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From today's featured article
Foreign accent syndrome is a rare psychiatric disorder that, in its milder form, causes people it affects to pronounce words in a foreign accent. The disorder usually follows a brain injury caused by non-perforating head trauma, as perforating head trauma is much too gory for a proper mental illness. In extreme cases, victims of FAS can actually acquire knowledge of the foreign language associated with their new accent, slang terms and humorous exaggerated versions of national stereotypes included. A victim who develops a Lithuanian accent might acquire the Lithuanian language, tell other people to "Laizhyk asilo shikna", piss on bottles of Švyturys Ekstra, and date his sister.
As of the present, there is no known cure or treatment for FAS, and scientists have yet to completely unravel how the disorder works. People afflicted with the disorder are usually shunned within their community and turned into social pariahs. Fortunately, there are government sponsored programs that let victims of FAS assimilate in foreign countries where their accents are accepted. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance? (Pictured)
- ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
- ... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
- ... that prune juice is the world's brownest juice, eventually?
- ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
- ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
- ... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
- ... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
In the news
- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life
Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • M-m-m-Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and other Iranian leaders
Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (according to Wikipedia) • Avicii (according to Wikipedia)
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico • Smiling Friends
On this day
March 2: International Genderflip Cartoon Characters Day
- 1797 - The Bank of England issues the country's first currency to feature a smug, grinning monarch.
- 1867 - First Reconstruction laws: replaces slavery with "technically-not-slavery", which is not slavery. Technically.
- 1917 - The people of Puerto Rico are granted U.S. citizenship, to make the colonial exploitation that much more painful.
- 1946 - President Ho Chi Minh is declared "most likely to ferment Communist insurrection" in high school yearbook.
- 1961 - John F. Kennedy starts the Peace Corps, a secret CIA project to dump potentially troubling bleeding-heart hippies abroad.
- 1995 - Yahoo! is created, Nintendo immediately sues the site for stealing Mario's orgasm sound.
- 2017 - Scientists discover a side-effect of watching Guy Fieri (Pictured) marathons on the Food Network: severe internal bleeding.
Today’s featured picture
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Satan hates his job, too. You're not like Satan. Are you? Image credit: RadicalX |
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