# User:Smeggypoo/Man Points

Why does that guy not have a beard?

Man Points are the single and most important thing for men in the world. First invented by the Romans in 1992, these points have now become part of male culture around the world.

The man point system is a system to calculate the manliness of a man. A man can earn man points by carrying out manly tasks and will be awarded based on how manly that task was.

An example would be.

If a man causes a large explosion he will be awarded 50 Man points.
The man will then be awarded an additional 50 Man points for walking away from the same explosion in slow motion
However if the man blows himself up, in the process of causing the explosion or walking away from it slowly he will be deducted 100 Man points.

As a man is awarded man points he will progress levels, currently there are 15 levels to the man point system level 1 (Spermatozoa) - 15 (Man!). Lower levels are easier to achieve however higher levels require a larger amount of man points to be acheived.

Once a person has accumilated 500,000 man points he will reach level 15 and be known as Man!. The mans name will be inscribed into the Book of Man where his name will remain for all of history.

## History

Prior to man points the only system in place was the penile system this system measured a mans "manlyness" using the following formula

${\displaystyle ((LxD)+{\frac {W+G}{YAW}})}$
________________
${\displaystyle <\infty {\frac {2}{5}}}$

Man points were invented by the romans in 1992 as a form of military achievement. First awarded to Legatus Chuck Norris in 1992 for his participation in keeping his wife in the kitchen. The legatus was initially awarded 10 man points for this deed which was increased to 20 when his wife returned with a sandwich. The system was put in place to calculate how manly a man was without the complicated penile system formula. Initially just used in military form the man point system soon became a worldwide calculation of ones manliness and is used in all walks of life today. Man points exist in almost every country on the planet; however there are still countries that refuse to adopt the man point system. Countries include, China, Japan, Pakistan, Vietnam, South Korea and North Korea Speculation as to why this countries will not adopt this system have been made by numerous scholars and academics. The most commonly used explanation is that the countries of Asian origin lack the manly gene and lack the testosterone levels of their counterparts.

## Levels

Classic way of earning man points

A high scorer on the man point system

The man point system initially was a point’s based system in which men were awarded points for manley deeds. In 1995 this system was updated to a points to level system by George Foreman, in which after a certain amount of man points was achieved, a level was awarded to the man. You can see the current levelling system below.

• Level 1

Spermatozoa - 100 Points

• Level 2

Fetus - 250 Points

• Level 3

Baby - 500 Points

• Level 4

Newborn - 1000 Points

• Level 5

Toddler - 2500 Points

• Level 6

Child - 5000 Points

• Level 7

Pre-Teen - 10,000 Points

• Level 8

Teenager - 25,000 Points

• Level 9

• Level 10

• Level 11

Woman- 100,000 Points

• Level 12

Stud- 150,000 Points

• Level 13

Apprentice - 200,0000 Points

• Level 14

Master - 300,000 Points

• Level 15

Man! - 500,000 Points

## Awarding Of Man Points

The awarding of Man points is determined by any other person and can be of either sex. If a person carries out a manly deed and it is deemed worthy of man points then the person awarding man points will award the basic man points by saying something similar to

“You sir have earned yourself 10 Man points”

The person will then try and get the person who has been awarded the man points to excel in order to achieve bonus man points. For example

“For an extra 20 bonus man points (Challenge inserted here)”

It is then upto the person who has been awarded the points to decide if he wishes to risk the points he has acheived in order to gain more points. The challenge can be accepted or declined with no judgement in either way being imposed on the person.

## Examples of Man Points

• Punching Dappy in public +20pts

Knocking him out +10pts
Dappy]] retaliating and kicking your ass -30pts

• Breaking up with a woman + 10pts

Making her cry + 10pts
Using her tears as lube – 20pts

• Growing a beard + 10 pts

Maintaining and looking after your beard + 10pts
Using your beard as a nest for small animals – 20pts

• Watching a chick flick on your own +10pts

Knowing it word for word -20pts

• Farting + 10pts

Making someone sick +20pts
Vomiting yourself – 40pts

• Having man hair on your chest + 5pts

Man hair on your back as well +5pts
No man hair at all -10pts

• Being able to urinate further than a metre +10pts

Being able to urinate over 1 meter in length and height + 10pts
Pissing all over yourself attempting it – 20pts

• Being able to open a jar + 5pts

Breaking the jar from being so powerful +5pts
Asking someone else to open the jar – 10pts

• Eating Steak (Bigger than 12oz) +5pts

Eating it rare + 5pts
Eating anything but steak -10pts

• Punching someone + 10pts

Punching someone much bigger than you + 10pts
Losing – 30pts

• Downing a pint + 5 pts

Doing it in under 7 seconds + 5 pts
Vomiting -10pts

• Climbing something high (Above 15 ft) + 10pts

Doing it drunk + 10pts
Pussying out – 20pts

• Smoking a cigar + 5pts

Smoking a cigar whilst drinking a glass of scotch + 5pts
Coughing when smoking the cigar – 10pts

• Watching 2 girls 1 cup + 10pts

Not being sick + 10pts
Vomiting -20pts

• Causing a large explosion +50pts

Walking away from it in slow motion +50pts
Blowing yourself up in the process – 100pts

• Wiping your ass so hard that it bleeds +10

Creating Haemorrhoids + 10
Using a baby wipe – 20

• Giving a fiend advice on woman troubles +10pts

Helping the same guy get laid by a different woman +20pts
Giving your friend an hand job to get him through the difficult time – 30pts

• Pissing in the shower +10pts

Doing it with your girlfriend or wife present +20pts
Shitting in the shower -30pts

• Getting out of the bath to have a piss +10pts

Standing up in the bath and aiming for the toilet +10pts
Pissing in the bath -30pts

• Pinging a woman’s thong +10pts

Making it snap +20pts
Realizing its a bloke -30pts

Doing it naked + 40 pts
If children are present – 50 pts

• Having the ability to do 10 man press-ups + 10 pt

Doing 10 push ups with one hand + 40 pts
Doing girl push-ups (with knees) – 50 pts

• Finish an 18oz steak as well as all the trimmings (ie, salad, chips, onion rings) +50pts

Asking for more, eating others food + 20 pts
Vomiting – 50pts

• Tea bagging someone + 10pts

Getting sack in their mouth +10pts
Dropping your penis in for a laugh -20pts

• Dick-slapping someone +30pts

Doing after you have just had sex +20pts
Doing it when they are asleep -50pts

• Giving a woman an orgasm + 100 pts

Doing it when she is asleep +50 pts
Using sexual enhancement products (Viagra) -150 pts

• Being able to light a barbecue + 10pts

Doing it with only one match +10 pts
Letting a woman near the barbecue – 20pts

• Building something without the instruction + 20pts

Not having any bits left over + 10 pts
Having to go buy extra bits – 30 pts

• Having a danger wank + 20pts

Finishing on their face – 30 pts

Lasting 10 + 50pts
Vomiting -50pts

• Crying to the green mile +10 pts

Getting laid because of it +10pts
Laughing at the black guy dying -20pts

• Getting a blow-job + 20pts

Finishing on her face + 20pts
Getting as blow-job from anything that is not a woman – 40pts

• Getting an injury at a concert + 30pts

Making the band recognise your injury +20pts
Finding out that the injury is not as big as first made out -30pts

• Writing off a car + 10pts

It was your mums car -30pts

• Peeing in a swimming pool +5pts

Doing it next to someone +10pts
Taking a shit – 15pts

• Singing a song with friends in a bar +20 pts

Getting females to join in +10 pts
Start singing a song your friends don’t know. -30pts

• Getting a high 5 from a stranger +5pts.

Getting a double high 5 + 10 pts
If they leave you hanging – 15pts.

• Dating a girl and then dumping her for her sister + 30pts

Still remain friendly with ex - +20 pts
You got both of them pregnant – 50pts

• Getting into a fight + 30pts

Not knowing why the fight started + 30pts
You get beat and the winner pisses on you – 60pts

• Getting a joint tattoo with a mate + 10pts (per participant)

Doing it for a bet + 20pts
If you get dude and sweet tattooed on back – 30pts

• Being a dick to someone to their face without them knowing + 10pts

Getting other people to join in + 10pts
If they realize and aim to bide their time to implement there revenge plan. – 20pts

• Being able to out drink an Australian +30pts

Being able to out drink his mates +30pts
Vomiting in your drink and him make you drink it -60pts

• Asking an ice cream van man if his “cream” is organic + 10pts

Ask him does he enjoy giving his “cream” to the children + 10pts
Getting asked into the back of the van to sample the “cream” -20pts

• Ripping the piss out of a friend for opening up to you + 30pts

Make him cry + 30pts
If he manages to dig dirt up on you and make you cry – 60pts

• Being able to use a cut throat razor + 20pts

Being able to shave your bollocks +20pts
Going into work looking like Freddie Kruger – 40pts

• Farting in an elevator +20pts

Owning upto it +10pts
If a woman apologises for it – 30pts

• Being able to pop a wheelie on a motorbike +10pts

If you do it stood up – 10pts
Falling off in front of people – 20pts

• Being able to name 10 Arnie films + 20 pts

Do it without naming terminator + 10 pts
If you can only name terminator – 30pts

• Sleeping with someone famous +50pts

Selling the story to the news of the world +50pts
Then denying it -100pts

• Starring in a porno +100pts

If it makes it to porntube +100pts
If its skat porn – 200 pts

• Wrestling a bear +500pts

Wrestling a bear naked +1000pts
The bear turns out to be a gay man – 1500pts

## Losing Man Points

It is possible for a man to be deducted man points for either failing at a man task, doing womanly things or downright being wrong in what he has done.
Loss of man points can include

• Lighting a cigarette on the wrong end.
• Locking someone else’s keys in their car.
• Using the phrase, “I wasn’t crying.”