Accounting

“You see my friends, I was out at the bar in Venice Beach and me and the guys decided to go get inked up. I got this sick ass tattoo on my butt. Debit on the left cheek, credit on the right check! HELL YEAH, I'M AN ACCOUNTANT!”

~ Mr. Meglio on Accounting

“And Lo, when I come I shall rearrange your ledgers, smash your lamps and pencils and rattle your firms. You will change the tax rate or you will know the full fury of a Forensic Account! Of unbalanced ledgers! Of FEAR ITSELF ”

~ Dark Lord Meglio on Proposed Tax Change

“ There can only be ONE, LORD OF ACCOUNTIA!" ”

~ Dark Lord Meglio

“I AM RIPPER! I AM LEDGER! I am the Balance of your Assets! I am the accountant of the night! I AM BEOWULF!!”

~ Beowulf on on Accounting

Accounting is most commonly associated with the hit MMORPG video game known as The World of Accountia. Accounting, or the fifth Death Art, is a kind of Dark Magic practised in the land of Accountia. As it is very easy to learn yet very difficult to master, there seems to be a near endless supply of new graduates. In late 2009 Microsoft and Blizzard Teamed together to make the popular "World of Accountia". In January 2010, the game was released and hit the shelves all across the World. In just the first week of sales, the game has received only 2 sales, an all time record for Video Games.

A Mr. T account. His nominal balance is pity.

World of Accountia

World of Accountia is an MMORPG made by Karl Marx inc back in the Cold War of 1487. The intention of Karl Marx and the Russians for making the game was to brainwash Americans with the games over abusive Capitalist system. By creating a game with mass Free Market and trade, the players would become frustrated with money and Accounting, thus then they would turn to Communism so the government can account for them.The game featured sound, graphics, hot female secretaries, and dungeons.

Story of the Game

The year is 1000AD. The World is over run by Vikings and pirates. Erik Bloodaxe, the fiercest of all Vikings has plundered almost all of the worlds wealth. In response to his thwarted thievery, the Italian Lord of Men once known as El Christas De Megliore', sent out for an all out manhunt for these Vikings, for he wanted their money for his own Kingdom. Megliores' Men found Erik Bloodaxe and took him to his throne for Megliore' to personally execute him. With 1 swift swipe with an Elvish Dagger, Lord Megliore' killed Erik the bloodaxe with haste. The next day upon the rise of the morning moon, Lord Megliore' received all of Erik's wealth. The amount of money was far too large for any Mortal Man to Account for. So the money was brought to Lord Megliore', for popular belief led to that he once lived a previous life where he was once a Great Accountant. Lord Megliore' Spent years Creating Ledgers and Trial balances for all of the money. No sleep, no food. Only Mead and Accounting! It Drove the Man insane! 300 years have passed, and all of the Italian Kingdom is all but forgotten and Dead. An Italian Explorer by the name of "Bobbity Boopeh" re-discovered Megliore's Kingdom. When The explorer saw the sight of an Old decaying Man counting a pile of gold the size of Texas, he thought that he could kill him and take all the gold. With a quick draw of the bow, the Explorer shot 1 arrow through Megliore's heart. As Megliore's body hit the floor, 1 piece of gold fell into his open heart wound. The dark Accounting matter of the gold coin mixed with the 300 years of tormenting accounting, a mass fusion of Vortex Compulsion began. This created a turning point in the history of man. Dark black haze rose around Megliore's ruined kingdom, the sun was blocked out by black misty clouds. The sound of a cold shear of pain echoed across all of Europe. Megliore's once ruined kingdom, has now from the depths of hell and Neflheim, been regenerated into the Dark Kingdom of Accountia. The man known as El Christe De Megliore' is dead, but from dark rage and accounting, he has now been Re-born as the Dark Lord of Accountia. Now the entire world is enslaved by the wrath of the Dark Lord. Not even small children can have any toys or money without being forced to read the book and debit it. The wrath of Megliore is enforced by Orcs, Demons, Dark Accountants, and Jewish Bankers. It is said that the only man who can defeat the Dark Lord is an Accountant who is level 70. But the only man who has ever made it thus far is The Dark Lord Himself

The object of the game is to create an Accountant Account and level up your character to level 70. Once your Accountant has reached level 70, you must siege the Dungeon of Asgard and Defeat the Dark Lord of Accountia.

Race Selection

A level 125 businessman.

World of Accountia features 5 races in the game that the player may choose.

• Meglian
• Demon
• Battletoad
• Orc
• Businessman
• Jew

Class Selection

The game also features 10 Classes. Each individual Class provides the player with unique abilities, power, or magic.

• Accountant Mage
• Accountant Hunter
• Intern
• Businessman
• High Priest
• Warlock
• Entrepeneur
• Clerk

Criticism

The game has received a wide range of criticism by well known critics. IGN.com has reviewed the game on their IGN weekly Webisode. The critics at IGN have called it "The game of this mellenium" and also have said "I like Meglio! He's a kewl gui who counting numbers and doesnt fraid of noting"

History

Accounting, or Accounis Anubium, is an ancient form of Mysticism usually practiced by the ancient Meglians of Accountia.

As Nerd Jesus was openly outcast and hated by the many other Jesii at the time and as such he refused to share the power with them. As Nerd Jesus had no other friends at the time he had no choice but to teach the Magical Art of Accounting to his four greatest students Weal, Weinstein, Seany and Foster, creating the 4 greatest Accountants (or Sorcerers) of all time.

These four students and Nerd Jesus used their inhuman powers to rule peacefully over the 5 Plains of Accountia and for years and years peace and order reigned supreme.

While this worked to begin with Weinstein organising various hydrogen and oxygen atoms together to form water for the world, Seany sorting the air into various sectors to maximise profit and Foster placing permits on where the ground was allowed to be, the power Weal had over light and dark slowly began to be too much for him, eventually driving himself insane.

As Weal killed off the other three Accountants, he gained their powers, slowly requisitioning himself the abilities of a God.

An artists depiction of what Dark Lord Weal may look like without his Heavy Armor of Black Taxation

Unfortunately for the self-appointed Dark Lord Weal, each one of the Great Accountants had taught many students some of the skills and as such he was not completely unopposed, the bands of loner Accountants rarely forming a partnership called "Microsoft" to take on any of Dark Lord Weal's Evil Plans to Dodge Tax, or liquidate his Accounts Payable (Which is widely considered the worst thing an Accountant can do)

Today Accountants roam the world alone, searching for a business venture that will challenge them, and occasionally coming across another when they have a huge numerical battle, judging on who they are allied to.

A conversation with an accounting will almost certainly go look this:

You: hi
Accountant: i'm glad your interested

General journals record unusual events. Such unusual events are:

1) Establishing a double entry system
2) Infrequent credit transactions
3) Recording the contribution of withdrawal of assests by the owner (not cash)
4) Disposal of non-current assets
5) Correction of errors in the recording system
6) Balance day adjustments
7) The closing of revenue and expense accounts to profit and loss summary account

yep, those are it

You: wtf

Debit and Credit

Ever since Dark Lord Weal split off and began to use his powers for evil, he has been assembling a vast army of his students for evil. He has called this army, simply, Credit. However, the other great students of the other three late masters are also assembling a counter attack, scraping together all wandering Accountants from the 5 Plains to rise up and defend the current Accounting System, which the Dark Lord wishes to change to allow less tax and decreased government spending on orphans and the elderly. while the "Debits" had a good intentions the "credits" were to powerful seeing as they had the dark lord on there side, he had already reached level 70 and the "Debits had no real leader.

The Forces of Debit

Ulysees the Non-Refundable, shining hope of the Forces of Debit

Throughout the 5 Plains, one brave scout called Damian The Balanced Account, is collecting all scattered accountants to create a force powerful enough to withstand the Assault of Dark Lord Weal's forces. Led by there Mighty Champion, Ulysses the Non-Refundable, and using a great deal of all kinds of Accountant, the forces of Debit are growing in Numbers Every Day. Damian the white wizzard had been in trainting to reach level 70 all his life but could not master combining all of his skills into one all powerful spell that would then over through the dark lord.

They are striving to protect the remaining four Plains from the Cruel and Unreasonable Tax Codes that the Dark Lord Weal has imparted on the Plains of Commission.

While the forces of Debit are mainly a makeshift force, they have several secret weapons at their disposal that may give them the Upper Hand.

Some of these include:

Borrowing Elves

The Borrowing Elves are a powerful race in that while the enemy may perceive them to be there, it is common knowledge they must be killed and as such are placed in the Enemy's Killable Account. However, as they are entirely borrowed, they can neither die or attack.

Lamp Monsters

Made famous by the warning pamphlets written by Stephen King, these 100 foot lamps that walk like men are without a doubt the most powerful things the Forces of Debit have at their disposal.

Able to easily assume the role of any Accountants Desk Lamp, the Lamp Monster is able to sneak to most places on the battlefield despite its incredible size.

With the ability to use of 1,000,000,000,001 watts of condensed heat energy to blast through enemies and flight, a Lamp Monster can easily turn the tide of any battle.

Beautiful and deadly, the Lamp Monster is not to be trifled with

Accinjas

Rare and powerful, one in every One Supertrillion Accountants is given the rank and skill of Accinja.

Using Accinjitsu, an Accinja can take town hundreds of men with his bare hands, thousands with a weapon, and millions when given access to a legally purchased nucleur bomb

The Forces of Credit

Under the rule of the Dark Lord Weal, the forces of credit are pure evil intent on gaining control of the World and changing the over 39 cent tax rate to 19%. He has tried this once before, failing at the hands of the Forces of Debit but slaying their last champion.

Weal has spent many years using his vast powers to create the needed gaps in the Ledger to be able to legally afford Capital Resources for his army such as giant Dragons and Ogres, not to mention the needed armor and calculators for his troops.

The Forces of Credit are numerous and powerful, using some of the greatest weapons ever requisitioned. While very few people have been inside Weal's Lair, some of these can be assumed to be:

Dark Tigers of Particulars

Dark as the night itself, these tigers surrounded Weal as he glides terribly into battle.

The beasts are at least 5 times the size of a normal tiger, and with claws made of lead pencils sharpened constantly they are able to induce not only deep gashes but also quick and deadly lead poisoning.

As the beast has a sharpened tail, it gains one plus attacks as it charges into battle and due to its tough and evil looking exterior it is impervious to all long range attacks.

Accounting Pirates (Or Loan Lubbers)

Attacking from the sea, where the majority of Accountants fear to tread, Accounting Pirates use their knowledge of numbers to calculate the correct ships to plunder and the correct forms to tax it.

Accounting Pirates sail along in giant office buildings (A La Monty Python), occasionally shooting letter openers and paper weights at people. Not usually known to be team-players, they have enlisted themselves to Weal as freelancers as he has promised them lower tax rates for all plundered booty.

Accounting Pirates believe they are the chosen people, and that Jesus never existed. They only use the water because they know that should one of them fall into it, they will be easily be rescued when one of their own named "Mosier" is able to part the sea and extract said fallen pirate from the water and return him to the desk inside of his office.

Ogres of Capitalism

These hideous beast wield giant clubs, which are primarily used to beat any Communist they should come across.

As they are very small minded, Weal easily convinced him that anyone on the Force of Debit was in fact a Communist.

Now, under his commands, they march out of the Great Caves in mass numbers, beating down any Debtor they find.

There thick hides give them a 4+ toughness bonus, and there small minds make them immune to Persuasive and Bribery Magic

Magical Powers

While each Accountants powers are slightly different, there is a large 'Power Pool' in which all beginner(or Newb) Accountants must choose powers from. These are:

Accounts Receivable

This power pool imbues the Accountant is ability to easily summon up Zombie Taxes for purchases that do not exist, Add Ghost entries to more easily balances ledgers, and, at the highest level, summon a a giant black dragon that breathes Abacus beads. It also gives them a 5+ Boost to Persuasion and People Skills, making Accounts Payable Accountants very dangerous in a large group.

Accounts Payable

This Power Pool gives the accountant the power to slowly suck funds out of rival business, and use them to power themselves by investing in large amounts of Workers and Technology. As such, Accounts Receivable Accountants are very dangerous when by themselves, but will weaken when in a large Party as Accountants are very petty over working standards creating many power struggles.

Accounts Receivable Accountants are given the ability to rob any one they find, living or dead, under guise of organising their business. It also grants a built-in Life Tax, which they may impart on any person they should happen to meet.

Human Resources

The Bigger and physically more threatening of the Accountants, they follow the teachings of the late Seany the Junior-Partner.

A Human Resource account, seen here at Level 7

Using large, portable computers shaped as regulation axes or swords, which are often covered in the deep red ink used to confirm various tax forms, Human Resource Accountants are able to do a thorough background check on any potential client.

Innately gifted with a great deal of extra persuasion and charisma, each Human Resource Accountant is able to handle many dangerously large budgets at once, due to the monstrous size of his intellect and ability to see easily in the dark.

Capital Goods

Accountants who have mastered the use of Capital good based powers are particularly strong, although have very little power when caught off guard.

Utilising such tools as a pen, granting the user the power of flight, a calculator for super size and a funny little visor-hat to grant invisibility, the Capital Good Accountant is a master of death, often using his talents for forensic accounting.

As Capital Good Accountants are able to easily sneak through a business' accounts and files, they are naturally ability with both the "Bribe" and "Wail to the Feds" ability, judging on with which side the ally.

Labour

Generally the simplest of the Accountants, Labour Accountants roam the land and syphon knowledge of the elements to bring themselves greater power.

A Level 12 Labour Accountant, summoning up a small cloud of tax

This is the most common type of Accountant, as it is very easy to earn experience due to the "Ass-Kiss ability" allowing them to easily ally with higher level accountants, as such earning them the rank of Junior Partner easily.

Many other Accountants look down at Labour Accountants,as they see them as lazy scum (or Twinks) and as such will not allow them to aid them with any tasks or accounts.

Tax

Tax Accountants are rarely seen in the direct employment of businesses, preferring mostly to be mercenaries, selling their critical services to the highest bidder. They have the ability to lessen or dispel the negative effects of tax spells, the worst being the dreaded "Audit," which can topple entire businesses and for which there is little to no defense.

Tax Accountants can lessen fund-drain, delay the fund-drain or even shift the drain to other businesses. Masters of taxation can even divert the spell before it even hits due the use of the "Tax Shelter ability."

It is important to note that if a Tax Accountant fails in defending against taxation or their spells backfire, they are have notorious tendency to disappear, leaving other accountants to deal with the ravaging effects of "Audit" or angry Lords, with no help at all.

Audit

Those who choose to become Auditors trade unfathomable power in exchange of any hope to lead a normal existence. An auditor can render accountants powerless and shape the Plains to their will. Only Tax Accountants can hope to withstand the full power of "Audit" but even they fall in time.

Both the forces of Credit and Debit use auditors extensively against each other in stealth raids and the Plains are littered with desolate wastelands where groups of Auditors faced entire armies in horrific battles of attrition.

Sinking Funds

Sinking Funds may be cast against a Federal Tax Auditor after any Quarter with a saving throw penalty of -1 per 4 Levels of caster. If the saving throw is unsuccessful, the Auditor's vehicle, personal digital assistant, and attache case are banished permanently to The Auditorium. Credit Mages may offer special protections against this power.

The Five Plains of Accountia

The Plains of Interest

The Plains of Interest are where the majority of the Debtors live in peace, in small cottages and large, glorious skyscrapers made entirely of Gold. Although this plain was originally ruled over by the all Powerful Nerd Jesus, it is now a well-thought out democratic government, run by all the Accountants.

The Plains of Interest are very flat, the majority of it is used for farming wood for pencils and desks, which is a very valuable resource.

The Plains of Interests is where most Accountants start their careers, and as such is entirely suited to anyone between level 1 and level 16.

The Plains of Rent

Once an Accountant has reached Level 17, it is advised that they move to the Plains of Rent.

The Plains of Rent were originally run by the late Seany the Magnificent, who built the Plains to the Economic glory of which to stands today. With a constantly Greater G.D.P (Gold/Diamonds Percentage) than all the other Plains, The Plains of Rent is home to over one trillion factories.

The Plains of Rent is a small City State, with a rigorously planned Economy. Filled to the borders with large, low rent houses and more huge, gold skyscrapers, it can be quite overwhelming for a Newb Accountant who has just come from the simpler style of the Plains of Interest.

Due to its large nature, any level of Accountant will feel at home in the Plains of Rent, however it is wise to move on by the time you reach level 25.

The Plains of Profit

The dead kingdom, which was once ruled over by a Wise Queen Foster, lays in ruins but five minutes by Minotaur from the Plains of Rent.

Whilst once a large and gloriously lush garden state, intent on growing the World's First Money tree, they were ravaged the the Forces Of Credit in the First Great Battle, and as such is now all but dead.

The Plains of Profit house many wild animals, and Loner Accountants who skin these creatures to make ledger paper. While this Plain has no real economy or social structure, which seriously irks most Accountants, it is a very good place to gain experience and some cheap ledger paper of Local Beggers.

The Plains of Commission

Now and Forever, the Plains of Commission are ruled over by the iron-fisted Dark Lord Weal, who treats his people terribly and gains a vast amount of profit from their work.

However, due to the incredibly low tax rate of the Plain, the slaves are very content, as such working long hours and all but begging to be whipped.

A terrible, fiery place in a state of constant night (to increase productivity), the Plains of Commission should only be visited by the strongest of Accountants, especially if you are not allied with the forces of Credit.

This is the last Plain needed to reach before you are ready to begin gaining prestige class, although you must be recommended level 30 to enter-the lowest ever recorded was but level 12.

The Plains of Royalties

While little is known about this plain, mainly whether it exists or not, many Accountants believe it is where all good Accountants go after they die.

Separated from the four main plains by a rough sea and a huge stone wall, the Plains of Royalties remain a mystery. The only signs of life are the peaceful tones of harps and perfectly cranked adding machines all day and night.

Classes of Accountant

As a Newb Accountant earns prestige, they slowly rise through the ranks. With each new level they gain more powers, which can work in unison with those gifted upon them for their type of Power Pool.

The classes available are as follows:

Intern (or Paladin)

Outwardly and openly hated by all other Accountants, the Intern is the first stage reached by all new Accountants.

Requiring only 1000 experience points and Shiny Casio Calculator of Great Potential (found in the Caves of Balancing), the Intern is barely considered to even be a Class. It is allowed entrance to a Great Company (or Guild) and is openly ridiculed, beaten and forced to carry out menial tasks for their superiors, such as balancing family accounts, fetching coffee and slaying the small and weak Death-Possum larvae to make bags out of its flesh.

Becoming an Intern Accountant gives an Accountant access to the Company Computer system, increasing their Mana by 5 and occasional use of the Company Car also increases Speed. However, due to the harsh treatment their self-esteem is constantly at -10.

The majority of Accountants leave the Intern Stage by gaining 10,000 experience points (Or a better job), but it has recently been discovered one can easily move up by simply not being a cowardly, whipped, little bitch

Employee (or Warrior)

When an intern gains over 10,000 experience points, he is instantly subjected to a very high pressure job interview (or Trial of Ra). While the interview methods themselves differ from Guild to Guild, the standard example involves a Board of Three People, a chair suspended over a pit of lava and a giant and ravenous Death-Possum.

By passing this Interview, the Accountant is instantly rewarded with the "Heavy Leath Briefcase of the Whale" and the "Exquisite Silk Tie of Dexterity", not to mention an infinitely larger amount of general respect.

Now able to be trusted with a reasonable level of responsibility, the Employees work load is often far greater than that of an intern, although the rewards are often much greater, ranging from the "Broad Sword of Liquidation" to the "Light Quiver of Flaming Equities"

The Easiest way to earn you way to the next prestige class is to behead a European Royal, however some Accountants swear they have done it by simply holding Control-Alt-Delete, while wearing the Amulet of Secondary Accounts.

A collection of Exquisite Silk Ties, with the Accountant channels most of their power

Junior Partner (or Druid)

Now imbued with great respect and a +4 save against all lower level Accountants, the Junior Partner is the highest prestige class available without visiting the Caves of Negative Trial Balances.

Doing little amounts of actual work, and passing the majority of that onto Interns, the junior-Partner is able to rise through the levels quickly as he spends the majority of his time on the "Golf Course" (Or Training Arena). This instantly gives him the skill Greater Proficiency with Golf Clubs and the Armour Class of Wanky Golf Clothes, which may be used instead of (or in conjunction with) their usual armor.

Reaching this class provides a great advantage for said Accountant, gaining him the use of a familiar, an animal of the same level as the Accountant. This may be either a raven, a wolf or a monkey, armed with either a pencil holder, a small bag of financial paper or a cute little Accountant Hat respectively.

Having this familiar endows the Accountant with 10+ to their natural Dexterity, and in most cases will be their only friend, due to the fact this class drops their Social Skills and Amount of Friends to -5.

To leave this level, the Accountant must pass the first Test of the Caves of Negative Trial Balance, and retrieve the Goblet Of Purchases

Partner (or Necromancer)

One of the higher classes, the Partner is a powerful Accountant indeed. Imbued with the Power to openly control the actions of Lower Levels (Except of course when under orders from Even Higher Classes), and as such is one of the Generals of either the Forces of Credit of Debit.

A level 45 Partner, complete with Heavy Letter Opener of Rented Fury

To gain this class, the Accountant must venture into the Cave of Negative Trial Balance, bearing only the Light Suit and a Desk Lamp, and find the Mysterious Elders, who will deal out a task which the Accountant must complete within a certain time limit.

Some recorded examples are:

• Calculate the needed GST and Small Business Tax owed by a little old lady who owns an Antique Shop without bias of any kind in under 45 minutes.

• Fight off a collection of Two-Headed Death-Possums using only a blunt pencil in under 30 minutes.

• Calculate the remaining items on a Cash Receipts Journal whilst hanging upside down and being attacked by dogs

• Fetch the correct documents, should you have visited the small Town of Receipt on the path to the Caves, and spoken to Blind Old Woman with the Abacus

Reaching this class is quite a goal for accountant, as it gives them access to the Greater Accounts (Those owned by rich families or large Companies) and allows them to gain vast amounts of Experience Points in a short time. By using this methods, which lower level Accountants consider to be cheating, an Accountant is able to become Strong enough to attempt the second test of the Caves of Negative Trial Balances

Accounts Manager (or Rogue)

When a Partner visits the Cave of Negative Trial Balance for the second time, he will find the Cave has shifted and morphed, making it impossible to find the Elders in the same way he did the previous time.

When he does finally reach the Elders, after first finding all the needed Viewing Permits and Specking Rights, he must undertake another, considerably more difficult, set of tasks.

Some recorded examples are:

• Fighting 100 pirates while financially hiding all their plundered booty from the I.R.S

• Balancing an Entire Fiscal years worth of folders and calculator batteries on a broken pen.

• Creating a small business and making over $1,000,000 in the first hour

• Facing one of the Elders in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe, while performing a Forensic Accounting Examination on an illicit business.

The Accounts Manager has a great deal of Power, in that he is able to wear all classes of armour, and in many cases wield all types of weapons. Also, due to the legal pressure such a position requires, each Accounts Manager is constantly accompanied by a small Lawyer (or Dwarf) to aid them with any of the rare legal battles they man encounter. While the Lawyer is fighting, all experienced is double and any wild opponent that attacks you can be instantly sued for assault, as such giving the Accountant full access to all their belongings.

The Accountant will usually remain in this class until level 65, when he must return to The Caves of Negative Trial Balances with a group of Disposable Interns and take the next Test.

General Manager or C.E.O (or Knight)

The final task of The Caves of Negative Trial Balance is one that sends many Prospective General Managers to their graves, and an equal number totally insane. When an Accounts Manager reaches Level 65, he must take his entire Guild Faction into the Caves, in attempt to recover the 5 scattered pieces of the Greater Ledger of Known Capital Resources.

Upon finding all these pieces, and then the Elders, the Accountant must challenge one Member to a series of Deadly Challenges called the CashPayments de Foux. This includes:

• Having a one handed, number typing race in order to create the biggest Summary Ledger they can.

• Summoning interns to try and make them cry through constant ridicule.

• An intense 4 hour game of Dungeons and Dragons, where the board changes shape every turn.

• A Contest to see which Combatant can drive a golf ball the farthest.

• A Battle to balance the world's largest JAPANESE ledger. In Latin.

This class, for most at least, is the most powerful, giving the Accountant all but unlimited power over the Space-Time continuum and a 100+ bonus to all attributes. Many Accountants are happy getting to this level, as they gain a healthy income and enough respect and power so as they never have to do their own work.

However, if you should know how, there is one final class which is available only to the greatest of Accounting Masters.

Company Board Member (or Lord)

While currently Dark Lord Weal is the only Accountant to have gained this class it is foretold that one day a great Chosen One will descend from the Sky to become the Lord of the Forces of Debit.

While no one person is entirely sure of how one person earns the rank of Lord, judged on Ancient Parchments and a variety of leaflets handed out by Weal's Minions, Accounting Scientists are able to make certain assumptions about just how it is done.

Many steps are required in perfect order, all to be done on the 27th of April, on a full moon, beginning at 3.47 and finishing directly on 8.46. These are thought to be:

• Finding every single item that has the word "Balance" in it, and melting them down in the Furnace in Receipts Town.

• Using this melted down fluid to create the Holy Perfect Sword of Supreme Equal Accounts and Ledgers (should the Accountant be allied with Debit) or the Supreme Heavy Dark Sword of Lowered Tax Rates for the Wealthy (should they be allied with Credit)

• The Accountant must take this Sword back to the Caves of Negative Trial Balances and decapitate all of the Elders, taking their heads and filing them as business expenditure, in the Transport Ledger.

Stephen Hawking before trying to become a Lord, seen here with Familiars: Wolf and Raven

• Using the heads to dam the small river at the base of Mount Expenditure, you must climb its ragged sides whilst creating a suitable insert into your work ledger to excuse yourself from missing this time off work.

• Upon reaching the top of the Mountain, you will be greeted by the disembodied spirit of Nerd Jesus himself. You must kill him.

• After killing Nerd Jesus, you must use the sword to cut off both your hands, so they may be replaced by Nerd Jesus' soul and, as such, pure Accounting Energy.

The only other man to have tried to gain the class of Lord was Stephen Hawking.

While climbing the mountain he found he had saved his company over $45 by working an extra minute per day and as such was so pleased with himself he threw his arms up and plunged down 400 feet, losing himself the use of his arms and legs.

See Also

• Wizards
• Ninjas
• Satanism