Asylum seekers

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Yarl’s Wood Holiday Camp.

Asylum seekers are poor immigrants to the UK that are hated and reviled by cretinous right wing bigots that read the Daily Mail and watch daytime TV like the Jeremy Kyle show because they are too lazy to work for a living.

The reason asylum seekers are so unpopular is the perception that they get so many freebies from the government like free trips to the Yarl's Wood Holiday Camp.[1]


Early immigration[edit]

There have always been immigrants to the UK as the islands are notoriously easy to invade. The only people ever to have failed to invade were some Spanish that got lost on their way and the feeble and pathetic Germans who were so useless at invading Britain that in December 1941 after more than a decade of meticulous preparation and than two whole years of trying to invade, they had to watch on enviously as the Americans launched an almost effortless diplomatic invasion, which established strategic military bases all over Britain and her territories in a matter of months.

Early immigrants were affectionately known to the locals as Viking marauders, these jovial chaps spread fun and frivolity across the nation with their pass times of raping, pillaging, murdering and burning down villages.

Throughout history the British people have always made every effort to make the near constant stream of ruthless invaders feel welcome by making them into the rulers of the islands and giving them as much of gold and as many women as they could find.

The immigrants that right thinking British people really hate lazy are poor people that just escape from the nasty and dangerous shit hole where they should have in the first place, go to Britain and begin working to rebuild their lives and provide for their families.

British people hate the fact that modern immigrants can't even be bothered to respect British history and tradition by amassing a proper invasion fleet, capturing the islands by force, making themselves the kings and lords and then mercilessly killing any peasant that shows the slightest sign of resistance or that is simply surplus to requirements.

20th century[edit]

British hatred of refugees has had major global consequences. After the 2nd World War many Jewish refugees fleeing continental Europe looked to make Britain their home. Obviously the British people didn't want any more Yids, especially poor ones.

The British government devised a cunning plan to give an unpopulated[2] area of barren desert to the refugees to make them go away, thus giving birth to the nation of Israel.

Later in the 20th Century lots of Asians were shipped into Britain to do the really shit jobs that right thinking British people refused to do. Once the children of these immigrants went to school they easily outperformed the lazy and complacent white British kids because they were motivated by the fear of ending up toiling away at shit jobs like their parent's generation and a basic understanding that they were lucky to be born into a society that provided a free education system unlike the squalid shit tips their parents came from.

Eventually, due to their hard work and diligence, this new generation of immigrants became doctors, lawyers, engineers, bankers and dentists, while the native Brits ended up thick as shit, unemployed or working in the shit jobs that they had come to believe were only fit for bloody foreigners to do. Due to their failure to try hard at school these workshy and ignorant cretins were only capable of understanding their own situation through the medium of Neo-Nazi propaganda.

Seeing the kids of immigrants become rich and successful really pissed off the native Brits, especially since these bloody foreigners were supposed to do shit jobs and be happy just to be treated as sub-lower class scum and endure all the racist abuse. This made right thinking British people form into caring community groups like the National Front and the BNP and made them deeply suspicious and intolerant towards any foreigners, even desperately poor refugees.

In the 20th Century asylum seekers were known as "refugees", but use of the word refugee was outlawed by Supreme Overlord of the UK, Rupert Murdoch, in the 1990s as it has too many sympathy inducing connotations. It was replaced with "asylum seekers" to create the impression that these people are always on the scrounge.

Free holidays[edit]

Nick Griffin gives a traditional British welcome to desperately poor refugees.

All normal and right thinking British people like Nick Griffin, Melanie Phillips, Richard Littlejohn and Garry Bushell really hate asylum seekers. The main reason for this hatred is sheer jealousy at the free trips to Yarl's Wood Holiday Camp that asylum seekers are given.

According to experts Yarl's Wood Holiday Camp is a bit like Butlins but about a million times better and totally free to asylum seekers. Places at Yarl’s Wood are awarded by the immigration authorities using a lottery system. It has become tradition that winners of the free holiday trips are taken by surprise in the early hours of the morning. They are often taken from their homes in their pyjamas with no personal belongings as their every need will be catered for by Yarl’s Wood’s dedicated team of "blackshirts".


The remains of asylum seekers on display on Crosby Beach.

In 2008 civil servant Alan Botney blew the whistle on goings on at Yarl's Wood Holiday Camp. He claimed that asylum seekers were being killed for their adrenal glands, which are then cured and added to Pease pudding, the corpses are then coated in metal and used in by sick artist Antony Gormley in exhibitions like Another Place.[3]

Sercock, the owners of Yarl's Wood have denied that this is the case, stating that Botney is simply a deluded fantasist who also believes that he is Creative director at the BBC and a popular TV presenter.

Some sources claim that Botney is being sheltered from a relentless hoard of lawyers and numerous assassination squads in a Wikileaks safe house. Other sources report that he is simply in hiding, avoiding the public shame at being exposed as a liar and a fantasist.

See also[edit]


  1. Yarl’s Wood at Wikipedia
  2. Well populated by sand niggers, as they are referred to in the original 1940s documentation of the scheme.
  3. Another Place