User:Hawthorn Peebles/Do you pick death or cake?

Before reading this article, you must prepare yourself to handle hearing the question: Do you pick death or cake? It may be a philosophical notion, or it may be reality. Also, after reading this article you must edit the article in some fashion, or the decision will be made for you. You might want to ask yourself, is this a psychological trick? Will you fall into the Twilight Zone? No, you will not, if you are lucky. Or is this merely a cruel, dark joke? But what is the measure of cruelty? Ahh, that is beside the point. Prepare yourself...go to the potty...go get your favorite soft drink...or do what ever you need to do to concentrate and be perfectly able to make a decision on how you will perform your next edits. For now I ask you...

Do...you...pick...death...or...cake?

• Death. Well, cake is tasty, but death has more phylosophical complexity, I guess. Well, just guess. -- herr doktor needsAcell  [scream!] 07:01, 30 December 2006 (UTC)
• Death to this "article". --UNKNOWNFILE 07:02, 30 December 2006 (UTC)
• Cake Despite the desirable tendencies of death to cause such attractive occurrences as rotting of the flesh and moderate to severe unattractiveness, and cake's typical unhealthiness, cake is delicious and frosty, though not more so than pie. -- §. | WotM | PLS | T | C | A 07:23, 30 December 2006 (UTC)
• Chocolate cake. -- Hindleyite Converse • ?pedia 12:54, 8 January 2007 (UTC)
• Death. Albeit cake is much tastier, death lasts much longer. Brigadier Sir Mordillo GUN UotY WotM FP UotM AotM MI³ AnotM VFH +S 12:59, 8 January 2007 (UTC)
• CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trar (talk|contribs|grueslayer)

Background

History

The Anglican church of England

During the protestant religious revolution in the mid to late 2nd milleneum in Europe, only to have a catholic re-revolution about the same time period, the Anglican church of England suffered the throws of uncertainty and blasphemy before their protestant (or papal) Christ. Unfortunately, for the scribes, this sort of thingy went back and forth so many times, everyone lost track and depending on which religious revolution a particular person thought they were on could have devastating consequences.

Times were hard, but one man stood up in the face of...um well...possible civil war. This man was a pastor (or bishop...again depending on what version you were on last)...anyway this religious guru type of the Anglican church of England came up with a method to solve all the problems of the people and the church.

The plan was simple, yet decisive, and his fellow elder religious types (again depending on which...oh neverming you know)...well they agreed unanimously that the...um...well you know...he should put his plan into play immediately before too much killing occured. You see protestants hate the stenchy catholics, and catholics despised the non-conforming heathen protestants, so you know the pubs were a mess every weekend and the workplace was pretty uneasy and full of tension. Not to mention this only made the Jews jealous, since they were left out of the whole religious persecution thing...in short it only made matters worse.

So..um..yeah..the plan...oh yes, it was really simple. On the day of worship...you know on Sunday (which didn't change, of course, ...um you know, but the stupid catholics had to have Wednesday also, which was probably the start of all the problems...so anyway obviously the choice was Sunday because no matter...of you know...everybody did their thing on Sunday...at least)...so where was I...oh yeah. Sunday. Right, the religious guru guy devised to have the plan enacted as parishoners (or...you know...regular people) came to worship.

As people came to worship, they had to answer one question at the church doors: "Do you pick death or cake?" LOL...imagine the surprise of...anyway, we do know that King Henry the...um...eighth? must have picked cake, 'cause he was such a lard ass. However, we don't know the full extent of its effectiveness. We do know that the Anglican church of England was once again reuinified and stronger than ever and no civil war occured. Due to the lack of written text about the incident, it is speculated that many of the scribes of the time picked death either out of confusion or insanity over the previous ordeal.