User:Martinultima

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Welcome to User:Martinultima’s Page

The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

VFH/VFP/RD
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The Autoconspiracy 2000 (more commonly known as the Conspiracy Theory Generator) is a top-secret computer program built by the world's most elite historians and computer scientists for the purpose of expanding historical knowledge beyond that which would normally not be achievable by humans. The goal of the program is to map out and eventually solve every historical uncertainty by "Exploring the Infinite Chronoscape" as the program's metadata puts it.

Early versions of the Autoconspiracy can be traced back to prehistoric times, where archaeological records show evidence of some particularly clever cavemen who had studied the natural patterns of moss and of mud to explain the origins of organic material. More refined methods of discovering hidden truths came later, culminating with the final Autoconspiracy version, Autoconspiracy 2000 c. 2000. (Full article...)

Recently featured:

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Did you know...

... that playing Dungeons & Dragons has caused many teenagers to loose their grip on reality? (Pictured)

...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem!
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?

... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay?

... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?

... that playing Dungeons & Dragons has caused many teenagers to loose their grip on reality? (Pictured)

...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem!
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?

... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay?

... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?

... that playing Dungeons & Dragons has caused many teenagers to loose their grip on reality? (Pictured)

...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem!
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?

... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay?

... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?

... that playing Dungeons & Dragons has caused many teenagers to loose their grip on reality? (Pictured)

...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
... Donald Trump? More like... Donald Gay! Hah, gottem!
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news

He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America

Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life

Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • ~~YouTube~~ • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico

On this day...

February 24: "I don't care what day it is" Day

1803 - In Marbury v Madison, two men named Mr. Marbury and Mr. Madison fight each other with canes, and the Supreme Court decides who wins.
1863 - People on their way to California collapse from heat while traveling across the desert, and rather than dying with humanity, they found Arizona.
1920 - God decides today is a good day to create Nazis, a few select Germans suddenly feel an unusual aversion to international Jewry.
1942 - Aliens attack the city of Los Angeles! (Pictured) They're confused for Japanese soldiers due to racism.
1978 - Five men disappear after attending a college basketball game in California. The bodies of four of them were actually clones of the same person.
2007 - Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe launches a spy satellite to perv on Kim Jong-un's sister, Kim Yo-jong.
2008 - Fidel Castro retires, spends the rest of his days smoking cigars and laughing at assassination attempts.

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

In order to quell the ongoing strife in the Mideast, the Canadian government has elected to send their elite peacekeeping forces into Afghanistan, Iraq and Mos Eisley.

Image credit: NewMess1ah
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

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Recent Articles

Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Now you only have 4, yes 4 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales: “Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.” – Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007 Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready: And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
Add New Post	Edit Posts

My Latest Articles

Benjamin Franklinstein	PEE	VFH
Jolt Cola	PEE	-

Update Table

Complete Bibliography

8/3/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007	Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007	UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!) Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007	Jolt Cola (rewrite) Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007	Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...) Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007	The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007	Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007	Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007	National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007	UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007	Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007	Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007	Jolt Cola
1/16/2007	UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006	Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006	Deep Note
3/4/2006	Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006	I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005	Celine Dionide
11/20/2005	Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005	UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers