraq.

The Iraq War, also referred to as Operation Iraqi Liberation (OIL), was the righteous American invasion of Iraq. U.S. President George W. Bush initially resisted conflict, but was forced to declare war after Saddam Hussein attacked America on 9/11 and refused to allow WMD inspectors into the country. The nation rallied behind Bush and his goals, as he guaranteed the people that he would free Iraq and find Saddam's weapons of mass destruction.

The invasion was a success, and Iraq became a beacon of hope and democracy. Soon, tyrannical regimes across the Middle East began to fall and respect for Israel bloomed, just as the president predicted. Some Democrats falsely claim that the war was a failure because no WMDs were found, as Saddam had unfortunately shipped them to Syria before Bush had the chance to obtain them. Nevertheless, this is just one minor blemish on an otherwise-successful operation.


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Iraq War.

The invasion of Iraq succeeded beyond the imaginations of neoconservatives, as Bush delivered the liberty he had offered to the 6/7ths of the Iraqis that didn't flee. All claims of a hidden agenda by Bush administration officials fizzled as there was no corruption or widespread contracting scandals after the war, and Halliburton's stock price plummeted. Proponents, journalists, and congressmen had long suspected the Bush administration's real motives for the war (the ones he publicly disclosed), but most refused to believe them, naively suspecting a hidden agenda.

All doubters were forced to realize the truth when he warned people that the war would be a "long hard slog" during his speech aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln. In his speech, Bush announced the "end to major combat operations in Iraq" and declared that the day marked the "beginning of a lethal quagmire that will cost more than Vietnam", but few listened. Bush also gave a cautious warning about corporate chicanery to Halliburton in the VIP seating area. "One wrong move, and I'll make sure you never do business again," he told them.

Vice President Dick Cheney also accurately predicted that the Iraqi insurgency was "in its last throes". Soon after making that statement, insurgents all over Iraq began laying down their arms and welcoming the American troops with flowers as liberators. Former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein, who willingly surrendered himself to the Americans, pleaded guilty to all charges against him. He then volunteered to hanged to death as atonement for his heinous crimes against humanity. His execution, just like the smashing success of the Iraq war, went perfectly as planned, and he was allowed to die a dignified death.

Media response


Iraq after the liberation.

The New York Times directed a media campaign to assure the American people that the war would be over quickly, with democracy surging across the land. The Times' campaign reassured the world with its all of the pleasant images of the schools and hospitals being built in Iraq, all of which were actually built, to high quality standards, without any diversion of funds. Despite Bush's desperate pleas of "this will take years, and hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians will die," their relentless assault served to placate Americans. Ten hours after the campaign began, the entire nation was supportive of the invasion of Iraq, and remain so to this day.

The Times revealed how much of a success the democratic process Bush had set up in Iraq was. Though there were a few trivial bombings, and pro-Iranian parties that run death squads won the vote, the Iraqis were grateful for the peace and prosperity that they gained along with the chance to experience purple fingers. Also, people were given the right to pay for the ransoms of their loved ones, something rarely experienced under the rule of Saddam Hussein, who had presided over the extrajudicial deaths of a staggering hundreds of civilians per year during the past decade. The election set up by America was a wide success and made it so that no Iraqi ever again wished an American harm.

Every citizen was fairly treated by the Coalition forces occupying Iraq, known for treating the Iraqis with dignity and respecting human life. None were subject to random searches, checkpoints, rape, or murder at the hands of their occupiers.


Propaganda images from Moore's documentary that drill the point into viewers' heads that the Iraq War was bad.

Michael Moore directed a documentary about how the corruption of the War in Iraq and the Bush administration in general. Moore's documentary shocked the world with its horrifying images of the atrocities in Iraq. The forced democracy and unnecessary spit swabs were more than audiences could handle. Ten hours after the movie began showing in theaters, the entire nation was opposed to the invasion of Iraq.

Moore revealed how much of a sham the democratic process Bush had set up in Iraq was. Though Bush did allow people to vote, the infamous "purple-ink" torture method was used to get citizens the conform. They were tortured by being required to dip their fingers in purple ink after voting. Also, people were denied the right to vote for Saddam Hussein, who had been fairly elected by 100% of the population of Iraq in 2002. The election set up by America was a fraud and went against every previously established democratic precedent in Iraq.

Many citizens were unfairly treated by the American forces occupying Iraq. Many were subjected to the dehumanizing spit swabbing, apparently used to "identify" Iraqi war criminals. Saddam Hussein himself was unexpectedly subjected to such torture, he hadn't heard about it yet because he had been to busy feeding people through tree shredders to hear the news about the inhuman acts of spit swabbing.

The documentary was heralded by insufferable Hollywood liberals as a work of genius. It won numerous awards and gained recognition for being the first documentary directed by a walrus.


The United Nations was so thankful for America's involvement that, in respect to Anerica's surging popularity among the world's people, they altered their logo.

Many critics of the war have claimed that America pushed this war on a world that didn't want it. Obviously, this is a naively mistaken view. Around the world, nations lined up to support us, without any strong-arming — even those nations whose polls were rigged by pollsters to state that over 90% of their citizens didn't want their governments to help. Slovenia provided four soldiers. Moldova sent twelve. Japan sent engineers. Afghanistan offered crucial moral support. Morocco gave critically needed war monkeys. And who could forget about Poland?

Indeed, the War in Iraq was an exemplary instance of American Diplomacy.

See also