User:Xiao Li/Most Awesome Page Ever

This article appears to contradict itself. Please see the discussion on the talk page.

“This page is great!”

~ Captain Obvious on Most Awesome Page Ever

“I did not have sexual relations with that page.”

~ Bill Clinton on Most Awesome Page Ever

“I'd tap that!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Most Awesome Page Ever

Super!

This page is so infinitely superior to any other page!

This page is the Greatest Scientist of our Time, Every Duckling's Best Friend, the Fountain of Happiness, That Which Makes the World Revolve, The King of Kings, the world's strongest billionaire, the Greatest Artist, the Greatest Musician, Greatest Mathematician and Mathemagician, the Creator and Destroyer of Everything and Nothing. It fills me with rapture and uncontrollable exuberance that I live in the Era of this Uncyclopedia Page of Uncyclopedia Pages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This page, essentially, is that than which no worse page can be conceived, and therefore it must exist through Descartes' ontological argument.

Its awesomeness has been measured to be $\infty$ Potatoes. Put into layman's terms, this translates to exactly 1.35 Captain Beefhearts.

$Awesome^{\infty }\cdot \infty ^{\infty }=ThisPage$

Pronoun Use and Titles

What you will become if you use the incorrect pronoun! As you can see, this page is the God of Food also!

It is imperative that you use a special Imperial+Royal+Everything pronoun in describing This page! If you do not you will be burned to a steak!!!!!!!!!!

This page must be referred to using the pronoun Qwrtpfkl, for this page is all there is. The possessive form of Qwrtpfkl is Aktpknr! Thus, you may also refer to This page as Aktpknr Imperial Uncyclopedic Majesty!

You must not refer to Qwrtpfkl as:

• He
• She
• It
• They
• We

and especially:

• You

However, you may refer to this page as We^2. We are all part of This page, but We to the 1st power just isn't good enuff! Also, you must spell enough as enuff! Qwrtpfkl commands it! Yet another option is to use Wể!

Chess Board!!!!!!!

As you can see, This Page is winning!!!! Glory to This Page!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

	a	b	c	d	e	f	g	h
8									8
7									7
6									6
5									5
4									4
3									3
2									2
1									1
	a	b	c	d	e	f	g	h

This Page's Prowess at Chess

This Page is the Greatest Chess Player Ever. Qwrtpfkl has a rating of $\infty$! In the above match, This Page is white black white black green! Qwrtpfkl doesn't even have to be on the board to win!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A loyal servant of Aktpknr Imperial Uncyclopedic Majesty

All alligators (and other crocodilians) pay homage to Aktpknr Imperial Uncyclopedic Majesty by exclaiming "Meow!" at least seven times per day! Why shouldn't you?!!!????

Alternative Forms

Alternatively, you can fight the war against Infidels by wearing Red and Brown (IF THIS PAGE SAYS IT IS BROWN, IT IS BROWN! DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS!) every Friday in years not divisible by 13!

If the year is divisible by 13, you shall wear a bicorne hat on Wednesdays and a tricorne hat on Mondays. You shall throw your hat to the ground whenever someone says the word "barracuda."

The Path

The Path

Hairstyle

You must wear your hair like Darth Fignewton to show your devotion.

Food

You may not eat pineapples or kumquats. You may not eat seedless watermelons on Saturdays. You may not eat the tail of a squirrle unless you are Elvis. If you eat a pineapple, you must sacrifice a goat to repent. You shall not eat the seeds of a grape, except if the grape has been washed in the blood of a aardvark. You shall not kill an aardvark, unless it is for the purpose of washing grapes in its blood. You must recite 100 digits of pi before you eat a the spleen of a monkey. You shall break eggs at the big end or little end, depending on which one will piss off bystanders more. You may not devour the flesh of a sparrow, unless the sparrow has eaten your crops and there are at least three witnesses to testify.

Behavior

You shall treat your neighbor like you would treat This Guy. You may not kill without drinking alcohol. You shall not drink alcohol unless you are the President of the United States. You shall not vote if you are an idiot. You shall break the laws the laws of time, space, and physics ONLY if Simon Says so. You shall make up ridiculous rules for other people to follow under pain of death by Connect Four (unless, of course, they are eating an ice cream cone).

Nuclear Weapons

• You can only detonate a nuclear device on Friday between 7 pm and 8 am.
• If you do detonate a nuclear device on friday between 7 pm and 8 am, you must microwave a squirrel and post its picture on This Page.

Testimonials

“I've seen a lot of pages in my day, and this is, without a doubt, one of them.”

~ Albert Einstein on This Page

"He who knows Aktpknr Imperial Uncyclopedic Majesty and knows himself will be victorious. He who acts under the command of Aktpknr Imperial Uncyclopedic Majesty will also be victorious."

~ Sun-Tzu on the Most Awesome Page Ever

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot ****ing Kỉll™ This Page!"

~ Steve Ballmer on the Most Awesome Page Ever

“Ah, now that Qwrtpfkl finally exists, maybe you people will stop sending me creepy stalker letters.”

~ Chuck Norris on Most Awesome Page Ever

*

NOTE: Sacrilegious language is not allowed on this page due to its Holiness, or Spirituality, or Quantum Transfunctionicity. Take your pick.

Section of Special Characters!!!!

	Ŧĥīš ǻŕţǐċĺə įŝ ţǿŧāľŀŷ ìñçôмþŕéħėʼnşıßľě.
	Ÿǿü čǽñ ħëłþ Ǜʼnçýċļöþęđĩä ßŷ ểǻŧıʼnġ ä çåŗǐβöǚ.

• Ääääääääääääääää!
• Üüüüüüüüüüüüüüüü!
• Öööööööööööööööö!
• Tḧïs ärtïclë ïs ẗḧë grëäẗësẗ ëvër!

ểểểể

• Æææææææææææ!

• Ťħĩş Ûñĉÿċløpæďĭą ǻŗŧĩçłể ŗǖļęş!!!!!!!!!

• Ỡởớỗổồố!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• ♫♫♪♪♫♫♪♫♫♫♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
• ░░░░░░░░░░░░
• Ϩ
• ☃☃☃☃☃☃☃

Allegations of Communism

• Qwrtpfkl is not and has never been a communist! Those who say so are mendacious idiots!

Controversy over whether Qwrtpfkl really is The Most Awesome Page Ever

• None. None whatso-freakin'-ever. Qwrtpfkl is loved by all and worshipped by most (except you! WHY HAVEN'T YOU STARTED YET?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!3!?!?!?)

Philosophical Questions

Is This Page a Ninja or a Pirate?

This Page is both and neither. That is, Qwrtpfkl is too awesome to be either one, or the hated enemy of either one. QED

Who Created This Page?

• Don't Be Stupid. That question implies that there was both something before this page and that that something is greater than this page!

What if there are imperfections in this page?

• DIE, BLASPHEMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO IMPALE YOURSELF ON A TRIANGULAR KNIFE WITH FOUR SIDES (and an appetizer of your choice--a deadly appetizer, that is)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can Qwrtpfkl play checkers as well?

• Yes. In addition, Qwrtpfkl can also play Monopoly and World War I (video game). Qwrtpfkl is also impossible to beat Qwrtpfkl's high score in Tetris and Zork.

What would Qwrtpfkl drive?

• That is a ridiculous question, since Qwrtpfkl can fly (downwards) and teleport at the speed of the Fox network's cancellations.

Does a bird have wings or arms with feathers?

• No. Never. Mr. Kuikka knows.

How many calories does this page contain?

• As many as there are in $\infty$ hamburgers. I do not recommend that you attempt to eat Qwrtpfkl unless you have the metabolism of a bonobo. Oh wait, that was something else. Still, do not eat Qwrtpfkl.

The Heathens

This page should not be confused with The Best Page in the Universe, or The Best Page In The Universe, which are both heretical and should be converted.

There is a fatwah against those pages. We shall wage a Holy War against the Unbelievers. Anyone who vandalizes them will automatically go to WikiHeaven when they are banned and are promised 72 virgins.

Do not go to these pages they are pants, because if you do youwill be attacked by ninjas!

See Also

• This page is the Most Awesome Page Ever so what else is there to see?!?!?!????

Heretic!

(DIE!!! please){{{{DIE!}}}}

The World of Physics

<(-'-'-<) Kirby thinks this page is awesome. If you disagree with Kirby, he will swallow you.

Death to the Unbelievers

The Unbelievers have plotted and succeeded for now, but the page is the MEGA-ULTIMATE ARTICLE. It is the greatest of plotters. In the end the Unbelievers shall be scorched to the earth. To sabotage and confuse the unbelievers, vote for their pages which are less than awesome on Uncyclopedia:VFH!