User:Aleister/archive19

POO

IM GOING TO DIRTY YOUR NEW CLEAN AND ARCHIVED TALK PAGE WITH DIRTY WORDS AND YOU CANT STOP ME.

Poo poo shit fuck poo poo shitty poo poo prostitute slut poo poo anus poo cock poopoo shit shitty crap poo poo crappy prostitute cum poo whore penis bimbo poo poo crappy shit whore slut poo poo poo. --ShabiDOO 00:36, 27 February 2013 (UTC)

They have medicine for that now you know. Aleister seconds later

re

Something like that is more likely to help tor users download child photography than it is to help a site who's not even on https. Encryption like this requires a set of key pairs, and really doesn't benefit when everybody is supposed to access the same content. It's more to prevent access of content. Mike the Great (talk) 01:04, 27 February 2013 (UTC)

I'm guessing you didn't like it.

Friends with benefits.. pfff  ^SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 00:51 3.02.13

I voted on it about six weeks ago. Where have you been? Go up to your favorite teacher this week and ask her if she'd like to be "friends with benefits". She'll like that, and will laugh, and tussle your hair. Do it, c'mon, try it, slip her a copy of the article, and let us know how it works out. Al six weeks ago

I still prefer grandparents with benefits. Nominally Humane! 03:39 02 Mar

Then you should write it. That is funny, and would rival Filial Piety for the grandparent/grandchild fanboys. Al later that day

Marilyn

I noticed you categorising Ms Monroe and not because the photo is on my watchlist, but because I am behind you now. Did you feel that on your neck? That wasn't the wind, that was my breath. I like Maryland this time of year. What do you think of phone sex? Leverage (talk) 12:15, 4 March 2013 (UTC)

I do not live in Maryland, you've said that twice now, although that may be a pun on living in Marilyn (check out Dreaming, where she plays a main character). Black Flamingo and I reworked the Monroe page here, and I set up a category for her. Nice pic! By a strange twisting of fate I sent you an email while you were posting here. Phone sex is very good, which made me want to email you (phone number included, will be waiting). What do you think of Will Harridge? Although baseball is out of your league (hahahahahaha, pun) it can be understood by sports fans outside of Maryland (Maybe you're thinking of Spike, who famously lives in New Hampshire - not Hampshire). Aleister minutes later

I once made a reference to you living Maryland. And I am never ever going to let it go. Leverage (talk) 12:28, 4 March 2013 (UTC)

I know one person in Maryland, and he ignores me for the most part. What a stupid name for a place anyway. Might just as well be Buffyland. Aleister later that month

The article is rather out of my jurisdiction. NHL or NFL I could help with (I just done UnNews:Girl's NY Jets trial ends hilariously), but baseball, like cricket, is a tedious game you have no chance of liking unless you were forced into admiring its charms by men around you. I had Stephen Hawking read it to me on Chrome while I hung out the washing. It had some nice flourishes. I would give you the same advice I gave David Lynch - more midget - and also maybe something about the other thing i saw on his wiki page, something about fining a man because he punched him. Maybe make it into a on-field murder. Also, negro league references could be chucklesome? Leverage (talk) 13:36, 4 March 2013 (UTC)

Jordan Maxwell

As you know... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordan_maxwell. Maybe we should just write a straight wikipedia style article for him here at Uncyc. Would that be funny? Considering? MrN 22:29. Mar 12. 2013

That's actually a very good idea, but lots of work. I have a couple wikipedia pages in mind to do, but I'll help on this one if you start it off. I don't know that much about him, but all we need is one or two pretty good articles to steal from, a pic or five, and external links and references (it would have to be with real references). So, nothing on the page made-up or funny (if anyone is reading this the "twist" is that wikipedia won't allow you to create a page named "Jordan Maxwell", at least in didn't in the past, and yet he is one of the most functional and honored researchers on conspiracies in the last forty years. On ATS at least one person thought I was Jordan Maxwell, which I may very well be). Good plan. Someone could then also try to move it to wikipedia. So we'd have to have public domain pics for the page. Nice thought, and I, I mean Maxwell, will appreciate the attempt. If we can find MattSnow he may like to join in. Funnybony and SPIKE have wikipedia experience, so we can at least run it by them for criticism. And others on the site might want to add research and writing to such a page, so it may not be that hard to do to come up with a good page. Good idea MrN, no pants to you! Al 1:36 13-3-'13

I'm no expert on Jordan, but I have seen most of his stuff of youtube. If you are Jordan then I'm Bill Cooper. Who I am in some places. ;) Glad you think it might work. As soon as Wikipedia create an article on him, obviously it would not be funny then, but until then I think it would be funny if we actually had the article which wikipedia should have. I have never written a full article on Wiki though. :( I bet Funnybony knows Jordan well... As well Matt, Socky and various others ;) Oh... and to be accused of being Jordan Maxwell, if done in reference to your apparent knowledge I would say is rather a high complement. The dude might just have been accusing you of pretending to believe in Lizards however. MrN 01:48. Mar 13. 2013

(EDIT: I just checked, and they opened his page up for creation again in April of 2012, so, hmmmm) Bill, sorry about the five bullets in the back thing, that had to sting. I've started just a couple original wikipedia pages, most of my work there is on established articles although a few of those are pretty much "mine" now as those things go. Maxwell should be easy, actually, as we don't have to write one of those book-length pages about him, just get some sources and let the sources write much of the page. A good lead, a career section, a few sections on his well-known and/or well documented theories, a bibliography, and some good external links (maybe a see also, we'd have to link everything to wikipedia there, as elsewhere, we couldn't link anything here). Sounds more fun as the seconds tick by. Al sometime later that day, but before the white smoke. No, not the pope's white smoke! The bud, man, the bud!

Five bullets? I only felt 3. That's what you get for saying "There will be a false flag on WTC, and they will blame Osama bin Laden", and then shortly afterwards there is a false flag on WTC and they blame bin Laden. That and the fact that I stopped paying taxes. To be honest, I think it's not paying the taxes which really got me killed... Jordan has a website with lots of info on it. I can probably rant on about him for many pages if necessary ;) ... As always I struggle to get started! ... I wonder what was in the pages which were created at WP for Jordan. The "problem" with Jordan is the lack of WP:RS type sources as no one likes to talk about him in mainstream owned media. Manly Palmer Hall choose Jordan to take possession (pun?) of all his notes and life work of his entire life. I would have thought that fact alone was enough to get him into Wikipedia. That and he was named as the main source by Peter Joseph for zeitgeist. He actually personally funded Zack Sitchin. He also funded David Icke the first time David went to the US. He has also "rested" in the sarcophagus in the great pyramid. Some people think he is a mason. Bill Cooper 13:15, 13 March 2013 (UTC)

Well, it's your choice. You want to do it here, or on wikipedia (it can be written here and moved over). Maybe others who tried to do a page were morons who tried to put up an advertisement for Jordan without both sourcing and opposite opinions ("Jordon is nuts" says the New York Times). Ah, Manly Hall, a name from the past (I've got one of the real large books he wrote, the size of a small coffee table, and his side of a series of correspondance between him and my teacher). A mason ? /whistles while walking away/. And he did WHAT in the great pyramid sarcophagus? Are you implying he had sex in there, or had sex with the stone, or "rested" by resting? I've never really studied the exact circumstances of Cooper's killing, was it on purpose or did some moron cop make a very bad error? (I'll have to read up on it.) But MattSnow, Socky, etc, may want to move ahead on this. Al 00:34 14-3-13

There is a ritual with the sarcophagus. It relates to horus and osiris. You lie in it, and your 72 brothers get a chance to nail the lid down. 72 is possibly a reference to years in 1 degree of procession of the equinox. I think you have to spend 3 nights there to do it right. It's a very old ritual which was supposedly also done by Pythagoras. It's a very masonic ritual, and Jordan actually admitted that he had done it on Art Bell once. Also, if Manly P Hall trusted him... ?? Um. Bill Cooper never "trusted" Jordan, and actually I think it's possible to find a few videos where Bill is ripping Jordan apart for actually preaching the luciferian agenda whereas Bill always made the distinction of saying "This is what THEY think". Jordan actually preaches it as his words sometimes... As do many others... Cooper was in trouble with the local cops because he had stopped paying tax. You might know that actually you still don't have to now as the law was never put through the system as it should have been. Bill spotted that... He was also in dispute with the local Doctor, and he claimed Bill Clinton personally targeted him. Bill had said that if police approached his home he would defend himself. The police approached his home... Someone fired first. Who knows who... We do know that Bill had a bad knee and that he apparently had to get out of his truck at some point. Bill's wikipedia pages says "he had vowed that "he would not be taken alive". They do an amazing job of making him look like an idiot... Oh. No mention of the 911 prediction then Wikipedia... I wonder why... MrN 01:13. Mar 14. 2013

Monkey

Don't think I will... I dislike competitions. I'll look into it but probably won't join. -- Style  Guide 18:52, 18 March 2013 (UTC)

Must... whore...

Hehe, can you take a look at Firesheep, Reasonable doubt, and I'd like to talk to you about Jesus nominations?  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 20:31 3.18.13

No, no, no more. You must fast and pray - fast from nominating your pages and pray other people nominate them for you. Yes, I will read them, but not now, I just wrote an article and have had enough of uncyclopedia for one hour or more. And it will be fun to see what you can do with Happy Monkey contest, in which you must write for a large part of 36 hours!!! Which means an overnight where your brain will process what you've written and give you lots of good ideas in the morning. This is true. Al minutes later

Okee dokee Aly. But just know this! I'll get you and your little dog too!  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 20:37 3.18.13

And I expect you to win, that is if Leverage doesn't enter (I've urged him too). I want to see you work on one page with no distractions for 36 hours. I will bring you sandwichs and keep people away from your door during this time. Aleister mere seconds later

Sounds like a plan. He could be a third judge.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 20:40 3.18.13

A judge! Leverage sure better enter the contest or it's much poorer for the no effort. And MrN, and Funnybony, and why isn't everyone signing up? It's a great source for new pages. Must sign off soon, see you on the rebound. Al, minutes later

K, I'll get them to maybe on the IRC!  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 20:47 3.18.13

hi

Yeah. What's your bananaphone number? I need to add you to my bananaphone contacts. —  (talk) (contributions) 20:56:37 2013/03/19 UTC

JUngle 7-2929, give me a few minutes to answer because I'll be roaming the prairie's looking for fresh game. Al 1:33 20-3-'13

Happy Monkey Topic

Your topic for the contest is The second conquest of the moon . You have 36 hours to write the article (until Friday 03.00 UTC/Thursday 9pm EST). If you want to make it unbook, unreview etc. you can very slightly alter the title. Remember the judging is on creativity and originality more than anything else. Have fun. In the mean time Happy Monkey is leaving various surprises all over your house. --ShabiDOO 14:52, 20 March 2013 (UTC)

Thanks, what an interesting topic, thanks! Last years was Homophones. That was a horrible topic. OK, I'm rambling. I'll work on this elsewhere because even when I empty my cache it still fills up real fast and the site won't let me look for links because the green page loading indicator is stuck way almost full, as if it had a half-second more and would load, but doesn't, and apparantly this is enough to write and edit but not to find in-page links, which I really enjoy doing. And it's quieter feeling in my universe, which I like, and so I do most of my writing there and when a page is ready it's over here instantly or somewhere on either side of instantly. Al 16:42 Spring '13

Having a perfectly polished page with images in the right place is less important than being creative and original. Of course...being complete and looking nice will probaly score an extra point or two...but focus on getting something funny and worth reading. --ShabiDOO 18:34, 20 March 2013 (UTC)

Image

Here you go. --ShabiDOO 00:34, 22 March 2013 (UTC) (p.s. they are selling new laptops and tablets for $150 these days)

Thanks, perfect. No, I love my laptop, it's a keeper. It loads up everywhere else I go but here, with no problems. And the only thing I can't do here is link or upload some pictures. Aleister 1:01 22-3-'13

I'm just...

...reading a novel by Robert Harris (Lustrum) where the poor have their shacks and such on the Vatican... was it square? This is in Caesar's time. -- Style  Guide 18:49, 22 March 2013 (UTC)

This might actually happen. There is no reason the poor can't descend on St. Peter's Square and take it over, unless the reason is they are so disorganized, unable to accept anyone elses ideas, and can't think beyond the next few hours. Those reasons may assure that it would never happen (and all you have to do is have one jerk in the crowd start throwing bottles or fists around and it would erupt into a drunken brawl). Aleister minutes later

It might, and should, happen. I was rather thinking that Vatican apparently used to be a slum for the poor, originally. Of course Harris might have invented the thing himself. Like: "We thought we would just take back this land. Yes, my Great-great-great-great(---)-grandfather used to live right here when Rome still was Rome and not governed by these sissy Christians. Yes, we were poor even then. My point is, this is our place and always has been." -- Style  Guide 19:13, 22 March 2013 (UTC)

And also...

...I've been dreaming of getting you to collaborate and/or start something you want expanded on User:Multiliteralist/SoS. It's not a strict anything - just an attempt at making different kinds of continuities for the reader's benefit. I imagine it's fun and useful. So far it has been, what with the mostly off-the-wall subjects we now have. Anything can be used. -- Style  Guide 19:16, 22 March 2013 (UTC)

Happy Monkey Runner-up

Congratulations Ali ali ali ali. Your article was a VERY VERY close second in the 2013 Happy Monkey Competition. Sometimes you have to give the other contestants a chance to win you know! Your article was dripping with creativity and originality and you made us LOL which is what the competition is all about. Thanks for your enthusiasm and participation in happymonkey2013 and see you next year. P.S. if you don't polish the piece and get it featured...we will take your 2nd place badge away from you. --ShabiDOO 03:28, 26 March 2013 (UTC)

2nd place yayer!!

Good job! I'll nom nom nom it in a few days! And since the competition is over, go and VFH. We need it. Voting is low. For realzies.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 23:20 3.26.13

Thanks! I'll be posting it soon, once I get a couple pics straightened out. I spent lots of time yesterday reading VFH'ers, and lots of them are pretty good. I hope the Happy Monkey contest has five or more features out of it, the contest has a nice track record for features. Al 23:23 26-3-'13

:D Firesheep and Reasonable doubt have been there for a while. Good reads. :D  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 23:32 3.26.13

I will get to those if I haven't as yet. It's hard to keep all of them in the air at once, unless you are Presto Changeo, the juggling clown of the Azores. Al later that month

I uploaded File:Monkey-in-space-suit.jpg for you. I didnt import Quinoa...because there already is a file here (a different one)...and it's a better one IMHO. Let me know if you'd still prefer the other image and I'll upload it. I compared all the images you have on the article at wikia with the image files here at .co and the image I uploaded and Quinoa are the only files not here. Let me know if there are any other images you want me to upload and I'll happily do it all for you.

As for the topic...I had to invent two topics as two never came in. One was "my life is as thick as gravity" and the other was "the second conquest of the moon". I made them both up in one second as I pasted topics on everyones talk pages. I'm kind of dissapointed the gravity article wasn't given a go...as it was a unique topic to say the least. Glad you finished the other one...with a tricky topic no doubt.

I also wrote an extra long pee-review for your article as I know you appreciate constructive criticism and that it's never a waste of time.

P.S. Vonnegut is of my top three favourite authors (along with Saramago and Dahl). The cats cradle is one of the best books ever written. I highly recommend it if you haven't read it yet. If you have...read it again :)

I know your mother's and grandmothers' second names. --ShabiDOO 04:07, 27 March 2013 (UTC)

And I know your mother and grandmother, if you know what I mean. More soon. Al a few minutes after leaving your mother and grandmothers house after the three-way.

Opinion?

Can you do a pee review for UnDebate:Is it the size of the ship or the motion in the ocean?  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 11:30 3.28.13

I'm the worse person here at doing pee reviews. I just find it hard to criticize other's work on a point by point basis. In college I had a hard time in poetry class because I couldn't criticize other people's poems, and could see their point of view in writing what they did. It's easy to say "here's how I would have done it", but that's me and not the writer. I will look at the page now and tear it apart like a dog though. Back in a few minutes with my "pee review". Al minutes later

Pee Review: It could be a great page if you didn't mention Penis at all, but eluded to it (I saw a penis once!). That's what I thought when I read the title, one of the best and most promising titles here. OK, there's my pee review, I give you 100 points out of 100. Yay! Al later that month

Herbert Hoover

Do you know anything about President Hoover? I have started a silly page on him, and I wondered if you could add any of your glittering weirdness to it. Only if it takes your fancy of course. Leverage (talk) 22:35, 30 March 2013 (UTC)

Sorry to butt it, but the Hoover Dam was named after him. A lot of politicians blamed the Great Depression on him. And he was DESTROYED in the 1932 election by FDR.  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 22:39 3.30.13

I read this, and viewed it, and you need no help from me. Great page, and lol. Al later that month

Korean rhetoric

The funniest thing I have seen all week. I love the way they speak. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-22024018 Leverage (talk) 18:03, 6 April 2013 (UTC)

You done gimme a quick opinion, yo?

Lol. Me and Matthlock just finished Mila Kunis. Whaddaya think?  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 23:16 4.19.13

I'm not a good one for this, I've always disliked her since the first time I watched the '70s Show. If it were her and me on a deserted island for a year, she would be dead in the first week because of an annoyance factor of 10. Al Later that same month

Like a mummy...

I rise from the ashes! Get the shotgun! How are things around here? Things seem complicated with the dual site. Anyway, I dusted off a collab with Shab, and put it in mainspace, it made me remember why I liked this place. I also read again Dennis Kucinich's wife. I'm hooked again! I hope to find a suitable topic I'm motivated in, reading the old stuff was cool. I'm doing good IRL, pretty busy. What about you? Mattsnow 00:30, 20 April 2013 (UTC)

Matt! I don't know how uncy got along without you, and it's great to "see" you back. I'm busy too, and go away for days at a time, but with you here I know that there is always a light in the window. Have you checked out all the good conspiracy stuff on MrN's page? He is a certified genius (or certified at least). I'm not writing too much uncy stuff, burned myelf out on a long page which is almost ready for a VFH try. And I am now Pope (yes, I'm the South American Cardinal who was elected Pope, no wonder I'm busy!), so lots of bowing and kissing of the ring and all. I'm thinking of selling some of the paintings in the Sistine, or at least renting ad space on the ceiling. More soon, Al later that same month on the 23rd I think.

Haha good for you, I was just elected Dalai Lama! I guess we're competitors now lol Mattsnow

Naw, I think we (the pope and the dalai lama - who actually is the second most important tibetan lama to be serious for a moment) can coexist and actually party together. I'll bring the wine, you bring the Indian food, and the women will flock to us like pigeons flocking to old ladies with corn. This will be fun, and I'll alert the swiss guards to expect the dalai lama if you want to come to my digs. Bring some of that tibet hash, they tell me it gives a holy buzz. Pope Francis, you can call me Fran

YAY! You're back!

You're back from Uncyclopedia. I thought you were gone forever. From looking at your talk page, I also take it Mattsnow is back. And just when I thought Frosty is the only active user who I've known since I started on this site. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:54, 24 April 2013 (UTC)

Hello. I never left (am gone a few days at a time once in awhile), and spend time on different sites. In fact I have an article featured here tomorrow which I'm very proud of. Good to see you, and we all need to have one of those naked saunas like we used to do. I'm glad Matt is back, and Matthlock too (hey, wait a minute, are you the same guys?). I've done some bad thing in Boston, so am on the run, but what the hell, had to stop for a few minutes to reload. Al few minutes later

Okay. I'm not Mattsnow (the familiarities in our name has already been pointed by Cat the Colourful, who might also want to come to a sauna since he's a Finn), and congratulations on having an article featured! I tried to get an article me and Sir Peasewhizz worked on featured, but it failed, all thanks to that evil demagogue Zombiebaron. User:Matthlock/sig2 00:03, 25 April 2013 (UTC)

If at first you don't suck seed, try try a finn. Continued work on Mila Kunis may make her moan, I mean get nommed again. She has no bellybutton (did you know that?), and gave her little brother head for his birthday. She's a freak out, man. I don't like Kunis personally, makes me cringe a little, but I can see her featured at some point. She got to make-out with Natalie Portman, which is the hightlight of her career. Al minutes in the future

I coulda sworn she had a bellybutton. And I'd have to agree to disagree on that, she's on the top of my "to-do list," if you know what I mean. User:Matthlock/sig2 00:24, 25 April 2013 (UTC)

Thanks

Thank you for voting for my Crimean War article, It means alot, especially since you got your Moon conquest featured. Also came in to say that I made A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar, an article you were making (I think?), so sorry about that. IFYMB! 15:11, 29 April 2013 (UTC)

Hello, and the Crimean war deserves its own feature (and its own cemetery, not to mention a series of postage stamps). I waited until the winner of happy monkey was featured to nom it, and it looks like you did the same. I hope yours makes it, and then maybe some other people in the contest have polished their pages enough to have a feature go. No, the walk into a bar thing is just for people to add to, and years from now it can be edited to be another walk into a bar page. Yours is very good. I like your little gif in the corner of your user or talk page, the bouncy gif. Ah, to be asian again. Al weeks or seconds later, one of those

Did you know?

That Uncyclopedia has no page for George Bush the Elder? It just leads to a redirect to George W. Fancy double-teaming him? Leverage (talk) 15:50, 2 May 2013 (UTC)

Good. It should be redirected to war criminal though. Aleister later that same day

George H. W. Bush - It's probably not angry enough for your tastes, and I am not finished with it yet, but we now have an entry for the 41st president, instead of a redirect to his abysmal son. Leverage (talk) 19:20, 6 June 2013 (UTC)

You know I appreciate all of your work, but I don't want to even look at anything concerning the Bushes. That they are walking or wheeling around free as birds miscarries justice without even bending over to pick it up. (hmmmm, maybe I'll just modify and move that last sentence into the quote section of your page and then I can at least look at it.) Aleister 2:59 7-6-'13

p.s. Naw, I tried looking at the page and just can't do it. Well formatted though. My only page on one of the Bush's is UnTunes:Troops on the Ground, and it hasn't aged well. Maybe I'll tinker with it.

I understand. It's actually quite hard to write about someone who is typically demonised, but I had a go at being silly. I will check out your UnTunes page now, regardless of your poo-pooing it. Leverage (talk) 07:28, 7 June 2013 (UTC)

#OccupyMainPage

Congrats on the feature! It sure as hell took it long enough. Pope Francis has already stepped down and is to be replaced with Dick Sargent.

Unfortunately, I must point out that it's touching the Mr-ex sodomy one. Might want to spray some disinfectant. -- Kip the Egg Talk Works 14:35, May. 8, 2013

User:Aleister in Chains

Hey Aleister as you may remember I recently changed your username from Aleister in Chains to just Aleister. The reason I say "may remember" is because you have been editing under your old username. Please use only one account. If it will help you remember we can ban your old username. -- The Zombiebaron 16:54, 8 May 2013 (UTC)

No, I saw the edits and they are edits I made, but I was logged into the Aleister account. So by all means, please ban my old username. Thanks. Aleister 23:44 9-5-'13

Hello! I have just written an article!!!

It is about the Veloso siblings. You might not know who they are, but since I couldn't really think of anything funny to write, you will more or less have all the major facts. I mean, there are some funny bits, but you might want to improve on it if you have the opportunity? :) -- the dorky contralto 01:55, 27 May 2013 (UTC)

Hi, I'm not ignoring you it's that my computer was out for over a week and now here I am again. I will read your page but not now. If anyone else reads this, let it be said that whenever I read an XDShemp page I lol and lol all over the place (true). Her sense of humor somehow gets me right where my lol lives, and I can't help it. Hope all is going well! Al 20:07 3-6-'13

Thanks for your help, I've been fine. I corrected a misspelling you did in your edit, and all is well. :D -- the dorky contralto 14:48, 6 June 2013 (UTC)

Standards

Yo - never worry; there's not one among us regular writers who feel in-jokes should become the new standard. But the way we discussed it with, I think, Kippy: nobody was asking who the hell Mr-ex777 is when Matt Smith gave him buttsex. I tend to give the reader credit: if I see an obvious in-joke myself, I never pause and worry if I should know more to get permission to laugh.

I never know what any user might be thinking, myself, so:

• I think a joke nomination is often good
• if they get featured they're even better
• I don't get fed up as long as stuff is different every time
• I don't think it matters much what the feature standards are - main thing is that a reader sees the front page and thinks: "I'll have to go in and see what these people are doing" --- it's no big deal if it is "good" or "bad" as long as it's not undeniably tasteless or boring.
• undeniable tastelessness, to me, consists of a serious personal attack against someone who doesn't totally deserve it, serious violations against those who cannot defend themselves, or racism which a racist cannot see as satire. The last one is a bit flippant: a racist mind doesn't generally work, so it's hard to tell if they know what "satire" means.

This is already an old topic but since I have never discussed it with you: I don't take the whole fork/wikia thingy seriously. I do write and draw for this site because here I don't get hassled by any bureaucrats. It's not my doing that bureaucrats seem to be favouring whatever the wikia site might be standing for. If artistic freedom is taken out - or if people start fucking me up with pointless formal constraints even in passing - I'll dry up in a second. (You probably have known this about me for some time but what the fuck - now that I already typed it...) -- Style  Guide 05:10, 7 June 2013 (UTC)

Does Pee still happen?

If not, does this make sense. I'm so out of practice I can't even think of a title.Sog1970 (talk) 03:01, 4 July 2013 (UTC)

Ana Gabriel

Hi, I wrote this article soon after I wrote the one about the Veloso siblings. Just thought you might enjoy this one, my latest article. (You might even feel free to change a few things about it, should you find it necessary...) -- the dorky contralto

Um, hi again. Aleister is sort of semi-active so don't expect a quick reply... IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 17:49 9 July 2013

Moon aritlce

I read your final draft (now that I had a little time). Really great article Aleister. You definately made good work out of an extremely difficult topic. One day we ought to collect our finest articles and translate them into Arabic and drop free books to the children of Mongolia so that they might learn about life! --ShabiDOO 19:02, 9 July 2013 (UTC)

Yeah, but you forgot about using them to earn coins on farmville. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 19:08 9 July 2013

The moon is our oyster, and we live within it's light like bugs in the light of a bug zapper. The moon cares little for us, but we love the moon. This is all true. And see below. "Aleister"

Hello everyone

I'm still around, but still having computer issues. And when I've tried to edit on this site the screen freezes up on me, so a few sessions in a row I've tried but couldn't leave a note. This one seems to work. Thanks for all the fish. Don't have much time now, but will get back to you all and read all the pages soon (hopefully). Gobs of goo to you all. Aleister 16:06 11-6-'13

I am left with the certain feeling that either you have the worst luck ever with computers or you just don't feel like spending a couple hundred bucks on a computer that actually works ;) In either case...I find it so funny that I'm going to write an article about it. Consider that...you...Aleister...will be the subject of an article...here...on uncyclopedia...and it wont be one of those nasty one's involving mouth poop or Greece  :) --ShabiDOO 18:48, 15 July 2013 (UTC)

It's not the same place without you dudeeee! --Leverage (talk) 07:11, 16 July 2013 (UTC)

Computers are like ghosts on the machine, and in them too. This current problem is man made, but I hope it's solved later today (fingers and dick crossed). An article??? When you put images in it don't forget my handsome profile and body-builder body. Thanks. And what's Goat doing on the main page??? And the Kennedy case solved??? I have lots of people to thank methinks, and either do it right now "Thank You!!" or later when I'm online. Surprises to me for sure. Aleister 12:16 28-7-'13

A new user wrote a really boring non-article at User:Somegirlnew/Susan_Kiser and I have decided, as a point of honour, just to flesh it out with lots of weird shit. If we do an Aleister article, I would like to seek out an open flickr account, use all the photos of one actual man as Ally, and build the narrative around it. --Leverage (talk) 17:09, 28 July 2013 (UTC)

Goddess save me from good or bad intentions. Intentions in general. I'll look at the Somegirl article, good luck on there! The boring one I took up and worked on was when a guy thought we were wikipedia and left a dry article on tantra. When I told the guy we were a satire site he ran off and left us his page, and Funnybony and I shaped it into the UnMasterpiece it is today. Ain't random leavings fun sometimes! That title about the pancakes I use on my user page was an entire real IP article, which of course was huffed, and I've thought of expanding it and likely will. That writing will have to be brought up a notch to match the perfectness of that one sentence. Aleister 17:17 28-7-'13

Lazy

I wrote something funny on the old site before I found out there was a move... Go read it and reply here because I don't want to rewrite it. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 05:22, 9 August 2013 (UTC)

You can always import it here, by using their export page and our import page. All the stuff gets copied over and all the edits and all the magic! -RAHB 07:44, 9 August 2013 (UTC)

SICK I DON'T HAVE TO BE LAZY ANYMORE! --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 14:52, 9 August 2013 (UTC)

Happy Monkeys have happy monkey children. Aleister 14:54 13-8-'13

YOU ARE ALIVE! I MISS YOU --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 15:13, 13 August 2013 (UTC)

Yes, you missed me. With a bullet, damn you. I left you a note on my talk page at the other site too. Will be on here for a couple more hours, off and on. Eating Rice Cakes now, and preparing an UnNews page. It's good you are back and monkeying around. Aleister minutes later

Ignoring the terrible monkey pun, how often do you stop by? --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 17:21, 13 August 2013 (UTC)

Maybe once or twice a week (computer problems limit me to public machines for now). Came by today to post an UnNews page, so am glad I saw your notes. There are some really really good people and writers on this half of the Island, check out Leverage for sure. Must sign off soon, but good to see ya. Maybe vote on VFH because it has few votes and few pages right now, a sad state of affairs which you can improve. Please stick around, and don't eat too many cookies. Aleister 17:38 same day

Me and my friend plan on writing an article so I do plan on doing something before I run off/ if I run off again. Anyone notable who stayed behind at the other side? --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 18:27, 13 August 2013 (UTC)

California

I am in your country Ally, but sadly not in Maryland. Things I have noticed on this visit: there is more water sitting in the bowl of American toilets than European ones. People here say "go ahead" here where in the UK people say nothing. "I am going to *go ahead* and ask him." Trader Joe's is fun. I thought of you as a I tucked in to a quinoa salad. The people here are very concerned you might forget what country you are in, so they hang up flags everywhere to remind you it is not Mexico or Canada. Little League is more fun to watch than baseball, and girls' softball comes with a frisson of girl-gang sexuality. How are tricks at your end? --Leverage (talk) 02:13, 19 August 2013 (UTC)

Ah, I am not really an American. Not even a Marylander. I may actually live a block away from you, and see you at the green grocer. Or somewhere. Hope you trip to the States is fun, and if you see me there give me a high five and I'll know it's you. What cities are you visiting? Aleister 15:10 20-8-'13

Well today is my penultimate day actually. I am on what I have been told is the best coast. There was this one town where all the actors hang out, and then another one with a red bridge. It's been fun, although I was a bit disappointed that not ONE cross-dresser has tried to leak government secrets to me. --Leverage (talk) 18:03, 20 August 2013 (UTC)

Arson

I totally agree with you, I started a forum about it. (and nobody cared) Forum:Arson in progress Mattsnow 19:00, 30 August 2013 (UTC)

Me feeling that this is a disaster for the site. Some people are huffing three or four pages a minute, totally against the rules in that they can't possibly have checked the history of the page and looked at former pages. And huffing is what it amounts to, because I for two am not going to fix pages which don't need wholesale fixing or put popular pages onto my user space. Zombiebaron says the rules are what they were, which means anyone who removes a tag can be cited for vandalism. This is the week of thirty-thousand red links. Some of the best pages "here" are not understood by some people, and they will huff them. Is a responsible admin checking each page? Baseball is to be huffed??? Aleister 009:39 31-7-'13

Yes. Agreed. Tags are getting removed though and I'm participating. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia 00:29, 31 August 2013 (UTC)

You won't get banned bro, I'd be so pissed! It is really stupid, huffing stuff as the site's users are so low. Mattsnow 16:42, 31 August 2013 (UTC)

Funny

I was just fantasizing thinking about you then you drop by . How is life my old friend! --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 00:23, 2 September 2013 (UTC)

Fine, and you? Have a pizza on me (if you can find me). I was just updating my list, as today's feature is one of my pages, Oz (TV series), so it's lucky I'm here. Nobody else is, according to recent changes, except you and I, so let's trash the place. You take out Lythria's user page and I'll watch (hums accordingly). Aleister

Ill do it but It's going to take a hefty sum of cookies. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 00:57, 2 September 2013 (UTC)

Let's invite some users to have an impromptu writing competition. Let's say...there are seven of us...we write articles in any space based on days of the week...randomly assigned...and then judge each others work. Totally outside of the forums...unoficial impromptu kind of thing. I have some users in mind. What do you say? --ShabiDOO 03:31, 2 September 2013 (UTC)

Interesting, I'd be in, as long as we have a week to write it. Any concept, I don't care. Just need motivation to write :) Mattsnow 09:57, 2 September 2013 (UTC)

Lets say, Aleister, Happymonkey, Mattsnow and myself and three other people. I'd recommend Catthecolourful (he'll cum his pants if he's invited). Zombie is also very good at competitions in general, especially when assigned a topic. --ShabiDOO 13:39, 2 September 2013 (UTC)

That's only 6 people. For 7 days of the week. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 13:48, 2 September 2013 (UTC)

If god got one day of rest while making the world why cant we get one day of rest doing something sooooo much harder. I'm in, but this better not be in replacement of my competition! Which btw, I would love to hold this fall, maybe mid-late September or early October. I should also note that I was never very good at writing articles, and am rusty due to my 2 year hiatus, but I will still love to try :) --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 14:10, 2 September 2013 (UTC)

Okay...I'll start a little friendly tournament on my user space (this is not a happy monkey thing). Just friendly thing between us. We can judge each other. We can start writing next Monday maybe. I suppose it can be the four of us...and the other three spots be first come first serve. And also...I've already decided ahead of time that I've won and you've all failed. --ShabiDOO 17:37, 2 September 2013 (UTC)

Well, I was here first. Can I be served? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 17:41, 2 September 2013 (UTC)

YES! Here's the page

P.S. Ali...let us know if you'll participate. It wouldn't be fun without you. --ShabiDOO 16:16, 3 September 2013 (UTC)

I'll say I'll participate, even if I don't. I don't even know what it is you're talking about. But sure, sign me up (hahahahahaha). Aleister today of all days

Days of the week friendly competition that shabidoo will win and everyone else will fail

Your topic is MONDAY

Rules are posted here

I would wish you good luck but I shave my crotch hair every day in September and I'm rather busy.

--ShabiDOO 16:48, 9 September 2013 (UTC)

Haven't had access to the internet

My article of Simone was featured 23 August, but I only found out two weeks ago! I am overjoyed, this being my first feature! -- the dorky contralto 22:37, 12 September 2013 (UTC)

IC

Okay, I've decided to start up IC again, would you care to join us? It would be great if we had a writer like you on the team! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 09:31, 24 September 2013 (UTC)

As far as I know I've been on the team for years. Oh wait, maybe I'm mixing this up with something else. Thanks for the heads up, and please let me know what the current project is, and I'll let you know if it's what I'm thinking of. Aleister 24-9

p.s. yes, I voted on the page. I totally missed Futurama, didn't even know about it.

Your next UnNews?

[http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-24486718 Living Ohio man Donald Miller ruled 'legally dead' ]

That was the best damn blow job

i ever got --Leverage (talk) 18:01, 9 November 2013 (UTC)

WTF?

If you are lucky...you'll have as many retarded blocks as I have recieved...and as many justified blocks as well. --ShabiDOO 22:54, 16 November 2013 (UTC)

I'm not sure if 'lucky' is the right word... – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia 23:07, 16 November 2013 (UTC)

To expand on that a little, I've had about 33, out of which maybe 10 were justified, and I don't feel lucky. But then you didn't ask me and I should probably not have popped in uninvited. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia 23:12, 16 November 2013 (UTC)

It is the ultimate irony...putting down users on a commedy site for socializing and being aloof. --ShabiDOO 17:57, 17 November 2013 (UTC)

Comedy is srs bsns dood. Don't ever forget it or I will ban you. Now go sit in your corner. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Nov 17 '13 18:14 (UTC)

Did I say something wrong here? Sorry. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia 19:27, 17 November 2013 (UTC)

You just did and it was wrong because it exposed your inability to understand sarcasm, twice today. Now drop and give me 100 push ups while I'm filing my nails! --Mimo&maxus 19:35, 17 November 2013 (UTC)

Hey now. No abusing the plebes while MY nails are unfiled. Drop and gimme five hundred, maggots. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Nov 17 '13 19:41 (UTC)

I'm not good at understanding written sarcasm. I used to be worse though. I'm also technically not here right now. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia 20:29, 17 November 2013 (UTC)

If any of you would please go around with a large tin and collect money and send it to Greece and Spain so that children might get Christmas presents this year...and hopefuly put food on the table? Just collect the money and send it to my Swiss Bank Account where I will duly take care of things both efficiently and honestly. Write me an anonymous email if you need my bank account details :) Thanks!

LOL

We're you expecting to get a four day block ... like with the article name changing? --ShabiDOO 20:25, 24 November 2013 (UTC)

Hey, good to see you. Lots of really good people here on this site pretty much all the time. No, I didn't expect a ban, but since that stuff with SPIKE wanting to own me and make me bend my back somehow plays into it, that's fine with me, because it was my stupidness in not communicating to him that I thought, after reading the sig rules on this site, that all we had to do was somehow identify the date. So I played with that, since I always type my sig and don't have one of those coded sigs under my user name here or there, I said "50th JFK assassination day" thinking it would identify the date in the rare case someone actually has to see the it (and I guess it's good to see the date. I just play with it - this is a playground for adults is what it is (according to Funnybony, the gentle giant on the site. Man, more of your guys should talk to him and hang out with him, he never looks at recent changes or the forums or such, and just writes and edits, sort of like a MadMax of the writers. Some other guys are like that, Romartus befriended one long ago. It's cool how many writers never socialize, so it's a privilege to be amongst lots of those who do.) and playing is allowed for the most part. Anyway, bottom line before the last line, after reading the sig regs here, I read them there, and SPIKE had done some kind of Nazi rewrite of it a month or so ago that I didn't know about because I don't always read forums, and then apparently took out after me like a rustler downing a calf - likely thinking I had read the new Nazi sig rules at wikia and was disrespecting him, when I was working off both the rules that were in place when I got here, which didn't stipulate a data requirement and the rules as I read them here recently which said the date has to be identifiable. But he was right in just wanting to make a piece of the puzzle uniform, which is boring but is needed in his worldview, so why not. Would someone let me know how lax the rules our here? Nobody, but nobody, complained to me about timestamps before, so I didn't know SPIKE had a problem with it for what, four years? So I'll just do a simple time stamp in my sig but will often play around it, since I type the whole thing in every time. And we really should get some kind of healing started between the sites. But it's more fun to socialize here, that's for sure. Somehow I liked editing there more, seems quieter, like working in a library room and politely having to ask for a waitress to bring another edit in with the cognac. Here it's more fun to fuck around, and because of these bans I'm getting more used to writing here. That's the longest post I've ever made and I have no idea what it says. Ah, a quick glance tells me. It's about Funnybony (lol on rereading), who is just about the most interesting guy on the site who nobody talks to. Know what, maybe we can ask him to do a forum, an "Ask Funnybony anything", and ask him questions about back in the day. He doesn't hide who he is and what he's done in life, quite an interesting travel (ask him). And a few years ago SPIKE was riding his ass like a bronco loose on a plain, and SPIKE has done that to lots of people, and I totally respect him for being consistent. He saved the wikia site! And the next thing we had to do was get that damn warning label off, to tear it off like a year-old bandage. That took awhile. (to be continued?) Aleister 21:19 24/11/13

I remember a couple years ago...Lyrithya and I would have these screetching bark fests at each other. Her choice of words would get deep under my skin and make me roll my eyes with hostility. Then I would jump right in her face and bark back without chosing my own words rightly...which was dickish on my part. But then after a week or two...I came to agree with almost everything she said. And now reading it makes me laugh out loud. I cannot say the same with anything SPIKE has ever barked at me...or to other users. Reading it a year or two later...still has me cringe the way he talks down to users. Who gives a shit about precisely coded time stamps? OMG LOL LOL LOL LMAO WTF? Who wants to spend their free time like that...obsessing over minutiae and arguing with a hostile tongue about nothing? Funnybony has it right. He's definitely a role model extrordinaire for great writing and colaborating and a laid really cool guy who could care less about politiquing. Maybe the three of us can have a three-some. You know...with green moss and toy-dump-trucks and uncooked speghetti with a tiny drop of watery mustard. You in? --ShabiDOO 15:12, 25 November 2013 (UTC)

SPIKE would like it if uncy were Wikipedia, and it's alright to have one major admin with that attitude, imnho, just not all of them. He leans heavy on new users, but surprisingly some of them shape up under his deaconship and do well for the site. I'll just have to watch my timestamps and see what else he wants from me, like lifting a ship's mast by myself and dragging it to him before he gives me my release. Yes, Funnybony knows where the good stuff is buried, and he and I already have a threesome going with someone you'd recognize (no, not your mama). Oh, you meant a collab? Sure, if he's game, and I'd recommend it. Everytime I talk of collabs of Funnybony and myself the two that leap to mind like Russian gymnasts are Jack Dempsey and Tantra. We should do something of that caliber. In fact because I mentioned it I'll go back and read Jack Dempsey, it's been like a year. As for SPIKE, if we didn't have him we'd have to invent him! Aleister 20:32 25/11

The only kind of threesome one can have involving watery mustard is to write a colaboration on the topic of Russian gymnasts or on anti-gravity-boots. --ShabiDOO 02:57, 26 November 2013 (UTC)

If Russian gymnasts were real I'd agree with you. Urban myth. Aleister 4:45 25-11-13

I request the implementation of an Aleister 'Google translate' tab, shared between the Fork and the Spoon. --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 13:46, 26 November 2013 (UTC)

POO

IM GOING TO DIRTY YOUR NEW CLEAN AND ARCHIVED TALK PAGE WITH DIRTY WORDS AND YOU CANT STOP ME.

Poo poo shit fuck poo poo shitty poo poo prostitute slut poo poo anus poo cock poopoo shit shitty crap poo poo crappy prostitute cum poo whore penis bimbo poo poo crappy shit whore slut poo poo poo. Leverage (talk) 13:07, 27 November 2013 (UTC)

I am unaware of the meaning of any of those words. They don't seem dirty, but have a unique poetry about them. An audio tape of them would be interesting (I wonder if anyone has ever done an audio of an entire talkpage? And for audios, I issue a boring challenge for someone to audio my Stanley Kubrick page, I couldn't do it without laughing, but it would have to be done by a fine voice actor who can play several parts during the Q and A session.) Poop? Aleister 24 minutes after Leverage's post

no, I take that back. I'm still editing Kubrick, it's a matter of reading it out loud, which I've done several times now, while editing it. And I won't leave this as my first post after you read it, too much vanity, but my mind and creative focus has been on this page for awhile thanks to the people who didn't vote on its VFH page yet because it's made me go back over it many times. I wonder if Kubrick's daughter would like it, she seems pretty cool. Aleister 18:50 11/27/13

I have taken a couple of looks at it. I don't know who the priest is. is he based on a tv character? what's the accent supposed to be? bronx? Leverage (talk) 19:24, 27 November 2013 (UTC)

THankS (that's Tom Hanks's in actor talk). Accent? What accent? No, not based on anyone, it's Benedict's number two guy (I should make that clear that it's not about Francis, who I actually like, Goddess help me), a mafia guy, so it's the Italian mafia accent of one of their heavies. It's not a page that's easy to read, almost has to be read out loud. I don't know if anyone has read it yet. It's so much fucking fun to write that I'm neglecting other things while polishing it. Anyway, enough about me and mine and travils and travesties, what are you focused on? Which page has gotten its claws into you and won't let it go until it sounds like a dinner bell ringing in hell? That kind of stuff. Aleister 21:18 27/11/13