User:Martinultima

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Welcome to User:Martinultima’s Page

The conveniently cheap userpage that nobody in their right minds should edit

VFH/VFP/RD
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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.

Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.

Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)

Recently featured:

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Featured today, a long long time ago
	Tenet (film), featured on 2 April 2025: Featured version Kitten Vaping, featured on 2 April 2021: Featured version

Did you know...

... that Angelina Jolie took method acting to the extreme to play the role of Slim in A Bug's Life? (Pictured)

... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poop cock, everyone blows their minds?

... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)

... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven?
... that women get periods, but men get commas?
... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?

... that Angelina Jolie took method acting to the extreme to play the role of Slim in A Bug's Life? (Pictured)

... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poop cock, everyone blows their minds?

... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)

... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven?
... that women get periods, but men get commas?
... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?

... that Angelina Jolie took method acting to the extreme to play the role of Slim in A Bug's Life? (Pictured)

... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poop cock, everyone blows their minds?

... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)

... that the fictional droid C-3PO is fluent in over six million forms of communication, but only four of them are love?
... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven?
... that women get periods, but men get commas?
... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?

... that Angelina Jolie took method acting to the extreme to play the role of Slim in A Bug's Life? (Pictured)

... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that Obama's last name is [REDACTED]?
... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
... that in 2007 the Department of Homeland Security released a series of informative pamphlets on surviving a terrorist attack?
... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poop cock, everyone blows their minds?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news

Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.

World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured)
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize
- Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah
Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four

Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season, choked away at the last moment

Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too

On this day...

They're all dead now. It's an old picture.

April 2: National Refrigerator Day (Paraguay)

1111 - The Knights Templar are formed as a clandestine drinking society, take things a little too far.
1942 - Classic arcade title 1942 developed as shoot 'em up, rights to year are purchased by Capcom, to the chagrin of some cranky veterans.
1983 - Science is invented by accident, and is quickly swept under the carpet.
1984 - Miniluv put crimethink proles into fridge, remake them goodthink fullwise.
2001 - The mailman bangs your mom, but she's her own person, you can't control who she loves.
2002 - The U.S. Kitten Embargo begins as part of The War Against Terror (Pictured), countless Iraqi kittens deported.
2012 - The number two renamed second one.

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

Ben & Jerry's introduces a new flavor, designed to help you relax.

Image credit: RadicalX
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Recent Articles

Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Martinultima’s Scratchboard
In the same vein as Slate Industry in Wales: “Postage stamps of Ireland are the postage stamps issued by the postal authority of the independent Irish state.” – Captain Obvious on Wikipedia's featured article on August 14, 2007 Get Franklinstein here VFP-ready: And get Franklinstein here VFH-ready...
Add New Post	Edit Posts

My Latest Articles

Benjamin Franklinstein	PEE	VFH
Jolt Cola	PEE	-

Update Table

Complete Bibliography

8/3/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
7/22/2007	Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
7/21/2007	UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!) Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
7/4/2007	Benjamin Franklinstein
7/4/2007	Jolt Cola (rewrite) Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
7/3/2007	Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...) Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
6/26/2007	The Human Element – waiting for pee review
6/19/2007	Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
2/15/2007	Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
2/10/2007	National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
2/9/2007	UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
2/5/2007	Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
2/5/2007	Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
1/18/2007	Jolt Cola
1/16/2007	UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
6/3/2006	Minimalist talk page
6/3/2006	Deep Note
3/4/2006	Geocities (really crappy original version)
1/9/2006	I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
11/30/2005	Celine Dionide
11/20/2005	Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
11/3/2005	UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers