User:Mason new0884/Wikipedia main page
From today's featured article
You are wasting this internet site's time. You should be writing something, but instead you are just sitting there, waiting for it to entertain you. You could even be the Time Magazine Person of the Year. Don't you have any sense of responsibility? How can you live with yourself? Think about all the times you've laughed heartily at some passing rejoinder in the forums, guffawed mightily at a clever turn of phrase on your talkpage, or even politely smiled at some article during your favorite Uncyclopedia program: HumorSearch. Don't you think you owe it to this wiki to put in at least a semblance of effort to return the favor? You should cease and desist all extraneous and benign activity and write an article. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that in another time and place Rod Serling existed as a discarded cardboard cutout on the set of the Twilight Zone? (Pictured)
- ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
- ... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
- ... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
- ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
- ... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem!
- ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
- ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
In the news
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April (Pictured)
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
- Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy
- Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win
Ongoing: Eurovision Green Room in danger of sexual harassment • The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 • r/TheDarnold having a field day • ICE-y chaos in Minnesota • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics
Recent deaths: The MetroCard • Stranger Things • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenure • Denver Broncos' and Los Angeles Rams' seasons • Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont
Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!!
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce
On this day
February 7: Shit! I Forgot My Lines... Day
- 1599 - Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a man of uhh, shit. Line. Line, I need the—
- 1600 - A man of Infinite Jest. Of most excellent fancy. Wait, asshole.
- 1601 - Yeah, got it. Ahem. I knew him Horatio, a man of infinite jest. Of most fancy—Fuck—of most excellent fancy.
- 1602 - If this happens on the night we'll just use the alternate.
- 1603 - How about you go fuck yourself, I'm the artist around here, you just tell people where to move on stage.
- 1604 - Whatever, Kenneth Branagh, you do whatever you fucking want.
- 1605 - I don't need you, nobody needs you, I'll make my own fucking lines. I'm the fucking bard. Motherfucker.
Today’s featured picture
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Just his luck that it got stuck on Jesus Christ Superstar that fateful afternoon... Image credit: Prettiestpretty |
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