User:Martinultima

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The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

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Foreign accent syndrome is a rare psychiatric disorder that, in its milder form, causes people it affects to pronounce words in a foreign accent. The disorder usually follows a brain injury caused by non-perforating head trauma, as perforating head trauma is much too gory for a proper mental illness. In extreme cases, victims of FAS can actually acquire knowledge of the foreign language associated with their new accent, slang terms and humorous exaggerated versions of national stereotypes included. A victim who develops a Lithuanian accent might acquire the Lithuanian language, tell other people to "Laizhyk asilo shikna", piss on bottles of Švyturys Ekstra, and date his sister.

As of the present, there is no known cure or treatment for FAS, and scientists have yet to completely unravel how the disorder works. People afflicted with the disorder are usually shunned within their community and turned into social pariahs. Fortunately, there are government sponsored programs that let victims of FAS assimilate in foreign countries where their accents are accepted. (Full article...)

Recently featured:

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Featured today, a long long time ago
	Horatio Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson, featured on 28 February 2025: Featured version

Did you know...

... that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans? (Pictured)

... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions?
... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die?

... that video games have been linked to aggressive behavior in teenagers? (Pictured)

... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?

... that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans? (Pictured)

... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions?
... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die?

... that video games have been linked to aggressive behavior in teenagers? (Pictured)

... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?

... that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans? (Pictured)

... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions?
... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die?

... that video games have been linked to aggressive behavior in teenagers? (Pictured)

... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?
... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?

... that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans? (Pictured)

... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions?
... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... that a Pie Chart is the most delicious way of visually conveying information?
... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news

He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America

Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life

Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • ~~YouTube~~ • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico • Smiling Friends

On this day...

February 28: Finnish Cultural Appreciation Day

1835 - The Finnish Tourism Board publishes the Kalevala, an obvious ripoff of Tolkien, and declares the day a national holiday.
1847 - American forces nearly capture the Mexican town of Chihuahua, but are quickly torn to shreds by packs of those selfsame canines.
1935 - Nylon is invented, to fill the niche of fabrics that don't sufficiently chafe your nipples.
1939 - The word dord is unjustly removed from the dictionary by pernicious grammarians with no sense of humor.
1991 - The Gulf War ends, troops glad they never have to go back to Iraq or the Middle East ever again.
1993 - The ATF lay siege to a cult compound in Waco, Texas, decide to use guns instead of trebuchets.

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

Image credit: Serge Billault
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Recent Articles

Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Oh my god! There are no more days left! It's today or miss the boat to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales: “Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.” – Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007 Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready: And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
Add New Post	Edit Posts

My Latest Articles

Benjamin Franklinstein	PEE	VFH
Jolt Cola	PEE	-

Update Table

Complete Bibliography

8/3/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007	Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007	UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!) Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007	Jolt Cola (rewrite) Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007	Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...) Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007	The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007	Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007	Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007	National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007	UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007	Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007	Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007	Jolt Cola
1/16/2007	UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006	Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006	Deep Note
3/4/2006	Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006	I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005	Celine Dionide
11/20/2005	Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005	UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers