User:Martinultima

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Welcome to User:Martinultima’s Page

The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

VFH/VFP/RD
Pee Review

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Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of vegetable beef barley soup in the fridge.

Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice. Come to think of it, it was shitty soup. That probably improved it. Not like this one.

Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again!

Hold on...

Why is my hair roller in here?

Wait...

This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill?

Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault.

Just a minute...

WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!? (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that Albert Einstein's likeness has been used to sell pornography? (Pictured)

... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?
... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?

... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)

... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poop cock, everyone blows their minds?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia?

... that Albert Einstein's likeness has been used to sell pornography? (Pictured)

... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?
... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?

... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)

... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poop cock, everyone blows their minds?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia?

... that Albert Einstein's likeness has been used to sell pornography? (Pictured)

... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?
... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?

... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)

... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poop cock, everyone blows their minds?
... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia?

... that Albert Einstein's likeness has been used to sell pornography? (Pictured)

... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?
... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news

CHJpdmF0ZS9sci9pbWFnZXMvd2Vic2l0ZS8yMDIyLTA1L2xvY2dvdHRsaWViMTI1MDEtaW1hZ2UuanBn.jpg

"Come! Come support my tacky AI website!"

Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (Pictured; this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over

Recent deaths: Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • ~~YouTube~~ • Tom Noonan • McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy (if you're Gen X) or the dad from Euphoria (if you're a Millennial or Gen Z)

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to care about

On this day...

Pictured: Your taste in music/television/everything.

February 20: Hot Garbage Day

1792 - The Postal Service is first established, celebration ceremony is accidentally rerouted to San Francisco, Spanish California.
1872 - After some harsh wind, the Metropolitan Museum of Art opens its first exhibit, a giant pile of toppled over ceiling scaffolding.
1877 - Russian ballet Swan Lake is received poorly by critics after show swans descend into the audience and peck their eyes out.
1935 - The first woman to set foot in Antarctica wonders what all the fuss was about.
1986 - The Soviet Union launches the space station Mir, cosmonauts test whether communism can work in outer space.
2016 - A man in Schenectady, New York is the first person to describe someone's opinion as "hot garbage" (Pictured), is given medal for ruining English.

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

A screenshot from Age of Umpires II: Age of Cricket. In this example, we see the classic "Shotgun-Seven" formation being used to maximum effect. Any good Umpire would note that this places a good deal of emphasis on the left side, making it easy enough to sneak in the stray foul wicket.

Image credit: Hindleyite
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Recent Articles

Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales: “Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.” – Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007 Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready: And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
Add New Post	Edit Posts

My Latest Articles

Benjamin Franklinstein	PEE	VFH
Jolt Cola	PEE	-

Update Table

Complete Bibliography

8/3/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007	Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007	UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!) Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007	Jolt Cola (rewrite) Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007	Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...) Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007	The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007	Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007	Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007	National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007	UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007	Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007	Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007	Jolt Cola
1/16/2007	UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006	Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006	Deep Note
3/4/2006	Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006	I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005	Celine Dionide
11/20/2005	Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005	UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers