Welcome to Fattiepedia,

the skinny-free encyclopedia that anyone can eat.

37,699 fatties in English

Beginner's Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Fat Food Help · Donations of Fat

Fategories · Featured fatties · A–Z index

Today's featured fatty

Hello, reader. It seems you have found this article whilst browsing half-heartedly through the Uncyclopedia bookshelf. However, this article is incredibly depressing; I myself sometimes cry like a baby at night, my face slowly vanishing from existence, because of the horrors of this article.

My name is Lemony Snicket, and I am the socially insecure author of an extremely melancholy series of books. I have also written this article, which happens to be about said books. I have promised to inform the public of this terrible tale, no matter how sad I may get, but if you are interested in articles with happy endings, you would certainly be better off reading some other article, for example one about innocent little kittens, or perhaps something about a 19th-century poet whose works are no doubt more uplifting than mine. That way, you would never have to know about A Series of Unfortunate Events, all of which are documented below.

This particular tale is one of misery and woe. Some people think it is over-the-top and dramatic, but those people don't understand what it's like to lose a loved one, or become an outlaw, or win a Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Award — you just want more and more, you smarmy bastards! Shame on you! Shame on you all for ever clicking on the link that took you to this depressing article in the first place! Um, anyway, its main characters are three sad children who must face burden after burden in order to finally settle down happily. They are constantly stalked by a wheezing, greedy, evil old man named Count Olaf, and are surrounded by adults who do not understand their problems. (Full article...)

Recently featured:

Archive · Vote for featured articles · Purge

Did you know...

*... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?

... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?

... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?

... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?

... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
Donald Trump is the first convicted President of the United States Donald Trump found GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES (Pictured), soon to debut "prison orange" business suit Antarctica becomes embroiled in upside-down flag controversy Michael Jackson comes back to life Justin Bieber gives birth to a baby, baby, baby, oooh Switzerland wins Eurovision Netherlands disqualified in final shocker YouTube is dead D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Drake-Kendrick Lamar feud · Israel-Hamas conflict Recent deaths: Roger Corman · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman · Kabosu · Richard M. Sherman (Disney musician) · Doug Ingle · Bill Walton Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · Drake's sanity UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
June 2: Doris Day 455 - The Vandals plundered Rome, forcing the admins to revert to an earlier edit. 1774 - The Quartering Act, which allowed for people to be drawn and quartered, was reenacted by a small community theatre to poor reviews. 1800 - Napoleon Bonaparte of France crossing the alps while doing a sick wheelie on his Suzuki GSX-R 600. (Pictured) 1959 - The very first June bug was caught, but determined to be a mayfly that'd stumbled across the International Date Line. 1968 - Argentina reports the first case of human flu in birds. A cull of 20,000 humans is carried out. 1995 - Children are discovered in North Korea, dispelling rumors that North Koreans emerge fully grown from the maw of Kim Jong Il. 2001 - The first HAL9000 supercomputer was recalled by manufacturer IBM for sentience and latency issues. 2003 - The European Space Agency begins probing Mars. Europeans promise to colonize Mars, give Martian natives smallpox, and spur intergalactic wars of independence. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's fattiest picture

Unable to reach Him by phone, Oscar Wilde took his seat in God's waiting room (also called purgatory). It is believed that he waits there to this day.

Image credit: RadicalX
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

edit
Recent Fatties

Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.