User:Martinultima

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Welcome to User:Martinultima’s Page

The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

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Biffy Clyro is a Scottish rock band from Scotland. As well as being Scottish, nobody outside of the rainy isles has heard of them. The band is composed of one Scottish guy, and two other Scottish guys who are for some reason twins, even though they look nothing alike. During concerts, the trio are joined by musicians Mike Vennart and Dick "99% of Gamblers Quit Before They Win it Big" Ingram. Currently signed to 14th Floor Records, they have released at least six albums. Following the first three, their maybe-existent fan base grew to slightly larger numbers. As for who they actually are, I'm still not sure. I'm pretty sure they're a band, however. As well as being from Scotland, they are apparently very popular in the UK, which is not a place I've visited. As for their music... I'm not sure that exists either. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that the Black Knight always triumphs? (Pictured)

... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that you just lost the Game?
... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?

... that there was more then one model for the Mona Lisa? (Pictured)

... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?

... that the Black Knight always triumphs? (Pictured)

... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that you just lost the Game?
... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?

... that there was more then one model for the Mona Lisa? (Pictured)

... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?

... that the Black Knight always triumphs? (Pictured)

... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that you just lost the Game?
... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?

... that there was more then one model for the Mona Lisa? (Pictured)

... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?

... that the Black Knight always triumphs? (Pictured)

... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that you just lost the Game?
... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news

Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID to "protect the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards

Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

On this day...

March 9: National "Shit We Forgot to Celebrate Your Birthday" Day (Canada)

400 BC - Noted Greek scholar and intellectual Hypocrites denounces extravagant living from his posh ninety-acre woodland mansion.
1862 - First American Civil War battle between two Ironclad ships ends in draw after the CSS Virginia argues the war was about "economics, not slavery" as if the two topics are separate.
1982 - Time travel party is announced three weeks ago in Baltimore, scientists declare that time travelers don't like Maryland very much.
1994 - Bill Gates announces invention of a method that lets men hold handbags without looking "super gay", men clamor for secret.
1996 - Secret to holding handbag like a man revealed: tie the strap around your balls and swing the handbag around like a flail. Cowardly men invent the extra-large pants pocket instead.

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

St. Michael the Archangel attempts to slay Charles Darwin to prevent him from revealing Michael's horrible secret. Darwin, belonging to the fitter of the species, survived.

Image credit: Isra1337
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

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Recent Articles

Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales: “Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.” – Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007 Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready: And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
Add New Post	Edit Posts

My Latest Articles

Benjamin Franklinstein	PEE	VFH
Jolt Cola	PEE	-

Update Table

Complete Bibliography

8/3/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007	Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007	UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!) Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007	Jolt Cola (rewrite) Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007	Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...) Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007	The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007	Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007	Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007	National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007	UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007	Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007	Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007	Jolt Cola
1/16/2007	UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006	Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006	Deep Note
3/4/2006	Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006	I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005	Celine Dionide
11/20/2005	Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005	UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers