User:Xamralco/Masturbation

This article is about masturbation as an activity. For the art form, see Masturbation (art). For other uses, see Masturbation (disambiguation).

Someone who just discovered masturbation.

Masturbation is the national sport of the United States, Canada, and Japan, as well as a great way to pass the time while waiting on line at the local mall or amusement park.

Masturbation techniques

Masturbation techniques, like opinions of The Notebook, vary greatly between men and women. Males generally reach orgasm far more quickly than females, rarely making it past the first five minutes of Deep Throat or Debbie Does Dallas. Women, on the other hand, can last through both films without breaking a sweat, often setting aside whole weekends to masturbate.

Items required for the average session of male masturbation (left) compared to the items required for the average session of female masturbation (right).

Male masturbation

Males employ a number of drastically different masturbation techniques to stimulate the penis to the point of ejaculation. The most popular techniques include touching, stroking, rubbing, squeezing, grabbing, patting, fondling, and some other weird kinky shit. Men will often use their left or right hands to stimulate the genitalia, but in the case of amputees, feet, mouths, armpits, and occasionally nipples may be utilized for masturbation. Some men also prefer to apply a lubricant while masturbating to reduce friction and suppress heat, a technique that is most common during summer afternoons. Although numerous companies produce lube specifically designed to enhance masturbation, most men will make due with any viscous liquid, massaging their genitals with everything from vegetable oil to New England clam chowder.

Masturbation aid

A perfect picture to masturbate to.

A passable picture to masturbate to.

A horrible picture to masturbate to.

What to masturbate to

• Pornography:
• Your ex-girlfriend's pictures on Facebook:
• Renaissance art:

What not to masturbate to

• Family photos:
• Small children at the park:
• Abstract art:

See also

• UnNews:Hand transplant man masturbates for first time
• Crying and Wanking
• In MS Paint With One Arm, While Furiously Masturbating
• HowTo:Beet off
• UnBooks:The Nearly-Chaste Mormon's Guide to Quitting Masturbation

  A Cornucopia Of Copulation

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