User talk:Unedible

Welcome!

Hello, Unedible, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

• Beginner's Guide
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
• Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

Also, I suggest you use our templates wisely. Use Template:Construction on unfinished articles by adding {{construction}} at the end of the article, or alternatively create the article in your namespace under the title User:Unedible/ArticleTitle. If you want help with articles, post on Pee Review. Finally, please do not put your signature in your articles.

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome!  Sir Cs1987 UOTM. t. c 14:01, 21 April 2007 (UTC)

HowTo:Cure Cancer

I like that image... plus I'm in the UK so the FDA can piss off --Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 18:18, 2 May 2007 (UTC)

Vandalize Wikipedia

Whilst we may claim a rivalry as it were with Wikipedia... we DO NOT condone vandalising them, and we also don't appreciate you trying to coerce others into joining you in a vandalising spree... if you do vandalise Wikipedia, we'll ban you here too... so instead, why not do something creative and useful like make a funny article here on Uncyclopedia eh? Cheers. -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 17:48, 3 May 2007 (UTC)

Thank You

Freeze, evil-doer!!!
	You have be some black an For voting on The	en awarded d white cookies Black And White Man
Now sing along: “Ebony, Ivory, living in perfect harmony!”

--herr doktor needsAgear  [scream!] 04:06, 7 May 2007 (UTC)

Welcome to UnNews

On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."

Welcome to UnNews, Unedible, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

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You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

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If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

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If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

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At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC) Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:24, 7 May 2007 (UTC)

UnNews

I've moved this to your user space because it's not really UnNews. Read through the stuff I advised in your welcome (above) if you're not sure what's appropriate. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:32, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

Your UnNews story

I moved your story here to your user space, in case you want to save it for posterity, or keep as a memento... if this was a joke entry for a recent contest, no worries. If you wrote this thinking it was a good article, you're sadly mistaken and I refer you above to my welcoming drivel. In either case... Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:47, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:Ahmadinejad says Iran is Ready for Nuclear Alternatives

Liked that story, good ideas and well executed. I won't nominate it for a VFH as I don't support UnNews stories as features but thought I should instead send a supportive message to your page. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 23:45, February 5, 2012 (UTC)