“WHOA-OA-OA SHE'S MY REFUGEE!”
A refugee is considered a person which moves a lot! Refugees usually are very pesimistic, and think that the whole world sucks. That is why they go from country to country, finding something wrong with each one, depressing and bringing dissatisfaction to the locals before they move on. Because of this unwanted side effects, refugees are unwanted too, and a are considered side effects themselves of armed quarrels (usually between Serbia and Croats, Albanians, Montenegrians, all Muslims, Americans, Spies, Vulgarians-also known as Bulgarians in the local languages.... well more or less Serbs VS. the rest of the world!). Bosnia is the only licenced quarrel host in the world.
Refugee Production[edit | edit source]
The, fore mentioned, quarrels are held each year in Bosnia under the patronage of the UN, the EU and the USA. Bosnia is the largest exporter of refugees in the world, but the emerging refugee superpower Kosovo, is threatening to overtake the business, especially with the production of the top quality refugee from the newer "Independence War" series, with features like:
- Can't read a word
- No need to wash
- Trained in smuggling drugs, people, and other goods
- No need to be fed
- Takes very little space
- By one get 100 (the whole family)
- There is a possibility that it will evolve in a politician (Macedonia has a good climate for evolution of refugees)
- Sure to provoke a quarrel near you
Refugee Importers[edit | edit source]
There has been an increase of refugee production in the 1990's and the early 2000 so Bosnia and Kosovo rented hangars in other countries to help store the refugees that were later to be placed on the market, with the option of the host country to keep as many as they like for free which is a testimony of the good heartedness of the Bosnians and Kosovars. Not that Bosnian and Kosovar refugees exist, according to Comrade Neil Clark, thanks to the policies of 'Saint' Slobodan Milošević. Some of the largest refugee importers are Germany, Norway, Sweden, and Macedonia. The last one is the largest consumer and finds Kosovo refugees a delicacy, importing a sum of 250 000 in one order! It remains a mystery where do they put them since their territory has shrunk significantly since the last Balkan Wars which are held every 10 years and are due in 2012-2013.
Greece used to be a refugee exporter too but it destroyed it's own production by giving away all of it's refugees and it is rumored that the refugee producers left the country and mooved to Kosovo for better salary and shorter working hours.
Neo-Refugee Producers[edit | edit source]
Since it is a very profitable business lots of nations in search of easy money are ready to take up this hard but worth while job. Popularity has been peaking in African countries and in the Middle East where they have expanded the business to refugee shoot off, or also called Eko Safari under the motto "Help keep the human population under control". The Bosnian and Kosovo government issued a guide on how to become a refugee producer in 5 steps, and the book became a best seller in the region. According to the guide you need:
- A nationalistic hothead as a head of state
- A crazed bunch of drug addicts ready to commit to the cause (used as an army)
- Territorial dispute is a must have (if you don't have it it is recommended that you create one if you want to be successful)
- At least two different ethnic groups, preferably with different religions to get the optimum outcome
- Market, or a country wiling or under pressure of the refugee producers club (also known as the UN), which will import your refugees
The beginnings of the Neo-Refugee Era can also be traced in Bosnia as a local subculture decided that refugee shootoff can turn out to be fun and profitable. The movement soon took another form and was named the "Genocide Movement", and it targeted only smaller and weaker ethnical minorities.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
Many have claimed that refugees are not a product (even though they can be turned into very nice cookies), and are instead a very endangered group of people who have been chased away from their homes due to war and fear of violence, but this claims have been dismissed as paranoid and completely false by the Refugee Producers Club (UN as others may know it). They say that their quality control crews (also known as the smurfs, or the blue helmet guys) have checked every product separately and though there were some inconsistencies they decided not to interfere with the process because it would disturb the balance in the nature and they'd violate their juristiction - which is none by the way.