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The People's Republic of China is a pivotal support mechanism for the retail industry worldwide, although some believe they may have their own agenda.
China is populated by perhaps the most resourceful hardworking people on Earth, yet despite some of the strictest social engineering known to man, the Chinese still hog all the best quality crab legs in the buffet rather than waiting in an orderly line. Chinese moms force their babies to play violin until their fingers bleed; the dumb ones learn viola instead. Also, they put a fuck-ton of MSG in their food, which is actually pretty tasty.
Everything was invented in China, including gunpowder, paper, the compass, opium, pandas, panda-huffing devices, avian flu, SARS, bat recipes, COVID-19, USA's debt, Amazon Prime and CCTV; you name it, they invented it before anyone else. They also invented rhino horn aphrodisiac powder, Confucianism (a severely autistic, highly regimented version of Filial Piety), kidney harvesting and the Wu Tang Clan. While they didn't invent babies, they do mass produce them deep inside the VaChina. Bada bing! The male babies are then sent to work producing industrial glycine, and the female ones are sent to the streaming mines to post pirated clips of TV shows, except the captions are wrong and the video gets horizontally flipped every 2.7 seconds. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
- ... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
- ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
- ... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
- ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
- ... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
- ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
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In the news
On this day...
November 17: International Celebrate Things That Happened On This Day In The Past Day; Bjorksmas (Iceland).
- 1796 - Napoleonic Wars: Battle of Arcole - French forces defeat the Austrians in Italy. Despite the victory, French forces surrender 15 minute later, citing "force of habit".
- 1863 - Siege of Knoxville begins: Confederate forces place Johnny Knoxville under siege; Steve-O manages to escape in a daring skateboard stunt.
- 1871 - The NRA is granted a charter by the state of New York, they celebrate by accidentally shooting people.
- 1970 - Douglas Engelbart receives the patent for the first computer mouse. The revolutionary invention will allow men to search for porn with only one hand.
- 2003 - Arnold Schwarzenegger is inaugurated Governor of California, announces that he intends to cut the state's deficit, improve education, and find a woman named "Sarah Connor".
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Today's featured picture
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Recent Articles
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Writer and Noob of the Month
Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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| Complete Bibliography
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| 8/3/2007
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Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
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| 7/22/2007
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Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
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| 7/21/2007
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UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!)
Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
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| 7/4/2007
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Benjamin Franklinstein
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| 7/4/2007
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Jolt Cola (rewrite)
Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
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| 7/3/2007
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Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...)
Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
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| 6/26/2007
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The Human Element – waiting for pee review
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| 6/19/2007
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Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
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| 2/15/2007
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Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
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| 2/10/2007
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National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
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| 2/9/2007
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UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
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| 2/5/2007
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Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
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| 2/5/2007
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Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
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| 1/18/2007
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Jolt Cola
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| 1/16/2007
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UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
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| 6/3/2006
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Minimalist talk page
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| 6/3/2006
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Deep Note
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| 3/4/2006
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Geocities (really crappy original version)
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| 1/9/2006
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I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
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| 11/30/2005
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Celine Dionide
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| 11/20/2005
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Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
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| 11/3/2005
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UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers
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WTF?
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Update
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