User:Martinultima

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Welcome to User:Martinultima’s Page

The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

VFH/VFP/RD
Pee Review

The Buffalo Bills are a "professional" football "team". Their home is in Buffalo, New York. They are widely regarded as one of the most successful NFL franchises to exist ever. Their only championships where in 1964 and 1965 when they won two AFL titles. However, the Bills have not won any championships since the AFL–NFL merger, a move that many now consider "a huge fuck up". They were owned by a 93-year-old zombie man who refused to die named Ralph Wilson. In 2014 Wilson finally kicked the bucket, fucking zombie! Buffalo Sabres owner, oil fracker, and resident idiot Terry Pegula bought the team.

The Buffalo Bills are named after Buffalo Bill, a friendly man who lived in the woods all by himself. He would have guests over frequently where they would stay in a well he constructed in his home. They would stay for several days putting lotion on their skin. Bill then proceeded to skin them alive and wear their skin. The founders of the Bills felt this sort of behavior was admirable.(Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)

... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
... that the White House is really off-white?
... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?

... that the Southern United States is well-known for its "Southern Hospitality"? (Pictured)

... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?

... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)

... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
... that the White House is really off-white?
... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?

... that the Southern United States is well-known for its "Southern Hospitality"? (Pictured)

... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?

... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)

... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
... that the White House is really off-white?
... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?

... that the Southern United States is well-known for its "Southern Hospitality"? (Pictured)

... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?

... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)

... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
... that the White House is really off-white?
... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news

Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.

World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured)
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize
- Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah
Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight

Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • DMV-based sitcom canned after people realize they can watch literally anything else • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season

Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too

On this day...

March 30: International Cleavage Day

13B BC - God creates the Milky Way after squeezing stellar matter out of her insanely big knockers.
1692 - Twelve women are burned at the stake for inciting men to sin with their exposed bra straps.
1867 - America buys Alaska from the Russians because of its stiff Mountain peaks and vast tracts of fertile land.
1945 - Woman wears clothing that shows cleavage. The husband beats her.
1950 - The first film in Indonesia gets released, known for having at least one uncensored boob scene.
1977 - Marvel Comics designs a bra with a nipple window, claims its a proud Kryptonian tradition.
2012 - Big butts are now in! But you still can't be more than 120 pounds. Hey, I don't make the rules.

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

By popular demand, the National Pet Association has released a new guide for the best household chemicals to use for exploding your dog. Caveat Canem, indeed.

Image credit: MoneySign
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Recent Articles

Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Clock is ticking! There's only one more day to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales: “Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.” – Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007 Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready: And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
Add New Post	Edit Posts

My Latest Articles

Benjamin Franklinstein	PEE	VFH
Jolt Cola	PEE	-

Update Table

Complete Bibliography

8/3/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007	Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007	UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!) Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007	Jolt Cola (rewrite) Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007	Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...) Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007	The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007	Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007	Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007	National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007	UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007	Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007	Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007	Jolt Cola
1/16/2007	UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006	Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006	Deep Note
3/4/2006	Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006	I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005	Celine Dionide
11/20/2005	Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005	UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers