User:W2bh/Psychedelic cab

It doesn't need an engine to take you places.

The psychedelic cab is a joint effort to create an engine-less cab service and autodidact learning room, lead forward by a Berkeley based corporation and the Martha Stewart's West Coast Customs Decorating Studio.

If features fluffy carpets and a computer lodged into the seats' headrests. This computer runs on a BSD OS and a number of userpace utilities, including the legendary smoking clover display hack. It can also be used to browse the Erowid vaults and Wikipedia, watching a muted Xanadu Xvid and listening to TV on the Radio or some other avant-garde band. The experience is said to be substantially increased if you engage into all of these activities concurrently.

The Expanded Edition also comes with a brainwave entrainment software kit and a port of the MacOS X "Flurry" screensaver.

Early history

The cab was originally designed in order to summon the appropiate setting for reading Perl books. The developer team was seeking illumination through mastery of the LAMP scheme and, having already learned about the L, A and M, the P was the only missing piece. So much effort was put into beta-testing, that they forgot to pay the electric bill.

While struggling to iron out the last bugs for the Release Candidate version, one of the developers (who went by the usenet handle Larry_Wall) was finally able to fully embrace the P, thus completing his LAMP and gaining enlightment. He then realised that the electric bill was due, and left and paid it. Then they all got light, and were able to release version 1.0.

Future development plans

It was leaked that the Version 2.0 edition of the cab will add a Timewave Zero calculator, a Comic book viewer to read the funnies, and, in a surpinsingly controversial move, Novell's Xgl+Compiz technology.

A more economical home kit is also planned, and work is on the way to port the OS and its utilities to a toaster oven. BSD programmers like toaster ovens because they are shinny. You know, they are from California, after all. This version will feature text versions of display hacks due to processing and storage constraints.

Madonna and the psychedelic cab

Madonna performed a tremendous ammount of research on the psychedelic cab; research she finally comprised into a four volume essay, with the first volume being published in 1998. The remaining volumes were published in 2000, 2003 and 2005, respectively. The exceedingly long titled Confessing on the dance floor while eating food of the Gods - The search for the original record sales (a radical history of plagiarism, Olivia Newton-John and roller disco evolution) caused much stir in the scientific community at that time.

Madonna displays the depths of her Yoga mastery to some innocent by-standers

After this effort and wanting to continue with her research, she deviced an enhanced version of the cab: The psychedelic Volkswagen van. She kept the carpet, took out the computer and put a disco ball, and hired the Carisma interior design crew to put even more bling. Madonna likes disco balls because she can see herself in them, over and over and over...

She then proceeded to snatch unsuspecting hotties off the street and perform feats of Yoga in front of them, while trying to reach nirvana through her renowned hip-hop mantra:

I do yoga and pilates

and the room is full of hotties

When criticized for probably taking the concept too far, she laughed and said: "You silly americans. We british have humour, not humor. I know kabala, all right? Outside, an emporium of decadence; in here, we are in Xanadu".

Effects of psychedelic cab use

Positive

• Learning Perl

Neutral

When asked about the neutral effects of psychedelic cab use, one self-reported frequent user uttered:

if (effect_neutral) {

}

Negative

• Repetitive jaw-clenching strain injury
• Short term bash history loss
• Learning Perl
• Madonna raps

Controversy

During one of his Latin american tour shows, the TV on the radio singer felt the need to pass a Message Of Hope to the audience. He called his personal interpreter (since he doesn't know a single spanish word) to the stage and had him translate the following: "I think that on the future babies should have wings. It'll look weird, but it'll be kind of cool." And then proceeded to perform a totally cool demonstration of his extremely polished kung-fu skills.

Oponnents of the Psychedelic cab argued that this was an obvious example of a mind deeply disturbed by over-use of the service. It was latter refutted by psychiatric especialist Edsger W. Dijkstra, who pointed that this psychotic episode was instead probably caused by an early atempt of said singer to program in BASIC, wich, As_We_All_Know(TM), cripples the mind and it's teaching should be regarded as a criminal offense.

A victim of Wikipedia psychosis hallucinating with Wikipedia admins judging his grammar

Other risks involved in psychedelic cab use

Sometimes self-replicating anarchist squatter machine elves live under the hood in the place where the engine should be. They will tell you that they are only crashing there while looking for a job, then lull you to sleep with Teletubbies songs and steal your wallet to have a strawberry icecream feast. If you want to take them out of your cab, you have to call Steve Irwin, Bill Murray and Samuel Jackson. They will hunt them for you, they LOVE to kick ass.

It is also believed that the combination of regular (e.g., daily) Psychedelic cab use and Obssesive-compulsive behaviour traits on the user can trigger latent Wikipedia psychosis: an acute inclination to spend too much time proof-reading Wikipedia and correcting grammar mistakes. Writing overtly long Wikipedia articles and an unhealthy preocupation with citing verifiable sources has also been observed.

Notable psychedelic cab users

• TV on the radio
• Carl Sagan. He admitted in an interview with Rolling Stone magazine to have had come up for the idea to the Cosmos: A Personal Voyage show on one of his many trips on the cab.
• Steve Jobs. His detractors claim that he plagiarised the idea for the early Apple Macintosh GUI interfaces by riding a beta version of the cab. This prototype had a GUI developed by Xerox instead of the BSD OS.
• Madonna

Artist rendition of the would-be Oscar Wilde's Velvet Goldmine cameo as Jor'el

Trivia

The cab was originally going to have an easter egg that you could unlock by tapping the lyrics to Pink Floyd's "The trial" in the electric window raiser button in Morse. The easter egg consisted of a Director's cut of Velvet Goldmine with 20 mins. of deleted scenes and a cameo by Oscar Wilde as Jor'el, but Oscar reportedly declined at the last minute when he was offered to be a judge on American Idol.

See also

Cruise T., Hayes I., Alley K., Travolta J. et al. (2001):Psychedelic cab use decline in recent years