User:Taxworm/Kadda Sheekoff
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 Kadda Sheekoff crying in his public toilet after his new business has been closed | |
| Born |
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| Nationality | Haitian  |
| Other names | The Little Shit, The Lawsuit Guy |
| Occupation | Failure |
| Years active | 1984–present |
| Known for | 11 failed businesses, most lawsuits |
| Notable work | None |
| Height | 5'5" |
| Movement | Wisconsin Mental Health Institute |
| Religion | Atheist |
| Spouse(s) | No spouse |
| Children | Multiple of them, he sold them for repaying the debt |
| Parents |
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| Website | Official URL |
| Signature | |
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Kadda Sheekoff is the launcher of the Wisconsin Mental Health Institute. A self-proclaimed successful businessman and a smart person with his IQ being 89, Wisconsin Mental Health Institute is Kadda's 11th attempt at starting a business. All the others failed because the price is 4 times more expensive than the price at the other services. He's also been known for spamming Uncyclopedia with his useless biography.
Biography[edit | edit source]
Kadda Sheekoff was born on 13th January, 1984 in UK, and raised in Brooklyn, New York, where he spent his childhood at Brooklyn International Mental Institute for Children. There, he committed every federal crime possible. Of course, after doing this, he went to jail for life, despite him being just 8 years old at the time. He was freed after 3 years due to good behavior.
At 12, Kadda started his first business, Kadda Lemonade Stand Inc. It failed due to inconsistency and various difficulties.
Because of the various businesses that he started, which brought him little to no money, Kadda had a very large debt. He had 2 kids with his girlfriend at the time, but he sold them on the black market due to his debt rising and rising. His girlfriend got furious, but Kadda brought her, too, on the black market and sold his girlfriend for $1000 dollars.
In 2005, Kadda has set a world record for most lawsuits.
Kadda also tried his hand at writing; he wrote an autobiography titled "Kadda Sheekoff Life Inc." Despite this book's very small potential, Kadda's very poor grammar ruined it. It was a book that came extra with toilet paper.
Kadda now lives in Wisconsin, and he is operating a local mental institution, the Wisconsin Mental Health Institute.
Businesses[edit | edit source]
First business[edit | edit source]
At 12, Kadda thought of starting a business that serves lemonade. He named it Kadda Lemonade Stand Inc. The first day he started, he was already challenged with many problems. Nobody bought his lemonade, due to it being 100 dollars a cup. The worst of all, he put whole lemons into water and called that lemonade. After 3 days, a cop saw him and fined him with $100,000 due to an unlicensed store, and his lemonade stand was closed forever.
Second business[edit | edit source]
At 13, Kadda learned how to play three chords on the guitar, so he thought that it is a good time to start a record label. The first album by Kadda was released in 1998, being named "Master of Puppets". Slowly, the 3 people that bought it (his mom, his dad and Patrick Star) realized that this album is just a Metallica tape re-recorded from the tape recorder. Metallica sued Kadda for $1 million due to copyright infringement. He closed the record label and sold it to deadmau5, who renamed this label to mau5trap and started releasing his tone-repeating music.
Third business[edit | edit source]
After coming back from school one day in 1999, Kadda was feeling very tired, so he turned on the TV to watch. He saw the Yugoslavia bombings on the news, and he thought "It would be very useful to make bombs right now!" And Kadda started another business, named "Kadda Sheekoff Bombs Ltd". A few days later, Kadda figured out that he doesn't know how to make bombs, so he sold his company to Morshu.
Fourth business[edit | edit source]
In 2001, Kadda witnessed the rise of computers, so he decided to make his own operating system and crush Microsoft's stupid Windows. So he made Kadda Sheekoff OS, but it was revealed that the system was actually Windows ME, because the OS exclaimed that when it was starting up. Kadda was sued by Microsoft for directly stealing the product without any modifications. Later on, he was forced to shut down his company.
Fifth business[edit | edit source]
Kadda started a chinese food restaurant in 2003. The restaurant worked like this: Kadda would order a dish from a different restaurant and then serve it to the customers. This quickly came to an end, because nobody would order food when he's in a restaurant, so the manager came to the restaurant and, after he certified that the meals were stolen, called the police. The restaurant was closed.
Sixth business[edit | edit source]
After his last business, Kadda wanted to pee, but he didn't have where to pee, so he came to an idea: making public toilets where you have to pay to enter! So he made a company named "Kadda Public Toilets Inc". The only bad thing is that you needed to pay 50 dollars to enter, so nobody used his toilets. He abandoned the company 6 months later.
Seventh business[edit | edit source]
Kadda had another idea that was related to peeing, and that was making waterproof underwear. He made several prototypes over the course of a year, and none of them worked, but, regardless, Kadda came to a local flea market and started selling his "official" Nike waterproof underwear. Unlucky for him, the underwear contained a lot of various poisonous molecules such as Cheesium-Kryptonite. He was sued by Nike, by Superman and some parents which kid has died of poisoning. He lost all cases and has been banned from the flea market.
Eighth business[edit | edit source]
After setting a world record for most lawsuits, Kadda started yet another business, Give Kadda Sheekoff a Lawsuit. He was sued and lost the lawsuit.
Ninth business[edit | edit source]
In 2009, Kadda's debt has reached 1 billion dollars. Because of this, Kadda started a charity foundation named Reduce Kadda Sheekoff Debt. The largest donation was -1 dollars by an anonymous person. After receiving this donation, Kadda closed the charity.
Tenth business[edit | edit source]
In 2011, Kadda saw the rise of Android smartphones, so he made his own phone manufacturing company, Kadda Sheekoff Smartphones Co. It was discovered that he was actually rebranding Apple's phones, because they had iOS and not Android. Kadda was sued by Apple.
Eleventh business[edit | edit source]
In 2019, Kadda has launched Wisconsin Mental Health Institute, for his personal needs. In 2022, this institution was opened for everyone. Since then, it has been operating without any difficulties.
Controversies[edit | edit source]
Public toilets[edit | edit source]
After his public toilet business failed, Kadda went and vandalized every public toilet in Wisconsin. He was criticized by many newspapers, sued and arrested for a month.
Selling kids and girlfriend on the black market[edit | edit source]
Kadda went viral on the internet after a TikTok user recorded him selling his girlfriend and kids on the black market, with the caption "bro did never 💀" and the Nokia Arabic ringtone in the background. It gained over 10 million views and 500 thousand likes. The kid-selling story got in New York Times, and Kadda was sued and arrested.