User:Martinultima/Explanations

Warning: The following text might contain spoilers.

This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that Laertes gets poisoned by his own sword, Edmund, Goneril, Regan, Lear, Cordelia and Gloucester all die in the last scene, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!

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In case anyone's wondering where some of my more brilliant ideas came from (or who I ripped the crap ones off from), explanations for everything. Post on my talk page if you want to know the origin of something. Note – this may spoil certain jokes, so you have been warned...

Probably the best advice I can give you for writing good jokes, etc. is READ HTBFANJS. I read the entire thing after years of being sent there by the admins, and I've even got a copy saved to disk in case my Internet connection goes down. Believe me, it's got some good advice. I've even tried following some of it. Although really it shouldn't be too hard to top most of the junk I've written on here, only a handful of edits were really particularly good ones anyway.

Articles

Benjamin Franklinstein

I was re-writing Jolt Cola, following some of the suggestions on the talk page. One of them was, and I quote, "You could also probably get away with jokes about electrocution and maybe even something about Dr. Frankenstein or Benjamin Franklin." Naturally I couldn't help but notice how similar the two names were, so I figured, what the hell, maybe we need to combine them into "Benjamin Franklinstein" or something. It definitely improved the story of Jolt's creation – well, just about anything would have, the original article was so bad, but that's beside the point. And since he was such a fun character, I spent the rest of the night putting together an entire page all about him.

Quite honestly it was only a coincidence that all of this was around July 4, although it's probably only appropriate. Maybe that's what inspired me to put so much effort into this one – of all the articles I've done, this is probably the one I spent most time researching; in fact, it's the only one I really researched at all. I spent several hours reading over the Wikipedia article, partially because I'd forgotten some of the things he did like cooling by evaporation, but mostly because I needed the dates. And the Bradbury reference was too easy, since I'd just finished reading Fahrenheit 451.

The picture isn't the best one I've done. The recoloring job turned out nicely, but the deadbolt isn't quite as good, the perspective work is horrible and if you look closely I had to rip it off from a stock photo Web site and kludge out their watermark for it to work. (There weren't many good deadbolt pictures online...) It took about twenty minutes to get the scar right, it looks OK now I guess but then again I've seen all the original attempts. One of my personal favorites, although I certainly wouldn't VFP it.

Geocities

Needed by an old {{WIP}} template, and I've been a GeoCities user forever so I couldn't resist outright mocking every single horrible homepage ever put up there by a twelve-year-old retard, which probably perfectly describes me when I started on there in 2002. My current site is slightly nicer. No, I wasn't originally aware of the Me article, and offhand I'm not sure which one actually did come first.

Jolt Cola

I'm a Jolt addict, so this was an obvious one for me. The original version sucked until I realized "hmm, maybe I should listen to the Pee Review comments," and after Benjamin Franklinstein it became much, much better.

Norelco

Started with Image:God gets a shave.jpg, which I did mostly for the fun of it – I wanted to see how difficult it would really be to remove the beard, particularly since it would involve drawing new skin for the guy that didn't exist in the original painting. No one had done an article on Norelco, so eventually I decided maybe I should try it myself. By then I'd been swearing by Occam's Razor for a while, and the joke was too good for me to resist... some of the other stuff, like the emo references and the cheap puns (blade server, etc.) came later, but yeah, they were mine.

The Human Element

And to think I don't even watch TV. That commercial was starting to get annoying, so in a desperate attempt to get it out of my head I wrote some cheap excuse for an article on Uncyclopedia. Not a great one in any way, but certainly better than my contributions when I got started in 2005.

UnNews Stories

UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8!

The third and final sign that I'm not a particularly good news reporter. I did the original image a couple years ago, and I've been wanting to post this one forever, timed to coincide perfectly with the release of book seven – I really don't like Harry Potter. Well, I did when I was seven and it first came out, then a few years later I hit puberty and realized what bullshit it really was. I got the timing right, but apparently Michael Gerber also used the Dead Horse joke, so everyone assumed I ripped it off from him when in reality I was entirely unaware he'd made it to a third book already (I remember his first one, been wanting to read it a while).

There is some hope. There was a VFH nomination, so at least one person thought it was mildly amusing – I didn't even know until earlier today. Incidentally the main points of criticism on the VFH – the Homer Simpson joke and the sex scene some vandal threw in – were not my idea. Fortunately the latter was deleted shortly afterwards, but I think it worked a lot better with the five-year-old myself; admittedly I may be biased on this one, I quit watching The Simpsons around February because honestly they just haven't done anything particularly new for the last couple of seasons.

UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"

One of my first almost-less-than-intolerable contributions, and the second sign that I'm not a particularly good news reporter. Intended as a satire of television news programs, since a blonde girl seems to disappear every time something important (but apparently boring) happens in Washington that will leave us totally screwed.

UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe

The first sign that I'm not a particularly good news reporter. Completely ripped off from that stupid Starbucks coffee.