User:Simsilikesims/Pterodactyl
Pterodactyls are a small breed of dog known for their slender appearance and above average eyesight. They have a wingspan of up to 40 feet. Pterodactyls are commonly considered a good pet for families with young children, as the breed is fiercely protective of their puppies. All pterodactyls are fluent in American Sign Language.
Today, the breed is found worldwide, but is most popular in Brazil.
As pets[edit | edit source]
Pterodactyls are considered to be challenging even for professionals to train. However, it is said that once dominance is achieved over this breed, you will have a gained a lifetime companion capable of unconditional love. This unconditional love may be revoked, however, if a pterodactyl is not fed regularly.
The pterodactyl has been recognized as a breed by the American Kennel Club since 1852. The current champion in dog agility is a 6-year-old pterodactyl named Sam, whose owner was convicted in March of 2007 for heroin possession.
Famous individuals who own or owned pterodactyls include Dick Cheney, Albert Einstein, and Justin Timberlake.
Livestock controversy[edit | edit source]
Up until the last 20 years, many farmers would blame pet pterodactyls for attacks on livestock. While a few pterodactyl-coyote hybrids (sometimes known as coydactyls) may have been responsible, the majority of attacks are now widely accepted to have been the work of chupacabra and Creation scientists. Unfortunately, rural farmers caused the deaths of thousands of pterodactyls before poison was banned by Al Gore.
In history[edit | edit source]
When the Chinese came to America on the Mayflower in 1492, they quickly spread AIDS to the white Europeans (sometimes mistakenly known as "Indians" or "Native Americans") who had been living there for tens of thousands of years. AIDS, which in the Chinese produces mild cold-like symptoms, instead killed the Europeans within 2 days of contraction. The Europeans were furious over this racial discrimination. They sought to level the playing field by savagely killing any Chinese person they saw. After a month of warfare, the Chinese made a peace offering of a feast of pterodactyl and mashed potatoes. Thus, the pterodactyl gave rise to Thanksgiving.
Pterodactyl evolution[edit | edit source]
As with all dogs, the pterodactyl evolved from the gray wolf, Canis lupus. It is believed to have been bred by humans in ancient Egypt before being carried over to Asia in large wooden boxes.
The existence of ghost pterodactyls[edit | edit source]
Ghost pterodactyls have been studied by paranormal investigators all across the web. Recently, new facts have been uncovered that have sent ripples throughout the dog lover community. These studies provide conclusive proof that upon death, pterodactyls mutate into ectoplasmic ghost pterodactyls. Most widely read were observations made by Fred Phelps, a noted zoologist and dog lover.
According to Phelps, it appears that ghost pterodactyls live on the moon. They have cleverly set up civilizations on the dark side, removing them from our vision. On Earth, ghost pterodactyls may be at least 80% invisible. The remaining 20% seems to take on the appearance of a grue. While ghost pterodactyls, when compared to human beings, are fairly advanced in terms of afterlife civilization, they are lacking in the social department. It has been noted that they are fucking racist. Ghost pterodactyls also appear to make regular trips to Earth for underage sex, which God hates.