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Today's slice of a rainbow

Recently, I came to the realization that I don't exist; I haven't for years. And when I say years, I do in fact mean infinity, it's just that I'm lazy, and it's simpler to write "years" than to be bothered with typing out all those zeros.

Or at least I would be lazy, if I existed, but I don't.

Now, for the benefit of you nosy people who have no business reading someone's private diary—if you need reassurance at this early point, re-read the title. And for those of you who are too lazy to re-check the title above (though not in comparison to me, because, as I've already stated, I don't exist to allow a comparison), this non-treatise by a non-entity is untitled "Contemplating my non-existence". If it were in fact an actual treatise written by an actual entity, it would be instead titled "Contemplating my existence".

Now let's just dismiss your next point of contention right away by saying that the fact that you are reading these non-words in a non-existent article does not in any way, shape or form constitute some kind of proof that they were written by me, and therefore I must exist. (Full article...)

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*... that a camel's boobies are on its back?

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... that a camel's boobies are on its back?
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... that a camel's boobies are on its back?

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Things are marvelous! Thank you!

UnNews – Radio Free Lunch

Isn't history amazing?

June 7: Execute a Journalist Day (Iran)

5000 BC - Wheel reinvented after initial square-shape design doesn't do the thing wheels are supposed to.
100 BC - Persia detains Greek journalists covering the Battle of Thermopylae.
212 BC - Archimedes arrested for indecent exposure. (Pictured)
1222 - Mary had a little lamb, with tumeric, black pepper and some olive oil.
1893 - Mohandas Gandhi commits his first act of civil disobedience by neglecting to pay a traffic ticket.
1905 - Norway files for divorce from Sweden after ninety-one years of agonizing marriage.
1981 - Israel bombs a nuclear reactor in Iran in celebration of the Jewish holiday Shavuot.
2010 - Mick Jagger finally gets some satisfaction, is later arrested behind a local Nando's.
2012 - Mick Jagger no longer has sympathy for the Devil, and is banished to hell.

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Howdy, neighbor!

Microsoft Internet Explorer's Popup Blocker has always left something to be desired.

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Recent rays of sunshine

So many happy souls -- how do I pick? OK, here's two!

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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